On Housing Hunters

The first house was just too small. It needed way to much work to update and the price was ridiculous. It needed a new electrical panel, but it was five minutes from her work. I guess since I was trying to build a business, it didn’t matter about my work, even though it was a half hour away from my job.

The second house was a bit better, but still too small for me. I had the balls to point a few things out, only to get the look from Laverne. There is a section where they do an interview with the people. I had walked outside to cool off. When I came back in, I heard Laverne say.

“I know we are in a relationship, but since I’m buying the house, he will just have to deal with my choices. Now, if he was to put some money in, it might be a different story.” They went on and I walked away. As a matter of fact I walked home.

Of course I heard it from Laverne when she came back how I embarrassed her if front of the crew. I again bit my lip until it bled and tried what my therapist said to do to control my anger. By this time I smelled the shit and knew I needed to clean up the mess.

The third house that was going to be shown was more like it. It was newer, had a good floor plan, enough room for me to have an office even after we had kids, if we had kids. Backyard had a huge deck, half covered, half open. Great for entertaining with a completely customized new kitchen with everything you’d ever need. Yes, it was a bit over her budget, but I figured it was the best investment in the long run.

Again, I added my opinion for the camera. Again I walked home after the interviews. By now I was ready to pack my shit and get out. Laverne in her infinite superiority told me under no uncertain terms; that unless I was buying the house it wasn’t my decision to make. If I didn’t like it, then…? Did she really threaten me?

I told her that I was trying to look out for her and that if we were going to live together, I should have some say as to where we lived, since we were now living in my apartment. I never knew what she really thought of me, but it was obvious that she thought I was some wimp cuckold of man who, because she had the pussy, that I had to toe the line. That since she was buying the house it would be her decision.

The one camera guy could see the paint on the walls, but the producer, a woman of course, was all about the empowered woman angle. Then came the last nail in the coffin; the choice. They took us out to some sports bar while we discussed her choices. I killed the first house by listing the fifty thousand dollars of updates it needed.

Then the part really started. I gave her all my reason why the third house was the better house for us. The extra room, the space to grow, the better neighborhood. Everything though out logically and systematically.

“Well, since I have to do this on my own, you just don’t get that much of a say. If you want to chip in to the price so it is in my affordability zone, I might be in the mood to listen, but since I’m doing this by myself, I think the second house is the better choice for me.” I wanted to get up, but I stayed not looking at her or the video guys while she told me her opinion.

“Since you will be living off me, while you try and get your business going and won’t be helping with the bills, I’m going to tell them that I’m buying the second house. It is closer to my work and I can afford it by myself.” She smiled at the camera and tried to kiss me.

“Whatever Laverne.” I moved my face so she got my ear. “This is a mistake but you don’t want to listen to me. I hope you’re happy with your choices.” I got up and walked off.

*****

I missed the signing, I missed the closing. I missed the loan application and I missed the woman I fell in love with. But, she made her bed and she could sleep in it alone. Oh, I played the part. I didn’t want to her lose her new house. She was going to need it to live in. Me, I made sure my stuff wasn’t packed with hers and called my dad. You see the place that wasn’t good enough for her, belonged to my family. But she didn’t want to listen to that.

The stupid woman didn’t realize that I stopped trying to make love to her. She was so busy making her arraignment that she didn’t even miss it. She was stoked about moving into ‘HER’ house.

Then move in day happened. I think she finally started getting a clue when none of my stuff went into the trailer she rented for the move. I had one of my dad’s trucks and my stuff went in it instead. Yes I was moving. You see, my family owns more than one complex, and when it all came crashing down, I didn’t want her to know where I moved to.

I drove all her stuff to her house and helped her unpack. Once her stuff was at her place, I caught a cab to go get my stuff. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her… “Good Bye Laverne, I hope you are happy with your new house. I’ve got to go get my stuff and get it settled.” She was singing while she started unpacking. At least she was happy, that’s something I suppose.

It took her a week to track me down at my job. It seems there is supposed to be a happily ever after segment. Well, she was happy and I was done with her bullshit.

“Where have you been Tom? She asked looking at me strangely. “Why haven’t you moved your stuff in yet?” I waved to my boss, letting him know I was okay.

“I did… I have.” I shrugged. “It just wasn’t with you. Remember this wasn’t my choice. This was all you!” I went to turn away.

“Excuse me?” She grabbed my arm. “What the fuck does that mean? I thought you said we’d be together!”

“Laverne, I have never hurt a woman, but if you don’t let me go, I will.” I think it was the look on my face that made her step back.

“What did I ever do to you to make you say that?” She was honestly confused.

“Think really hard Laverne, I’m sure you can figure it out! You’re a smart girl….” I sighed at her blank look. “I warned you, but you didn’t listen.” I was growling.

“They need us for some re-shoots…” She swallowed. “They need to finish the episode.” She reached into her purse.

“So fucking what? Go do them. Not my issue. This was your big plan, not that you ever listened to me. Go do who and what you want to, I don’t fucking care anymore.” I all but screamed at her.

“Is this about the show? Did you get your little feelings hurt?” She laid on the sarcasm. “My god Tom, grow up, I was playing it up for the camera. The producer loved it.” She still didn’t have a fucking clue.

“Fuck you and fuck that damn show. We are done! Go live in your house that isn’t going to be worth half of what you paid for in six months when they start construction on the new downtown center. Since you know so fucking much, you go do what you planned on doing! Just get the fuck away from me!” I ran, not out of cowardice, but to save her life. I did once love her.

Did it make me feel like a man as she ran to her car crying? What do you think? It made me feel like shit and ripped my heart open that much more.

How the producer tracked me down I haven’t a clue. But she all but threatened me with legal action if I didn’t finish the show like I signed up for. She didn’t give a fuck about the relationship she ruined, she had a show to do and she was going to do it.

So, all during the happily ever after shots, I didn’t say a fucking word to any of them. I sat in the background ‘working on my internet business’. Actually I was writing ‘I hate you! I hate you! I hate you, you cheating slut!’ over and over again on a blank page. It was lucky that no one died by the time they got it in the can, as they say.

After filming, Laverne asked me to talk. “Tom, what happened to us? Can’t we talk? I thought we were a team?” She tried to put her hand on me.

“Not here!” I ground out. “If you want to talk, I’ll be at the club we once liked.” I walked away, not caring if she followed me or not. I was on my second seven and seven when she walked in. She sat across from me and tried to smile as she looked around.

“What do you want from me Laverne? Haven’t you done enough already?” I set my glass down and put my hands in my lap so I didn’t slap the look off her face.

“What did I ever do to you?” She asked with a hint of anger.

“You disrespected me; you made me out to be some pussy whipped, wimp, cuckold… on fucking TV no less. Why? To get your seventeen minutes of fame and closing cost on a house you going to be stuck with for the next thirty years.” Yeah, I was pissed and it showed.

“I didn’t disrespect you. I gave you all the respect you earned.” Again with the snide tinge in her voice.

“How did I earn your disrespect Laverne? I took my time; I didn’t pressure you into bed or a relationship. I gave you space, I helped you write you fucking papers for school. I thought we were a team.” I echoed her words.

“But….” She tried to interrupt.

“I told you my plans, what I thought were our plans. I told you it wasn’t the time to buy a house. But since you never respected me…. It got me to wondering when you started cuckolding me. When did you think it was okay to fuck around on me and betray me? You, the one who supposedly hates cheaters! But, a slut will always show her spots.” I was breathing hard, trying to maintain what little sanity had left.

Her face paled. “I never… we weren’t married or even eng…. How did you?” She stammered.

“You mean you never wore this ring?” I pulled it out of my pocket. “I told you… fidelity, honor and love. I’m a fucking Marine for God’s sake… Semper Fidelis and all that shit. Look it up!” I was so over her crap.

“I was just making sure…. It was a mistake… but I didn’t cheat!” She tried; hell I don’t know what she was trying to do.

“Yeah just like your ex was making sure how much pussy he could get behind your back. He wasn’t cheating either.” I sneered. “In one of my fucking families apartments no less. You might as well fuck him in our bed. Or did you?” I shoved the ring back in my pocket.

“What do you mean?” She looked frightened. “I never said we….” God, what a stupid cunt!

“Oh, I bet you didn’t know my family owns the apartment I lived in and three others around town? I bet you didn’t know I know a lot about real estate. You figured since I was your security net, you could get a quick fix and then settle down with the clueless cuckold. You, who thought she was so smart, are nothing but a fucking slut and whore. For what…? You didn’t think I missed the slights? The attitude that you had something over me? Are you fucking brain dead?” I screamed at her.

“Sir, if you don’t quiet down.” The bouncer walked up looking irritated.

“Bring back up; because if you touch me, I’ll fucking kill you where you stand!” I told the bouncer. “I’ll be leaving shortly anyway.” I added as he looked at me and backed off.

“Who are you…?” Laverne asked backing up. “Why are you acting this way?” She turned on the water works.

“Right now I’m probably one of the deadliest mother-fucker’s you’ve ever met. I knew within minutes that you were spreading you legs for that camera man. Why do you think… fuck this shit! I’m out of here before I have to kill someone and you’re not worth it!” I tossed two twenty dollar bills on the table and started walking away.

“But Tom, it didn’t mean anything. I was just making sure we were right for each other. I wanted to be sure before we settled down forever.” She called out crying.

“That’s where you are wrong Laverne.”I didn’t turn. “To me, it meant everything. Don’t ever call or talk to me again. Life to too short to waste on stupid cheating cunts like you. I’m sure there is someone out there that knows what the words fidelity and commitment mean.” I hit the door just as the cops pulled up. I just kept walking.

*****

“So there you have it.” I huffed and sat back in the uncomfortable chair. “That’s how getting on a stupid cable show fucked everything I had been working for, for years. It’s strange how women think. How they all say the same stupid things when they get caught. How they think they have the only or the best pussy in the world, and having such, makes them so much better than us men.”

“Statistically speaking, men are more apt to have an affair.” The voice said behind the pieces of paper.

“Oh sure, some men will fuck a woman if she’s willing. They’re men, it’s what they do. Sure, there are men who do it for spite. But you see; I’m not one of those guys. I will never be one of those types. I do know what I want and will try and keep looking as long as it takes, I suppose. One of these days, I will ask for my grandmother’s ring from my mom again. Until then I know it is safe where it’s at.”

“Um-huh… If you say so.” She kept reading.

“So, Ms. Therapist, now you know everything. Did writing it down give me some type of fucking closure?” I scoffed. “Nope; it ripped it all back open again and made me feel like hammered shit! My only consolation, I didn’t ask her to marry me before her true colors showed. And you ask me why I move so slowly? You wanted to know where my trust issues, I think you called them, came from. You see, it is all a matter of time.” I hated sitting in her office. It smelled like old farts and lilies.

“I’ve asked you not to call me that Tom.” She looked at my paperwork. “What’s a matter of time?” She set the papers down and looked at me over her glasses.

“In time, a good woman will show herself to be a good woman, and a slut will show herself to be a slut. No matter how good a liar they become, in time it shows. It always starts with simple respect. I much rather be with someone like Julie, who is at least honest about who and what she is, than anyone like Laverne. Who thinks she can hide it or use her pussy it to get what she wants. Yes, the days of plotting her demise are over. No I don’t ever want to talk, see or have anything to do with her again.” This was getting old… fast!

“Are you still going to therapy?” She took off her glasses.

“Not as often as I was.” I sighed.

“Okay then… I guess I only have one more question for you Tom.” She sat forward. “How long are you going to punish me for her mistakes?”

“I’m not.” I started to say, but stopped at her look.

“Either you are too frightened to let me in, or you’re taking out on me, what she did to you.” She sat back and picked up the pages. “Reading this, I honestly don’t think you’re afraid of much. So, that only leaves one other option.” She gave me the look.

“I see you point, but I have one of my own.” I thought about how to tell her what needed to be said. “When you are a little kid and you touch a hot pot for the first time and burn your hand, it teaches you instantly how to avoid pain. From then on, you always check the pot to see if it is hot. You’ll keep checking it for the rest of your life.” I crossed my arms, making my point.

“I understand ‘once burned; twice shy’.” She sighed and rolled her eyes. “But, you can only use that excuse for so long. Like you said, it’s all a matter of time.” She smiled sadly. “In time you will either let it go and love again, or I’ll have to start looking for a new boyfriend. I refuse to be punished for the actions of a stupid cow that wasn’t smart enough to see what a good man you are.” She put on her glasses and looked at her watch.

“So, this is the all or nothing speech?” I was half tempted to get up and leave.

“No Tom, I will never give you an ultimatum!” She shook her long red hair, her green eyes going misty. “But just like you, I have to protect my heart. You are strong enough to admit you have a problem with anger and PTSD. You are brave enough to let me read this.” She fanned the papers. “But, do you trust me enough to open your heart to me?”

I tried to answer, but she stopped me. “Don’t answer right now, but think about it.” She folded the papers and put them in her purse. “While you’re thinking about that, remember this also…. I am nothing like my sister. Julie was always the wild child. I’m more like my parents. They’re still happily and faithfully married after thirty years.”

“How did we end up together?” I asked with a heavy sigh.

“One, you never dated or did anything with Julie. Two, Julie told me you were the best guy she ever met, and if she could be faithful to one man, it would be you. And three, we both got ditched at that stupid wedding she dragged you to.” She smiled. “The rest is history.”

“Do you want to go out for dinner?” I asked her, knowing I had already lost this battle.

“No sweetheart,” She sighed. “I want you to go home this weekend and apologize to your cousin again and talk to your father. I might be wrong, but I feel there is something else holding you back. When you get back here, let me know if we are moving forward or not.” She held up her hand. “I love you, but yes, I want all of you. It’s your choice Tom. Besides, I don’t think I could say no to you right now. Once we take that step, then it’s all or nothing.” She wiggled her left hand.

*****

“So there you have it Dad, what do I do now?” I asked, after briefing him on my life.

“Look son, you are too much like me, so I’ll cut to the chase.” He reached up and smacked the back of my head. “Pull your head out of your ass and marry that girl!” He sighed. “Fucking kids these days.” He shook his head, exasperated.

“But Dad, if anyone should know it’s you!” I rubbed my head. Dad didn’t pull his punches. “Once trust is broken in a man, it’s hard to fix. It’s not like I can go out and order a new set of glasses or something.”

“Yeah, and just because one village is full of the enemy, doesn’t give you the right to kill the next one just in case. Each situation is different. That bitch just made you to think backward for a bit. Trust but verify… remember that? If you don’t trust someone, they will never be able to prove they are trustworthy.” He rubbed his ear.

“How’s Jimmy?” I changed the subject.

“You mean the voiceless nutless wonder?” He laughed. “His mother should have smothered him in his crib.” He kept smiling. “He didn’t learn from you, so he thought it would be funny to get even with his boss by fucking his daughter if she was willing or not. I hear his nuts are in a jar, decorating John’s desk.” He laughed harder.

“What happened?” I asked stunned.

“He’s finally learned never to fuck with a Vet.” Dad chuckled again. “The last we heard he’s hiding somewhere in Mexico. John told me when he found out what he did; well you can guess his reaction finding Jimmy sleeping in Lisa’s bed. He took a castrator and snapped the band around his nuts before Jimmy could move. It might have been better if Jimmy didn’t further the damage when he nutted himself on the fence while he was running. So, by the time he made it to the hospital, he was incoherent, and the damage was done.”

“Damn, that’s harsh!” I had to laugh. “Why didn’t he make them get married?”

“Because Lisa already told him that she was Gay and moving in with her woman lover. He also left the bottle of Rohypnol on the table. If it was me, I’d just shot him in the head, but justice was served in the long run.” He patted my shoulder. “You can quit feeling guilty. We understood then. I just had to keep peace in the family and you needed the help to get over what happened to you over there. The family will take care of Lisa and the baby.” He promised.

“Wow, what…?”

“They’re fine.” Dad answered before I could finish my question. “Lisa doesn’t remember it; and is happy as a pig in poke about being pregnant. We’re all hoping for a girl, or that’s going to be one spoiled boy. You want a beer?” He asked getting up, and basically finishing our discussion.

“Sure… when do you think Mom will get home?” I asked while he went and got us some beer.

“She makes it home about five or so to fix dinner. She’s helping them set up the nursery and stuff. Why?” He sat back down and tilted his bottle.

“Oh, I just need to talk to her before I go back.” I shrugged.