Poem to the Car on my Butt

Oh car on my butt
Please tell me what’s up
Traffic is backed up ten miles or so
Yet you’re riding my can
In your new sports sedan
While jabbering away on your cellular phone

Maybe you’re stressed or
In some way obsessed with that
I am how I drive kind of view
Well I’m trying to relax
And ignore the fact that I’m
Stuck on this freeway with assholes like you

I know that I’m leaving
A space that’s deceivingly large
For a person who drives like a shark
Put I play it safe
See no reason for haste for
As fast as we’re going we all could be parked

Hey Car on my Butt
I ask what the fuck
Your aggressive behavior is getting me pissed
With no where to go
Why not take it slow
If you don’t get off my rear I may show you my fist

Well now we are cursing
At each other I’m nursing
Malefic and rancorous rage in my head
I see red in the sun
Honey hand me my gun
It’s time that I put yuppie puppie to bed

But beemer behind with
Tricks on his mind
Tries squeezing by in the emergency lane
My wife smiling in fear
Says there’s no gun my dear and
I’m afraid that you may be a little insane

Alright said I seeing
This attempt at deceiving
It’s obvious you’re all against me by now
Every car on the roads’
Out to make me unload
Well I’m going down fighting anyway anyhow

I start off by ramming
The sport sedan jamming
Watch him eat dust as his car starts to roll
Then begin to attack
Every four door in black
Driven by demons who desire my soul

Stop screams my wife
You’re not thinking right
In the distance police sirens banshee like wail
Around me the wrecks and
The blood splattered specks
On my windshield whisper to me go to jail

Now I’m feeling better in
Pajamas and leather
White straps that fasten behind my back
And the pills that I’m eating
Help me forget about meeting
The car on my butt who would cut me no slack