All Comments on 'Becky’s Hungry Mouth Wants Two, And'

by BrooklynObserver

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  • 6 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 15 years ago
""Your's is pretty fucking huge too, dude..."

Your's?<BR><BR>YOUR'S????<BR><BR>It must SUCK being semi-educated, huh?<BR><BR>Your's...LMAO!<BR><BR>It is NEVER EVER EVER "your's", RE-tard! It's only EVER "yours"--PERIOD!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 15 years ago
Brooklyn Boys

Like having their dicks sucked together, than dance around having dick fights and such. Wow, sounds like some fun dude.

fastandsloppyfastandsloppyalmost 15 years ago
Half baked, but shows flashes of quality

I prefer a story with characters who have some motivation and maybe even a bit of plot, but I can get behind a pure porno story like this on occasion. However there was some stuff in your story that was, frankly, half baked. One obvious example: how can she admire the look of two cocks rubbing together in her mouth? You should spend more time thinking through the story and visualizing the action before you start typing (hell that's a big part of the fun with writing this stuff).

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However, for all that I think there was some promise here. You have some original phrasing on occasion and your writing isn't bad. (I don't obsess over minor editing errors like some of the anonymously posting assholes around here). You should think of combining the blizard of posts you've seem to have been pumping out into a coherent story with a shitload of action and you might have something seriously excellent.

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Keep trying.

BrooklynObserverBrooklynObserveralmost 15 years agoAuthor
Re Anonymous

I am so sorry that my typo ruined your day. Please accept my deepest apologies, and a full refund. Thoughtful criticism like yours is what keeps me writing. Thanks.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
I want more

Damn, I must admit it turned me on that she was rubbing his cock against yours. Sounds delicious!

AnonymousAnonymous6 months ago

Gary Dale Kennedy TT 47 ok

1.442.2144480

Anonymous
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