House Husband Blues

I wake up early around five a.m.
‘Cause see lately
I’ve had this urge to write
But first I gotta make some coffee
Yea coffee to jump start my sluggish neurons so I
Stumble into the kitchen and grind myself some hazelnut crème
My new favorite flavor from Gloria Jean’s then
While the smell of good coffee slowly fills the room
I run some lines through my head
Trying them on for size
And the urge to write grows so strong
My fingers start twitching

No longer able to wait
I grab the pot off the warming plate
Letting at least a cup sizzle off into steam
I fill the 32 oz glow in the dark cup
I got from Der Wienerschitzel a couple years back
Then begin to retrace last night’s bed bound steps
In order to find my cigarettes and ashtray
My bag and bat
I find those
Find my ashtray but
Low and behold there’s nothing left of my cigarettes
Just empty cardboard paper and cellophane
And then it hits me
Last night
Last thing before I went to bed I
Had to have that
Last smoke told myself to save it
Told myself I’d want one pretty bad come morning
But I smoked it anyway
Smoked it while watching “Cops” on channel 11 at 11
Smoked it even though I knew I shouldn’t have and
I guess that’s why they call it an addiction huh

Anyway
I know I can’t get started without my smokes
So I hop in the car and drive down to Thrifty-mart gas station
Pay the tired foreign man behind the counter $1.39
For the worst cigarettes on earth
Then fly all the way home
60 in a 30 zone
Slip quickly quietly out of the car
Through the house
Into the backyard
And man
It’s like first light
And the birds are coming to life
It’s the perfect time to write
And I really need to write
So I light up that smoke
Couple quick tokes
Take a sip of my coffee and
Stop
My coffees gone cold
I mean I was right there
Right at the brink of poetic birth
Ready to give life
And my coffees gone cold
So I rush back inside
Intent on not losing the moment losing the mood
I dump my coffee down the sink refill my cup with warm nutty bitter delight
Delightful rocket fuel
Jingle jangle Java juice
And head back out side

Start again
I crack my knuckles
Light another cigarette
One more quick toke
And sip my coffee
Warm sensuous coffee
Mmm! Mmmm!
A swig of coffee
Mmmmm! Mmmmmm! Rmmmmm! RRRMMMM!
And oh man it just starts coming
Boiling from brain down arm into hand out pen
Orgasmic transcription
Release of tensions
Pouring out confusion
Last nights dreams
1 line
3 lines
5 lines
And I’m feeling so good
7 lines
9 lines
So good so lost just groovin’ and
Stop
A noise
Could’a been
Might’a been a baby’s cry
But I can’t imagine that it’s mine ya’ see
‘Cause my kids never get up before before 7
And it’s only
Just now 6
So it can’t have been my kids
I mean I got up early just to write so it couldn’t
Shouldn’t be my kids
Right
Only the crying starts again
And it isn’t a local catfight
Or a neighbor’s kid
That’s my baby girl
Doing a "I’ve woken up early and I’m not very happy cry"

So
I go retrieve her from her crib
And get her brother out of bed
And now they’re up and my whole world changes
No time for dreaming or lining up words
Now there’s ba-bas’ to make and pogys’ to find
Mr. Rogers at 6
Barney at 7
Sesame Street at 8 and
Thomas the Train at 11:30
Now there’s breakfast for my kids
Then while they’re in the high chairs and
I’m in the kitchen I figure I might as well do the dishes
Right
I mean after all that’s my job
Only I’m sick of doing the dishes
Day after day 4 and 5 times a day
I’m doing dishes
And sometimes
I dream that fairies or elves will come in and
Do the dishes while I’m sleeping
But that never happens

So I fill the sink with scalding hot water and
Lemon fresh Dawn
Polish off the plates and glasses
Pots and pans like an old pro
Then time to get Kaitlyn and Dylan from their highchairs
While I’m doing that
And Dylan is rubbing oaty milky goop into my hair to his sister’s squeals of glee
I accidentally look outside and there it is
Coffee and cigarettes
Bag and bat
My pen and paper
Before I know what I’m doing I
Put the baby in her playpen
Slip one of big brothers favorite videos in the v.c.r.
Tell them
Daddy’ll be right back
Just be good kids and watch the video
Then I’m outside
On the patio
At the table
Not caring that my coffees gone cold
Not stopping to light up a cigarette or anything else
I pick up the pen
The twinge
Urge I felt earlier has become a contraction
These ideas want to be born
I flip the page and begin something new
1 line
3 lines
5 lines
7 lines
11
13 and
Stop
My wife is standing at the screen door
See she likes to sleep in
Best to let her sleep late only
She’s not
She’s standing there at 6:45 holding our son

Good morning I say
She mumbles something in return
Gee the whole families up early I cheerily add

Well Dylan was singing really loud so...
She doesn’t finish
She doesn’t have to
What she means is that if I were doing my job
She could still be sleeping
Now I feel really guilty
Like she caught me looking at porno
I lay down my pen and come inside
Why don’t you go back to bed I offer
Taking our son from her arms
She says the inevitable
No
I’m up now

So I pour her coffee while she reads the paper and
Start breakfast for us both
Re-dirtying the kitchen
Which I’ll then have to clean
And the front room needs straightening
Dusting and vacuuming
Then lunch and the dishes from lunch
And later after my wife goes to work
I’ll be taking the kids to the park
And on top of that I got laundry to do
Like a ton of freakin’ laundry
By then there’ll be dinner
And the dishes from dinner
Then get the kids cleaned up and ready for bed
Story time
Folding laundry
And as I rattle these duties off in my head
I realize I might not get back to my writing till
10 or maybe 11 that night
And by then
I’ll be so tired that all I’ll wanna’ do is watch “Cops” and smoke that last cigarette

But I vow to myself
Standing in the kitchen making an omelet
My two year old son on my hip
That tomorrow will be different
Tomorrow I’ll get up at 4 a.m.