The Sex Rehab Diaries: Kylie

"I'm Kylie, and I'm a sex addict."

I tried not to cry. It would have made things exponentially more embarrassing than just standing in front of the room telling a group of strangers that I was basically a sexual deviant. I bit down on my lower lip instead, producing just enough sharp discomfort to keep the girly tears back.

I couldn't believe I had really committed to this. Of course, I guess one could argue that I wasn't very good with commitments, as it was. Ever since the depraved incident on that one Sunday morning at dawn, the platinum engagement ring that I was still wearing on my left hand seemed to be burning rings of guilt around my finger. I should have just taken it off until I felt entitled to wear it again, but it was so beautiful, and I was still so hopeful that things would work out.

Suck it up and deal with it Kylie , I told myself. This might be uncomfortable, and humiliating, but it was a necessary evil if I was to ever hope for a happy ending with my fiancé, Justin. Just thinking about his trusting face was enough to ease some of my anxiety about sharing my story with this room full of strangers. There was no choice. I had to do this to salvage my future with him. He still didn't know what had happened. And his best man had promised me that he wouldn't tell him... if I sought counseling for my 'problem.'

"Look, I've always been a sexual girl," I had told his best friend Dave. "And I was high on ecstasy for god's sake. I mean what did you expect was going to happen? I was so fucking horny!"

Dave had just looked at me like I was a total trash bag. "Kylie, it's one thing to have fucked around in college. But seriously... at your fiancé's own bachelor party? How could you have done it?"

Now, standing in front of the makeshift classroom at The Belleview Retreat for Sexual Health, I tried to stay calm. This was sex rehab. It was a place meant for us to share our stories, and hopefully find some kind of resolution. While Justin thought I was away for six weeks visiting family in Australia before our wedding, I was really going to be trapped in group therapy treatment. I glanced at the faces of the other people seated in the circle surrounding me. Some seemed friendly, some seemed distracted, and others just seemed downright cynical.

I looked towards our counselor, Dr Clark.

"I'm not sure where to start."

Dr Clark looked up from her notebook, and pushed the dark rimmed glasses further up her nose, and smiled patiently and encouragingly at me.

"Don't worry Kylie. We're not here to judge you. We're just here to share our experiences and hopefully gain some understanding and some insight from each other. We all have things that we can teach each other."

I heard someone snicker, and I glanced at the edgy brunette in the tank top and jeans in time to see her roll her eyes.

"That's not very helpful Brooklyn," Dr Clark warned her. "We're here to respect each other, and our experiences. Let's not forget that."

I drew in my breath, feeling my knees anxiously clicking together. I had never been good at public speeches in school, and certainly this was far more frightening than anything I'd done in college. I was always been the life of the party at any social event, but this kind of spotlight was a lot different than the frat parties and the sorority froshes that I used to attend.

"Just tell us a little about yourself first," Dr Clark said, leaning back into her chair. "Tell us who Kylie is... other than the beautiful girl we see in front of us."

I smiled at the complements and felt myself relax a little. I had always gotten attention for my looks. In fact I partially blamed them for my sexual addictions. I had developed early in school, and by the time I was 16, I was a 34D on an otherwise tight little cheerleader's body. The blonde hair, perpetual tan, and light smattering of freckles across my nose made me look like the epitome of sexy girl next door, although nobody could have really guessed how dirty and deviant my mind really was.

I drew in my breath and began. "Well, I'm 24 years old, and I just finished university about six months ago. It was around that time that my boyfriend Justin asked me to marry him. And I was thrilled. I mean, we had dated off and on throughout school. We finally had gotten to the point where we were both ready to commit and start our lives together. We had always been faithful to each other while we were dating, but we did have a few break ups in school. And during those times, well... I don't know what he was doing, but I know I was having my fun. I mean I don't think it was anything that outside the norm of a typical college girl sowing her wild oats, right?"

"Mmhmm... well, it's hard to say what's normal and what's not these days," Dr Clark said, briefly making eye contact with me as she scribbled things into her notebook. "How many sexual partners did you have during your 'wild years' in school?"

I felt myself blush. "I don't know... I probably stopped counting once I got past 100."

I saw a few smiles spreading on the faces watching me, and my blush deepened.

"Don't worry, Kylie," Dr Clark reassured me. "Nobody is judging. But I guess it's fair to say that you had quite a bit of time when you were technically uhm... 'single' or not exclusive with your fiancé, right?"

"Sort of. I mean... I did a lot of partying in school. Not just your usual frat parties and keggers either. I mean Justin and I met at a Tiesto concert. We hung out a lot on that scene. I used to go to some pretty crazy after hours parties, both with him and without him. That wasn't really anything out of the norm. And I guess I can get a little crazy when I'm high. I mean, doesn't everyone?"

The dark haired girl chortled again. "Maybe you're in the wrong kind of rehab, hon."

"Brooklyn, that's enough!" Dr Clark snapped. "Or you'll be excused for the day and you can spend it in your room doing a self-help assignment."

The girl glared at Dr Clark and sank down further into her seat.

The counselor turned her gaze to me again. "Did you complete your diary entry last night, Kylie?"

I nodded. When I had checked into the facility the previous day, there had been an orientation package that had been left for me, with instructions. We were to write about the event that had precipitated our decision to enter rehab. I had stayed up all night, trying to get the wording perfect. And, admittedly, I had been masturbating furiously the entire time. It had been so wrong, so perverse, so... hot! Even now, stuck in this self-imposed 'engagement purgatory' for the foolish decisions I had made that day, the thought of that incident still excited me, guilty feelings or not. Even standing in front of that group, and realizing that I was about to share it with them had turned me on. The confession of the singular moment of my darkest depravity had my panties wet with anticipation. Hmm... maybe I did have a problem after all, I realized.

"Why don't you read it to us then," Dr Clark said with a friendly smile. "And let us not forget, everyone... we are here to listen to Kylie's story and to offer our support and understanding. It's hard to be the first one in the group to share your confession. Don't forget... each of you will be in her place at some point during the course of your treatment, so let's give Kylie our full attention and respect."

My hands were shaking as I held the written pages. Oh my god. There was no turning back now.

"Go on Kylie," Dr Clark urged me. "Start from the beginning."

I exhaled my breath, feeling the nerves prickling hot under my skin. Holding the pages up, my gaze fell to my girly script and with great trepidation I began to read.

It all started the weekend of my bachelorette party. My fiancé Justin and I were being taken out by our respective groups of friends. Deep Dish was playing at Kool Haus that night and we had flipped a coin to decide which group was going to go. As luck would have it, I won. Justin's bachelor party was going to be held at his buddy Gavin's cottage up north. Except it's not really just a cottage. His dad is in the oil business and they have a huge house right on the water, as well as a boat house with outdoor hot tubs, jet skis, and all the fun toys to make a weekend getaway a guaranteed good time. We'd been to a lot of party weekends up there, as a couple, over the years, and I knew the guys that were going reasonably well. Justin and I had planned a big wedding, and that included six groomsmen on his side, and six bridesmaids on mine. Everything had been arranged perfectly. Until it all went horribly wrong.

My bachelorette party at the nightclub would have been brilliant time, except that two of my friends got some mashy ecstasy and weren't having a good 'trip'. Another of my bridesmaids didn't do drugs at all so she was obviously just enduring the night. After all, thousands of people crammed into a sweaty club, pulsing to the dark beats under a wave of strobe lights is hardly the kind of thing one can enjoy while sober. Two of the girls ended up hooking up with guys that they met there, and watching them grinding and making out on the dance floor was only serving to make me even more horny. It was agony, actually. I'm always horny when I'm high and it had been ages since I'd partied without having Justin by my side. I could almost feel my pussy juices running down the inside of my thighs. And there was no relief in sight. Obviously I couldn't really just hook up with someone in front of my entire wedding party, and I honestly didn't want to. I wanted to fuck Justin!

We left the club around 4am. I thought the girls were going to come back to my place to hang out with me. It was kind of like tradition. Nobody likes to go home alone while they're sketchy. But unfortunately they all gave me lame excuses and bailed. The two girls left with the guys they had been fooling around with at the club and the others told me they were tired or had things to do that day. To be honest, I was a little pissed off. I knew the guys would still be partying up at the cottage, and here all my best girlfriends were ready to abandon me at my own bachelorette party. I know I shouldn't blame them, but none of this would ever have happened if they had just been more supportive of me, the way we used to be back in college.

So I went home for a little while. I watched some porn, and used my vibrator, but all I could think about was getting fucked. Sex toys are fun, but they really aren't the same thing. I wanted Justin's body on mine, skin to skin, his mouth on my pussy, and his fingers in my ass. We always have such wild and intense sex when we're high. It was all I could think about. Finally, towards 5am, I decided to do the unthinkable. I was going to crash his bachelor party weekend. In my own crazy mind at the time, I figured I could go up there and party with him for a bit, even to just drag him into a bedroom for a couple of hours while the other guys were resting, and then leave and let him continue the party with his buddies. I tried his cell phone to run the idea by him, but you can't get any reception up there as it is. So I got into my car, and started to drive.

It was a bad idea. I knew this even while I was driving. I had the music on loud to keep me in the mood, and distract me from thinking about it too much. By the time I pulled up in front of the cottage, I was actually pretty tired, and starting to wonder what I had been thinking. The sky was beginning to turn orange with daybreak, and the place was serene and beautiful aside from the lights still on at the boathouse and the driving rhythm of the bass disturbing the early morning silence. I smoothed down my little white skirt. I had worn a bikini underneath just incase I ended up staying longer than expected, and over it was a thin t-shirt with a wide neckline that hung off one shoulder. I figured it was 'cottage sexy', but still respectable. I mean, I wasn't going up there for anything other than to have sex with my fiancé. By the time I walked across the property to the boathouse, I could feel my pussy start to tingle in anticipation of getting some time alone with him.

But when I opened the door and walked in, I set the wheels in motion of a night I'd never be able to erase. The music was loud, and the air was heavy with the scent of testosterone. All the guys were there, eight of them in total. They were still partying, grooving to the beats, most of them shirtless, in their board shorts and swim trunks, many still wearing their sunglasses. One guy was in the hot tub drinking a beer. And there was a porn movie on silent, the images reflecting from the big screen TV in the corner. They were all Justin's friends, his six groomsmen, and a couple of others I didn't recognize as well. I knew them to varying degrees. We had all partied together before, but as I searched the room with my eyes, I didn't see Justin, or his best man Dave, whom I knew the best.

When I opened the door, a few guys erupted in a little cheer of greeting.

"Well... Kylie! What the fuck are you doing here? Just in the neighbourhood?"

Greg laughed, and came up to give me a hug. "Don't listen to them babe, it's great to see you again. What happened to the Deep Dish concert?"

"It was a fun night," I assured him, as another guy wordlessly handed me a corona. "But the girls bailed on me. And I was kind of getting lonely. Where's Justin?"

"Ah, he got wrecked. He drank too much, took a couple of tabs. He just went up to the main house to sleep. A couple of other guys are up there as well, crashed out."

"Sleep? Seriously?" I was immediately crushed by disappointment. "Maybe I'll just go and wake him up a little..."

"Oooh," one of the guys said with a wicked grin. "Looks like somebody's horny."

I giggled and continued sipping the corona, starting to relax. "I guess I get kind of horny when I'm high. Although I'm pretty sober now."

"Awww, well we can change that," Greg said with a wink. He pressed a little blue pill into the palm of my hand. "Try that one. It's fucking awesome. We've been rolling on it all night."

I shook my head. "Oh I really shouldn't. I mean it's almost 7am. And I don't want to crash your party weekend by staying."

"You're not crashing it," Ben said, coming up and putting his muscular arm around my shoulders amiably. "You're practically the second most important guest of honour here. I mean, we are celebrating your upcoming wedding aren't we? Stay. Hang with us, let Justin sleep for a little while, and then you'll be all ready to wake him up with a smile."

It seemed like a good idea at the time, in the haze of my indecisions. I mean these were his friends, and I just driven for two hours. I didn't want to just leave without seeing Justin at all. And I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep anyway. Besides, I was still in the mood to celebrate. After all, I was getting married soon! I swallowed the pill.

We partied on the deck overlooking the lake for a little while, and I was struck by how beautiful it was. I was in my flip-flops with my sunglasses on, watching the early morning sun starting to peak out from beyond the horizon. The air was warm and felt good on my skin. As I felt that delicious rush of ecstasy hit me, my body began to move instinctively to the rhythm of the music and I enjoyed my own little private dance floor. I was aware of a few of the guys sitting in the hot tub in the corner of the deck, watching me dance, and I guess I have to admit that I was enjoying the attention.

"You have some sexy moves there, Kylie," Brad called over to me.

I grinned at him. "I love dancing when I'm rushing like this. Everything feels so good. I feel so alive."

"Well, we're enjoying watching you come alive, hon," he said with a smile. "I hope you don't mind."

I shook my head, urged on by their attentions. Eventually my dancing began to cater to the eyes that were on me. I began to dance sexier, moving my hips and rocking my head from side to side, letting my long blonde hair swirl seductively over my shoulders. My skin began to heat up and in a quick spontaneous movement, I pulled off my t-shirt so that I was only in my white mini skirt and my black string bikini top. I heard one of them whistle.

"Damn, the bride is looking s-e-x-y!"

I smiled, loving all the complements I was getting, and I continued dancing provocatively.

"Fuck! This feels so good," I cried, losing myself in the abandon of the moment.

I was riding the best high of my life. I took a long sip from the bottle of water I was drinking, and splashed a little on my tanned upper chest, soaking my bikini top, and getting a cheer from the guys who were in the hot tub or leaning against the railing, totally transfixed on me. I could hear their comments to each other about what a lucky guy Justin was, and how turned on they were getting watching me. I felt lost in my own ego as I continued putting on a little show for them. I shouldn't have been teasing them the way I was, but I had always been a party girl and a bit of a show off on the dance floor. And having my own adoring audience only served to reinforce my desire to impress them.

I put my hands on the waistband of my white skirt and heard more cheers erupt.

"Yeah baby! Take it off!"

I saw a guy elbow the groomsman who had yelled it. "Hey dude, that's the bride. Don't forget."

"Aw, we're just having fun," I called over, not wanting to spoil the party mood. I smiled and slowly slid my skirt down over my slim tanned hips, and let it fall to the floor of the deck. I stepped out of it, and laughed playfully, continuing to move to the beats. Eventually there was a lull in the music and someone rushed to change the CD playing. I stopped dancing, grabbed my bottle of water and went over to the hot tub where three guys were watching me intently.

"Come into the hot tub and warm up, Kylie," one of them said. "You're certainly dressed for the occasion."

I glanced down, almost forgetting that I had stripped down to my black string bikini while I had been dancing. Most of the guys were in their swim trunks or shorts, so it's not that I felt out of place, but it did feel strange being the only girl in a crowd of testosterone. Of course I didn't mind. I loved attention, and had always felt that I got along better with guys anyway.

I shrugged and sat down on the edge of the hot tub, swinging my legs over and letting them dangle into the warm bubbling water. "Mmm... fuck, that feels good when you're high."

Brad laughed. "Why do you think we're in it? Well, I mean other than the fact that we can hide our stiff dicks in here."

A couple of them chuckled at his comment and I laughed as well. "Oh yeah? I kind of figured that you guys would hire strippers for the weekend."

"Oh we did," Greg assured me. "But they left a couple of hours ago. Smoking hot girls, but just strippers. They had this chaperone douche bag with them. Nobody got any action. Just some serious blue balls for all of us."

"Wow, that sucks," I said amiably, although secretly pleased that the entertainment had been fairly chaste. The idea of Justin with another girl made me undeniably jealous, just I knew that it made him jealous to imagine me cheating as well. We had made a firm pact when we'd gotten back together to be good to each other that way. No deception.

Which is why I don't know what compelled me to be sitting there in my tiny bikini flirting with all his friends the way I was. But I was deliciously high, and unbelievably horny and I had always been one to love the attention.

I slid my body down into the warm water of the hot tub. It felt incredible on my sensitive skin and I moaned slowly, closing my eyes, and leaning back into the corner. When I opened them again, I was aware of everyone staring unabashedly at me.