BDVFREE

"Oh dear... Connie, I feel a bit predated. Are you gonna try and get me drunk and take advantage of me?"

"Tipsy..." She laughs and kisses me quickly. "I'm going to get you tipsy. Then I'm definitely going to try. So long as you're certain."

"More than certain. Look, I did a lot of googling and reading this afternoon while you napped."

We sit and she nods. "Didn't get too much napping done. Dropped a massive bomb on you and ran away. Felt like a real heel."

"I can see why you feel like it was massive, but really... Look, everyone comes with a little baggage. Yours just has a name and some symptoms. Not even terrible symptoms. I did a lot of reading."

"And?"

"If that's the price I pay for your love... for you... then I accept it. I've got these days so I can't really imagine life without you and Penny around. I'm sorry. If this is too gushy and you know... Soon."

"No Gordy. See... One thing that Roger never did was talk. He never spoke of feelings or... anything really. He was a closed book. Unless he'd tipped into honeymoon mode and was trying to smooth things over, then he never shut up with gushy nonsense. It felt like such a script. I like this between us. I like that you talk. I love you. I think I have for a long time. I loved how you made room for Penny all that time ago... Just adopted the neighbour kid. I wished... I couldn't let myself hope for anything better than where I was, but I was trapped in that box with no way out and no way of seeing into it from the outside, to know what a fucking shit show it really was. No way to know what to wish for. Sorry. Swearing."

"You've got a little bit to swear about. I've heard worse things than the 'eff' word. But what do you really know about me, Connie? I work in a little dead-end job. Why me? You're... Intelligent. Beautiful. A qualified teacher and I'm just... Just a weird guy with two cats and..."

"And a massive heart." She pats my hand across the little table, and we stare out over the blackened ocean where a ribbon of moonlight ripples on the constantly moving water. "A massive heart, a kind mind and a generous soul. Your first thought is always for others. I've never seen you angry and I doubt you would ever lift a hand to anyone. Penny loves you more deeply than any man she's ever known, and I trust you... I guess mostly that. I trust you. I can finally imagine a DV free life with someone. Shit... Bit of an overshare." She blushes at her hint of a life together.

"So, it's not my chiselled features, ruggedly handsome profile and bank account?"

"Hahaha." She shakes her head. "No. It's your big willy. You know I checked one night. He was poking me really rudely, so I turned the bedside light on and had a look at him."

"Haha, creeper."

She laughs with me then starts discussing her upcoming interview. She's been applying for local teaching positions and has an interview for the local state school. Our bottle of wine empties itself into our glasses over the next hour and we fall into the cadence of us. The back and forth of an easy banter that we discovered we could sustain on that first date so long ago, has us both relaxed and my face hurts with laughter as she tells me about selecting condoms.

"Like there's ribbed, plain, extra snug, lubricated, coloured, some with a lube that warms up, ones with spermicide... Hell, I'm not a killer. I just want to get my rocks off, not kill things. And the girl in the pharmacy, she's like, 'can I help'. And I'm like, 'not unless you can magic away fucking herpes and stop me being so fucking nervous that my vadge slams shut like a clam'."

Wiping tears from my eyes, I tip the last of my wine back and try to stop laughing long enough to get out, "You didn't actually say that?"

"Nope. No. But..."

"I get it. You're nervous. Me too. We can leave it for another time if you like. Seriously. Getting a bit tired and it's been a lovely night."

"Not a chance." She beams at me. "Come on. Couch. Don't want to scar little Penny's mind."

She leads me in by my hand and looks me up and down. "Pants. Lose them."

I comply eagerly and she strips her t-shirt over her head to reveal her perfect naked form. Not magazine perfect. Perfect for her. Her breasts are smallish but stand proudly and point at me in invitation. One, I hastily accept.

"Oh shit. Gordy that's..." She holds my head to her and urges me across to the other one. I can feel her hand between us reaching down and...

"Connie..." Leaves my mouth as her fingers wrap around me. She urges me back and the couch takes out my knees. I fall to my back and welcome her smiling mouth upon mine. Her eyes are closed and she melts on top of me. Her body melds with mine and then she pushes me in the chest and explodes off me.

"Fuck. Fucking condoms. I haven't used one since high-school." She laughs and skips over to her handbag. "What's it gonna be, Gordy? Ribbed? Ooh. Glow in the dark. Hahaha. Now that I have to see."

The sultry look she gives me as she tears the packet open with her teeth has me biting on my lower lip. When she tries to put it on me upside down, we both crack up.

"Do you think it's glowing in there? In the dark?" She moans as her body accepts me deep within her. "Stay still a moment, Gordy."

She's so damn tight. She's like a hot squeezing silken thing that pulses and relaxes.

"I've been so worried. Worried if we'd fit. Roger always said..." Then she lies down on my chest and sobs. "Why now? Why do I have to think of that prick now?"

Holding her to me, I rub little circles in the hollow of her spine and eventually she lifts her chin to fix her eyes on mine and kiss me gently.

"I love you, Gordy."

"I love you too, Connie."

She laughs and shakes her head. "Maybe Roger had a little dick. God, you fill me up. Now, I'm not going to last very long. I've been imagining this for weeks."

Her pelvis rolls in wavelike humping on me, grinding her clit into my pubes. The scorching grip of her on my shaft gathers me quickly up from my balls into an electric lump I try to stop exploding. In what feels like only moments, she cries out and presses her forehead to mine as she convulses on me.

"Oh fuck, Gordy. Fuck. Oh god that's... I love you." Her lips find mine as she settles, and I erupt inside her. That little fluttering of her on me was enough to light the fuse on that electric lump and it pumps me into that condom.

We lie like that for interminable moments. I luxuriate in her possession. She holds me socketed and wetly hot inside her as I soften, and her sweaty skin kisses mine. Her breasts squish on my chest and her face nuzzles under my chin while she makes little mewling noises. Sex with Sally was never like this. Fucking hell, I was with Jacinta for four years and never felt this close to her.

Taking a really deep breath, she rises from me and smiles down. "Fucking hell, Gordy. I need to wee. One down, eleven to go."

"Jesus." I groan as she clamps around the base of the condom with her fingers and pulls off of me. She slides the messy rubber up and away and giggles off to the bathroom like a teenager who's just discovered the bedroom.

"I'm a bit sore." She grumps at me when she returns. "I wanted to go again. But those things... Kinda burns a bit. Will you settle for cuddling me off to sleep? Maybe we can slip the kiddo a Phenergan or something tomorrow and get to the other eleven?"

It suits me just fine.

~*~

It's been a really long bastard of a week. Connie and I have been so tired. She's working again and the change in routine has taken some adjustment on her behalf. It's worked out pretty well for me. She accepted my suggestion to stay in town at my house through the week. It makes getting her and Penny to school less of a trek. When she first started work a month ago, she was travelling in and out every day from her parent's house.

The only real teething problem we had cohabitating, was the fact of the old house next door where she had lived once with Roger and the memories it brought back for both her and Penny. I seriously caught Penny throwing rocks at its walls one afternoon and had to raise an eyebrow at her. She quickly dropped her handful of vengeance. Apart from that, we fit together as a little unit as well as Connie and I fit together in the bedroom.

But this week... Bloody hell... First, on Monday morning as I opened the door to walk to work, I found Biggles, my cat, dead on the front lawn. I'd had him for near on ten years and he's left a giant hole in my world. Someone or something had clearly broken his neck. Perhaps a neighbour's dog, although I saw no signs of teeth marks on him. Maybe a car?

I buried him under a new rose bush and little Penny cried at his 'funeral'. She'd loved that old furball almost as much as me. Then on Wednesday, I found the rear left tyre on my car slashed and was late to work. The worst bit was that when I did arrive late, Norm handed me a customer complaint that he'd received through from head office. The customer, who wanted to remain anonymous, complained that I had been rude and disinterested when serving them and had used foul language when describing a product.

With no recollection of the incident at all, I had no way to defend myself. Norm told me not to worry, that he'd assured head office that I was never like that, but it still really bugged me that someone would make something like that up. It would stay on my personnel file forever now too.

The last straw was this afternoon, Friday. I got the old mower from the shed and the bloody thing wouldn't start. I lost my damn temper at it and called it a few choice names and threw it at the garden shed hammer-toss style. In itself that was nothing to be really upset about, just another annoyance in a long week of annoyances.

What killed me though, was seeing the terror on Penny's little face when I turned around after cracking the shits. She ran crying into the house and hugged tightly to her mother's leg when Connie came out to see what the commotion was about.

I tried to explain to my little mate Penny that sometimes I get cranky, but I'd never hurt her or her mum, but I guess after living with domestic violence, an angry male is a very frightening creature to them both. The more I tried to apologise, the more frustrated I became with her nervous fear. It was like trying to pat a beaten dog. Eventually, I gave up trying to cajole her and took a beer out onto my porch.

To make things worse, Connie came and found me a few minutes later and said, "I love you, Gordy but I can't settle Penny. I'm taking her home to Mum and Dad for the weekend. Maybe you can come and find us tomorrow?"

"Shit, Connie. I'm sorry I lost my temper. But it wasn't even directed at anyone. Just a stupid mower."

"I know. You'd never hurt us. We just carry a lot of... fear. Call me later, honey."

Little Penny gave me a kiss and a hug before they left, but I couldn't forgive myself still for frightening her. I sat lonely in my house, missing their presence and the business of a family, wondering if they would always carry that fear of a loud male.

"BAM BAM BAM," woke me early. "BAM BAM BAM."

"Righto, hang on a tick." I called out loudly enough for whoever was banging at the door to hear and scurried to find a shirt.

When I opened the door, it was to three serious looking police officers.

"My name is Sergeant Therese Cox, my registered number is bla bla bla... and this is a search warrant bla bla... Dangerous drugs and stolen property."

Two hours later, I sat at my kitchen table drinking a coffee and looking at a property receipt they'd issued me for the few things they'd seized; Dad's old .22 that I'd never got around to registering and three plastic milk crates that apparently remain the property of some milk company. Court is on the twenty-third of next month.

They seemed really disappointed that the angry snarling hell hound they'd brought with them didn't locate any drugs. I'd shown them the gun before they started searching. When I arrived out at Terry and Winnie's that afternoon, I was even more cranky than I had been on Friday and was doing my best to not let my mood taint the day.

"It smells. It smells like a rat. I bet that bastard Roger is behind this." Terry told Connie and I, as he 'choofed up' in his shed.

"But what would he gain from it?" I ask. Collectively we decide we have no idea and set about trying to have a 'normal' night despite my looming firearms charge.

"I'll get Gregory to contact you through the week. When I spoke to him earlier, he seemed positive about getting you through it, without a conviction hopefully even."

All I cared about was that little Penny was sitting comfortably on my lap, playing with my beard having forgotten about my outburst at the mower. The rest could sort itself out. These people were the important thing.

Sunday morning, we were sitting on the front steps before leaving to go back into town ready for the coming week, when a white car started in down beneath the Jacaranda trees. Silently, we all waited for the unexpected visitor, who turned out to be a smartly dressed short lady with a curt looking smile.

"Mrs Constance Hiles?" She snapped from beside her vehicle.

"That's me. Constance Boland. Formerly, Hiles."

"You've been served." She struts over and pushes a large envelope into Connie's hands then promptly returns to her vehicle and leaves.

Collectively, we all sit suspended in disbelief watching the car drive back down to the gate.

"Who was that lady?" Penny asks me.

"I don't know, darling."

"She was mean."

"I'll call Gregory." Terry says, rising to go inside. "Again."

Much later, Uncle Greg sits with Connie and I and explains. "Divorce papers. You probably expected them. It's been a year now. Good that he commenced, saves you some cost. This is concerning though."

He taps at some papers and Connie is pissed, "He's not even her father. How can he expect access? After everything he did, even?"

"The courts view it differently. He was a father figure for some time, and they acknowledge that relationship."

"He's just trying to get at me."

"Quite possibly. His statement includes references to illegal drug use by family members and firearms offences committed by Gordon. I'm suspicious of his early knowledge of your charges. I think it's time you cleaned out your shed of weed, Terry, and it's high time that I went fishing."

"Fishing?" Terry asks.

"Yes. Fishing." He picks up his phone and dials a number and places it down on the desk on speaker.

"Mr Ackinclose's office. How can I help?"

"Hi Vicky, Greg Boland."

"Hi Greg. I'll put you straight through."

"Assistant Commissioner Ackinclose, good afternoon."

"It's Greg, mate. What are you up to next weekend? The fish are biting out at the dam and I'm short a-"

"Greg mate. I'd love to come. I was just talking to Wendy about you the other day and saying we should get up there before Easter. Is everything okay? You usually just message me."

"I have some family in a bit of a pickle. I'd like to ask you a few procedural and internal questions. But fishing first and we can talk about the other business over a few rums."

"Be there with bells on. Wendy will be excited. She has a terrible crush on you, young fella."

"See you Saturday sometime, Frosty."

They hang up and Greg tells us, "It helps to know the Assistant Commissioner of Police sometimes. I'll see if we can get to the bottom of this. I've a feeling your ex has bitten off a little more than he can chew, Constance. Leave things with me. I'll talk to you next week sometime. Just don't panic kids. The wheels are really big, but they're also really slow. We'll work this out."

We lay in bed the three of us that night. Penny, Connie and I, and sleep was hard to find. It felt a little like the wolf had come to the door.

~*~

Police searched Terry's home and shed the following Wednesday morning. They seized the wooden replica guns that he had attached to the Bren Gun Carrier and some old inert artillery shells. Thankfully he'd got rid of his 'devil's lettuce' as he calls it, and Greg was able to be present for the search after a few phone calls. The wooden guns were returned with an apology from the local Senior Sergeant who usually rode in the vehicles at Anzac Day parades, on the Thursday. At least Terry avoided charges.

Both Connie and I were breath tested and drug tested at least twice each that week on our way to and from work and we'd seen the police car patrolling our street on more than one occasion. I thought perhaps I was being a little paranoid, but Connie told me to keep my guard up.

"He's an obsessive control freak. I wouldn't put it past him to do something really dumb. You've no idea how much he hates the idea that I've moved on and gotten happy. It would be eating him up. And now Greg's filed objections to the family court matters about Penny, he'll be seething."

I thought perhaps she was a little too convinced of his potential. After all, we'd done nothing wrong and police just can't misuse their powers.

At my first appearance in the town court, I pleaded guilty to unlawful possession of a firearm. The circumstances of how my father's gun was left at the house when they moved into their Toowoomba retirement home was given to the court, along with my clean record and I left with a fifteen hundred dollar fine and no conviction recorded which was the most important thing to me.

"I'm so sorry honey." She told me one night as we lay in sweaty afterglow.

"What for?"

"I feel like it's my fault you got searched and charged. Same with Dad. I come with all this bloody baggage. How can you just keep... so calm and cruisy? Wouldn't it be easier to just... go back to how you were? You always seemed so happy and content. Then we come along, and everything is upside down for you. You must be crazy."

"Ha. Crazy about you... Seriously, I guess I finally found that 'more than ordinary' I've always believed in and a few little ups and downs aren't enough to scare me off."

"A violent cop ex-husband who uses the system to get us all raided? That's a bit more than a little up and down."

"Oh, and there's always the er... 'up and down'. I'm really kinda enjoying all the up and down." I waggle my eyebrows at her.

"Herpes?" She bops my head with her closed fist. "Anyone home in there? How did I deserve you?"

"Shut up, sappy. You've woken me up from a sleepy lifestyle of average. I'm trying hard to step up and be the man that you and Penny deserve. You've given me a reason to be a better person and I promised myself that I'd give it everything it took. Don't bug out on me just because it starts getting tough. I'll be right here beside you."

"I kinda wish I didn't need you. Didn't need the 'rescuing'. I always wanted to be the queen, not the damsel in distress."

"Meh... One day I'll need rescuing and you can saddle up a white horse and carry me off to your ivory tower. For now, we just hold on to each other, set our feet in the dirt and stand our ground. I've never been a fighter. Never been a tough guy. Don't expect any Schwarzenegger action from me, but I've got your back so long as you have mine. We'll be okay."

We fall silent with that and study our own thoughts.

"Mostly I try just to be the person that Penny thinks I am." I tell her.

"Me too." She kisses my jaw and yawns. "Me too, honey."

~*~

"Daddy Blue?"

"Penny?"

"Can I call you, 'Daddy Blue'?"

"You already did."

"It's okay?"

"I like it."

"I'm only going to call you Daddy Blue if you promise not to go away."

"Oh... That's a big one."

"I know. Mummy might get cranky with you and then I'd be alone with her again."

"Oh... Bugger."

"Hmm." She thinks.

"It's your birthday next week." I am clearly looking for an easy way out.