Exploring Feelings Ch. 01

This is my first story submission, after years of reading these I thought I'd give it a try. It's a fictional account, but the characters are loosely based on people I know. This story will detail a decades-long affair between a man and the wife of his best friend. Timeframe will skip around from present day to past points in the relationship in order to better understand the nature of the affair and the questions they are dealing with in the present day.

This chapter was quite a bit longer than I had originally intended, and there's quite a bit of setting up before we get to the action, so to speak. This is my first time writing erotic scenes, so I'm still getting the hang of it. So any respectful criticism is welcome, as I do want to improve things. I have an idea of where everything is going, but we'll see as I write more so I have no idea how many chapters there will be at this point. Hope you enjoy!

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October 2015: Hotel in the Philadelphia suburbs

As he had many times over the years, 38-year old Christopher Barnes sat in a hotel room wondering why he couldn't stop what was about to happen. A married father of three, he was about to cheat again on his wife; what made it even worse was the fact that the women was Amy Harris, the wife of his best friend from college.

What had started innocently enough his senior year in college had continued on a regular basis throughout the years, without arousing the suspicion of either his wife or Brian, his best friend. Chris' job as a pharmaceutical salesman often brought him to this area of the Philly suburbs, known as the Main Line, for multi-day sales calls. Brian and Amy lived here with their 3 kids; Amy was a stay at home mom (her choice in order to spend time with her kids). It was easy enough for Amy and Chris to meet during the day when her kids were in school and between meetings for him.

It was when Brian would invite Chris over for dinner during these trips where his conscience was tested though. It was always great catching up with Brian and talking about his life, but Chris also knew what inevitable, and extremely dangerous, things would happen after dinner. For as soon as they had the chance, Chris and Amy would furtively sneak into the basement. As Brian was helping his kids with their school work, as any good and loving father would, Chris and Amy were rutting like animals up against the wall of the laundry room.

As bad as Chris and Amy felt afterward, these were also the most exciting times. Something about the taboo of getting something you're not supposed to have, right under the nose of an unsuspecting spouse, was intoxicating for both of them. They both knew the risks; if they were ever caught they would be ruining two marriages, two families, not to mention a 20-year friendship. But the pull they felt since that first time 16 years ago was too strong to give in to rational thought.

April 1999: College in Pennsylvania

Amy Rodgers had made this trip dozens of times in the last 4 years, to spend the weekend with her high-school sweetheart, Brian Harris, at his college in Pennsylvania. Brian was the only man she ever loved (the only man she ever could love), he had been the only man she had ever been with or wanted. Even for that six month period during high school when Brian wasn't so sure of their love and wanted to try dating other people, Amy never could; she and Brian were meant to be and sure enough he saw the error of his ways and came back to her.

Amy would certainly be considered the attractive, girl next door type. About 5 feet 3, 120 pounds, blonde-hair down past her shoulder blades. Together they made an attractive looking pair, with his matching blonde hair and rugged good looks; they looked like the perfect couple set to build their life together after graduation.

But there was something tugging at Amy, that she didn't dare speak aloud (and barely acknowledged to herself). In the back of her mind, she was beginning to have some of the feelings that Brian had when he wanted to take a break in their relationship. Feelings that maybe she should have dated more and had more sexual experiences before settling down. She loved Brian, of that she was sure, but she didn't want to be the person who wakes up in 20 years and realizes she got married too soon. By then she knew her and Brian would be married with kids hopefully; she didn't want to ruin that family. The thought of just picking up some random guys for a sexual encounter held no appeal to Amy, but she couldn't deny the doubts she was having of being with only one guy for the rest of her life.

In the end, Amy figured these thoughts would pass and then she could fully commit to her life with Brian. It was generally assumed by almost everyone that Brian would propose shortly after graduation. And Amy wanted this with all her heart; she was going up to visit Brian in order to spend time with him and reconnect. He never failed to make her feel like the most wanted woman on earth.

Brian lived with his best friend Chris in a two-story off campus townhouse. It provided some privacy from the frat house and the rest of campus; in truth neither Brian nor Chris were big-time partiers and had joined the frat largely because their other friends had. They had met in their freshman dorm and found they had a lot in common. Both pre-med (although Chris had long ago decided the doctor route wasn't for him) and big football fans (their only real disagreement was that Brian loved the Eagles while Chris was a Giants diehard), they quickly developed a strong friendship.

Both were quite reserved and shy, which also helped draw the attention of the woman on campus. It certainly helped that Chris was good-looking, about 6 feet with short brown hair and brown eyes. The fact that Chris was modest and not particularly confident around woman, only helped endear him to them more. Brian lived vicariously through Chris and his relationships during school—he was fully committed to his girlfriend Amy now—and provided a good sounding board for Chris.

In their sophomore year, Chris met Emma, a beautiful and sophisticated Econ major. They dated all through the year and the first part of junior year, but when Emma went to study abroad in France, things began to change. Eventually Chris found out that she was seeing another student behind his back there; luckily he had Brian and his other friends to help him work through the heartbreak.

Chris had decided to have fun his senior year. Much like Brian, he was always the committed boyfriend type, so he wanted to take his shot at being a player, or as much of a player that a nice guy at heart could be. He spent most of the year in casual hookups with girls around campus, and although he was never one to brag, he received no complaints. Chris certainly wasn't hung like the guys in those porn movies, but he knew what to do with the 6 ½ inches that god had granted him.

It was through this that Chris did find somewhat of a dark side; actually it was more the realization of a dark fantasy. He found the sex was much more enjoyable if the girl had a boyfriend. Even though he had been cheated on and hurt, or perhaps because of it, Chris found he liked the danger and excitement of giving a girl what she wasn't getting from her boyfriend. He didn't really want to date these women or break-up their relationships, but he found it irresistible, and this scared him. But he told himself this was only a phase and after graduation he would revert to the loving boyfriend type he always saw himself as.

Currently, he was involved with a "taken" girl who lived next door named Audrey. The red-headed co-ed had been having some problems with her boyfriend, and at first Chris merely provided a shoulder to cry on. It quickly developed into a sexual relationship, and Audrey was often spending nights at the apartment. Brian didn't judge his friend; he knew Chris had been through hell over Emma and was just blowing off steam. Plus it was really none of his concern.

The problem for him was Amy...when she found out about this the last time she visited she was pretty disgusted at Chris for what she saw as taking advantage of Audrey. In truth, Chris and Amy had never had the greatest relationship, she felt that Chris was trying to encourage Brian to date other people before committing to her (he wasn't, although he did have several conversations with Brian about making sure this was what he really wanted). Probably because of this tension, Chris found Amy aloof and stand-offish. In particular, he found her this way recently, he figured because of his relationship with Audrey (he knew she didn't approve). For the most part when she came to visit, he tried to stay out of the couple's way. Plus, as always he was uncomfortable around Amy partly because he found her very attractive. He would never do anything about it, but given his recent experiences he felt it better to stay away.

For Amy, while most of her was disappointed in Chris' behavior, part of the aloofness was due to these new feelings she herself was having. She had begun to look at other men in a sexual way, at first she shrugged it off (everybody looks right?), but she found herself doing it more often and it had begun to scare her. Worst of all, she had started doing this with Chris, she spent most weekends at the apartment, and he was the other guy she was around the most. And she was afraid to admit she liked what she saw. While similar to Brian in personality and temperament, he was the complete opposite in terms of looks. And given his new "ladies man" reputation, she figured he must be good in bed.

She had no complaints about Brian, but the problem was she had no one to compare it too. The dark thoughts of just randomly hooking up with another guy had begun here, but Amy had beaten them back so far. Seeing Chris with Audrey again would bring these feelings back; Amy wondered if maybe she should try and talk to Audrey, woman to woman, and figure out why she was cheating on her boyfriend. Maybe it would help her understand her own feelings, and help prevent anything from happening. But she would have to do it discreetly.

As it turned out, it looked like that opportunity would not occur. Upon arriving, Amy found out that Audrey had broken it off with Chris and gone back to her boyfriend. Though upset, Chris was secretly relieved, he didn't see a future with Audrey, but he knew he didn't have the strength to end it himself. The situation just turned him on too much. With a month to go before graduation, he resolved to end this period of his love life and begin to look for a girl to settle down with again. Once Amy arrived, he left to hang out with friends and to give Brian and Amy space.

Later that night when Brian was at the library, Audrey showed up to collect some of her things. Amy led her to Chris' room. For Amy, this was the opportunity she had been looking for. She had to know, so she built up the courage and just asked.

"Why did you cheat on your boyfriend?"

Audrey gave her a sideways glance, so Amy clarified:

"I'm not judging you, and this will stay between us, but I'm curious what drove you to cheat?"

"It's hard to say" said Audrey, "I love my boyfriend but we were going through a hard time. He had cheated on me with another girl..."A stupid fling" he said, and it really hurt me. Chris was next door, I knew he was a nice guy and had a similar situation he went through, so we just started talking. One thing led to another, and we found ourselves in bed. I figured it was a good way to "even the score", even if he never found out."

"So it was about revenge and anger?" asked Amy.

"At first, yes, but then it became about the sex. I didn't realize it because he's generally so quiet and shy, but Chris really knows what he's doing, if you know what I mean...I can't believe I'm telling you this!" said Audrey as she and Amy both blushed.

"That, plus the fact that he doesn't fully realize how cute he is, made him irresistible. To be honest, I think he got off on the situation as well. He probably won't admit it, and I think he is ashamed of it, but it turned him on being with another guy's girl." said Audrey.

"In the end though, I realized I loved my boyfriend and wanted to make it work with him. Deep down Chris is still hung up on his ex; while the sex was great there was no future with him. But I still think about it and have half a mind to come over here and jump his bones."

Noticing Amy's line of questions, Audrey decided to be bold and ask one of her own.

"Are you thinking of cheating on Brian...is this why I'm getting the third degree here? Don't worry, it will be a girl's secret."

Amy recoiled, horrified, "No, absolutely not, I was just curious that's all"

Audrey sensed she'd gone too far, "OK, please don't take offense, like I said I won't say anything. I better go anyway."

"Yes, I think you should," said Amy curtly.

Once Audrey left, Amy sat down with her head in her hands. As much as she wanted to say Audrey was wrong, she had read her perfectly. What Audrey didn't seem to pick up on was now Amy had one guy in particularly she was thinking of. Even as she sat here disgusted with herself, her darker mind was already beginning to rationalize it: "Sure he's Brian's best friend, but he's cute and clearly has done this before (and is apparently good at it). Maybe I can just explain it to him rationally, that I need to do this to save my relationship, and he'll help me sort out my feelings. Neither of us wants to hurt Brian, so we can just do it without worrying about any feelings getting in the way. I mean that's crazy, but I can't think straight right now."

She needed Brian to come home. Maybe they could make love and she could take the edge off, get these thoughts out of her head. But he was studying for exams, and seemed especially distracted this weekend. At this moment, the door opened and the worst possible person to come through it did, Chris figured they had turned in early and it was safe to come home. He immediately saw Amy was alone and looked upset.

"Is something wrong Amy?" said Chris as he sat down next to Amy, uncomfortably so for her.

"No everything's great," lied Amy as she stared into Chris' deep brown eyes. "God I could get lost in those eyes," thought Amy before mentally slapping herself.

Chris noticed something was off...why was she staring at him?...and at the same began to feel the uncomfortable stirrings in his groin that he was becoming familiar with in these situations. A clearly upset girl, a clearly upset AND beautiful girl. A clearly upset AND taken girl.

At this point, Amy unconsciously put her hand on Chris' thigh: "I just wanted to say you've been a great friend to Brian and I wanted to thank you for being there for him," said Amy. She had no idea why she said that, but it was what she felt. She had been too hard on him through the years. But why did he have to look so good right now?

"If only you knew what I was thinking of right now, you wouldn't think I was a good friend," thought Chris, as he began to lose the fight in himself and began picturing dark thoughts...hot thoughts...like grabbing Amy, turning her around and taking her doggy style right on the couch. The fact that Brian could come back at any second just made it hotter for him. He realized he had to get out of there now.

"Thanks. Umm, I'm pretty tired think I'll turn in," croaked Chris as he practically ran up the stairs to his room. Amy would have felt rejection if she didn't get a glance at the tent in his pants as he ran up to his room. From the looks of it, he was a little bigger than Brian. "I wonder how it would feel inside of me," thought Amy. "Is he thicker too...he's been with more girls than Brian does that make a difference...how would he feel coming inside of me?"

At that thought, Amy again became very upset. "I have a wonderful boyfriend, who treats me right, and all I can think about is banging his best friend," Amy scolded herself; "I'm a terrible person. I need Brian to come back. Once I see him, these feelings will go away like they always do."

But upon returning, Brian was much too tired and distracted to pay attention to Amy. He was really struggling with several of his classes and was trying to bear down and get through graduation. For once, he didn't have time for Amy. When she tried to initiate things when he returned, he turned her down and went to bed. Amy took a cold shower instead, and went to bed trying to tamp down these illicit thoughts about Chris.

But it was a futile task...as she lay awake next to her unconscious boyfriend, the dark thoughts continued and a crazy idea took hold. "I just need to talk to Chris," thought Amy, "if I get these feelings out in the air we can deal with them." Wearing her boyfriend's t-shirt and boxer shorts, Amy got up and tiptoed across the hall to knock on Chris's door.

Chris was fully awake as well. Maybe he was crazy, but he had gotten better at picking up on signals, and Amy was giving him all of them and more tonight. He had often fantasized about her...he had a thing for blondes and Amy was also well-proportioned, with perky breasts (probably about a B cup thought Chris). He never thought anything would happen, but all of a sudden it seemed a genuine possibility. But she was his best friend's girl, it would be so wrong. And for the darker parts of his mind, it would make it so hot.

He was disturbed from his thoughts by a quiet knock and his door slowly opening. In walked a pensive Amy, walking to his bed and sitting on the edge. Chris' heart began to pound through his chest.

"Chris, are you awake," whispered Amy

Feigning being asleep, Chris slowly began to respond.

"Amy, is everything OK," said Chris

"Yes...well no...I can't believe I'm doing this, I should leave," Amy began to get up but froze when she felt a hand reach up to grab her arm.

"I know why you're here," croaked Chris

"This is so wrong," whispered Amy, but she made no move to leave

"We have to be quiet," said Chris, "Brian can never find out about this,"

"It's just this once," mewled Amy, "I love him but I need to get this out of my system. I can't commit to him without knowing what it would feel like with another man. I know you're his friend, but can I trust you not to say anything?"

"Yes," moaned Chris. At this point he would say anything though. The dark thoughts had won. Seeing Amy (dressed in her boyfriend's clothes), Chris knew he had to have her. Consequences be damned.

Slowly, Chris pulled Amy onto the bed and slowly began to take off the t-shirt and boxers. Just as he thought, her breasts were perky and with a hint of freckles (which drove him wild), and just enough of a light-blonde landing strip to confirm her as a true blonde. Amy was self-conscious as Chris devoured her with his eyes, but also incredibly excited. What would happen next...she assumed he would mount her immediately.

Chris had other ideas, and instead slid down her body and began rubbing the inside of her thighs, leaving little kisses as he trailed upwards towards her secret passage.

"Oh my god, he's going down on me," thought Amy. Brian had never really done that for her; in truth she never really wanted him to. But her mind was inflamed with excitement at Chris doing it to her.

Slowly, agonizingly, Chris began to circle his tongue around her labia. Amy wanted to grab his head and force him onto her clit, but most of her mind was occupied trying to keep from screaming and waking her boyfriend. She had never felt like this. Suddenly, Chris looked up into her eyes, smirked, and dropped down to attack her clit.

"OHHHH...Chris," said Amy, a little too loudly. Chris reached up and covered her mouth with his hand while continuing his work with his tongue down below. Before long, Amy felt the stirrings of a massive orgasm. When Chris pulled his hand from her mouth, and stuck two fingers in her vagina, Amy lost it.