Going Home

"I really hate losing you, Gray."

"Thank you, sir. I hate having to get out, but I gave it the year you asked, and I just can't do this by myself."

"I've told you how sorry I am about losing your wife several times, but I'm gonna say it again. Kate was an amazing woman, and she touched the lives of everyone she met. We all miss her, but I can't even imagine what it's been like for you. Or Kady."

"I appreciate that, sir. Kate did that and more, and I appreciate you mentioning it. I gotta tell you, Colonel, if not for Kady, I'd have almost certainly lost my mind...or worse."

"Any idea what you'll do after you get out?" his battalion commander asked.

"I think I'll try teaching. The pay isn't great, but it'll let me be home every night and during breaks. Kady's growing up without a mom. I can't let her grow up without a dad."

"I hear you. Even a short, 30-day deployment is a long time to be away from a child her age. Leaving for a year is unimaginable, and we might very well be gone that long."

"It's been an honor serving in your battalion, sir. And I really will miss this."

He stood up when the battalion commander did then shook hands with the senior officer, thanked him again, and wished him all the best.

"You too, Lieutenant Lukeman. Keep in touch, okay?"

"Will do, sir," he said before leaving his CO's office for the last time.

There was nothing left to do but go pick up Kady from the base daycare center and head back home and wait for the movers to arrive the following morning.

The weather in southern California was often superb, and December was one of his favorite months there. He knew all too well how different things would be back in the Seattle area, but that was home, and right now, the weather was the least of his concerns.

Up there, he'd have his mother who couldn't wait to be a babysitter to the three-year old granddaughter she'd only seen twice a year since she was born.

Like her son, Ella Lukeman was now living alone, too, after death had taken her husband five years ago. He was only 50 years old when a stroke claimed his life during a weekly pick-up game of basketball with friends he'd known for years.

His death had been awful, but when Gray called to let her know his wife of two years, Kate, had been killed in a vehicle accident, it had torn her heart out. She'd loved her daughter-in-law like her own child, and the hurt she felt for her son was overwhelming.

She'd offered to move to the Camp Pendleton area where he'd been stationed to be a nanny for his then just-turned-two-year old daughter, but she would have to have quit her job as a registered nurse, and retiring that early just wasn't financially possible at the time. Now, nearly two years later, she was 65 years old and able to take a full retirement and draw nearly her full social security.

Ella was often unbearably lonely, and the thought of retiring scared her for more than financial reasons when she thought about trying to fill each day by herself. But now with Gray and Kady coming home, she would have purpose, meaning, and love in her life again. She hated thinking about the reason why they were coming home, but she couldn't keep herself from being happy that they were, all the same.

With that in mind, she gave notice at the hospital where she'd worked for 32 of the 42 years she'd been a registered nurse, once she knew when her son was coming home. The entire staff was saddened to learn she'd be leaving but happy for her that her son and granddaughter were returning to the area, and for the foreseeable future, living with her.

To honor all her years of service and dedication they organized a farewell party at the end of her last shift a week ago.

Ella was moved to tears by their kindness as well as the nostalgia she couldn't help but feel. Over those 40+ years, she'd literally seen it all having worked in the ER for many of those early years as well as with children she'd seen suffer every kind of agonizing illness and, of course, die in her presence. But rather than focus on that, she chose to remember those she'd helped and who'd thanked her and maybe even hugged her as they left the hospital with either a happy, healthy child or having recovered themselves.

As she was getting ready to leave for the final time, the RN who'd been hired to take her place asked if she could have a few minutes of her time. Ella was more than happy to do so, and the younger woman personally congratulated her and wish her all the best. Her name was Reagan Orr, and Ella remembered it because the first time they met, Ella told her she was the first 'Reagan' she'd ever met.

The younger woman laughed and said, "Well, my maiden name was Bush so you can imagine what it was like telling people my name was Reagan Bush."

It took Ella a second to remember the late president and his running mate, but when it finally clicked she laughed and said, "Oh, my. Yes, that had to be fun!"

Reagan laughed, as well, and said, "It wasn't so bad."

"Well, we don't choose our names, hon," Ella remembered telling her.

"So I understand you'll be watching your granddaughter. Is that right?" Reagan asked, hoping to move away from anything political.

"It is and I can't wait!" Ella told her. "I've even dreamed about holding that sweet girl again!"

"She's three, right?" Reagan asked.

"Uh-huh. Yes. Three years old. She'll be four in a couple of months."

"That's the same age as my daughter, Skylar. Well, she just turned four last month, but still..."

Ella already had her phone out going through 'Photos' and although she heard Reagan's comment, she was too busy looking for pics of Kady to share with her replacement.

"Oh, here we go. This is my Kady," she said proudly as she handed the phone to Nurse Orr.

"Oh, my goodness! She's adorable!" Reagan cooed. "May I scroll down?"

"Of course. I could show off this sweet girl all day long!"

Reagan smiled, oohed and awed many times, then noticed the younger man holding her in quite a few of the pics.

"And is this her father?" she asked as she turned the phone around.

"Yes indeed. That's my son, Gray," Ella proudly announced. "He's been on active duty in Southern California and will coming home in a week."

"He's very handsome," Reagan said.

"Thank you. I agree," Ella said, the smile on her face big and wide.

"Pardon me for asking, but did I hear correctly his wife passed away?" she asked as delicately as she could.

"Yes you did. Having lost my husband, I knew exactly what he was going through."

Ella took the phone and scrolled down until she found some pictures of her late daughter-in-law then handed the phone back to Reagan.

"Oh, my. She's beautiful!" Reagan said truthfully. "I don't even know them, and I feel just awful for their loss."

"It's not something I'd wish on my worst enemy," Ella said as Reagan handed the phone back.

"I...I don't talk about this very often, but I lost my husband three years ago, too," Reagan said quietly.

Ella's eyes opened wide in surprise and she immediately put her arms around the younger nurse and hugged her tight.

"Oh, Reagan. I am so sorry for you!"

"My heart goes out to you, as well, Ella."

Ella pulled back, smiled, then said, "My heart was broken, but now that Gray and Kady are coming home, it's on the mend."

"Your son is very fortunate to have you, Ella. My parents are also both gone, and I'd give anything to have them back. I know my mom would insist on watching Skylar while I'm at work and be just as happy about doing it as you are with your beautiful granddaughter."

"So do you have daycare?" Ella asked.

"I do. But it costs an arm and a leg. But there's no alternative, so..."

Ella smiled then said, "The cost of living around here really is out of control."

"But you gotta eat, right?" Reagan said cheerfully.

"Yes. Yes, you do," Ella agreed.

Reagan was saying her final goodbyes when Ella said, "I was wondering if well, after talking to Gray, of course, if say Kady and Skylar got along well, if you'd maybe consider letting me watch her, too."

"Are you serious? Ella, I can't ask you to do that."

"No, it'd be my pleasure. Having a friend for Kady, especially another girl the same age, seems like a wonderful thing. And it wouldn't be much more work than caring for one so would you mind me asking Gray if he's okay with it?"

"Well, yes. Sure. That'd be...wonderful. Even if you charged the same amount, Skylar would be in a quieter, more nurturing environment with someone I feel I know and definitely trust."

"I can assure you I won't charge much more than the cost of her food. After all, you'd be helping us out, too. So let me ask him, and in the meantime, why don't you bring Skylar by so you can see where she'd be staying and let her get used to my home."

"I'd love to, Ella. Just let me know when," Reagan said with genuine enthusiasm and no small amount of gratitude as she was currently paying $150 a week for daycare.

And as she thought about the difference it would mean financially, a difference that would allow her to finally buy some things for her daughter, it made her tear up.

"You all right?" Ella asked.

Reagan grabbed a tissue in the pocket of her scrubs and said, "Yes. Just a little overwhelmed. I can't believe this is happening."

"Well, it is. And remember. I'm retired now, honey. And I want to do this. So just let me know what day and time works best for you, and I'll look forward to meeting your precious little girl!"

They agreed on a time and date then hugged one another again.

"I'm so glad we spoke," Ella told her.

"Oh, me, too, Ella. Even if the daycare doesn't work out, it's so nice to have a new friend. I haven't exactly had a lot of time to make any and don't even ask me about...dating."

Ella laughed and said, "Dating. Just the thought makes me queasy. Then again, I'm not young and beautiful like you are."

Reagan thanked her but let her know she found the thought of meeting new people just as unpleasant.

"I'd love to find someone, but all that sifting through dating profiles and weeding out all the frogs just in the hope of maybe finding another prince is...daunting."

"Oh, I get it," Ella said. "I've thought about it many times, but I'm at an age where it just seems like more of a..."

She looked around then quietly said, "A pain in the ass than anything else."

Reagan laughed, smiled and thanked her again for her kindness and friendship.

"It's my pleasure, hon, and you do indeed have a friend, Reagan. And I look forward to seeing you and your sweet little girl this weekend!"

"You can count on it, and again, congratulations and all the best in retirement!" Regan told her.

And after a few more hugs, Ella Lukeman walked out of the hospital as though no one on earth knew how much she'd done to help so many other people along the way. And while that realization caused her a moment of sadness, she was wise enough to understand that was most likely the way it was for anyone retiring from a CEO to a custodian. Life went on with or without us, and Ella knew the staff would do just fine without her.

Having quickly made peace with that thought, she smiled as she turned her attention to seeing her son pull into the driveway with that sweet little girl sitting in the carseat right behind him. Suddenly, it no longer mattered what anyone else thought or remembered about the four decades she'd served as a nurse.

While Gray spent that last week 'checking out' and waiting on the movers, his mom was busy turning one room of her house into a play area for her granddaughter and possibly a new friend. Ella was in heaven as she went from store to store looking for any little thing to make the room fun or more interesting and colorful for a young girl.

She'd wanted to repaint it for a couple of years, but living alone and working full-time meant putting projects off, and it had never gotten done. But now she was picking out the shade of pink she wanted to paint it and couldn't wait to get home and get started.

By the time she finished painting and putting the numerous new things she'd bought on the walls or in the room, Ella was very happy with the way it looked. She still had some time until her son and granddaughter got home, so she headed back out to find anything else she thought might make the older house more inviting.

Back in Southern California, once the movers had everything packed, Gray went to base housing and turned in the keys then took Kady to a temporary lodging facility on base where they would spend their last night at Camp Pendleton before heading north early the next morning.

Once they were settled in, he called his mom who answered on the first ring.

"Hey, Mom!" he said when he saw her face.

"Hi, honey! Please tell me you're coming home tomorrow!" she said with a big old, happy smile.

"Well, we're leaving right after breakfast. It's a 17-20 hour drive depending on traffic so it'll likely be the day after."

"I am SO excited!" she told me. "Is there a little girl there I can say 'hello' to by any chance?" Ella bubbled.

"There might just be," her son said as he turned around to find Kady.

He pulled her up on his lap then handed her the phone.

She was trying to say 'Grandma!' which always came out like 'Gramma' as her grandmother was saying, "Hi, sweetheart!"

"We're driving to your place tomorrow," the little girl informed her grandmother without even saying hello.

"I know! I can't wait to see you!" Ella said. "I have a room in my house all ready for you."

"You do?" Kady asked, her eyes big with excitement.

"Uh-huh. It's all pretty in pink and waiting for you to come see me," Ella told her.

"I love pink, Gramma!" Kady told her. "Do you have sutterbies in it?"

Kady was obsessed with butterflies, a word she still had trouble pronouncing.

"Oh, yes I do!" her grandmother told her. "And lots of other fun things, too."

"Okay!" Kady said as she suddenly handed the phone to her dad and asked if she could go play.

"Sorry, Mom. She's a little wound up."

"Oh, no. That's how children that age are. Their attention spans are as short as they are. I'm just thrilled to talk to her for even that long."

There was a pause then Ella said, "Oh. Before I forget, the nurse who's replacing me wanted me to ask you something."

Gray laughed then said, "You know you're irreplaceable, right, Mom?"

Ella laughed, too, then said, "She has a daughter the same age as Kady. Daycare costs are killing her, and I think it would be wonderful for Kady to have a friend, and I'm more than willing to watch her girl, too. Would you at least be open to meeting her and her daughter and seeing if you'd be okay with that?"

"Mom. If you think it's a good idea, I'm fine with it. And I agree that would be very good for Kady."

"Okay, then I'll let Reagan know," his mom said.

"Ray-gun?" Gray asked not sure what she meant.

"Oh, sorry. That's the woman's name. Reagan. Reagan Orr. She's a very attractive young woman. Well, she's a lot younger than me, anyway. And sadly, she lost her husband, too."

"Yeah, there's a lot of that going around, huh?" Gray said trying not to sound too bitter or cynical.

He realized how that sounded then said much more cheerfully, "So her first name is Reagan. That's a...first."

"I told her the same thing. Oh, you'll never guess what her maiden name was!"

Gray didn't even try so his mom filled him in drawing a chuckle which made her laugh, too.

"Anyway, we'll text you when we leave tomorrow, and I'll keep you updated as to our progress."

His mom was all smiles when she told him again how excited she was to see him.

"Tell Grandma 'bye', Kady!" Gray said as he turned to phone toward his daughter.

"Bye, Gramma!" she yelled without looking.

"Bye, honey! See you both soon!"

The next day they drove until they got to Redding where they stopped for the night. It was still California, but judging by the relative quiet it was hard to imagine.

The air was crisp and cool and a good 10 degrees lower than it would be at Camp Pendleton this time of year. Gray breathed the cold air in taking several deep breaths and thought this was a place he could get used to.

They were back on the road earlier the following morning as they headed north. By the time they got to their exit ramp on I-5, it was a little after 1pm.

When they reached his hometown of Auburn, he told Kady they were almost at Grandma's house. The little girl sat up and looked out of each window in the car, but having only been there once when she was a year old, nothing looked familiar to her. But as they pulled into the driveway, and when she saw a face she knew, Kady got excited.

"That's my Gramma!" she said as the car pulled right up to her.

Ella smiled at her son but went straight to the back door to grab her granddaughter.

"Hello, Miss Kady!" she said as she unbuckled her and scooped her out and held her close.

"Look at my new frog, Gramma!" the little girl said as she held up the stuffed animal as though she hadn't just been welcomed home.

She held up a small Kermit the Frog and her grandmother went on like it was the most interesting thing she'd ever seen.

"That is precious!" Ella said. "Just like you."

"Can I get down?" Kady asked, ignoring that comment, too.

"Of course you can, honey," her grandmother told her.

The moment her feet touched the ground, she bolted for the house.

"Come on, Daddy! Let's go inside!"

Gray was standing there patiently waiting.

"Hi, Mom," he said as he held out his arms.

"Oh, honey. I'm SO glad you're home," she said as she held him. It didn't matter that he was 26 and had been on his own for nearly eight years after graduating from high school. He was still her little boy and always would be.

"It's good to be home, Mom," he told her even though he wished with all his heart he could have stayed on active duty.

But being unable to deploy made that impossible. He was just a few months short of completing his required four and a half years of service, but he would receive an honorable discharge for hardship purposes so that was all behind him now.

"Let me give you a hand with your luggage," his mom said once they let go of one another. "And Kady is so big!"

It took them two trips each to get everything inside, and once there was nothing left to do, Kady began asking questions one after the other for what seemed like an hour. Ella patiently answered every one of them while trying to explain things anytime Kady stopped talking long enough to let her. Those opportunities were rare and short-lived, but Ella didn't mind one bit.

While his mom showed Kady the house, he went to his old room where he'd lived growing up, and for the first time since he'd learned his wife was dead, Gray fought off tearing up. In some way it felt like all the years he'd live there preparing for life had been for nought. Yes, he had Kady, and he wouldn't trade her for anything on earth, but the thought of being back here after having graduated from high school, college, and then Officer Candidates School, marrying Kate, and becoming a father, made it all seem like a dream.

But the very real sound of his daughter's voice forced him back to reality. He stopped putting things away and followed its sound until he got to the playroom.

"This is pretty snazzy, Mom," Gray told her as he looked around.

"Daddy! Look. See all the sutterbies?" Kady told him.

"I do. They're uh, very pretty," he said, using a word he no longer found embarrassing.

He was still very much a man's man, and at 5' 11' and 175 pounds, he was a strong, athletic, and yes, a very nice-looking man who now had a softer side he could easily show to his daughter.

Blessed with his father's thick, black hair, and his mother's very blue eyes, Gray's very white smile made him a...very...handsome young man.