Sera Ch. 20

My smile said it all, as hers did in return, and we hugged each other tight for some moments before separating, but still holding hands between our thighs as I cleared my throat and addressed her comment.

"Speaking of that..."

"Yes, baby?"

"Well, first of all, it's great to be able to talk to you like this. It's like it's been way too long on that."

"We love each other," she explained. "Now, what's on your mind?"

"Well... It's about what you said, about changing in the time we've been here and 'finding ourselves anew', as you put it."

"I thought that was very poetic," she commented.

"It was, it was pretty good," I agreed, "but it's also very appropriate. It's something I think I've been running away from."

"Come on back to the loungers and our drinks so I can have a smoke while you tell me."

"Aw Mum, cigarettes are gross."

"Leave me alone."

"You just had one," I complained.

"About a half hour ago; leave me alone and come on."

A minute later, suspiciously eying the smelly cloud of blue smoke as it wafted past me, I got into what had been on my mind, uncertainly beginning with, "All this time, I've been resisting this thing... this thing that we are. I deal with it, often debate with it, work with it and sometimes even voluntarily give it control because I just get so tired of hacking this situation... I've tried to be... above it, or what I saw as above it. I've tried to draw lines for myself from the very beginning, but kept stepping over them, one after another. Gina is a perfect example, but far from the only one."

"Steven, that's true of all of us. Kitten and I have spoken of this and... I know what you're thinking."

"Actually, Kitten really brought it home for me. I think being here, experiencing the others has had an overall affect on me and my way of seeing this as well as it has with you and the rest of us, Ashleigh included, but to see her like that, beating poor Gina... That really freaked the hell out of me, and I knew... I think I knew then and there that this is too big for me. Me," I added in emphatic clarification, "Not your other son. I can hack the real world, but I really have no business within this fractured realm. That's something I've been running from, but I don't think I can do that for much longer. I keep waiting to hear what Ashleigh has to pass along, but I'm afraid that, by the time I finally hear it, by the time I'm finally able to verify any truth in whatever it is, it'll be a moot point anyway."

"You still hold out hope in finding a way to get rid of what you call the parasite."

"Well, yeah. Ashleigh told me that isn't possible, but that only means something if it's true. Until she can prove that, getting rid of it seems to be a logical ultimate goal."

"So things can go back to normal," Mum quietly assumed before taking a drag.

"Yes, exac- Okay, you're getting at something."

"Yes I am, and you know what it is."

"Why not just leave it alone, right? Go with the flow?"

"Isn't that something you should prepare for? I mean, say Ashleigh's telling the truth and what we are can't ever go away? Or... what if you find out that she is lying, that you can get rid of it, but you're the only one of us who wants to?"

I had no spoken answer for that, but she, after a brief pause and in the same quiet tone, accurately spoke the words that were in my mind.

"You assumed that you'd force me to comply if it came down to it. You'd force me for my own good so you can have your normalcy back under the guise of keeping that promise."

" ... Well-"

"Steven, our home and our life back in Vancouver is gone, and it's never coming back. The people we were then are also gone and can never come back. Do you honestly think, even if we did put aside what makes us special and unique, that things could ever go back to that definition of 'normal' at this point?"

"(Siiigh) ... I'm sorry, Mum. I know what you mean, and I guess this is what I'm starting to see and what I'm trying to say, it's just that... part of me already believes Ashleigh, that it can't be gotten rid of, and I'm having trouble with what that'll mean."

"You're having trouble letting go of the past."

"Yeah, I guess. It's depressing."

"It's unavoidable that we have to close the various chapters of our lives, Son. I've watched many in my own life close, some good, some bad, but I've learned that the end of one chapter always means the beginning of a fresh new one, a figurative blank page of undiscovered possibility. Whatever happens from here on, wherever we are five years from now, there's nothing saying we won't be happy. Maybe happier. In fact, I remember telling you that we would be that day we went to the beach for your birthday."

This was far from the first time I'd ever been impressed with her wisdom and, like every other time, I listened attentively and respectfully, nodding in support of her recollection of that day.

"And I'll tell you something else... You see your past as 'normalcy' and call it that only because it's all you knew. You look back and see yourself as happy then because of the comparative upheaval in our lives now, but that doesn't mean you were happy. Yes, you were happy enough but, from your perspective, what are you comparing that past life to in order to label it that way? I used to nag, smack you around, treat you like my boy, you rarely had free time and your girlfriend was a useless whore that I never left you alone about. Again, I know you were happy enough then but, to make my point with this one example, you have to admit that things between us are a lot better now. We have our differences, but we can talk now, not to mention sex each other up. That's a lot better than back then, right?"

"I... You're right. It doesn't change the situation, but you're right."

"No, it doesn't change the situation, but it might help you to see it more clearly as it evolves around you."

After a long pause, during which time I thought on her words, I asked, "If it turns out Ashleigh is lying, that we can get rid of... You won't do it, will you?"

" ... Who is it that you think you're ta-? ... No, sweetie pie. You've kept that promise to the extent that you ever could have, but I'm not going anywhere. I once told you that, without me at this point in her life, your mother would be nothing. Even she- what's left of her- wouldn't be happy without me in her head. Neither would Ashleigh or Kitten, and..."

"What?" I asked after her pause made it clear that she'd changed her mind about saying whatever it was she was about to say.

"Nothing."

"Mu-um, c'mon."

"No," she adamantly decided, using her tone to tell me that was final, but also adding, "It's nothing you won't come to on your own, and it's better that you do."

"I do so love surprises."

"Don't be smart," she lightly admonished. "But seriously, between now and then, there is something you should know."

"What's that?"

"Like I've mentioned, Kitten and I have been talking about some things. Mostly, some of the things we've done and, uh, how we compare to Sheila. She's been as concerned about some of her recent behaviour as I've been about some of mine and we've come to see... Sweetie pie, I'll just come out and say it: Unless something major rears its ugly head here, this is where I belong. I don't want to do the things I'm capable of, not to myself and not to others. I don't want to run amuck like Sheila always did, and that's why this estate has been set up and run the way it has been by both your aunt Ashleigh and your great grandmother before her. So we can run safely amuck."

" ... You've decided?" I asked, quite surprised about this.

"More or less," she replied after sucking at her straw. "Like I say, unless you or I uncover something here that we really don't like but, at this point, my gut tells me Ashleigh's pretty much on the up and up. I've already told Kitten that she should stay and that I was seriously thinking about it as well."

"Wow. ... Sheila told me that she's probably gonna stay too."

She only nodded at this and a grin slowly spread across my mouth as I suddenly realized that she already knew that, this information actually another reason for her staying, though this was something else she'd probably deny.

"Did you have fun playing with Gina's pussy with her?"

" ... Yeah," she defensively admitted.

" ... I told Sheila about you and me."

It was her turn to choke on her drink. I even waited until she was about to swallow before I told her. The look on her flushed features was priceless as she was finally able to look incredulously at me.

"You what!?"

I shrugged, took a casual gulp of my drink and said, "Well, she felt so zeroed in on. Everybody knew the things she'd done and she was feeling pretty bad, so I told her about us to make her feel better about herself."

"Oh my god, you've made me look like a total hypocrite!"

"You were. Turns out Kitten was too."

I'd said it with a smile and it was probably the only thing that saved me from getting hurt just then.

"I should kill you!" she amazed.

"Ashleigh knows about us too."

I couldn't help but laugh at the blank, red faced expression that took over my astounded mother's features just then.

"Oh, sure! Laugh it up while Mummy looks and feels like a complete, hypocritical fool! They knew all along about...? Oh my god! Hon!"

"Yeah well, in my own defense, I knew Sheila wouldn't tell anybody or judge us too harshly, plus I had a good reason for telling her. But I wouldn't have actually volunteered that information to Ashleigh. She already knew."

"What do you mean, she 'knew'?"

"She could see that my eyes were turned on, as she puts it. She told me that the only way that could have happened was through sex with another Burchell and, since you're the only other Burchell I've ever known... well, the math is pretty easy from there."

" ... Drat."

"Look at the bright side, Mum."

"Oh, she expressed in a totally put on, casual demeanor of indifference, "there's a bright side to looking like a hypocritical, deviant, incestuous fool? I wouldn't have thought as much, but do tell."

"Yes, there's a bright side. Neither Ashleigh or Sheila has a problem with it. In fact, they'd like to see it. Especially Sheila."

"In Sheila's case, that doesn't come as a big surprise, but Ashleigh?"

"Well, how did Kitten take the news about us?"

"Actually, she wanted to hear more. It turned her on too, but I didn't tell her it was an ongoing thing between us, only that we were once in a bind with our superintendant and that we had to do what he told us for a while. Which is true. Isn't it?"

"Kinda."

"(Giggle!) Oh my god... I see what you're saying, that we can relax now and that it's no big deal here, but I'm just so used to the natural secrecy around us where that's concerned."

"I know what you mean. Sometimes it's embarrassing, like when Sheila wants details and stuff, but there's a certain freedom in having nothing left to lose."

"Bobby McGee knew it."

"Huh?"

"An old song," she explained, going on with, "But I imagine Kitten is having much the same thoughts about her father right now."

"I imagine so."

"Uh... While we're being so open and honest here... I'd like to know how you really feel about Kitten and I with respect to what you two share. We've really never dealt with this beyond a shaky truce, and I couldn't help noticing that things between you two aren't progressing like they should, given your feelings for one another. I'm a little concerned that I might be in the way."

"And if you were?" I asked.

"That's not fair."

"If I did feel you were in my way, it would be."

"So, you don't feel that way," she gleaned from between my lines.

" ... No, I don't think so. Not anymore."

"Sooo... what are your feelings about Kitten and I now? Be honest."

I smiled, my own face flushing just a bit as I turned away in what I hoped was a casual movement, draining my glass further before I answered a bit sheepishly.

"I'd like to watch you two. And... a threesome would be a lot of fun."

"Oooh, sweetie pie... now you're talking. (giggle)"

"Mum, you little slut."

"You only say that because you know it turns me on."

"Heh... jeez, I love you."

"I love you too, baby," she expressed with a warm, motherly smile for me. "So, we're good with Kitten?"

"Yes."

"Okay. ... Steven?"

"Yes?"

"Um... just because I'm looking so seriously at staying here, and despite everything I just said about comparing to Sheila, don't think..."

"What?" I lazily prodded.

"Well, I am who I am. You know that, and Kitten is who she is."

"Yes. What are you saying?"

"Nothing, I suppose," she sighed, fidgeting with the waistband of her bikini bottoms. "I'm going to go see her a bit later, though. I think she could probably use some cheering up, and Auntie Kathleen knows just how to do that."

"Should I be worried?" I asked, already a bit worried anyway.

" ... Naaah."

Kitten

Despite having just woken up that fateful morning, I cried myself to sleep in Stevie's arms after he told me Gina was gone. I suppose it was the emotional exertion.

However, he was gone when I awoke about three hours later. The clock read nine twenty-six and I could feel dried tears on my face and the empty feeling in my sternum that hadn't gone away while I'd been sobering up all that time.

The returning thought of Gina's exit from my life pushed at my attention, battering at quick defenses I'd erected as I got out of bed, pitter-pattering to my kitchenette for a tall, clean glass with a lot of vodka and a little milk with ice. Tears made it through my emotional barriers as I ran for the only hiding place I knew, swallowing a mouthful of the fiery Russian favourite despite the heavy lump in my throat.

"Oh, fuck..." I barely whispered while staring vacantly at the foyer. "Gina. You're really... gone."

I couldn't get the rest of that drink into me fast enough.

Almost two hours later, I was cleaned up and dressed in a simple pair of black jeans that were old enough to be gray with a black T-shirt in much the same condition. I bothered with no makeup, curling iron, hair band, or even a ponytail, still trying to process what had happened, the things she'd said and all the horrible ramifications, when somebody called at my door.

Numbed by a substantial amount of vodka, I felt somewhat in control again, yet that hollow sensation just behind my sternum persisted as I opened my door to Auntie Ashleigh. She stood in a translucent, silvery business suit with a red lace bra and panties, garter belt and stockings. In my vodka controlled depression, I vaguely wondered where in hell she got these outfits as she regarded me with concern.

"Kitten, I... I heard about what happened. Oh sweetie pie, are you alright?"

It was odd. On the one hand, I saw her as someone I couldn't trust, she being the one who'd 'opened my eyes' without even telling me for reasons only she knew. On the other, there was no mistaking her sincerity, her real concern over what was going on with me. I started crying again and she came right in to take me in her loving arms, holding me while I cried it out all over again.

This time, however, my sorrow included another facet. I'd been thinking since I'd been up and drinking. The more I drank, the more I thought, and the more I thought, the more I knew what decisions I'd have to make concerning my immediate future. This was what was on my mind when Auntie Ashleigh came to my door but, as it turned out, she had things on her mind as well.

Sitting on my couch, once my tears were more or less dried and under some control again, she released me from her comforting embrace, running her fingers through my hair and looking my face over as though ensuring it was safe to start speaking.

"Sweetie pie, I can't tell you how sorry I am. As much as I at first didn't care for Gina being here, I liked her even then. As time went on, I started to think she'd be a nice little addition to our home, mostly so you'd always have her as your special little friend, but also because I wanted the rest of us to know her as well."

"I- I don't even know what happened," I said, trying not to blubber. "I was trying to figure out what to do with her and she just... got away on me."

"Tell me," she encouraged. "What exactly happened?"

After I was finished, painfully recounting even Gina's most hurtful words, I actually felt a little better, but then she started asking tentative questions.

"You implied that she wasn't under your influence when she came to get her keys?"

"Like I said, she wouldn't even look me in the eyes, let alone do what I told her."

"She purposely avoided your eyes?"

"Yes, the whole time."

"Uhhh... So, she left here knowing that we can influence people."

"Yes," I answered simply, seeing what she was getting at an instant later and quickly adding, "Oh Auntie, no! She'd never say anything! In fact, she promised a couple of times that she wouldn't, and I believe her because she was... um..."

"She was what?" she gently asked.

"Well... she was pretty scared of me."

"I see. You're sure?"

"Yes. (sniff) plus, she... she loves me."

"I understand, but... is there a chance that either Steven or your Aunt Kathleen saw to her before she left and while you were unconscious?"

"No, Stevie told me that she also told him that she'd never tell and that he believed her, so..."

"Uh huh. ... Did he happen to mention why your Aunt Kathleen would follow Gina down to the gatehouse?"

"Ummm... No, he didn't mention that at all."

"Okay. Kitten, I hope you understand how we can't be telling people about us, or allowing them to find out. I know that Gina loves you and... Just on principal, nobody outside the family should ever know about this business and, if somebody ever did find out about our abilities for whatever reason, you must remove it from their minds and then put them back to rights. You see why that is now, right?"

"Yes, but Auntie..."

"Hm?"

"The last time I saw her before she left, she was still under my influence and with a much less... inhibited attitude, but she was gone when I got back. I don't know how she slipped her leash, but it wasn't me."

"Oh. ... Hm. You know, once you have somebody opened to your influence, they stay that way until you close them. Or... until another Burchell closes them."

"But Auntie, I swear I- I... Ohhh."

"Yes. Exactly when and where was the last time you saw her under your influence?"

"Right here, just before the last family meeting. I left her here, but I didn't specifically tell her to stay, so I wasn't that concerned when I came back and saw she was gone."

"She didn't mention where she'd been since you last saw her, or that she'd been speaking to any other members of the family during that time?"

"No."

"Okay. Sweetie pie?"

"Yes?"

"Would you do me a really huge favour?" she asked with love sparkling in her eyes.

"Yes, Auntie."

"Let me look into this?"

" ... Okay."

"I'll find out exactly what's going on, if anything, and tell you before either of us starts pointing unjust fingers, alright?"

"Okay, Auntie."

"Now... what about you?"

From her expression, I could almost believe she knew what I'd been thinking before she came, and why not? She was the one who'd pointed out where I was, the crossroads that divided my future between the unrealistic confines of my life in Langley from the unknown, but already comfortable possibilities there at the estate, where I could be who I really was with nothing to hide. This was as good a place to start from as any, and I looked back into her eyes, always sparkling with the same unnatural, predatorial darkness she'd awoken in me.