Big Bang Theory Season 07 Ep. 08-09

Author's note: The series continues with this season 7, episode 8. The series doesn't reset, but follows the show's story sequence.

Author's second note: There wasn't anything exceptional going on in episode 8, but the following is a summary of what occurred:

The episode begins with Penny staring at the dartboard. She asks Leonard if they ever played with the dartboard and he told her they did, but not before breaking the window at the other end of the living room.

Sheldon asks Leonard if he knows where his Skee-Ball tickets are. He looks in their junk box he pulled from their closet. In that junk box he found a DVD he promised Sheldon he would return in that box. He was supposed to return the DVD seven years ago.

Leonard asks Sheldon not to flip out, and Sheldon agrees, but to make him feel the way he does, he asks Leonard to wear the itchy sweater until he returns the DVD. He told Leonard wearing the itchy sweater he would realize how he feels when things are not resolved. Leonard agrees, but finds out the DVD store went out of business, the owner is dead and there isn't any living next-of-kin. While all of this is happening, Leonard gets a severe rash that covers his chest and back.

Sheldon eventually tells Leonard he had discovered the DVD and paid the fine years before, and that he just wanted him to learn the lesson.

Penny stumbles upon Lucy while bartending at the Cheesecake Factory and confronts her about breaking up with him through an e-mail.

Lucy calls Raj to have coffee to apologize. Raj hopes they can get back together, but Lucy reveals she is now dating someone else.

Penny feels sorry for creating the problem and sets Raj up with one of her girlfriends. At the date, Raj once again goes bananas and the date ends up bad.

The episode ended with Penny berating Raj after getting the same from her girlfriend.

***

A couple days later, Leonard, Penny, Sheldon and Raj are in his apartment. Leonard stares at Sheldon's white board and turned to Penny, "All of the math is there, it's not real."

Penny nods her head, "Yes, it is!"

Sheldon points to the diagram on the board, "Look, it is scientifically impossible for a person to tip a cow." She turned to Raj and shook her head. Sheldon added, "Even you, with your stocky build and lumberjack shoulders, you couldn't do it."

Penny gave Sheldon a disgusted look and Raj turned towards her, "It's horrible. Why would you push a cow over? They're sacred."

She was getting pissed off, "Oh, stop it! I've seen you eat, like, a million hamburgers."

"Hey, an animal can be both sacred and delicious."

She looked to Leonard, "Look, I'm telling you I've done it, okay? I clearly remember the cow standing up and then the cow was on its side."

Leonard chuckled, "Were you drunk?"

"I was sixteen in Nebraska. What do you think?"

He nodded, "I think you're the one who fell over."

She scoffed, "That would explain why the sky was also on its side."

Howard came into the apartment, "Hey!"

She turned to him, "Howard, cow tipping: real or not?"

"I'm going to say...not! That's just based on me trying to roll my mom over when she's snoring. Speaking of that big side of beef, she's invited all of you to Thanksgiving at her house."

Sheldon turned away from his whiteboard, "Mmmm, you know, I've been told that a bald refusal of an invitation is rude and one must instead offer up a polite excuse, so...I'd love to go, but, unfortunately, that sounds awful."

"Come on, it'll be fun."

Penny stands up, "We were actually going to do it here."

"Please? Bernadette's bringing her dad, because her mom's out of town, and I never have anything to say to that guy."

Sheldon chuckled, "Since you put it that way, I'd love to go, but that sounds even more awful."

Leonard chimed in, "It'd actually be nice to not hear Sheldon complain about my cooking all day." He turned to Penny, "I want to go."

She came sat on the arm of his chair, "Yeah, me too."

Raj added, "I'm in."

Howard looked up, "Sheldon?"

He groans, "Fine, I'll go. But if her food is delicious, Thanksgiving is ruined, and it's on you!" He points towards Leonard.

Thanksgiving morning arrives and Leonard and Sheldon are dressed in shirts, ties and jackets, while Amy and Penny have on fashionable dresses. Even Amy's turquoise flowered dress isn't ugly for once. It's of a silky, flowing material and the full skirt shows off her legs nicely.

Penny is wearing a black patterned dress with short sleeves and the skirt, just like Amy's is full, but ends higher on her legs, showing off her knees and shapely calves. Her blonde hair is pulled back in a high, tight bun, exposing the delicate neck.

The four of them are eating hor d'oeuvres before headed over to Howard's mother's house. As always, Sheldon is complaining, "Do we have to go to Mrs. Wolowitz's house?"

Amy walked over to him, "We do, and I expect you to be on your best behavior." She sat down beside him.

"Now I know how the African slaves felt; being dragged from their homes to labor under the yoke of the white man."

She let out a disgusted breath of air, "Are you honestly comparing Thanksgiving dinner at Wolowitz's mom's with one of the greatest tragedies in the history of mankind?"

He pouted and replied, "Yes!"

Penny and Leonard were still in the kitchen and she yelled out to him, "Sheldon, you can have a nice Thanksgiving anywhere. I spent one in Vegas."

Leonard looked to her, "You did?"

"Yeah, it was back when I was dating Zack. It was actually more fun than I thought. We gambled; we went to one of those cheesy wedding chapels; we had a really good turkey dinner. Which was surprising, since we were at a strip club."

She sat down in the living room and Leonard joined her, "Wait, you went to a chapel?"

She giggled, "Yeah."

"Why?"

She continued to chuckle, "We had one of those silly fake weddings."

Leonard, Sheldon and Amy looked at her with concern. Finally Leonard spoke out, "Penny, you know those are real, right?"

She scoffed, "No, they're not!" She burst out laughing.

"Yeah, they are!"

She looked up at him, now with concern and in a questionable tone added, "No, they're not?"

He nodded, "Yeah, they are."

Sheldon added, "He's right."

Amy chuckled, "They're real!"

She was suddenly somber, "But it...didn't seem real."

Sheldon raised a finger, "Let me ask you a question. At any point, was Las Vegas on its side?" He tipped his head and she sat there silent and her jaw hit the floor.

At Mrs. Wolowitz's house, Bernadette answered the door. She looked amazing her long blonde hair was curled and wavy, draped over her shoulders and resting on the upper levels of her large breasts. She was wearing a bright red patterned dress buttoned from the waist to the vee-neck. Her skirt, just like Amy and Penny's was full, showing off her shapely legs too. She was smiling brightly as she greeted her guest, "Hi Dad!"

"Um, hi honey!" He gave her a kiss and walked in carrying two six packs of beer.

"Oh, you brought beer for everybody."

He looked at them, "Okay, yeah, it's for everybody. I really just wanted to have a nice, quiet day at home and watch the game."

She looked up at him, "You can have a quiet day and watch the game here."

From upstairs came Mrs. Wolowitz's voice, "Howard, the medicine's not working!"

Howard yelled back, "You just took it. At least let it reach your first stomach!" He came down the stairs, "Hey, Mike, let me help you out, there!" He grabbed the beers from Mike."

"Thanks, what's wrong with your mom?"

"Oh, her gout's flaring up. Turns out an apple pie a day doesn't keep the doctor away."

Bernie looked to Howard, "I guess we're going to have to do all the cooking."

"I have a better idea."

"If you think you're going to make me do all this by myself, you're crazy."

Howard scoffed, "I was going to make Raj do it all by himself."

She smiled broadly, "Oh! Well! That's a great idea!"

Leonard, Penny, Sheldon and Amy were in Leonard's car heading to Mrs. Wolowitz's home. The tension in the car was so thick; it could be cut with a knife.

Amy tried to ease it as she leaned forward from the back seat, "No traffic, we're sailing."

Sheldon added, "Yes, like we're on a ship; coming from Africa to America."

She stared at him, "Sheldon, that's completely inappropriate. You can't keep comparing yourself to a slave."

He turned away, looking out the car window, "Yes, Miss Amy!"

Leonard finally spoke, "I can't believe you're married to that idiot."

Penny felt bad enough, "Would you stop it? We just did it as a goof."

"Well, a goof or not, you're actually married. You need to get this taken care of."

She was getting pissed, "I will, why are you making this such a big deal?"

Sheldon added his two cents, "Oh! I have a reason. It could be because you said yes to marrying Zack, but every time Leonard's proposed, he's gotten a resounding no. That's just off the top of my head."

She looked to Leonard, "SO how do I undo this?"

Leonard had a frown on his face, "I'm hoping you can get an annulment, so it's just like it never happened."

"Great, well, what do I have to do?"

Amy was googling it on her phone, "It says here you can get an annulment if any of the following conditions are met. "Were you unable to consummate the marriage?"

Sheldon blurted out a loud laugh, "Penny? Next!"

Penny was really getting pissed; she rolled her eyes and bit her lip.

Amy continued, "Is there any evidence of fraud, bigamy, want of understanding?"

Penny looked towards Leonard, "Want of understanding" What does that even mean?"

Amy giggled, "DING! DING! DING! We have a winner!"

Back in the Wolowitz kitchen Raj was wearing an apron as Bernie and Howard tried helping him. She unloaded a bag of food, "Thanks for saving the day, Raj."

He turned towards her, "No problem, it wouldn't be Thanksgiving without an Indian providing the food. Now, where does your mom keep the Crisco?"

Howard shrugged his shoulders, "Oh, I don't know; probably in a wad in her cheek."

Bernie put a pan on the stove, "I'll help Raj in here. Why don't you go keep my dad company?"

"Oh, he doesn't want me in there. I'm the creepy little guy who has sex with his daughter."

She flashed him a sly smile, Keep that up Howie and you just may get lucky later, Raj too. One other thing, you're being silly, my dad loves you."

He scoffed, "Does he?"

"Okay. He cares about you a lot."

"Really?"

She was getting pissed and yelled back at him using his mother's voice, "I do crap for you all the time, Get out there!"

He did and he took a seat on the sofa near Mike while they watched football, "So your wife's in Arizona with the grandkids?"

Mike nodded, "Uh-huh."

Howard tried again, "You know, my mom's been to Arizona. She rode one of those mules down in the Grand Canyon. Long story short, they had to shoot it."

Mike looked over at him with a big frown on his face.

Howard clutched his hands together, "Because she's so fat." He was saved when the doorbell rang, "I'll get the door while you finish laughing." He opened the door to the four other guests, "Hey guys, Happy Thanksgiving!"

Sheldon looked over his shoulder, "It smells wonderful, is anyone slaving away in the kitchen? Because, I too, know--"

Amy nudged his arm, "Sheldon!"

Penny handed him a bottle of wine, everyone knew she was pissed, "Here! Thank you for having us." She walked past him without another word.

Howard looked at her as she passed, "What's with you?"

Leonard stepped in, "She's mad at me because she just found out she's married to Zack."

Howard was stunned, "Really? That dumb-ass you used to date?" He chuckled and tried to keep from laughing, "That's hysterical!"

Penny was shooting darts at Howard with her eyes and with venom in her voice she blurted out, "I can't believe I felt bad for opening that wine in the car. " She grabbed it from Howard and went into the house.

Amy entered the kitchen, "You need any help?"

Raj was frantic, "Yeah, can you reach that gravy boat up there?"

"Uh, sure!"

"Great, that makes one of you." Bernadette turned and gave him a dirty look. He began barking out orders, "Okay we have a lot to do and not much time to do it. Bernadette, you're on corn, gravy and yam detail. Amy, you're on rolls, cranberries and making sure Bernadette stays away from the marshmallows." He points towards her, "That's right, I see you! Okay, if you have any questions, I'll be over here basting my ass off. Focus is key."

Amy nodded, "Did you guys know Penny married Zack three years ago?"

Both Raj and Bernadette turned and replied, "What?" It was hard to hear Bernie, her mouth was stuffed full of marshmallows.

Back in the living room the mood was tense. Mike ignored everyone; he was too involved with watching the football game, while Penny sat there drinking her wine. Leonard was pacing, checking his phone for info on annulments. He came over to Penny. "I found the court papers that you and Zack need to fill out. "I'll print them when we get home."

She took another gulp of her wine, "Fine!"

"And we can just put this whole think behind us."

She was furious, she gritted her teeth, "ARE YOU DONE?!"

He stared down at her, "What?"

"Look, I get it, I screwed up. Is this all we're going to talk about the rest of the day?"

"Why are you mad at me? You're the one that did the stupid thing. I'm just trying to fix this."

She let out a loud groan, "I need some air!" She stood up and ran from the house.

"Well...Penny!"

Sheldon sat there watching the football game and he commented, "Now, I don't know the first thing about women, but I would not follow her."

Mike looked up at Leonard who was standing beside him, "Listen to Stretch!" He reached out and pushed Leonard back, he was partially blocking the TV.

"How am I the bad guy? She's the one who married someone else. I'm the victim."

Howard chuckled, "Sounds like Zack's the victim, you're sleeping with his wife."

Mike finally spoke up, "I've kept my marriage together for 35 years. Can I weigh in here?"

Leonard stared down at him, "Sure!"

"I'm trying to watch the game, shut up!" He let out a groan and yelled at the TV, "How do they not make a first down there?"

Sheldon was watching too, "They passed against a nickel defense. They should have run it off-tackle."

Both Howard and Mike turned and stared at him and Mike replied, "How the hell do you know that?"

"My father loved football. He always made me watch it before I was allowed to do my homework."

Penny came rushing back into the house, "Well, you'll be happy to know I just spoke to Zack and he's willing to sign the court papers. He's on his way here now."

Now it was Leonard's turn to be pissed, "Wait, you invited him here?" She was typing a text into her phone, "Yeah."

Mike looked over his shoulder, "I'm getting ready to weigh in again."

Leonard grabbed her arm, "Come on." They left the room.

Mike leaned over and looked to Sheldon, "What do you think they ought to do now?"

Sheldon sat there with his arms crossed, bored to tears, "I would throw a quick slant to a wide-out, given that the defense is showing blitz."

Howard tried to weigh in, "Oh, I love a good blitz, especially with sour cream." Both Mike and Sheldon stared at him. He chuckled, "Get it? Because it sounds like "blintz"

Leonard had Penny alone in the dining room, "I just don't understand why you invited him here today."

"Because you wouldn't shut up about it. When I called him, he had nothing to do, so I just thought it would--"

Raj swung open the kitchen door, "Hey, guys, I'm trying to cook in here."

Penny nodded, "Oh, sorry, we'll keep it down."

"No, no, speak up. I'm about to use the blender, and I don't want to miss anything."

Leonard looked over Penny's shoulder, "Well, you might have to cook for one more because she invited Zack."

Two voices came from the kitchen, both Amy and Bernadette screamed out, "WHAT?"

Raj stared at them, "My, my, the plot... like my gravy, thickens." He slowly returned to the kitchen.

Back in the living room Mike downed more of his beer, "You remember the Thanksgiving game when it snowed in Dallas?"

Sheldon nodded, "Nineteen-ninety three, Leon Lett blew the game in the final seconds and the Dolphins emerged victorious. Then I finally got to do my calculus."

Mike smiled, "I was so pissed, I wanted to shoot my TV."

"So was my dad. And then he did."

Howard stood up, "Anyone need a beer?"

Mike called out, "Yeah."

He chuckled, "Thank God."

Mike moved closer to Sheldon, "So, does your dad still live in Texas?"

"No, he died when I was 14."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"So was the man who owned the local liquor store. He cried and cried."

Howard came back in and handed Mike another beer, "Here you go."

Mike took it, "Thanks." He turned to Sheldon, "So, if your dad died when you were 14, you were never old enough to have a beer with the man."

"No, sir, he did try to give me one for my high school graduation, but I was 11 and my mom said, no."

"Well, you're having one with me." He popped open the one Howard just handed him and held it out to Sheldon.

Sheldon nodded and took it, "All right."

Mike raised his beer, "To your dad."

Howard moved closer to Mike and he whispered, "I never had a beer with my dad either."

Sheldon shook his head, "Do you mind? We're having a moment here."

Howard sat back feeling dejected.

Back in the kitchen Amy turned towards Raj and Bernie, "I can't believe Penny's married to Zack."

Raj moved around still trying to complete the meal, "I wonder what she saw in that guy."

Bernie was mashing the yams, "I don't know, he's sweet, he's tall, handsome."

Amy added, "Broad shoulders, good hair and from what Penny told me earlier, had a very large package."

Raj turned back from the stove, "Hmm, wonder what she sees in Leonard."

Howard came walking in dejected and Bernie turned back, "How's it going out there?"

"Sheldon and your dad are bonding and completely ignoring me."

Amy was working on the cranberries, "I know how you feel. Sheldon ignored me for a week when he got that Roomba vacuum. I kick it when he's not looking."

Bernie continued, "What are they doing?"

"They're drinking beer and watching football."

"So why don't you do that with them?"

"They don't want me."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Sheldon started talking about how his dad isn't alive anymore, and they were toasting, and I tried to tell them about how sad I was when my dad abandoned---"

The doorbell rang and Amy and Bernadette made a mad dash for the door yelling out, "Zack's here!"

Bernadette came rushing back in, "Sorry, I really want to hear how sad you are. I'll be back in, like, five, ten minutes." She grabbed another marshmallow and hurried back out to see Zack.

They all stood watching in the dining room. Leonard printed off the papers for Zack to sign, "Sorry she made you come over here on a holiday."

He stared at Penny, "It's all right, I didn't have anything going on. Plus, Penny told me we're married, and Thanksgiving's a time to be with family."

Penny rolled her eyes, "Yeah, okay great. Can we just get this over with?"

Leonard pointed to the paper on the table, "Yeah, you guys have to sign here and here. On Monday, we'll file for the annulment, and this "marriage" will be over."

Penny signed it and handed Zack the pen, "Okay"

Zack held up his hands, "I don't know if I want to sign it."

Leonard looked at him, "Why won't you sign it?"

"I just think splitting up can be rough on kids."

Penny stared at him dumbfounded, "We don't have any kids."

"Are you sure? Because you didn't know we were married until this morning."