An Absence of Trust Pt. 02

Bambi was different from the other two. Where Chrissy was wholesome, and Maddie was sophisticated, the one word to describe Bambi was sexy. She loved sex. If I were to add one more word for Bambi, it was fun. She was up for anything. I began imagining a life with Bambi, and a lot of those thoughts were positive.

As months passed by we continued to see each other nearly every week. We both talked about how much nicer it would be if we were in the same town. The subject of living together had not yet emerged, but I thought about it.

And then I began to feel a shift in the relationship. Nothing happened. No angry flare up or silent war. No, it was just a feeling that the trajectory of the relationship had flattened. To this point things seemed to be steadily getting better and better. Now, I felt, it was still really good, maybe just a tad bit stagnant.

When I broached the subject very delicately with Bambi she immediately brushed it off, dismissing any idea of negativity about the relationship. But I sensed in her response that something was up.

I began to think of a longer term commitment with Bambi. Maybe not quite to the point of proposing marriage, but perhaps a discussion on cohabitation or at least the idea of living in the same geographic area.

Usually by Wednesday of a given week we had made plans for the upcoming weekend. This always involved at least one of us on a flight, so there was normally a bit of preparation. By Wednesday of this particular week, weekend plans had not emerged.

I called her Thursday morning.

"So what do you want to do this weekend?" I asked.

"Oh yeah," she began, "I've got a work dinner Friday night. I could fly up afterward," she hesitated, "but then it's my Mom's birthday Sunday. That's a lot of airport time for just a day or so."

Huh, this was one of the first times since Cabo where we hadn't made a plan to be together. I wondered why she wouldn't have just proposed that I fly down there and go to her events with her.

"Bam," I replied, "I could get the noon Alaska flight and be in Orange County by 2:45 Friday afternoon."

There was a pause, not a long one, but to date, an uncharacteristic one. Just when it got to be uncomfortable, she replied.

"Sure," she said, "we could do that."

I hung up a bit confused. Was it my imagination? Or had something changed within this relationship?

Friday she picked me up and we went to her place. No time for any hanky-panky, we quickly left for the business dinner at an upscale restaurant, Bebe', in Laguna Beach. So far all was fine. The hesitant vibe I sensed the day before was non-existent.

I had been to many of these types of events with Madeline during our relationship. Maddie's were normally more political. This was a business affair. Many similarities between the two, but the biggest difference was the aggressiveness of both men and women in the business world.

Law and politics was like a chess game. Moves were made strategically, playing the end game. Business was far closer to checkers. Certainly more strategy than that but it was a straightforward affair. You eat what you kill.

I knew the game in this environment and I knew my place. I was a backdrop, I cozied up near the bar nursing my beverage. There was a type of attendee at this sort of event that gravitated to the bar. They generally were my types of people.

As I talked to my new compadres at the event, I kept my eye on Bambi. She was perfect in this environment, outgoing and flirty. I could see that she was good at her job.

I happened to notice a particular man, probably close to 50. Dignified looking in suit and tie, a coordinated colored handkerchief in his pocket and an expensive haircut. He was tall, nearly my height but thinner. I could imagine him on the golf course or the tennis courts at the country club.

The man seemed to take a lot of Bambi's time and my sense was she welcomed the interaction. He had the alpha male look to him as if he were important, and knew it.

I later learned who it was. His name was Conrad Pennington and he was President of PharmaGen, a huge global pharmaceutical company. Bambi's agency was producing a lot of their current commercials.

You've probably seen this type of advertisement. Some new prescription drug that would solve a particular medical problem. They usually featured an older attractive person, playing tennis, wrestling with what was supposed to be a grandchild, or dancing with an attractive smiling partner. About halfway through they start rattling off all the side effects that sound normally far more horrible than what they are claiming to prevent.

In any event, Pennington acted important, and apparently he was. And, Bambi was flirting right back at him. I'm not particularly jealous, I understand the strategic dance to advance a career. At a point though, you need to protect what's supposedly yours.

I wandered over to the two of them standing closely and talking, Bambi had a smile on her face.

"Hey!" I casually greeted Bambi and Conrad.

Conrad silently looked at me with an air of superiority. The dismissive glance gave me all the non verbal communication needed to understand what type of guy this was.

An elitist prick.

"Oh, um, Billy, hi," Bambi said, the smile she had for Pennington fading as she looked at me, "have you met Conrad Pennington?" She asked as if presenting royalty.

He and I shook hands with a minimum of enthusiasm from both of us.

Shortly after Bambi and I left. It was faint but there was an undercurrent during the rest of our weekend. Later I tried to pinpoint what the undercurrent was. It was a few days later when I finally identified the mood I was getting from Bambi, it was guilt.

Guilt over what? I wondered.

Just a quick review of where Bambi and I were as a couple, at least in my mind. We had been together about six months since meeting in Cabo. I loved being with her. She was fun, funny, up for anything, great looking, and seemed to like me.

We hadn't talked of marriage, but we had discussed longer term life plans, together. After my first marriage ended so dramatically, I was certainly cautious about any permanent commitment. But, still, I loved being with Bambi and had seriously considered bringing up the idea of cohabitation.

That following weekend we both had a tight schedule so for one of the few times since we met we didn't get together. I wanted to make it up to her so the following weekend I made reservations for us at La Jolla Spa. We would stay Friday and Saturday night in a suite, and get spa services on Saturday.

We did a couples massage package. We entered a joint changing room, took off our clothes and put on light robes. Our wallets, phones and any other personal articles were given to an attendant for security and I was given a tag for our possessions. It went into the pocket of my pants. We each had an oversized locker for our clothes.

The couple's massage was fantastic. Soft music, the scent of eucalyptus, the large front doors spread open to the sounds of the outdoors. The masseuse's were great. I'm sure the guy massaging Bambi enjoyed it as much as she did. But everything was completely professional.

After the hour-long massage Bambi was scheduled for a seaweed facial. I told her I'd meet her near the lounging pool. I went back to the changing room, showered and dressed feeling fantastic. I checked in with the attendant, retrieved our possessions and walked outside to the lounging pool.

I hadn't even been at the pool for two minutes when I felt a vibration. I checked my phone. Nothing. And then I checked Bambi's.

It took me a minute, but quickly it all became quite clear.

'can't wait to get my hands on you again, Con'.

I looked at the ID on the left side. In the shaded circle I saw the initial CP.

Conrad Pennington.

On the third try I recalled her password. Once open I saw a short but intimate trail of messages, back and forth between Bambi and Pennington. It sounded like things between them accelerated swiftly after the event I attended when he and Bambi hung out so much together.

Apparently she spent most of last weekend with him at his home in Malibu. She'd told me she had work meetings. Technically, she may have not been lying. There was explicit evidence in their communication that the relationship had quickly become sexual.

At first I was angry. I was going to expose her and then beat the shit out of him. But the more I sat and thought the less my emotions were cloaked in anger. A familiar sadness began to descend. I knew quite well what it felt like to lose someone. Someone you trusted and cared for. Oh yes, this emotion was one I had certainly had an intimate experience with.

As I sat, with Bambi getting her $190 seaweed facial that I was paying for, I resolved a few things. One, I was going to enjoy the rest of the weekend. Two, I was going to be mature about things. And finally, this would be my last time with Bambi. Ever.

I was able to keep my emotions under control in the face of the evidence of her deceit. I had erased Pennington's message so she would not know what I knew.

Bambi was in a relaxed happy mood after the treatments.

"Can we go to the sushi place for dinner tonight?" She asked me, gripping my hand.and kissing my cheek.

Normally throughout our relationship I would agree with whatever she wanted. I just got so much pleasure at her pleasure I was used to letting her have her own way. For me, small things like this didn't matter. She was used to it too, I thought.

"Let's go to the taco place," I replied good naturedly, holding in my feelings.

She paused. She'd expected to get her way.

"Oh, tacos? We can get tacos anywhere, Billy," she oozed charm, trying to change my mind. "I really feel like sushi."

"I heard great things about the tacos, I'm sure you'll like them just fine." I said, dismissing her comments.

She was quiet for a while. Perhaps the first inkling that things had shifted may have entered her mind.

The rest of the day I was pleasant, happy, somewhat accommodating, and giving no hint that I knew of her sexual relationship with Pennington. She kept glancing at me, wondering, I suspected, why something was ever so slightly off.

We had dinner at the taco place and reluctantly Bambi agreed that it was pretty good.

"But next time," she stated, "we get to go to the sushi place."

"I promise you," I began, "the next time we are here together we will have sushi."

I was positive I would not break my word. I knew we'd never be here, or anywhere likely, together again.

That night I almost didn't fuck her. But she looked so good naked and was so fun in bed, I couldn't resist. I took my own pleasure using her body. In the end she may not have been as sexually satisfied as I was, but I no longer cared.

We had breakfast and walked the grounds afterward. Throughout the morning she may have noticed the lack of any type of intimacies or talk of endearments. I wasn't angry, emotionally I was neutral. Not nearly the enthusiasm for the relationship I normally had.

Finally she asked me if something was wrong.

"Here," I said motioning to a stone bench off a garden path. "Let's sit. Bambi, I have an Uber scheduled to pick me up at 1:30."

"Why?" She looked at me confused, not comprehending.

"My flight leaves at 4:20," I began, "and Bambi, it's over. We've had some fun together, but it's time to end things."

She studied me, a smile at first playing across her face, more confused, wondering if this was some kind of joke.

I kept my expression neutral.

"What are you talking about?" She asked. "Are you kidding."

"No," I replied, a matter of fact look on my face, "no joke." I simply stated.

"But.... Why Billy?" She asked.

I took a deep breath.

"Bambi, you are fun to be with and I've really enjoyed our time together," I told her, "but for the long term, I need someone I can trust. Someone that shares my goals and values and believes in honesty in a relationship. I need a partner I can count on."

"I thought," Bambi began, "that you and I were long term. We had talked about being together, making plans, and doing things. I want to share goals with you. I think you and I are good together. Not just good, great together." She pleaded.

For a moment I wavered, but the thought of not being able to trust her doused any flicker of hope for this relationship.

"You know," I said to her softly, "I had hoped we would be long term too. I wanted to share goals also. But one thing for me that's a deal breaker is honesty."

I then just stared at her. Several emotions crossed her face, and then she turned on the charm. I could tell she was good at her job. She kept explaining our positives together and all the reasons why we should stay as a couple.

Eventually, she ran out of steam.

"Honesty". Was all I said to her.

Just then my phone indicated a message. My ride was here.

"Good luck to you," I said as I stood to leave.

"I still don't understand why," she said, in shock.

I took two paces, and then turned back.

"Pennington." Was all I said.

She hesitated, a surprised look on her face. and then said,

"How did you...." she began, and then after a moment, "it was nothing, he's a client. It didn't mean anything. Billy please!"

Unfortunately I was all too familiar with these types of explanations. I'd heard them before.

I heard her soft sobs as I turned and walked away.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

And I was the one giving my little brother advice on marriage, I thought.

As I reflected back. My track record would be hard to call successful. I bungled the relationship with Chrissy in college. I probably wasn't ready quite yet for marriage at that point but certainly Chrissy would have been a great wife, mother, and life companion for me.

Her husband Wes, a very nice guy, was lucky. And reluctantly I admit I'm happy for Chrissy and Wes, and their family.

With Madeline it was different. We'd been married. Maddie and I, I thought we were perfect together. We were partners. My strength supported her weakness and vice versa. We were set. Both of us had successful careers, we had a great house, and we had each other.

The thing I had underestimated was her father. He had his own plan. And it didn't include me. Somehow he maneuvered an outsider between Maddie and I.

I not only underestimated the lengths Robert, her father, would go, I underestimated the paternal influence he held over her. Despite the fact that she was an intelligent, confident woman, deep down she was a daddy's girl.

And then there was Bambi. It likely would have never been a true long term option for me for marriage, but somehow her betrayal was painful too. Was there something wrong with me? Did I have some type of flaw?

And here I was telling Rich what to do? I sighed, and began to focus on other things.

I knew I had to clean out my desk, send Eliot a formal resignation document, and then begin figuring out the next phase of my life.

I had sold a percent of my real estate business originally to Global Management a little over two years ago. I worked at ISC, a division within Global out of their Seattle office for the past two years. I had a five year contract, but also a gentlemen's agreement with Eliot to stay as long or short as we both agreed upon.

The corporate life was a great experience, but I was never the right fit. ISC's real estate division was doing fine, I was happy about that. But I was no longer needed.

Eliot and I negotiated the sale of the balance of my real estate holdings to Global. I had a sizable investment portfolio and an income stream based on the sale. Financially I was more than set. I just needed to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.

Yeah, poor me.

I knew I needed a new project of some kind. I could do another real estate deal, but I have to admit I'd become a little bored with real estate. There was a business broker that'd called me on a few restaurants for sale. I hadn't agreed to meet him yet, but so far, I hadn't told him no.

So it wasn't like I had nothing to do.

It had been a few weeks since Rich and I met at the Reef and I decided to check in with him. We decided to meet for dinner Monday night.

"Can I bring Leslie?" He asked.

I told him not this time, just he and I. He seemed perfectly content with that.

I wanted to, casually, find out how things were going. Had he been able to exert control over the business and his marriage? He sounded positive on the phone.

I did have an ulterior motive. I owned the Mettke Freight building and I also owned the trucks. My rent was paid on time on the real estate and the trucks, so far there had never been a problem. But I had vested interest beyond my family loyalty to make sure the business was healthy.

We met at Northern Lights, a sports bar in east Seattle. I got there first and watched as Rich arrived. He looked good, not the whipped puppy dog look he had the last time we met.

We sipped on beers as we ordered. Just small talk at first, comfortable, just catching up. Finally after we'd finished eating, I got to the point.

"So," I began, "how are things at work?"

"Good," Rich began, nodding his head, "yeah, I took your advice, stood up for myself and let them know that I was the general manager. So far so good." He continued nodding positively.

"And, things are good between you and Leslie," I hesitated, "personally?" I asked.

This was a touchy subject. Certainly anyone's marriage is obviously particularly personal, mix in my brief but intense history with Leslie, and the subject becomes even more sensitive.

"Yeah, we're doing better," he told me.

Not a ringing endorsement but not negative.

"And the business," I asked, "finances are good, everything looking okay?"

"Yeah, the business seems, um, to be running pretty good," he answered, but sounded hesitant and wouldn't meet my eye.

"Rich, what's up?" I could always tell when he was not being completely honest.

After a moment he replied.

"Oh man, you're going to be pissed at me." He said.

"What is it?" I asked him, putting a little edge in my voice.

And then he told me a story.

Nearly a year ago he and Leslie had hired Dominic Hartoonian as a dispatcher. Leslie's sister dated someone that knew Dominic. Mettke had not had a solid dispatcher since Carl Mettke had sold us the business. Dominic took over dispatch and almost immediately there was a huge improvement. The routes became more efficient and business increased. It was clear he was good at the job.

Several months into his employment Dominic claimed he had an opportunity with Boeing. It paid substantially more money, and the benefits were much better.

"Billy, there was no way we could match the salary Boeing was offering him."

I did not like the direction this was going. I said nothing.

Apparently it was Leslie's idea. The plan was to offer Dominic 5% of the business and a small raise to get him to stay.

"At the time it sounded like a good way to solve the problem." He told me.

"Why in the world didn't you talk to me about it first?" I asked.

"Billy, I know, I should have, but it's just...." He trailed off, not completing his statement.

I sat for a moment and thought of the situation. This had to be somehow contractually documented.

"Who wrote up the new contract?" I asked.

Apparently Leslie heard of a lawyer that specialized in business equity, his name was Bart Mathers. Rich told me the contract was far more complex than normal for some reason.

"But so far everything seems to be working out fine." He told me nodding positively.

I wasn't so sure.

"I need to get a copy of that contract over to Landon, quickly." I told him.

"I think I can have it for you by the end of the week." He told me.