Hitched

Dina came, though I was hardly aware of it. When I finally came back down to earth, I laid next to her and tried to hide my disconcerting thoughts by stroking her hip.

"What got into you?" Dina panted. "That was amazing."

I pinched a nipple. "Are you implying this isn't always amazing?"

She giggled and smacked my stomach. "You know what I mean."

"Maybe because we didn't sync this up to your cycle." Then I shut up, figuring she'd get offended. She surprised me when she nodded.

"You're probably right." She yawned wide and pushed at my arm. "Go finish your work so you can come back to me."

"Work. Right. Fuck."

"Ha. Just be grateful we still have power!"

I put my boxers and a tee on. Dina's soft voice made me pause. "I love you, Lincoln."

I turned the light out and whispered, "I love you," into the night. I went downstairs and finished my work, constantly peering out of the windows, ready to face whatever was possibly nipping at my heels.

I went to work the next day in a bit of a fog. People kept asking if I was okay, and I would just nod and walk away. I didn't think about work, or Dina, or Kit. I kept my mind carefully blank so I wouldn't completely freak out. Things had never been totally back to normal, but I thought I had a grip on them. Now, they were unraveling, and I couldn't figure out how or why.

Things were completely normal at home. Dina cooked a fabulous dinner and complained about the summer ending. She told me that her mother called and wanted to know if we were open to her paying for fertility treatments.

"Can you imagine the nerve of her?" she asked me, but there was a tremor in her voice that belied her true feelings about the subject. She wanted me to say yes.

We had discussed fertility treatments the previous year, after trying to get pregnant for five years. Dina was losing her patience, watching one friend after the other go on to have multiple babies. Even her younger sister was the proud mother of six kids. It hurt me to watch her ache as she looked at kids, but I still didn't think fertility treatments were necessary yet, especially because we honestly couldn't afford them. They were thousands and thousands of dollars, and Dina's own doctor said we just needed time, that there was nothing technically preventing Dina or myself from having kids. But Dina couldn't wait.

The year before, I told her we didn't have the money. I asked her to please not discuss it with anyone because I was ashamed that I couldn't provide for her like that. Obviously, she had repeated this to her mother, and now her mom was coming up with this scheme. Dina's guilty eyes met mine for one second, then skittered toward our meal.

"You talked about it with her."

Dina didn't answer, but she her silence as she twirled her fork around the mashed potatoes was answer enough.

I rubbed my face and felt like I was a million years old. I was almost grateful for this topic coming up because I was tired of thinking about Burke and Kit. "We've talked about this."

"We did. A year ago." Dina put down her fork and reached across for my hands. "I'm thirty-seven, Lincoln."

"Yes, ancient," I said sarcastically. Dina dropped my hands and started crying.

"No, obviously not ancient, but the older I get, the harder it gets on me. Physically and emotionally. You know that. Stop being willfully ignorant about this, Lincoln."

"Now I'm being ignorant?"

She nodded her head vigorously. "Yes; you're not seeing my side. Mom has a lot of money. She sees me in pain and she wants to help. What is wrong with that, exactly? Does that really threaten your masculinity so much?"

"It has nothing to do with masculinity, and everything to do with me asking for some respect!" I pushed my plate away angrily and got up, pacing with fury. Everything was out of control, even Dina, and it was wearing on my sanity. "For God's sake, we will have a kid. We will have a perfect kid. When I'm ready!"

Dina flinched. "Did you hear yourself?"

"What?" I barked. "What did I say that is so wrong?"

"You said when you were ready. You. Not us." She let out a shaky breath and wiped at her blue eyes. "That's it, isn't it? You aren't ready. This is all you."

"Yeah, Dina, that's exactly it. I'm the one going into your body after we fuck and physically preventing you from getting pregnant."

"Fuck you, Lincoln," she hissed in a low voice. "Fuck you. The problem is you. I don't care what the doctors say."

"The problem is always me, isn't it, Dina? For Christ's sake, I could knock you up ten times and you'd still find something I was doing wrong!"

She stood and threw a plate at me. "I hate you!"

"Yeah, well, I'm not too fond of you right now, either." I picked up my car keys and headed out.

"Where are you going?"

"Out!" I screamed, before satisfactorily slamming the door behind me.

I drank at the local bar like I had never drunk before. I didn't slowly sip water between shots or giant glasses of beer, and when a friend from work saw me obviously hammered, he laughed, smacked my back, and ordered more shots. Alex stayed drinking with me for a while before heading back to his wife. I was a bleary mess and it wasn't even 8PM; I didn't blame him for walking away.

It all became surreal as a hand touched my back and I smelled a familiar scent: sunshine and linen. It couldn't be. I was drunk and delusional.

But it was true. Kit spun on the stool beside me and giggled. "Miss me?"

I slowly put down my rum and coke and looked at her. "You're not really here."

"Oh, yes, I am!"

"No."

"Well, I can agree with you, if you'd prefer." Her red lips had a delicious-looking sheen on them beneath the bar's lights. "I'm really here, though."

"How?" was all I could ask.

She laughed and I thought back to the feeling of her beneath me over a month before. This wasn't good. Too many drinks were muddling up my brain, and I was sitting there definitely thinking about her undressed again.

Kit snapped her fingers. "Hey, stop staring at my boobs, perv. I peeked at your wallet ages ago, when you started driving me. Took a pic, in case you murdered me or something." She grinned and I found my own lips tugging up. I thought about why that was a problem, and shook my head in hopes that the harder I shook it, the clearer my head would become. I was wrong. Kit frowned and put her hands on either side of my head. She leaned down so that we were eye-to-eye. "Are you okay?"

"I'm... wasted," I managed. "Listen, what the fuck are you doing here?"

Kit stacked sugar packets on top of one another and ignored my question. "Your town is a lot smaller than I thought a town in New York would be. I like that it's so close to the city, though. What is it, twenty minutes? Do you drive in every day?"

I put my hand on hers to stop her from ignoring me. "Answer me, Kit. What are you doing here?"

She looked like she might cry. Something on the back of my neck prickled, and I looked over to see that Alex, my coworker, was watching me. Closely. Shit.

"I lived in New Jersey after I walked away from you. Seemed like the right thing to do. Even found a job waitressing. I was doing fine. Then Burke showed up. Said I owed him something for breaking his heart. You, too. I figured I better come warn you."

"Owed him something? Like what?''

Kit bit her bottom lip and looked away. "Money. Lots of it. Says he has pictures of us from... that night, and that he will sell them on the internet if we both don't make it up to him." A tiny tear slid down her cheek. "How humiliating would that be? I can take anything, Lincoln, but Mama seeing me like that? No way. None whatsoever."

A huge headache was coming on and I fought the urge to cry, or laugh. "So, let me get this straight. He wants both of us to pay? He knows you don't have any money." Puppy-dog eyes met mine. "Ah, I see. You're meant to convince me."

"I wouldn't do this to you if I didn't have to," she said. "You have to understand. I want to be a teacher someday, just like your wife. This would ruin me. And Mama... oh, my God. It would finish her right off." Kit moved closer and put her hand on my arm. I pulled it away and reflexively looked over to where Alex was sitting. He was gone. "I know you don't owe me anything, but you need to think of yourself. Burke is not bluffing, Lincoln! He will sell those pictures in the time it takes for you to make up your mind."

I gulped the rest of my rum and coke and signaled to the bartender for another. "How much money?"

"He wants you to come talk to him." She handed me a slip of paper with a number on it. "It's probably going to be a small fortune."

I laughed, then. A lot. Hard. "You don't get it, Kit. My wife would find out about this anyway. Any kind of substantial money vanishing like that, and I would have a furious wife to answer to, regardless. And she does our finances...." I thought about how my wife was probably saving every penny of our money to put toward fertility treatment. "It's over."

Kit's eyebrows lifted. "Over? Lincoln, are you not understanding what I'm telling you?"

"Oh, I'm understanding. You don't seem to get it. My life is over, no matter what."

"Then, what about mine?"

"What?"

Kit was practically sobbing now. "This will end my life!"

"I'm sorry about that." I drank half of my new drink, and told the bartender it was time to settle my tab. I also asked him to call me a cab. I wasn't fit to drive.

I looked at the beautiful young woman who tempted me beyond all rational thought, even now, and I did feel a little pity for her. "I really am, Kit. I don't think he's going to do it, though. Don't you see that the whole point of this is trying to blackmail me? Number one, I refuse to be blackmailed, number two, I don't like that he involved you, and number three, I told you I'd be found out anyway. There is no point. What you should do is call the police and get a restraining order or something."

"He is the police," she said in a low voice. She stopped crying and dabbed her eyes. They met mine and it was like an explosion of pleasure, even amidst my absolute destruction. I still wanted her. I probably would think about her until my last day. She was a siren, put on earth to attract men to their ends.

"Again, I'm sorry," I said, knowing it wasn't enough. I stroked her arm with the back of my knuckle and fought hard to stop from kissing her. "I don't know what to tell you. I don't have room for this right now."

"This?"

I met her stare. "You. I don't have room for you and your problems. I'm sorry. I know that sounds horrible, and I really like you, and think that in another life that... nevermind. None of that matters. I just can't help you." I took her hand and kissed it, closing my eyes and memorizing. "Bye, Kit."

I rushed to the door and out of the bar before I could change my mind.

*****

Dina had made up the couch, a silent message that I was not permitted to be near her. Normally, I'd comply, but I wanted to apologize to her. I wanted to have this night before everything was exposed in the morning light.

She was awake when I pushed open the door. She looked up from her book and rolled her eyes. "Go away, Lincoln."

"I'm sorry."

Dina closed her book slowly and appeared to be astonished. It was probably because I rarely, if ever, apologized. It was one of my biggest failings, and I recognized that.

"I'm sorry for being such an asshole, for not appreciating you more, for not being a better man for you."

Dina stared back at me, then sighed. "I'm sorry, too. I've been such a shrew. I know I have. I'm just so scared. I've wanted to be a mother since I understood what a mother was, and now I'm terrified it will never, ever happen."

I sat on the bed and took my wife in my arms. It would probably be one of the last times, so I held her tight and smelled her honey hair. She didn't smell like sunshine or linen; sometimes she smelled like after it rained in the summer, and other times she smelled like a candy factory. Tonight, she smelled like pure sugar. "You don't have to apologize. Do you hear me?"

"You're drunk."

"Yeah, but I'm right."

Dina laughed. "Of course you are."

She would be a mother, I was sure of it. Just not the mother of my children. Many things were over that night, I decided.

She let me sleep beside her, and it was enough. I thought back to how we met, to why I fell in love with her, in the first place. It broke my heart that our life together would come to an end because of my stupidity. She was the kind of woman worth fighting for, and I threw it away because of some girl barely out of high school.

I woke her up in the middle of the night and selfishly nudged my cock between her thighs. She made a soft mewing sound when I pushed inside of her. This time, I thought only about Dina. How soft and gentle she was. How good and kind. When I came, it was because of her, only her. For a brief time, the nightmare was pushed to the recesses of my mind and I was able to sleep.

My cell phone rang in the middle of the night. I fumbled around, looking for it, and saw it was an unknown number. I nearly let it go to voicemail, but something inside compelled me to answer it. I went into the hallway and answered with a whisper.

"It's me," Kit wept. "I'm stuck at the motel. Burke's here, too."

"I can't...."

"I know, I know. I remember what you said, but this is life or death."

A flare of fear rolled through my body. "Call the police."

"No. You don't understand. Burke is threatening your life, and your wife's life, if you don't hand over some money. Right now, he's asking for ten thousand. You have that, don't you, Lincoln? You must."

"Ten thousand? No. Not to give to some idiot backwoods blackmailer."

"Jesus, Lincoln! He'll kill you! Or Dina. Don't think he won't. He's a sick son of a bitch." He heard a smack. "Ouch! Damn it. He just hit me. Can you please come now?"

I didn't believe a word of it, and I wasn't sure I trusted Kit at all, but the thought of my sleeping wife's life being endangered because I couldn't be faithful was enough to make me sick. "Fine. What's the address? And tell that prick I have the real cops on speed dial."

***** The motel was on the seedier part of town. I learned after we moved that the county was constantly trying to clean up the section because that's where all the drug addicts and their dealers hung out. A bunch of sketchy individuals hung outside the motel when I pulled up, and I tried to avoid their eyes. I was in enough trouble as it was.

Kit opened one of the doors and beckoned me forward. I followed her command and walked inside a dimly lit room. There was Burke, sprawled out on the bed like a king.

"Well, hello, there," he drawled. He held a burning cigarette between his fingers. "Didn't know if you would show."

"You threatened my wife's life. Seemed like I didn't have much of a choice."

Burkes took one last puff of his cigarette, then put it out. "So, here is the deal. Kit tells me that you aren't open to negotiating, but that's just silly. Ten thousand, now. More later. Think of it like a payment plan."

"You're not really a cop, are you?" I asked, even though I knew now there was no possibly he ever had been in law enforcement.

His lips turned up at the corners in something like a smile, but he was more focused on intimidating me with his gaze.

I heard the toilet flush and a naked bimbo walked out of the bathroom. She had platinum blonde hair and frightened eyes. She obviously didn't want to be there, maybe even less than me, but then I saw her eying a line of white powder on the dresser longingly. She looked at Burke for permission, and he gestured toward it grandly. She practically leapt for it and snorted it unabashedly as I looked on.

"This is...." Burke trailed off and smiled. "Shit. What's your name, baby?"

"Lana." She rubbed at her nose and peeked at me.

"Right. I remember saying I liked that name, like Lana del Rey." Burke looked over at Kit. "Baby, play some Lana del Rey on your phone. I want to hear her. She's got a sexy voice."

Kit complied easily. I watched her carefully; eager to see if she was as scared of him as she said or if it was all a game, if she was in on it. Lana del Rey's crooning filled the room and made what I was seeing even more surreal. Burke pulled fake-Lana on top of him and rubbed himself on her through his clothes. All the while, he kept his black eyes on me.

"Enough of this shit," I heard myself saying. "I'm telling my wife about the affair tomorrow. I don't care about the pictures. You can't blackmail me."

Burke patted Lana's ass. "I'd rather barter with your money than your life."

Then, the door opened. The man looked incredibly familiar and extremely intimidating.

"Kenny," Burke said with false enthusiasm. "Kenny, you've met Lincoln before. Lincoln, you must remember my boss, Kenny."

"Kenny?" Fuck, fuck, fuck. The guy from the convenience store where I met Kit. My gaze locked with hers and that's when I knew: she was in on it. It was all a lie. I wasn't sure what burned me more, that this guy was fucking with my life or that Kit had fucked with my heart and brain.

"There ya go. There ya go, connectin' the dots. Knew you were a bright guy." Kenny reached for something from his pocket, then flung it at me. I instinctively flinched, then realized what it was: dozens of photographs. I picked one up and stared at its glossy surface. They were of Kit and me, in various poses and points of that intimate evening together. Most appeared to be taken from outside, through the narrow slits of the blinds, but some were even taken in the room once we were asleep.

"Even so," I said, staring at one picture in particular of me in obvious bliss, "I won't pay you the money you're asking. I'm telling my wife tomorrow. And I don't believe you about this killing nonsense. You can just stop it right now."

Burke snorted. "You obviously don't get it, so let me show you how serious we are." He took Lana further into his arms and produced a big knife. She protested a little and made a tragic whimpering noise. Then, Burke put the knife to her throat. "Stop fucking squirming, you stupid bitch." She stilled.

"Now, Burke, you be good," Kenny said. He didn't sound that convincing.

"This moron is questioning our intentions." Burke swung the knife around liberally, making me step back. His smile grew.

Kit sat down on the bottom of the bed and looked exhausted. I hated her so much in that moment. "Can we move this thing on?" she asked.

"You have been involved in this from the very start, haven't you?" If so, that would've been my ultimate nightmare.

Kit shrugged. "I don't know what you mean, but I'm tired of all of these empty threats."

"Empty?" Burke repeated. "Shit, I'll take care of that." With that, he smoothly slit Lana's throat.

I didn't realize I was screaming until Kenny grappled with me and shook me. Then he covered my mouth when I still wouldn't stop. All the while, Burke watched, an eerie little smile on his face. Blood incessantly poured from Lana's throat as he sat there.

"You idiot," Kenny chastised him, as if he'd just broken the window with a baseball. "You full on idiot."

"I got tired of being challenged."

Kit was completely white. She stood up and backed away, edging closer to the door. it occurred to me that while she wasn't innocent, she wasn't fully in cahoots with these men. Otherwise, she wouldn't be so scared.

Burke sat up and pitched Lana's body to the floor. "I'm also tired of not being taken seriously by certain individuals in this room." He came to me and stepped so close that our shoes were touching. "Give me ten thousand, for now, and I'll float away like a bad dream that you won't have again for a few months." His eyes flickered with something that was pure evil. "Refuse, and I'll be the living nightmare that will haunt you until you're back to ash. You get me?"