No Show Ch. 01

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At 3:30pm, the television broadcast came on, and I listened with the others before putting my earplugs in and listening to Wildcat Radio. The announcer said "The Wildcats are led by first-year Coach Paul Quark, who is rebuilding the program after Coach Mark Richmond suffered a heart attack and retired. Coach Erskine 'Iron Man' Marshal led the team as the Interim Head Coach last year, but also opted to retire rather than take the job full time."

Announcer: "The Wildcats are 6-2, but are unranked since a shocking 24-22 loss to Protestant two weeks ago. The visiting Bulldogs are also 6-2, and are ranked No. 16 in the Nation by the Associated Press. A win today should get them into the first CFP poll that will come out later this week."

I was sitting in my hardback rocking chair to the left of the sofa in front of the big television monitor. Cindy was sitting on the sofa, and turned to ask me "Do you know why Coach Marshal didn't take the head coaching job?"

I said "I talked to him, and he said he never wanted it. He only stepped up as the Interim coach to help out Coach Richmond, thinking Richmond might come back. But he didn't... his heart attack was worse than they let on, and he has other issues, like the onset of Parkinson's. So Marshal told the Athletic Director to find a new full-time coach. 
Coach Quark comes from the Nick Saban tree, so once he gets the recruiting going again, we should be fine. Y'all better beat us this year, or forget about it for the next decade."

"Vee shall see." Cindy replied in her 'German' accent as the Bulldogs took the field to receive the opening kickoff. I turned on my radio to listen to the decidedly biased Wildcat Radio coverage. Toe met leather, and we were AWN!

It quickly settled into a tough defensive battle. Linebacker Davis Smith and Safety Gregg Scott anchored the stout Wildcat defense that held Bulldogs standout quarterback Lawrence Watson and Charles 'Cadillac' Armstrong in check. But the Bulldogs's linebacker Daevon Roquan was a tremendous talent, and he was putting the hurt on Wildcats QB Mason Murphy, who was not an exceptional talent. Wildcats running back D'Andre 'Chubby' Cedarwood was a stout fireplug of a running back, but neither he nor the more traditional 'one cut and up' running back Zamir 'Zeus' Black could do anything against Roquan.

The teams traded punts twice, and the first quarter ended in a scoreless tie. At the 13:03 mark in the 2nd quarter, the Wildcats got the ball on their own 13-yard line. I heard Carole say "Oh no!" followed by the radio announcer saying "And Murphy takes off running and he is hit by Roquan and he fumbled the ball! There's a scramble for it, and the Bulldog have it. The Bulldogs have the ball on the Wildcats thirteen yard line!"

Several of the boys had come down to watch the game, and Ian and Cindy cheered and high-fived. But Bulldogs QB Lawrence Watson, who was white and had hair longer than every woman and girl in my home at the moment, was stymied in his attempts to move his team. I heard the announcer say "And Bulldogs placekicker Walton Blair attempts the field goal. It's up, and it is... good. It's 3-0 Bulldogs, and the Wildcats dodged a huge bullet there."

After that fiasco, the teams again traded punts twice. "And that's the end of the half, with the score Bulldogs 3, Wildcats 0. What a tough, defensive game!" said the television announcer.

The television color man, who I despised because anyone with the brains of a Betta fish could tell he hated the Wildcats, and he was just a lousy color analyst anyway, said "The Wildcats quarterback Mason Murphy is just not ready for prime time. The Bulldogs quarterback Lawrence Watson is going to be playing on Sundays in the future, and only Davis Smith, the Wildcats fairly good linebacker, is keeping the Cats in the game. I look for Watson and the Bulldogs to shred the Wildcats in the second half..."

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The Wildcats got the second half kickoff and moved the ball to midfield, but ended up having to punt. The Bulldogs took over on their 20. The radio announcer said "And the Bulldogs come up to the line. Lawrence Watson takes the snap and throws, and it it intercepted! Davis Smith snatches the ball away from the tight end! He's tackled right there, and the Wildcats are in business at the Bulldogs 24 yard line!"

There was much cheering amongst those in red (and Auburn burnt orange). Carole came over and high-fived me. The Wildcats moved down to the Bulldogs 8 yard line, but the drive stalled. Kevin 'Fear the Frames' Rodriguez came in for the field goal. Alas...

"And the kick us up and... he missed it! He pushed it right, and a huge opportunity for the Wildcats sails wide!"

The television color analyst said "Just a terrible kick by Rodriguez. The Wildcats special teams are really poor. Inferior players, poorly coached."

The Bulldogs took over, and moved the ball to their 31 yard line. The radio announcer said "And the quarterback Watson runs right and he's hit! He fumbled the ball! Gregg Scott picks it up and runs it all the way back for a touchdown!"

Wildcat Stadium was going bonkers, and it was pretty loud in the Troy Household, as well. The extra point was good, and the Wildcats led 7-3. The television color analyst said "What an unfortunate break for Lawrence Watson! Really unlucky! And the Wildcats are going to get a penalty for dirty play. They're so undisciplined, so poorly coached!"

In my unbiased eyes (not), it looked like the Bulldogs player threw the first punch at the Wildcat Player. The referee just stood and watched, then when the Wildcat player pushed back, only then did the ref reach into his pocket and throw the flag.

The damage was done. Rodriguez kicked the cover off the ball, but the Bulldogs player ran the ball back to the Wildcats 33 yard line. On 3rd down, Lawrence Watson passed to 'Cadillac' Armstrong for a first down at the Wildcat 5 yard line. But the drive stalled, aided by a false start call so blatant that it couldn't be ignored, caused by the roars of the Wildcat faithful against the Bulldogs.

"And Walton Blair's kick is good, and the Bulldogs cut the Wildcat lead to one. It's 7-6, with just seconds to go before time expires in the third quarter." said the radio announcer. Between the quarters the Wildcat Band played 'Krypton' from the Christopher Reeve 'Superman' movie, and everyone held four fingers into the air. Points of light from cellphone flashlights dotted the stands.

The Wildcats only got from their 15 to their 31 yard line, thanks to the strong Bulldogs defense and the lights-out play of Daevon Roquan. The Wildcats punter came in, and I heard Carole say "Uh oh." followed by Wildcats Radio saying "And he takes the snap and... oh, no! He shanked it! The Bulldogs have the ball at their own 44 yard line!"

The television color announcer said "That's another failure by the Wildcats special teams. It's just pathetic. Now the Bulldogs can assert their superiority with a drive here."

Carole came over to me and said "Daddy, I don't like that guy. He's a jerk!"

"That's why I'm listening to the radio, Fussbudget." I said. Unfortunately, the jerk was right, at least for the moment. The Bulldogs began driving.

The Wildcats Radio announcer said "And 'Cadillac' Armstrong is biting off chunks of yardage now. The Bulldogs are down to the Wildcats 40. Lawrence Watson throws... incomplete. Watson back to pass. The pocket collapses, and Davis Smith misses him. Watson takes off. He's tackled by Gregg Scott at the Wildcats 29 yard line."

"Armstrong runs for six... Armstrong has four more, the Wildcats defense looks tired. Armstrong for nine, to the 20... Armstrong for six... Armstrong for four more, to the Wildcats 10 and a first down... Armstrong again, and he breaks free! Touchdown Bulldogs."

Bulldogs fans in the room celebrated. Cindy and Ian high-fived, then Ian high-fived Todd. The television color analyst said "That was a great drive by the Bulldogs! They really imposed their will at the line of scrimmage, and asserted their superiority over the Wildcats."

Wildcats Radio: "It's 12-7, and the Bulldogs will go for two. And Davis Smith is not fooled, and takes Lawrence Watson down. The try is no good..."

Just over 8 minutes to go. Wildcats Radio: "Murphy passes for 14 yards, to midfield... D'Andre 'Chubby' Cedarwood drives through to the Bulldogs 40 and a first down... Zamir Black bursts through! Fifteen yards, to the Bulldogs 25!... Cedarwood for five to the 20... Black gets three more, to the 17. The Bulldogs defense is also getting tired, and Roquan is being neutralized as the Wildcats run right at him. And 'Chubby' Cedarwood bulls his way through for two yards and a first down!"

Wildcat Radio: "Time running down, now under five minutes to go. The Wildcats are starting to slow it down and take their time... Cedarwood gets one yard... Black gets 3 to the Bulldogs 11, and the Wildcats crowd yells 'Zeuuuuuusss'... under four minutes to go now. Murphy takes the snap, throws... and it it COMPLETE! for seven yards! First down at the Bulldogs 4 yard line!... they take their time, here they come to the line of scrimmage. Under 3 minutes to go. Cedarwood plunges into the line and he is hit right there by Daevon Roquan. No gain!"

Wildcat Radio: "The clock just won't move! Two and a half minutes to go. Cedarwood takes the handoff, he gets one yard. Daevon Roquan makes yet another stop. He is a tremendous player, but he has to be exhausted... third down, goal to go! The clock finally goes under two minutes. Murphy takes the snap, he throws... TOUCHDOWN! Murphy hits Zamir Black out of the backfield right up the middle!"

Now Carole was running around, high-fiving fellow Wildcat fans. I said "Carole, sit down. We're going for two." Carole sat down. The Wildcats went for two. And they made it.

The television color analyst said "The Bulldogs have a minute twenty-five to go and all three timeouts. Plenty of time, and the Wildcats defense looked weak during the last Bulldogs. Lawrence Watson and the Bulldogs can do this!" I put the earplugs back in and listened to Wildcat Radio:

"Lawrence Watson takes the snap, he fires, and it is complete to the 40 and a first down. The Bulldogs come up to the line, they try a draw play, and it does not work! Davis Smith hit Armstrong in the backfield. Forty seconds to go. Watson passes and it is complete to the Wildcats 29 yard line... Watson checks down to Armstrong, he's hit right on the line for no gain, no, he lost a yard. The Bulldogs take a timeout."

After nearly four full minutes of timeout for television, the game resumed. It was a very full and very tense room in the Troy Household. Bowser and Buddy were on the floor in front with the kids, and even they were watching nervously.

Wildcats Radio: "And we are finally back. Is it just me, or are they giving the television networks more and more time for commercial breaks? Anyway, here we go! Second and 10 at the Wildcats 30, thirty-one seconds to go. The pass is incomplete. Third down, 25 seconds to go. Watson takes he snap AND HE IS HIT BEHIND THE LINE! It's fourth down, and the Bulldogs call time!"

After another full four minutes of commercial time, play resumed. The Wildcats radio announcer said "Get the picture. Fourth down, fifteen yards to go for a first down, thirty-five yards to go for a touchdown. Here's the snap. Watson drops back, he's under pressure, he throws... INCOMPLETE! It's incomplete! Wait... what?"

Wildcats in the stands had been cheering uproariously, after the incomplete pass... but Carole had not. She said "There's a flag." She was right. Yellow laundry was on the ground right next to quarterback Lawrence Watson, who was lying on his back, gesticulating that he'd been hit late.

"Oh my God, I cannot believe this." said the Wildcats radio announcer as the replay was shown on television. "They're saying Davis Smith hit Watson late. He barely touched him, if he even made contact at all! Watson flopped, and they're calling the foul!"

The referee on television said "Personal foul, Number 3, with targeting. The previous play is under review."

The television play-by-play man said "That is an unbelievable call. Smith didn't even touch him, I don't think."

"He hit him, he hit him late! Right in the head and neck area!" asserted the color analyst. "That's just typical Wildcat dirty, undisciplined play. They've played dirty the whole game, and the officials finally called one."

"He didn't even touch him!" the play-by-play man all but yelled. "And there was no helmet-to-helmet, or launching himself. That's just a horrible call... suspiciously horrible!"

"He did! The refs got it right!" yelled the color analyst. He could barely be heard over the boos ringing down from the stands. Security began coming out of one end of the stadium and matriculating their way along the edges of the field. As if they could stop 96,000 rabidly angry fans, I thought to myself. The Town & County Council Chamber, this was not.

The referee was shown: "Targeting is confirmed. Number 3 is disqualified from the game." A visibly distraught Davis Smith was shown on the Wildcats sideline. A coach escorted him off the field, followed by not one but two Security men, as if Davis Smith were a convicted felon or something.

Wildcats Radio: "That is the most unbelievable, worst call I've ever seen. Okay, here we go. First and ten. Watson is looking really smug as he comes up to the line. He throws, and it's complete! First down at the five, and the receiver steps out of bounds! Fifteen seconds to go. Without Davis Smith, the Wildcats can't get any pressure on Lawrence Watson. He takes the snap and... incomplete. It was batted away at the line. Second down, goal to go! Ten seconds left."

Wildcats fans had not stopped their relentless booing since the horrific personal foul call. Some of them continued to boo while others roared against the Bulldogs at the top of their lungs. Lawrence Watson very snarkily waved his arms for quiet as the Bulldogs approached the line...

To be continued.