Hinged Eggs Break Easy

Her hands gripped the bars of her bedframe, a willing prisoner to me and my efforts as I kept pounding into her, melting, melting, melting. I channeled all of the concentrated tension and pain of the past week into You, and like the willing sacrifice that she was, she accepted every ounce, every single quart, moaning, squealing, screaming.

Sticky with sweat and sugar, I willingly lost myself to the delirium of our sex. It was a reunion of flesh and the refilling of empty affection, and I savored every fucking moment of it. Seared all that I did to her, everything I said to her into my mind, as if this was the last night of my life.

I laid waste to You through the noon, the afternoon. We would take a break or two, she'd feed candy past my lips, and I'd share it to her with my tongue shoving past her teeth.

I'd lost count of how many times I emptied myself inside her, and how many times she spurt it back out with her own releases, but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything at that point other than the fact that I wanted to ravish and lavish her body until we were both completely wasted and unconscious.

It took a few more orgasms until my brain started working properly again, and I was above her in the most basic position I could think of, my loins churning and roiling, cum and colored streaks of sugar painted across her skin like gossamer on grass.

There was the constant banging rhythm of the steel headboard against the drywall, the filthy squelching of my prick dragging out wads of cum from my previous loads, the clatter of plastic eggs tumbling to the floor. But all I could care about hearing were You's moans, the way those swollen lips of her formed the letters of my name. She was unzipping me, wearing me down to the bone. There was nothing else I had to offer her, even the frustrations I had channeled into my pummeling hips when I railed her earlier that afternoon were gone, withered.

All I could do was keep my thrusts going, going, going. Wanton, reckless, messy, all while You moaned beneath me, the blue sparkle of her eyes pleading up at me in a way that told me, in this moment, that she was willing to accept everything I had. So I gave it to her, just like I did back in high school; it was hard not to then, it was harder now.

But what did I even have to offer her? I always wondered that.

Those eyes that looked up so vulnerably to me now, I didn't deserve those. I didn't deserve them when I would try and walk by her table of the popular kids and she'd call out my name or grab my sleeve and give me one of those melting smiles.

I didn't deserve them when she would catch me staring at her in Mr. Mackley's Honors class when he'd give one of his godawful orations, and she'd stare right back with a wide friendly smile.

I didn't deserve them when we had gorged on Takis and Arizonas next to the manmade lake close to her house, when she opened up to me, telling me of how she wanted to live on the sea and never ever come back, her eyes the expanse of the Pacific she longed to disappear into.

And I especially did not deserve them now, fucking her without any restraint, using her to chase peaks of youth that I had never achieved, recreating lustful dreams I never had the fucking balls to ever make true. I was nothing special. She had given these eyes to people more worthy than me before, opened her legs to worthy men when now, she opened herself to a boy.

All of these things, they were things that would stay with me until I died, and no amount of mindless sex could bury it. They welled up within me, and I felt guilt and shame burst through into my throat.

What did I even have to offer her?

When she gave me her time, her attention, her dreams , her body, all I ever had to offer was my awkward jokes, my goofy smile and-

"God, I love you, You, I fucking love you, I always have, I have ever since high school!" I said. Better yet, I spilled. I saw her eyes grow wider then, her lips fall open with the weight of something more than her moans. I should have stopped, but under the rhythm of my hips, my lips kept spitting. My lips kept spilling. Her eyes hinted that she was willing to take everything, and that was my goddamn heart's idea of a cue.

"I missed you. Christ, I missed you so much without me even realizing it. Your smile, everything that you were, that you still are, they made me whole. I didn't realize it at the time but I've loved you since you first talked to me outside Mr. Miller's. You've probably forgotten but I'll always remember the smile you gave me, the eyes you gave me that made me feel like the most special motherfucker in the whole school. You kept giving, you kept giving me those eyes, those smiles, those words of yours that made me grin like a stupid little bitch when I looked at myself in the mirror or when I thought of you before bed,"

I kept spilling. My hands were gripping the sheets around her head as I slipped into her and my words slipped through my throat. My hips followed suit and her body stopped rocking up and down the sheets; I could catch the sparkle of her blue eyes easier now.

"It may have been small talk, it may have been meaningless shit, but I loved that meaningless shit, I clung to that meaningless shit, because it meant it was from you. I still remember your color is aquamarine, your candy is salt water taffy. And all of the special shit you gave me, I remember those even when after all these years I tried to just forget. Of course I knew you wanted to be in the Navy, I never forgot about that, I never forgot about any of it, You. How fucking could I?

"I know it's childish bullshit I know I'm a fucking adult and all of this shit is just stuff I should look back at fondly and I should just move on, and I have, but you came back and so all this is back. All of this time, and I'm still carrying that load, I still can't let go because I've never found anyone else that could replace it. I wasn't Todd, I wasn't Joel, I wasn't Will, I wasn't any of those guys but you still hung out with me, you talked with me on the phone for hours, we shared bands, we watched movies over at your place, we traded goddamn dreams when we believed the world would still work together with us."

I could feel the beads of sweat racing down my skin now, I could feel the pound of my heart. I pressed my weight into her body and I felt the pounding of hers. I was on my forearms now, and I could feel her breaths huffing into my face as I drove into her. She wasn't moaning anymore. She was mewling softly, as gently as the thrusts I haphazardly snaked into her now that my effort wasn't in chasing my climax, but in forcing this crap out of my system.

Everything came to a halt when I felt her hand suddenly clutch my cheek. I wondered why. I couldn't see her face; just blotches of color. White of her damp sheets, soft peach of her cheeks, blue sparkle. I found it all rushing up to meet me when the hand at my neck pulled, hard. Her tongue was languid yet desperate, and I lost myself in the warmth of her mouth when I closed my eyes, and I felt that the tears pressed into my cheeks weren't my own.

I withdrew, and I saw she was crying too. Her eyes weren't sparkling, they were quivering, vulnerable like I've never seen them before. She looked up at me with her face red, and her shoulders shook. She was starting to spill.

"It t-took me stuffing a tail up my ass for you to say that after all these years?"

She didn't need to say anything more and I knew what she meant. I thought of it, how I had hurt her and I started sobbing too. Her thighs desperately slipped against my sweaty hips, and our lips smacked with pure need, as if another graduation would take either one of us away.

I didn't hold anything back anymore, I bucked into her, feeling her whip her head back as her arms crossed behind my neck, keeping me close, keeping me from escaping her warmth. I looked down at her again and it stung. It fucking stung knowing that I had hurt her.

"I'm sorry I never could tell you. You made me feel special but I knew that I wasn't. I thought I was special when you took me to the lake by your house, but Jim would tell me of the time you took him there too. I thought I was special when you told me your dreams, but Eric just asked me one day out of the blue if you still wanted to be in the Navy. I wasn't the only one in love with you, everyone loved you.

"Because you loved everyone. You made everyone feel like the way you made me feel, and that's why I loved you. You were a light to that school, to the lives you crossed You and I didn't deserve any of that, so I used you and I took advantage of that I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I'm sorry that in these past weeks all I did was have sex with you and I lied and kept telling myself it was normal when I really love you and I wonder how many others you've opened your legs to, how I don't want anyone else to link up with you like this because I love you even though I don't fucking deserve to but I can't help but want yo- "

"Shut up! J-Just shut up!!!"

The heat of her snatch escaped me. My cock slipped pathetically out of her and the weak muscles of my body slid it onto the skin of her stomach. I stopped trying.

She had pulled me down onto her, my right cheek pressed wetly against hers. Her breasts shuddered into my chest as she sobbed, and her throat let out wails that I never wanted to fucking hear in my life. I lay there on top of her, wet and naked, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say.

I let her cry and let her cling to me and again, I felt useless. I stared into the strands of her hair pressing at the tip of my nose, and tears streamed from my eyes too.

"I'm sorry..." she said. It was a whimper, the last syllable of her apology extending and falling off in a sob. "I'm so sorry, Taft... I'm sorry..."

She kept doing that with her "sorry"'s as she held me, held me and sobbed and kept saying my name. She would sniffle before breaking into a soft wail.

"I'm sorry..."

It was the worst sound I ever heard, and it broke me.

"Wh-Why," I said. Croaked. "You didn't do anyth-"

Her arms brought my closer to her. Her collarbone dug into the skin above my chest now.

"I...I loved you too, Taft, but I thought it was too late, I thought it wasn't real. I'm sorry because I didn't say anything when I could have. I assumed that what I was feeling was just hormones; we were just 16, we were just 17 you know? We were just a bunch of teenagers, Taft, that's not love. That's what I told myself. I didn't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt anyone, which is why I never dated or anything; I denied myself what it would have been like to get to know you like...like this because of the possibility that my feelings were just hormonal imbalances.

"Besides, high school relationships never last, right? The world was so open to me after high school, there would be plenty of guys like you. This was the shit that I said to myself. So I kept talking to you and tried to pass it off as just hanging out until graduation when I could say goodbye to you, I thought then I could just forget you and look back at it all as just a first crush.

"It's... it's stupid isn't it? I let you go and I let the possibility of us go because of what could have happened. And now I'm an adult I can't let it go, I can't forget what might have happened if I didn't assume and if I didn't consider how I could have hurt you.

"After graduation I 'moved' on like I was supposed to. I had my first in some party that summer with someone from our class, I shacked up with a guy I met during basic training, I dated a co-worker at a Kohl's for a while, when I started living alone I picked up guys from bars, from Tinder when I felt lonely, this was all what I was supposed to do. This was what romance was.

"I never felt anything close to like what we had but I chalked that up to just teenage puppy love, hormonal bullshit, I thought I never could feel that again because that's how real romance should feel. So when I met you last month, I was so happy... but the more we had sex, and the more we spent time together, I got scared. I was terrified, Taft... I thought that it was just hormones again, just a nostalgia trip gone wrong. I didn't want to hurt you even further, I noticed how dark your eyes got recently, and I didn't want that for you.

I ran away, just like I always do. That's what I did this week. I buried myself in my work and I ignored you and then on Wednesday..."

She trailed off, choked up. That was when I had stayed up and stood sentry over her parking spot.

"...there was- he was someone from the website I work for. He said he was passing through town and-and wanted to see me in person, since we worked so extensively together through Skype. I-I God-" You continued, and she was shaking, shivering as she kept crying salty hot pain onto my cheek, down my neck. "God I'm so sorry, Taft I went out for drinks with him and I knew what he wanted and I- God ...I gave it to him, Taft, we fucked in his hotel and I let him use me like I have all these years. I thought that maybe sex with you felt so special because it's just been a while, I wanted to see if I had another man inside me, another man's hands all over me th-that I could feel normal again.

"But I just felt fucking worse, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I felt so dirty, after the fact. I kept making him fuck me and I thought if he did it harder that I'd forget but your face...your voice, all of it kept coming to me and I just felt worse and worse-"

You sobbed and sobbed. I didn't know what else to do than let her.

"It didn't feel genuine like it does with you. I thought that feeling I get when I'm with you was gone, I don't know how you know how it feels."

I know how it feels.

"I thought this was what normal adults did. I thought this was how romance is supposed to work."

I did too.

"I thought that this is what it would be like for the rest of my life, Taft. Trying to fill myself up with that spark that comes from meeting with guys and spreading my legs, kissing when the "time" is right, until I finally get knocked up and get marri-"

She kept going, but I didn't need to hear anymore. What had been shock turned to resolution. I knew what she needed now. After all these years I would fix this, as best I could, as much as I could.

"You."

I withdrew from the heat of her tears and I looked down at her. She shut up, but her lips kept quivering. I hated seeing her like this. I never wanted to see her like this again.

"What about now?"

She kept hiccupping and sniffling. I felt her nails dig into my neck, and I knew she wanted my body blanketing her. She needed me as much as I needed her, but I wasn't about to let her run away from it after all the cards were bared on the table, vulnerable as we shivered together.

"Wh-What...what about now...?"

"Now...not then, or what might happen in the future, You. But now . Is th-..." I looked at her hard and I wanted to make sure my words counted. "...am I enough?"

"Yes."

...she said that word without a single moment's hesitation. And I could feel myself melt into the blue sparkle of her eyes again.

" Yes, " she said again. "So please don't let m-"

I closed the distance without my mouths to shut her up. I ripped her hands off my neck, and I pinned down her hands with mine. My tongue slid out of her mouth and I looked down at her. My tears splattered on her face.

"So shut up and stop apologizing for things you shouldn't feel sorry for, stop feeling guilty for shit that you don't need to feel guilty for. If I'm enough now ...then that's all that matters isn't it?"

I kissed her again. And she hiccuped another sob, but I felt her smile. She tasted sweeter than ever, and our mouths stayed like that, as one, wordless.

We said everything we needed to say.

Our kisses melted into each other, running like syrup between our swollen lips. Our skin was sticky with sweat, with cum, with sugar, but we lay there, the two most comfortable people on the planet. I don't know how long we stayed, swapping kiss after kiss. Eventually, her hand told me she wanted just a little more, and then I was inside her again, rocking into her, pushing into her with languid rolls of my hips.

I swept aside the hair that stuck to her forehead, and I kissed her skin. She giggled and said it tickled, and I only kept kissing, fluttering my lips, hips still pushing in and in and in. My hands found purchase in the sides of her head, in those sweaty locks of grey, and I kept pushing into her, kept anointing her with my kisses, kept whispering that we were going to be okay.

Her mouth eventually started flitting against my Adam's apple, and the sex stayed like that, gentle, effortless, warm. We were making love, and we kept making love for as long as we could. It wasn't a race for the pleasure at the end of it; just the warmth found in her arms was pleasure enough.

The past, with all of its mingling warm joys and steely pain was dust. The future, holding all of the potential heartbreak and possible avenues for pain, smoke.

What we had now, was all that mattered.

We laughed together on that bed, sharing jokes, pushing candies into each other's mouths, and it was like nothing had changed-at the same time, it was like everything was better. We didn't discuss anything about what we were now, but we didn't need to; all that mattered now was that we were together. All the answers I needed and wanted in those moments were in those eyes, nestled between her thighs.

The connection we had now was deeper than the length of my dick. I felt like she could see into me, and me into her, see-through.

Looking deeper still, I lost myself in the sparkle of her blue, she was my Pacific.

I found you.

Night fell,

it was a gibbous moon.