Comforting the Brothers Pt. 05

Comforting the Brothers- Part 5

Sorry for the delay for some reason it took a long time for the submission to be published.

A painful anniversary passes, and Lana continues to find support and feel more comfortable with who she is. Parts six and the final, part seven will hopefully be posted soon.

I woke up in the morning surprised I had slept soundly. After a quick breakfast of coffee, toast, and yogurt I headed to the shower. I spent a long time in it enjoying the hot water.

I spent a little extra time on my makeup. I wanted it to be perfect but also subtle. I then put my hair up in a tight bun to comply with our regulation for appearance in a dress uniform.

I put on a comfortable but supportive white bra with a touch of lace and a light pink thong were next before rolling my sheer pantyhose up my legs. I slipped on a white tailored uniform shirt adding a crossover tie. Then pulled my uniform skirt on and buttoned and zippered it, followed by stepping into the black patent leather heels. After my outer blouse was on, I looked in the mirror. I was happy with what I saw.

I picked my phone up and ordered a Lyft. I knew parking was going to be a problem so I figured I would just be dropped off near headquarters. One was nearby and said it would be here in five minutes.

I grabbed my uniform hat and small black purse dropping my keys and phone into it along with a little makeup and a lot of tissues. I walked out of the condo and started down the stairs. I was halfway down when I heard Christine's door open. I took a deep breath thinking I was going to see Mark.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I saw it was Christine. She was shocked to see me, I think. She gave me a look over as we both stopped before stepping onto the walkway.

"Good morning." I said nervously.

"Good morning. I am really sorry you have to go to the memorial today." She said sincerely.

"Thank you. I am too but I am happy that they are remembering them." I told her. "Are you off today?"

"Dentist appointment. Took a half day sick day." She responded.

"Oh... I am sorry you have to go to that today." I forced a smile.

Christine laughed a little then stepped forward and gave me a hug. "I will be thinking about you today."

"Thanks." I said returning it.

We stepped apart and looked at each other awkwardly.

"Look... I... want us to be friends again... and Mark told me some of what you two talked about yesterday and it helped me understand a little better..." She looked like she was thinking about what to say next.

"I want us to be friend also... I know what I did isn't forgivable..." It was my turn not to know what to say.

"You and Mark need to be careful... just don't rush things okay. If it is meant to be then it is meant to be... I just... well I am not sure either of you is in a good spot emotionally right now. I need to go so I won't be late." She moved quickly to her car.

I didn't respond and walked slowly to the Honda Accord that had just pulled up. After confirming I was her pick up, I got in and we headed off. The driver attempted to make small talk, but I was distracted by Christine's comment.

I wondered exactly what Mark had told her about our conversation yesterday? Unfortunately, I knew what she had said was true. I also knew that while Mark had said the right things about forgiveness yesterday, saying them and truly feeling them were two different things.

I was right about parking. It was an hour before the ceremony and traffic was already terrible. I had the driver drop me off a couple blocks away and started walking towards the ceremony.

When I turned onto the street headquarters was located on, I heard my name called and turned back to see Brianne, she was with two other women in their dress uniforms. I stopped and they caught up with me.

"Lana, I would like you to meet Kayla, she works with me and is also the vice-president of the Metro Area LBGTQ Police and Fire Advocacy Council and is fellow fitness badass." Brianne said with a smile.

"Nice to meet you. Thank you for your work on the council. You all do good things, and it means a lot to us that fall under that umbrella." I smiled at her.

"And this is Brandi. She retired from our department and has only been wearing a skirt as part of her uniform for maybe a year, at least out in public." Brianne laughed.

Brandi blushed deeply. "Actually, this is the first time I have ever worn a skirt as a part of my uniform. The quartermaster was a little surprised at my request and even more surprised when I showed up to pick it up. I looked different than when I retired."

"Well, you look very good now and you look comfortable in it. Although you need a new name plate since you don't go by Brad when you are wearing it." I smiled at her. "Thank you all for coming today. I know everyone in my department appreciates the support."

"Of course." Kayla and Brianne said at the same time.

"It was nice to meet you two. Maybe I will see you at a council event sometime. I need to find the spot I am supposed to be in." I told them.

I moved closer and saw patches on the uniform sleeves for departments all over the area. There was supposed to be a section in the front for our department members and I pushed through the growing crowd to locate it.

"Lana, over here." I heard a familiar voice call my name and turned and saw Josh waving to me.

I felt some butterflies in my stomach as headed toward him. This was the first time I had seen him since we had hooked up a few days ago.

"There is a reserved area for the Rescue One people in the very front, behind the families." He told me as his hand grabbed my elbow and led towards it.

"I am not assigned to Rescue One and neither are you?" I said a little confused.

"Current and alumni." His hand had dropped down and was now holding mine as we moved closer to the front.

When we got there, we began to see guys from our department and pushed through to the front. I saw a couple of interesting grins and smiles appear on their faces as they saw me and Josh together. We finally reached the area for the members of Rescue One and took our place in line with them.

The ceremony lasted just about an hour. The honor guard presented the colors, the National Anthem was sung, then the mayor spoke before the monument was unveiled. After that the chief gave an amazing speech and the families of Captain Tyler, Frank and Lester laid flowers at the base of the monument.

A preacher offered a prayer, followed by taps on a trumpet, then the pipes and drum band played Amazing Grace. It was at that point I was digging in my purse for the tissues I had brought. As the crowd started to disperse a round of bro hugs started through the ranks.

Except there were no bro hugs for me, starting with Josh, every member gave me a full hug. I realized that they were acknowledging I was a woman. This caused more tears to flow, and I knew my makeup was being ruined. I also had the thought that being acknowledged like this meant a lot more to me than them wanting to have sex with me.

Sean stepped over and hugged me. "Are you going over to the firehouse?"

"Yes, just for short visit." I told him.

"Can we walk over together." He asked.

"Of course." I smiled at him.

We started in the direction of Rescue One's firehouse and Big Joe stepped in front of me and wrapped me in his arms and lifted me up. When he set me back down on my feet, I punched his arm and smiled at him. He wrapped an arm around me, and we kept walking.

I saw Smitty moving over to us. I was a little worried about seeing him. It would be the first time we had seen each other up close since last year after the threesome in the basement of the firehouse.

"Lana, your makeup is a wreck." He laughed heartily.

"And I wanted to look my prettiest when I saw you." I smiled and laughed back.

I stepped away from Big Joe and gave Smitty a hug that he returned then we all kept walking. As we funneled out of the ceremony area, counselors from the behavioral group were handing out small leaflets. The cover advertised that they were offering a walk-in service all day today if a member wanted it. I took one and shoved it in my purse.

Rescue One's fire house was draped in black bunting. The door to the apparatus bay was open to make it easy for the members to funnel in. There was water, sodas, and snacks laid out on the table. I told the guys I needed to use the little girl's room.

The bathroom on this level was unisex and I stepped in and peed first. When that was done, I got my panties, pantyhose, and skirt situated before looking in the mirror. I dug into my purse and with a little work I was able to get my makeup fixed and look presentable.

Stepping out I quickly found Big Joe and the others and walked back to them. They all smiled when they saw I had fixed my makeup. Smitty asked me and Josh about how things were going at Rescue Two. Big Joe complained about us taking half their work from them. It felt good being with this group.

After about thirty minutes of small talk Big Joe said he needed to get going soon but wanted us to go down to the dungeon first. I felt a nervousness grow in my stomach about that idea but didn't want to let him down. We all walked through the kitchen and headed down the stairs. I saw some smirks on other firemen's faces as we did.

When we got to the table, I realized that the only person in the group I hadn't had sex with was Big Joe. Joe set a glass on the table for each of us and then filled them generously with Jameson. Smitty looked around anxiously before giving me a grin.

It was interesting that Josh's face didn't portray anything. Sean's face showed something, annoyance, nervousness, I couldn't read it. He looked uncomfortable for some reason and every time I glanced at him, I could tell he was looking at me.

We all picked our glasses up. I remembered the last time and how my nails had stood out against the glass compared to the men. It was the same this time.

"To Captain Tyler." Joe said.

We all raised our glass and repeated that in unison before swigging the whisky down.

Also like the last time my lipstick prints stood out when the glasses were set back on the table. Big Joe again filled them all, this time just as generously, and I realized if we were going to do this three times, I was going to be a little drunk when we were done.

We did repeat that toast two more times and my skin felt flush when it was done. I looked around the room and everyone's face had a look of sorrow on it. Big Joe stepped over to me and hugged me tightly. He then gave a bro hug or back slap to the others and headed up the stairs.

When the door closed there was a silence and tension in the room and I realized all three of the men were looking at me. It wasn't lost to me that they were wondering if it was only the toast that would be repeated from last year. I guess Josh thought if I was willing to participate in a threesome, why would I care about one more guy being a part of it.

"Guys... all of you have helped me, in different ways, to deal with my hurt, anger, and guilt about the fire. I appreciate that... and I thank you." I said, moving my eyes to each one of them. "My... uh... activities down here last year though also cost me deeply. I can't repeat that."

I moved over to Smitty and kissed his cheek before hugging him and he hugged me back, when I stepped back and looked at him it appeared he was disappointed.

Sean was next and we repeated the kiss on the cheek and the hug, he seemed to squeeze me a little tighter and hold me a little longer. When I stepped back the look on his face was one of relief and happiness, there was something going on that I couldn't read.

The last one was Josh, and he kissed my cheek also then gave my ass a quick squeeze and he hugged me.

"Lou... that is the last time you get to do that, okay." I smiled at him.

"Yep... it is why I did it." He laughed.

I reached in my purse and got my phone out and ordered a Lyft. I moved to the stairs and then turned back to the guys still standing at the table.

"Enjoy watching my ass and legs as I walk up the stairs and feel free to use that as motivation later when you are alone.... or now if you want, you can do the things I did for you with each other, pretend it is me doing it." I gave them a big wink and laughed.

I was happy to hear their laughter as I headed up the stairs. I saw some surprised looks on the faces of the men in the kitchen and as I walked through the apparatus bay, I loved hearing my heels on the concrete floor.

I stood on the concrete ramp in front of the firehouse and checked the status of my Lyft. It said it was three minutes away.

"Hey Lana."

I turned and saw Sean walking quickly towards me. He stopped when he got close and looked a little uncomfortable.

"Hey Sean... are you okay... you look something..." I said to him.

"Uh... yea... I am fine. Listen, I know this isn't a great time to chat about this but... I thought a little about you saying the other night that I could have texted you and let you know I wanted to see you." He said a little nervously.

"Yes... Uh..." I started to respond not certain where he was going with it.

"Could we... maybe have dinner or something sometime... like I would pick you up at your place and go out somewhere?" He said very quickly.

"Oh... like an actual date?" I asked surprised.

"Yes."

"Wow... I am really flattered... If you had asked last week I would have said yes without hesitating. My ex-fiancé got back in town on Saturday, and I think... well we are talking and... I don't know what that means but I don't want to... I guess complicate it right now." I told him with a little grin at the end.

"Oh wow... a little disappointed... but happy for you... honestly." His tone was sincere. "If... well... never mind... I will wish you the best."

My Lyft pulled up right then. I gestured so he would know I was the person he was picking up. Then turned back to Sean.

"Thank you. That meant a lot to me. Really. And it means a lot that you wanted to ask me out." I told him and gave him a hug.

I turned again and got in the car and confirmed my destination as my home address. I opened my purse to put my phone back and saw the flyer in it and pulled it out. I was still a little in shock by what Sean had just said.

I looked through it quickly and then closed it and got ready to put I back when I read the part about walk in services today. We were at a traffic light, so I called out to the driver.

"Excuse me. Can I change my destination? I would like to go here instead." I handed him the flyer and pointed to the address.

"Yep... not a problem." He punched the info into his app.

It was about a fifteen-minute drive to the Health and Wellness center and the driver pulled up to front doors. I nervously got out of the car thanking the driver for the ride. I stood on the sidewalk and eventually willed myself to step forward enter into the Health Center.

I was familiar with the check in area and lobby area. This was where you entered for your yearly physical, or post injury treatment, and for mental wellness services. I checked in and was told to wait right there.

Minutes later a woman opened the door and asked if I wanted to go with her. Truthfully, I still wasn't sure I wanted to go but her smile had won me over and followed her down the hallway into a room.

"Hi I am Carol. Have a seat if you want. Did you go to the service? I heard it was very moving and very emotional." She said exuding both warmness and empathy.

"Yes... and it was that." I told her flatly.

"I am sorry you had to go to it, but I hope it brought some comfort to the families and the brothers and sisters of the Captain Tyler, Frank and Lester." Her tone was completely sincere.

I didn't say anything and turned and looked out the window. I was surprised at how much I liked her already and I was also surprised that I wasn't really sure why I was sitting in her office.

"This is your first visit with us, right? Can you tell me why you decided to come in today? It is okay if you don't know."

"I guess... I came in because I feel like I am supposed to be here... and I want to stop feeling guilty, I want to stop hating myself, I want to get some control back into my life... but mostly I came in because people I love wanted me too." I said as my emotions built.

"Okay... well I am glad you are here... and I hope we can help you with all or some that." She smiled at me.

I left an hour later. There was no miracle cure, and a lot of that hour was spent with me telling her my medical history including some of the steps in my transition. We had scheduled another appointment in two days.

Instead of a Lyft I had asked my sister to pick me up. She had texted me to tell me she was thinking about me and ask if I needed anything.

"I was surprised that this is where you told me to pick you up. But it was a happy surprise." She said as I climbed into the car. "Uh... do all the women firefighters look that good in their dress uniforms? I am not sure I am happy about Jimmy being around you all if they do."

"Thanks for doing this. And thanks for the last two days... and with the way Jimmy looks at you I don't think it would matter if all the women firefighters were naked, he wouldn't notice. Plus, have you seen how your scrubs fit your ass? He is the one that should be worried." I laughed.

She drove me to my condo as I gave her a brief synopsis of my session with the therapist. She was really happy when I told her I had a follow up appointment in two days. When we got to my place I asked if she wanted to come in and order a pizza. I just realized I hadn't eaten since breakfast, and it was almost six o'clock now.

When I opened the door to the condo, I smelt the aroma of food cooking. I slowly stepped in and looked over at my dining room table and saw that it had been set. A bottle of wine was on it and flowers.

I stepped into the kitchen and sauce was simmering on the stove, water was in pot next to it, and garlic bread was on the counter.

I heard a door opening in my condo and turned around and saw Mark step out of the bathroom. He smiled when he saw me and then looked shocked when he saw Sally.

"Okay... well Lana if you can grab that lipstick I want to borrow, I will get out of here. Looks like you have nice evening ahead of you." She said quickly.

"What?" I asked confused.

"The lipstick you said I could borrow while we were on the way over so I could drop you off and leave." Her facial expression urged me to understand.

I was still too surprised to see Mark in my condo, dinner cooking, and the table set to pick up on what she was saying.

"Sorry... I didn't mean to shock you... I just wanted to... I wanted to... I don't know..." Mark blurted out.

"Uh... um... lipstick?" I turned back to Sally.

"Yea... I need to go. Turns out I don't really need that lipstick after all. You all have a great night." Sally laughed and walked backward to the door.

Mark and I watched her walk out the door and then turned back and faced each other. I am not sure if either of us knew what exactly to say to each other at this moment. He finally broke the silence.

"I... still had my key and I thought... I don't know... I shouldn't have assumed it would be okay. Look... let's have a glass of wine, eat dinner, and just see how that goes. Okay?" He added a slight grin.

"Can I go change first? I feel... overdressed... not overdressed... just not dressed... right? Or something." I said nervously, still shocked that Mark was in my condo cooking dinner.

"Sure... take this with you." He had poured two glasses of wine and handed me one.

I took it and gave him a smile, when I got to the bedroom, I looked back. A part of me had hoped he would follow me and now my mind was fighting whether I should close the door as I changed. A year ago, I wouldn't have closed it, but a lot had changed.