Deepa's Decline

"How so?" Deepa quizzed.

"I guarantee there are plenty of guys in your workplace that look at you in less than honorable ways."

"Forget them, they're just sleazy. Every morning on the commute to work I have to deal with disgusting men like that."

Kiran looked at his mothers sour expression on the phone and couldn't help but laugh. "huh! Men!" he added, playing along with her yet mocking her at the same time.

"Indeed! Except your father, he was a wonderful man."

Kiran immediately recognized the sign that his mother's attention would drift onto the topic of his dead father. The conversation would start of wistful but eventually turn depressing and end up with his mother in tears – it always did. Kiran quickly changed the topic "But I'm a man too."

"OK, you as well. You're both wonderful" Deepa smiled into the camera full of love and praise for her son.

"..and I admire you!"

"And so you should! But you're not so secret with your admiration of me, you compliment me all the time."

"indeed I do, and I'll compliment you again. Mom, you look smashing in that saree, positively smashing!"

Deepa reveled in her sons adminiration and smiled shyly at her camera. "Thank you betah."

"You look just perfect for our date."

"Date?" Deepa replied, confused.

"Yes. You're dressed. I'm dressed, even though you didn't even notice. We're both ready for our date" Kiran explained, smiling warmly into his camera.

"Silly boy, you cant date me – I'm your mother. Shouldn't you be dating girls more your age rather than old buddhies like me" Deepa played along with her son's little game.

"Yes, but I've never seen a girl 'my age' look as smashing in a see through chiffon saree like you. Positively smashing. Very sexy!" Kiran made an a-ok gesture with his fingers at the camera and grinned at her.

Deepa blushed at his reference to the chiffon saree being see through and suddenly felt very conscious of herself. Her hand quickly went to cover her abdomen, concerned that she was revealing too much to her son. She looked down and considered whether she'd made a big mistake wearing it at all.

"silly boy, maybe I should change" Deepa said, unsure of the appropriateness of her dress.

Kiran wasn't to know how the saree would finally look on her, she thought to herself. She should have been far more careful when she wore it. She should have known that it wasn't really right for a mother to dress like this in front of her son. It was simply a lapse of judgment on her part she thought to herself.

Deepa was about to get up and get changed when Kiran stopped her.

"what's the matter mom" Kiran was clearly concerned. "Did I say something."

"Don't worry beta, its nothing you said at all. You're such a darling to you mother and always have been. I've just realized I made a mistake, I'm just going to quickly get changed. Wait a minute."

"wait, wait. Get changed? Why? I don't understand. Is there something wrong with the saree? Do you not like it?"

"No betah, its lovely, really. I love it. It's very beautiful but it's really not for me. I shouldn't be wearing such things"

"why not? You look beautiful in it, why shouldn't you wear it??"

"betah you don't understand."

All the while Kiran noticed the image of his mother had changed. When he first saw her in the saree she was smiling from ear to ear, she obviously liked it. And now she looked so uncomfortable and awkward, covering her midriff with her hand as she spoke into the mic. Her shoulders were hunched and she seemed to want to curl in on herself.

"its because I said you look 'sexy' isn't it mom?" Kiran realized. He didn't share that he had intended to test the waters with that compliment.

"no it's not that. Really it's nothing you did. It's me. I'm being silly." Deepa thought for a moment "but you shouldn't use such language with your mother. You certainly should not describe her in such terms."

"but why, it's a term of endearment mom. It's the 21st century, even you're not that old fashioned."

"I know. I'm not living in a bubble young man. It's just, that's a sentiment you should be sharing with somebody else."

"if you wish, I wont say it again if you don't want me to."

"thank you... it makes me uncomfortable."

"OK, I'll just say you look smashing then and leave it at that."

"OK, I can deal with that."

"Good because I can see your tummy mom and it looks soooo sexy to me!! HAHHA" Kiran's window promptly went black and the status showed that he was disconnected.

Deepa, smiled to herself, "allways the joker she thought."

She looked once again at her midriff and thought to herself that it wasn't actually exposed so maybe she was being a little too prudish. It was a very nice saree after all and why shouldn't she wear it?

Deepa hadn't noticed how hot the room felt and then realized she was blushing. She giggled to herself at how silly she was being. A few compliments and she was blushing like a school girl. She thought about how wonderful she always felt with her son and thought about what a great husband he would be for some lucky lady one day.

**** Chapter 5 The next day Deepa was surprised to receive another package, wrapped exactly the same as the previous day's. Upon opening it she found yet another gorgeous chiffon saree, green this time.

It's design was much the same as the yellow one and looked just as great when she tried it on. As she admired her reflection she felt she looked different somehow – more vibrant.

She wondered why she hand't gone out to buy such nice sarees for herself before and why it had taken her son to do this for her. She considered wearing it outside but felt a strange sense of being unfair to her son. He had bought it for her so perhaps she should wear it for him first – that was fair after all. Worse still, he might even get upset that he wasn't the first to see her wearing it. Men can be strange about that sort of thing, she mused to herself.

Instead, Deepa switched to the yellow saree and decided she would go out. It was only after she left the apartment that she realized she had nowhere to go.

The beach was always nice and today was a very warm day. She mentally committed herself to a trip to the beach and promptly got on her way.

On leaving the apartment block she was very aware of all the male attention she was attracting and began to feel very conscious. She found her hands were jittery, constantly adjusting her saree, very aware of the leering eyes on her.

She took a taxi to the beach and spent an hour just walking along the sand. She enjoyed the sun and watching all of the families out to share the Mumbai beach front. She felt a growing confidence in herself, and scolded herself for not having the courage to dress up more often. And why she'd spent such a long time denying herself the right to look a little more pretty.

Her thoughts began to drift on to the idea of a mate and partner. Her husband Anup had died many years ago yet she had denied herself the chance to meet someone else out of a sense of loyalty to him. Surely his spirit would not want to condemn her to an entire life of solitude and loneliness?

Was it really so wrong for her to want some company?

Many men smiled at her as she walked. Mostly the sleazy grin that Mumbai men had perfected so long ago. But occasionally a handsome man would smile at her and she found herself smiling back - something she would never have done before.

She thought about going out more often. Maybe with some of the girls in her workplace. They'd given up on even inviting her long time ago after so many refusals. They'd probably be surprised if she asked to join them when they went out to a restaurant as they usually did.

Later that day, when Deepa was logging in to her computer she did it with an enthusiasm she'd not felt in along time. She was always looking forward to seeing her son of course, but today was even more special. Not only was she poised in the lovely green chiffon saree she had received from him this morning but she was also bursting to tell him about the lovely day she'd had at the beach.

As usual the first images of her son were his beaming smile.

"hello mom, wow you look gorgeous again. There must be something wrong with my monitor though cos that yellow saree looks a little green today" Kiran joked.

Deepa smiled at her son. "maybe, or maybe that green saree you said you sent finally arrived" she said playfully.

"ahh yes that must be it. Sooo... we never got to the bottom of who sent the yellow one then."

"ahh yes, did I not tell you, I have a secret admirer" Deepa smiled into the camera, enjoying her playful chat with her son.

"the swine! Dressing my mother up in sexy see-through sarees. How dare he!!"

Deepa, frowned "i thought I told you about the use of that word young man!"she cautioned.

"oh come on mom, not that again. OK OK OK.. I wont use it. I'll just think it."

"not even think it mister!"

"really? OK, OK. I wont even think it then. I wont in any way think of my beautiful mother, proudly posing to her son in her see through chiffon saree looking like a complete sex bomb."

Deepa tried to scold her son but only burst out laughing. She had never been able to be stern with him. Their relationship had always been too playful and trusting for that. Instead she just felt the warmth grow in her face as she blushed profusely.

"awww is my sweet mother blushing?" Kiran teased.

"chor! Making a woman of my age blush. Besharam!" Deepa replied, enjoying their banter. "why don't you find a woman your own age to tease?"

"I told you mom, none of them are as sexy as you" Kiran placed a little too much emphasis on the word sexy and didn't seem to smile very convincingly as he said it – or at least didn't say it in his usual moking tone.

Deepa found she didn't mind him using that language as much as she thought she might. Kiran always had a way of pushing the boundaries, it was just something she accepted. But the word hung in the air in a strange way.

"I had a lovely day today" Deepa finally said, breaking the awkward silence in their conversation.

"really, what did you get up to" Kiran asked.

"i went to the beach" she said, smiling broadly at him.

"great. The beach. The beach in Mumbai. The same Mumbai you live in. the same beach that is only like 15 minutes from where we live." Kiran replied sarcastically.

"hey, its a big deal for me OK. I never go out anywhere and I thought I'd treat myself to a trip to the beach. I wore that yellow saree from yesterday."

Kiran perked up a little "the one you looked sexy in yesterday?" he grinned cheekily.

Deepa rolled her eyes "yes, the one I looked... sexy... in yesterday" she smiled as she said it but felt strange uttering THAT word. She expected Kiran to say something about her using the word 'sexy' and felt strangely disappointed when he made no issue of it. She wondered whether she should make a light hearted joke about her saying something she only moments earlier scolded him for but thought better of it.

"It a shame you had to go on your own though mom. You need to make some friends." Kiran eventually said. He hadn't missed a beat when he heard his mother use the word sexy but chose not to say anything. It had slipped out of her mouth, somewhat labored and it was clear that she'd said something she wished she hadn't. And yet she seemed disappointed when he didn't make a wisecrack out of it. "I know betah, I don't really have any friends. At least none that would see the value in spending a day at the beach." Deepa thought for a moment. "To be honest, only a couple of days ago. I wouldn't have either."

"so what's changed?" Kiran asked

"I don;t know. I have, I guess. I felt so great wearing the saree I felt like going out. I felt really... confident"

"I'm happy mom, I wish I'd bought you that saree years ago. I wouldn't have had to watch you look so depressed all the time, moping around the house"

Deeper was shocked "did I really look depressed?"

"OK depressed is maybe the wrong word. You looked... you looked like there was so much more in life but you were consciously denying it to yourself. You looked like you were shutting out a happy life"

"But YOU make me happy beta, I'm happy because your in my life. I've never been unhappy knowing you're there for me"

"i know mom, I've felt nothing but joy and love from you. I don't mean that. I mean you've denied yourself happiness in other ways. Like, friends – you don;t go out socializing. Surely you'd enjoy going shopping with your girlfriends?"

Deepa laughed "i don't have any girlfriends and shopping isn't really my thing betah, remember what I said about the poor state of my wardrobe?"

Kiran smiled warmly at his mother

"you know what I mean mom. Friends"

"i know. And you're right. And I'm going to start socializing more. I'm going to join some of the girls at work when they go out to restaurants. It should be fun. Though I think these chiffon sarees you've bought for me might be a little too much for that" she smiled

"then, you'll be pleased to know there are more additions to your wardrobe on the way"

"Betah" she replied exasperated "you shouldn't be wasting you money"

"seeing you happy, and seeing the lovely change in you could never be a waste of money. Trust me."

Deepa knew she trusted him deeply and his warm smile and soft tone melted her heart. She loved him deeply. He was the perfect son. He was HER perfect son.

...to be continued