by BrooklynObserver
Your's?<BR><BR>YOUR'S????<BR><BR>It must SUCK being semi-educated, huh?<BR><BR>Your's...LMAO!<BR><BR>It is NEVER EVER EVER "your's", RE-tard! It's only EVER "yours"--PERIOD!
Like having their dicks sucked together, than dance around having dick fights and such. Wow, sounds like some fun dude.
I prefer a story with characters who have some motivation and maybe even a bit of plot, but I can get behind a pure porno story like this on occasion. However there was some stuff in your story that was, frankly, half baked. One obvious example: how can she admire the look of two cocks rubbing together in her mouth? You should spend more time thinking through the story and visualizing the action before you start typing (hell that's a big part of the fun with writing this stuff).
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However, for all that I think there was some promise here. You have some original phrasing on occasion and your writing isn't bad. (I don't obsess over minor editing errors like some of the anonymously posting assholes around here). You should think of combining the blizard of posts you've seem to have been pumping out into a coherent story with a shitload of action and you might have something seriously excellent.
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Keep trying.
I am so sorry that my typo ruined your day. Please accept my deepest apologies, and a full refund. Thoughtful criticism like yours is what keeps me writing. Thanks.
Damn, I must admit it turned me on that she was rubbing his cock against yours. Sounds delicious!