Atonement

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She fixes two problems at once.
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It was a crazy plan, but Kate knew she had made a big mistake and didn't have any better idea of how to fix it. She had gotten to the desperate stage, and desperation can make people do strange things.

She and Nona had grown up together as best friends. They weren't members of the cool cliques in middle school or early high school, and that's what really cemented their relationship, spending countless weekend nights commiserating, alone with each other. Late bloomers, each had been maid-of-honor in the other's wedding, and since they lived an hour apart, they talked incessantly on the phone.

Their husbands knew each other from having both gone to the same high school and were members of the same track team. They got along well, but nowhere near as close as Kate and Nona. Ross was kind of a geek, worked hard in school and seemed destined for some measure of future success in the world. Tony was a real good athlete, and he could get by in any group. Plus, he had natural good looks and an aura about him that attracted even the prettiest girls. Nona was just the one who thought she had succeeded in taming him.

Nona and Tony started dating as juniors in high school, and by the middle of their senior year, they were pretty much a steady couple. They set up Kate and Ross on a blind date, and it went well enough that the two couples doubled for their senior prom. Nona and Tony got married late that summer, and their first daughter was born less than six months later. Tony got a job as a travelling salesman for a big forklift and industrial equipment firm and made enough money to support his family quite nicely while Nona stayed home with their daughter. Soon enough, a second daughter came along, keeping her more than a little busy.

Ross and Kate went to different colleges, but close enough that they could see each other often enough. They dated off-and-on for almost six years before finally tying the knot a year after graduating.

After more than a decade together, Nona and Tony's marriage finally succumbed to the inevitable friction that seems to prevail these days. Nona's version was that he was never home, she was sure he was cheating on her, didn't help with household chores or raising the kids, etc., etc., etc. Tony just didn't like how they had become too domesticated; even though they could afford the occasional babysitter, they never went out or had any fun anymore.

Kate worked in the same building as Tony, so when he was in town, she got to listen to both sides. Even though Nona was her best friend, Kate came up with the line that there are three sides to every story - his, hers, and the truth. Tony moved out and Nona was left at home with their two daughters. Tony's salary wasn't big enough to support two households, so everybody suffered.

Ross and Kate had their problems too. It wasn't a storybook relationship, but they got along well enough and seemed to have worked out a pattern acceptable to both. He worked for a Japanese company, putting in long hours, and then there were the occasional dinners with visiting engineers and other company officials. He seemed almost proud when he claimed that he worked just as many hours as his Japanese cohorts, and certainly more than any "gaijin" American in the office. When he was home, Kate often found him tired, sullen and aloof, and their sex life drifted into a dull sameness that particularly irked Kate.

She thought Ross was a good enough lover - he always made sure that she had at least one orgasm. But he liked it slow and gentle, every time - in their bed, lights off, shades pulled, not too loud, with lots of privacy.

Kate certainly wasn't a swinger by any means, but she would certainly have liked to liven things up a bit, and more often too. She had a nice body and knew it, and she didn't mind showing it off. She was more than comfortable with hot tub nudity and was the first to go skinny-dipping on hot summer nights. As far as "doing the deed", she'd have loved to do it at least sometimes with the lights on, in different positions, different places, outdoors, maybe even someplace with the thrill of potentially getting caught. The idea of having somebody watching had crossed her mind more than once. But with Ross, it seemed like that wasn't going to happen.

About the only thing she definitely wouldn't do was anal sex. For some reason even she couldn't explain, that was off limits. Anything else to instill more passion and excitement in their sex life would have been great. But to her, Ross seemed stuck in low gear.

She wasn't actively looking for a different lover, but the thought had occasionally crossed her mind. "What would I do if the opportunity presented itself? What would I do if I could be sure that I could get away with it? Would I go through with it? What would it be like?"

Not quite a year after Nona and Tony separated, Kate ran into him after work one afternoon at a local bar/restaurant. Even though he was getting divorced from her best friend, she still found Tony very attractive. Their relationship had always had a flirty side to it, and Kate had had enough to drink that she was in that kind of mood. One thing led to the other, and under the pretense of diagnosing their malfunctioning lawn tractor, Kate invited Tony back to her house. Ross had already said that he was going to be working late, taking a visiting Japanese engineer to some sushi restaurant and wouldn't be home until almost midnight.

Tony had always liked how Kate looked, how she liked to dress to show off her big breasts and slim legs. It might not have been what she originally intended, but he certainly was going to press the issue if he could get away with it.

He started by cornering her in her kitchen and kissing her hard, so she couldn't resist - not that she would at that point. Between a business trip to Japan and her period, it had been weeks since Ross had touched at her, and Kate welcomed Tony's attention. At first, she just thought it was more of their harmless flirting, the kind of attention that can't really be a problem. But the more he kissed her and brushed his hands against her, the more she began to think that maybe, just this once, she'd like to do something on the dangerous side.

She started kissing back, and when he put his hand under her shirt, she even started unbuttoning it to make it easier for him to get at her.

He undid the clasp of her bra and watched her full breasts fall out into his hands. They were even bigger and more beautiful than he had imagined over all these years. He kissed her, working his way down her neck and licking her nipples, enjoying seeing them get bigger and erect.

She loved his expression as he looked over her body, and she felt herself really getting aroused at the touch of his hands. Kate liked the fact that he was obviously thrilled touching her like this. She pulled off his shirt, unbuckled his pants, and slid her hands into his briefs and felt his cock growing as she just held her hand around him. She didn't even have to massage it; she could feel him get bigger by the second.

With most of their clothes on the kitchen floor, and wearing only her panties, she led him by the hand upstairs. Immediately, she took off that last article of clothing and now completely naked, she lay back down on the bed. She liked how he paused and looked her over with lusty awe in his eyes as she lay there well illuminated in the early evening sunshine streaming in through the windows.

He stripped off the rest of his clothes, pulled a condom out of his wallet and expertly pulled it on his fully erect penis and climbed on top of her. Propping himself up on one arm, he took his stiff cock in the other, rubbing her wet pussy and sliding it across her clitoris until she was begging for him to fuck her.

He slid his cock inside her, and she gasped with pleasure. She thrust her hips into his, wrapping her legs around him, pulling him as deep into her as she could bear. She gyrated her pelvis, rubbing her clitoris against the shaft of his cock until she could feel the rising crescendo reach an unstoppable point deep within her. She came hard. Long and hard. She was still twitching with pleasure when Tony finally came, gasping and grunting on top of her.

She thought to herself, "He obviously isn't much into foreplay, but that felt really good."

Just as they were catching their breath, she heard the garage door start to go up. Kate screamed, knowing it had to be Ross, and wondering what the hell he was doing home so early. It wasn't even seven o'clock and he wasn't supposed to be home for another four hours, three at the least. This wasn't supposed to happen.

Panicking, she jumped out of bed, threw Tony's clothes at him, telling him, "Get dressed and get out of here fast."

But it was too late. Ross came in from the garage, heard the commotion upstairs and saw the clothes on the kitchen floor. Being a relatively smart guy, he put two and two together, and the answer was not what he wanted. The hurt in his voice was more than apparent when he yelled up the stairs, "What the fuck's going on here?"

By the time Kate came downstairs wrapped in her robe, Ross was sitting at the kitchen table, his head buried in his hands. Ross didn't even look up when Tony slinked by, grabbed the rest of his clothes from the kitchen floor and all but ran out the door to the garage.

She knew there was no chance of bullshitting her way out of this one. She started by saying, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." Pausing, and doubting whether he'd believe her anyway, she added, "I promise it's never happened before, I swear to God. And I swear it will never happen again. I swear."

It would have been better if he just blew up at her right now, letting his anger vent immediately, getting the venom out of him tonight. But he didn't. He just sat there, a disturbingly numb expression on his face. She sat down at the kitchen table, waiting for him to say something, anything at all. When he did occasionally glance up at her, all she saw was the look of betrayal on his face. He'd put his face back in his hands for minutes at a time and then look at her again with that same betrayed expression. She started to cry. All she could say is, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." She reached to touch his arm, and he jerked it away from her reach. He got up slowly and walked upstairs, saying nothing.

She called upstairs after him, "Don't you think we should at least talk?"

He came back downstairs with some clothes and his toothbrush and just walked out the door. Two hours later, Kate got a text from Betty, the wife of one of Ross' best friends to let her know that Ross was at their house. The text went on to ask if she needed to talk to anyone.

Kate just replied, "Yes, I just need to talk to Ross."

Ten minutes later, Betty texted back the answer, "He says no. What can I do to help?"

"Nothing," she thought. She knew that she had screwed up everything. She lay on the sofa, staring at the ceiling for hours. She slept fitfully, and woke up at every noise, hoping it was Ross coming back home.

At one point in the night, she had a dream, actually more of a nightmare. It was very vivid - Ross was having sex with her, but somehow, it started to turn violent. It seemed like she was tied up and couldn't move, totally helpless. She could only submit to him completely and let him do whatever he wanted to do to her.

Her clothes were being ripped off of her body, and she knew she was going to get fucked. She was on her stomach, tied up or paralyzed, she couldn't really tell which. She remembered him entering her from behind. At first, it wasn't bad, kind of kinky being tied up like that and being totally subservient. But quickly, Ross was getting mean, trying to hurt her by ramming his cock into her so hard it hurt. She started to squirm to get away, then she started to cry, but he didn't seem to care. She couldn't resist; she tried to wiggle free but it didn't help. He just kept hurting her. She was being raped by her own husband. It was more and more painful and she was crying harder and harder. But that only made him angrier, and he kept hurting her more and more.

Finally, he pulled out of her cunt, and she could feel him probing towards her butt with his dick. She suddenly realized he was going to try to fuck her in the ass. He was going to do to her the only thing she would never let him do with her. He was going from merely hurting her to degrading her.

As he started to enter her, all she could think was, "No, please. Not that." But she couldn't stop him. It hurt. She didn't want this. He pushed his hard cock further into her ass as she screamed, "Please don't. NO!"

That's when she woke up.

Thank God it was just a bad dream. But as she lay back on the sofa, sobbing and gasping, she remembered everything that had actually happened in the last twelve hours, and that only made her cry even more.

The sun finally came up and there were no answers, and no Ross. She prayed that she could somehow make things right.

It was Friday, but she wasn't thankful for it. Work was horrible, she couldn't focus, and she was so tired that she caught herself drifting off a number of times. She called his cell phone, sent a dozen text messages, but no reply. Her mind wasn't exactly racing; it was more like she was spinning her wheels and getting nowhere. She drove home, hoping he would show up at his regular arrival time. But the hours drifted on, and still no sign of him.

She called Beth and found out that he had stopped by briefly an hour or so before and talked to her husband, who was apparently sworn to secrecy. Ross had left again without saying where he was going or what he was going to do. Where could he have gone? Another friend's house?

Then it occurred to her - he went to their cottage up north. Technically, it was his family's place, but it was definitely the answer. Why didn't it occur to her before? He had clothes, supplies and it was kind of like his fortress, his home base, his sanctuary. She dialed the number, but of course, he would still be on the road, and he probably wouldn't pick up anyway. When she got the answering machine, she just hung up. She got in her car and started to drive north.

She worked on her speech for four hours, the whole way there, debating whether to put some of the blame on his shoulders. After all, if he had been a little more attentive, if he had been a bit more exciting, this whole mess might not have happened. But having been caught "in flagrant delecto," she prudently decided to accept all the blame. At least for now. There would be time later to have him work on his side of the problem.

As she rolled into the gravel driveway, she could see lights on in the house ahead, and sure enough, there was his car.

She parked and walked up the steps to the deck. She got cold feet. The speech running through her head suddenly sounded trite and rehearsed. What would he say? Could she stand it if he rejected her and asked for a divorce? No, that's not what she wanted. Her life wasn't perfect, but she had to admit, it was pretty darn good, especially compared to most of her friends.

So she walked in, looked all through the house, but there was nobody there. She looked outside, nobody in the hot tub, and the boat was in the hoist. Then she saw him, sitting at the end of the dock, his favorite place in the whole world. He could spend hours alone out there, sitting by himself, just looking out at the still water, listening to nothing but an occasional boat across the big lake.

But she didn't have the guts to walk out there and confront him. No way could she walk into his place of serenity at this point. She decided to wait until he came back inside.

Kate went back into the great room and lay down on the sofa. She lay back, remembering all the days she and Ross had spent in this house. Vacation houses are special. Sure, there are responsibilities, especially for the host and hostess. But largely, the days are idyllic, and she worried that she might have caused hers to come to an end.

She was exhausted and it was easy to fall asleep. She woke up with a start when he slid open the door and said, "What the fuck are you doing here?" Her only response was to start crying. His voice dripping with anger, he said, "That's not fair, you're not the one who's hurt. You don't see me crying."

She begged him to forgive her. She tried her speech, but even after the hours of practice, it fell apart in shambles, just like her life was doing.

He finally sat down on the love seat and got that hurt, betrayed look in his eyes again. She crept over to him, crawling along the floor on all fours, and slid up his legs, even though he was trying to pull away. She said, "I need you. I need you in my life, I need you to keep me in yours. I want us to stay together and I'll do anything - anything - to keep it that way."

Her hands were on his legs, and she was looking up at him. She slid her hands over his crotch and he pushed her away. She grabbed for his belt, saying, "Please let me make it up to you, right here, right now." Her hands massaged his thighs and she could tell that his resistance was starting to falter. She buried her head in his lap, and held it there. Through his pants, she could feel his cock starting to get hard. Tonight, she was willing to do anything to get him back.

She unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants, and his swelling cock fell out into her waiting hands. She looked it over, inches from her face, marveling at the details she had never perceived before this moment. She kissed and caressed it, licked it and massaged it until it was as big and hard as she knew it could be. She studied the curve and smooth shape of the tip, the wrinkled skin on the top part of the shaft, and its smoothness down the rest of its length. She twirled her fingers through his pubic hair, and she could feel the wetness begin to well up between her thighs.

She stood up and slowly undressed directly in front of him, watching his eyes look over every inch of her skin as it was being exposed. His attention was particularly focused on her breasts as they spilled out of her bra. She knew he had always been fascinated with her tits. And why not? They were magnificent, large but not saggy, perfectly shaped, with small, but nicely defined areolas. She fingered her nipples to make them stand up, hoping he would soon be sucking, licking and kissing them. His face had lost that hurt look, changing to more of a confused gape. She was worried because there wasn't the lust she usually saw in his eyes.

She slid her panties down her thighs and stepped out of them, finally completely naked. Even in the harsh, bright lighting, she knew she looked good. Any man would want her. She could only hope her husband still did.

She slid her fingers between her thighs and started slowly stroking her clitoris. She knew Ross liked to see her do this to herself, so she put on a show for him. After only a few seconds, her touch caused her knees to buckle slightly as she became more and more aroused.

Finally, she moved towards him and began to straddle him. But he pushed her away and said, "I can't. I don't want to have my cock inside you. Not after somebody else has." That hurt look returned to his face, and he avoided making eye contact with her.

He started to get up from the sofa, but she held him down. She immediately fell to her knees, grabbed his cock and put it in her mouth, moving her head up and down, rolling her tongue over the tip and around the shaft, taking him in as deep as she could. He wasn't going anywhere now. He arched his back and pulled her head down on his groin, and she had to fight to keep from gagging because of the depth of his penetration.

Kate did not really like giving full-fledged blowjobs. Ross knew it too. She had no trouble sucking on his cock, but it had been more than a couple of years since she had let him come in her mouth. Tonight, she was willing to do it, so she kept sliding his penis in and out of her mouth, concentrating on stimulating him with her tongue and lips. When he started to thrust his hips, she knew he was getting close to coming. She paused, looked up at him and said, "I want you to come in my mouth" and she went back to work, sucking his cock, maintaining eye contact with him the whole time. She was pretty sure she had him now.