All Comments on 'Bitter Fingers Ch. 02'

As much as she loves him, where is her incentive to cover for him if he does leave her?

...rather seems as if you had the need to write another page, not caring if there was some sense in it or not. He claimed and professed his love for his wife and yet it took him no time at all to start looking around for another, to joke about the situation. What a heel. Okay, her mistakes were quite heavy; yet not heavy enough to excuse or explain his behaviour. She took care of her "wannabe-lover"? When and how did that happen? Why did she explain that he would not bother them any longer when the first chapter obviously and totally clear stated that there was no life left to save? Those injuries would have killed anyone..so what happened?

I think you lost it when you continued the story the way you did.

Nice story. A few turns were no surprise but a few were. You write well.

If once a cheater, always a cheater: once a murderer, always a murderer?

Have you seen how much money champion boxes are pulling in? How much recognition they get? But in your story no one fucking knew!

The other point is this: if Gary deserved the beating, then John deserves prison. If Gary, who didn't break any law, deserves death, then what does John deserve? And to that, if Johns marriage was over, why kill Gary? Because that shows it wasnt about love or hurt, it was about revenge and that makes John no better than than a common thug.

No one but the most pretentious snob uses the word "whilst" really, no one does. So don't do it.

Maggie watched him beat Gary to death with his bare hands (I know you say Gary lived but honestly, there's no way he would have survived)...why would she stay with him? Why would she be in love with him? Especially if he's done it before? What's to say he won't do it again, maybe this time if she burned the roast?

I was beginingto think nothing but cockold low life's were writing, thanks.

Like the way the Characters Grew. and Changed but stayed the same.

He was right she kept it from him that A-hole was in town. and then allows him to give her a drink after telling him NO! so the drugged excuse is no good.

I hate to say it as it is just a story; but are you even 12 yet? You can't pound us with such unrelenting stupidity without running the risk of us thinking it's not just the characters, but the author who is the moron.

I'm going to try to remember your handle so I don't accidentally waste my time reading anything from you again.

"Why had he been that angry? Yes she had betrayed him. Yes it was with the person he most hated in his life. And yes she had given Gary all her body without any significant resistance."

Hello? WTF? She asks why John had been that angry and goes on to answer her own question, three times in a row. Christ, how stupid.

You can't imagine what it'll like when you know an enemy is fucking the girl you love. I went through it and can assure everyone, there is nothing worse in life. Yes, I ended up with her, but it's never left my mind that the one person I hated most on earth popped her cherry, fucked my woman constantly whenever he wanted and sprayed her insides with his cum. It is truly awful.

Poor story with plot holes a mile wide, badly written characters that are so far from any touch of reality that they are impossible to relate to. I am trying to figure out why I read this all the way through. Poor reader I guess.

5*****

I should have stuck to my instincts after I reread the first one to catch up before reading this one. I thought that there was a possibility that it would get better.

I don't want to be rude or mean, but this story seems like it is written from an immature perspective. The characters seemed all wrong. None of them reacted like a person would in this situation. This story just seems like an excuse to BTB.

In my opinion, the author may need to learn character development and maybe mature a little. I'm not saying that to be mean. It is just an observation.

Normally I don't comment on critics of my stories because good or bad they all have their opinion. But in your case I feel I have to bite back. First of all yes I do know what boxers earn, and it's not enough. A boxer will only earn good money once he's a champion and not much as a challenger. In my story John retired as soon as he won the title therefore he never had a fight as champion and never earned champions money. Boxers are not all Floyd Mayweather you idiot.

Second Gary could have quite easily survived his injuries, I know because I've done it! I based his injuries on those I received in a motorcycle accident so I have first hand knowledge about it.

I would have liked the chance to criticise your stories in return but surprise surprise you haven't written anything. Still at least you had the balls to leave your name unlike Mr Annonymous. At least have the knowledge before you speak about something, or the experience.

This is fiction, it's a story, get real or get a life !

I have to admit that the business of falling in love just after being victim of an unfaithful wife seems unreasonable because he should be in phase of rejection. The other point that someone brought up about the detective not running him down sounds strange to someone in big cities but it depends on the setting. Out in the country they may too overworked to follow up and here in my end of the woods you have to have someone interested in the person being punished.

I rated this story 5* in spite of a few errors in syntax and grammar. The characters were sufficiently developed to evoke emotion. The dialog added depth to the tale - something other authors often overlook. Well done Phily.

Hope there are more chapters planned.

Good story. You don't write often enough!

The wife completely betrayed her husband. He didn't BTB either just gave her the boot. Gary probably got more than he deserved but that's what you risk when you take another man's wife. Much more realistic than most of the sick stuff now posted on LV.

The question here: who of your characters has won the championship for dumbness?

Because he is very capable writer. I wish I could do as well. The story is easy to read and follow. You don't have to read half the story before you have any idea of what happening like in so many stories.

However, the story is about as illogical as any story can be. The one logical part is that he is a violent thug and criminal, whose life is based on emotion; never logic. That he expect perfection from everyone; otherwise, he is going to hurt them; that he jumps to conclusions and never listens or makes any attempt to get the facts. And, there are people like that so that part is logical.

However, it is illogical to think that such a person would be well liked. Everyone that knew him would avoid him. He is too thuggish and dangerous. Certainly he would go to prison for attempted murder. The idea that his wife could keep the guy from filing charges is total nonsense. Yes, he would admit he had consensual sex. So any so called rape kit would only prove that they had sex. The DA would politely dismiss her because she waited a year to cry rape. And then only for revenge after her husband was charged. No DA would take such as case because they don't take cases they have no chance of winning. That is bad politics.

And any normal woman would divorce the creep and violent criminal. She certainly would not wait on him unless she is mentally ill and such women exist and to make that part logical the author would need to point that she is not normal or right in the head. Of course to make the story logical the thug cannot be liked or have friends other than other thugs.

I couldn't put my finger on exactly what didn't fit about the protagonist, but you summed it up pretty well.

What a crappy ending. Just like that he hooks up. What do you think we are going to buy this shitty ending

We don't have a DA in England but we do have the CPS and I think they would agree that you should be locked up for your stupid comments....Good story Philyabutt

I thought the story was over between John and Maggie with the end of chapter 1.

After reading chapter 2, I know it was and is. So what is the point of a chapter 3 ??

Gave you 3*s for this one.I believe that everyone is tire of the " Bitter Fingers ". Can you now , write something completely different ??

Thanks .

AMerryman

no this can not end this way another chapter

He doesnt desrve Maggie. Write another chapter and send him to jail

Gary needs additional lessons until he leaves town, Maggie has not suffered near enough, she played, and needs to pay. John had great restraint in not going back and finishing the job he started with Gary.. Kudos on a good story.

So he knows she was drugged and raped and he is leaving her?

What a compassion, for someone you love.

This has to have a ch 3, if only to see if this dumb guy gets his head out of his butt.

She knew he was her husband's enemy...left her drink around him...admitted that the drugs didn't incapacitate her, just loosened her inhibitions, had sex with the guy, with the drugs already wearing off...and you still expected John to stay with her?

This wasn't even the FIRST time she had betrayed John, with his greatest enemy!

I can't stand when people KNOWINGLY put themselves in stupid situations and then cry foul at the expected outcome. Gary had it coming and so did the cheating slut.

Gary deserved to die.

This story was the worst piece of trite bullshit I've read here in ages.

Maggie should get with Gary, he is all she deserves. Of course, that won't work out for long but she deserves whatever comes to her. Her stupid curiosity got her where she is and there is no one to blame, it is all hers. I hope that John and Myleene work out, that would be nice.

Of course, I realize that this is just a story.

A touching story of love found, lost, found, thrown away and found.

For me the situation of a wife going to a BBQ while her husband's mother is very seriously ill just would not happen in the real world !

Also I thing the age gap is too great for John and Myleene to work.

Maybe in a small village as there is not as much pressure from outside influences.

Perhaps in Chapter 3 John and Myleene visit his ex wife and they have a 3sum, both women get pregnant and they all live under the same roof.

As Myleene's sister is a lesbian perhaps she can get it on with john's wife as well !

The author has left a few doors open for a sequel.

This one of the few stories that I've read lately that has managed to make me dislike every person in it. Maybe the author should just leave the completion of this one to the reader's "Theater Of The Mind". This has become convoluted enough that perhaps it's best not to try to salvage an ending out of this mess IMHO.

Murderers, cheaters, druggies and worse. Not one of them with an ounce of mercy or forgiveness in their bones. And regardless of the money he did or didn't make in Boxing I found it illogical and implausible that no one seemed to know what he had accomplished. But the ending just buried the story. Horrible ending. Next time for your fictional little tales, get an editor. And then consider not making all your characters so unlikeable. With no one to root for there was nothing to like or enjoy about this story. And one more thing, whether tor not Anon or anyone else has written a story and posted it here makes no difference. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and if the authors don't like it, turn off comments or delete the offending comment. Arguing with commentators is a worthless pursuit and makes you look like an idiot.

All the whiners aside, I liked the story and the characters. All with their own flaws but one with a weakness that always hurt the one she loved. Nicely done.

No better.

JimC

this is bollocks methinks pal deffo needs more, personally I thought john was a bit of a prick.If we are luck myleene will screw him over. lol

WTF was this mess? Beyond bad. Even the fact it was a story can't be used as an excuse. Gave you 2* for trying and I was feeling a bit generous.

WTF - the love of his and her lives come together and her being druged and raped (by the guy who her husband overheard talking about doing that same thing to women) and now he blames her! This is a stupid sick story that no redeming qualities to it - just plain stupid! This story desperately needs a different ending!

I wish there was more to this story. I'd hope we could have a happier ending for the couple. The seem so good together...until she fucked up.

ENDING WAS TERRIBLE!!! SO MUCH POTENTIAL. YOU GOT LAZY

Your story started well but, the second part simply lost track of the first.

Margaret, Maggy as she became to be known corrected people if they called her Margaret. How did Gary know to call her Maggy? If John didn't know Chris had know what Rohypnol is and Should have told him. Johns wife was raped pure and simple and that was ignored, WHY!

John was written at first as a smart sensitive person then over time he became stupid and insensitive. He became an asshole to his wife who was raped. He lack of support made him worthless. Nobody cared in your story card about rape even the you even made the woman who raped only played the rape card to scare the rapist not to go after the stupid insensitive John.

The story idea was good to start but, not though through. Jealousy bullying and lack of self esteem over came though caring and good sense.

How could John only cared about her having sex with Gary and not that she was raped.

John already knew Gary was a rapist, the only thing he remembered about Gary was where he took the women to rape them. Please think and rewrite this story.

Many of you blame he characters for the poor ideas of the writer. I have to agree with one of the anonymous people. At first Gary took advantage of Margaret when they were young. She never forgot the effect that stolen kiss had on John. So she saved her self.

She found him a gave themselves to each other. Out of the blue returns good old Gary Who has become a bragging rapist.

John and his buddy actually hear it from Garys own mouth what how and where he takes the women he's going to rape. John had to stop his musician friend from kicking Gary's butt in the bar.

Then while the mother is on her death bed Maggy goes to a party Humm!

Then Maggy is drugged taken then raped and sodimized.

John leave his mothers death bed to go to the party to find his wife, this doesn't make sense.

Johns mother, her body or the funeral services are never mentioned again.

All concerns about drugging kidnapping became secondary to Johns feelings misguided as he was. Not one person showed any concern about Maggys rape! Johns friends who had the party who knew Maggy was missing what happened with them. Just too many question with answers. I'm going to stop at this point because there are too many things to bring to your attention that could have been found by your editor.

The writing in the first and second part is somewhat lacking and the plot is not as imaginative, or titillating. Compared to "The Long Trip", it seems that for 9 years the authors talent as well as storytelling has gone on a steep decline. Makes me wonder, is the current writer even the real Philyabutt? Are you the real Philyabutt sir?

It seems that John is short of love for Mags. John could not think straight. John was too hung-up on Gary. Maggie made more effort to save the marriage than John. One night in the sack with Myleene and he was ready to dump Maggie. It would have been a good follow-up to have John and Maggie to reunite.

John gave up Maggie that soon! No fighting for their marriage? She was drugged beyond knowing right from wrong. He should of known that, being a fighter, in the military and a musician. Gawd, he's dumber than a box of rocks or at least you portray him to be that way... Dumb ending anyway.

The one thing in this story that says she cheated. She said she was interested in finding out if Gary was good. She only had sex with one man her husband. No favor done staying a virgin till after a marriage. First she should have gone with her husband to see his mother. Second he wouldn't have gone back to the party with his mother dead in his arms.

A married woman goes off alone with a single man? Maggie deserves no mercy. None. Zip. Nada. Game over.

God this was horrible. Nothing but broken lives because of a stupid whore and arrogant jerk.

Piece of shit husband, fuck the moron.

Ok, this is the most juvenile, ignorant opinion ever!!

my father was killed for sleeping with a woman, not his wife. So, because two adult people exercise their rights to fuck whomever they want I should be punished?!

I mean, really. Get over yourselves and your hurt. I certainly understand being angry, but is ANY pussy really worth killing anyone over? I guess if you think you'll never get any more, maybe...but who really thinks that they can't get any more pussy?

Oh wait, never mind. It was the utterance of someone who probably calls his mother when a big insect crawls across his computer screen.

Good story, especially John kicking Maggie to the curb. He told her his reasons, and stood by it. She can go back to Gary.

Where I'm from we call a woman like "mags"... A "dizzy bitch"... Your story has more holes and unlikely scenarios than any story i can rember reading... This is not your forte bro....

-jaye-

Nothing.... weak weak ending. She's drugged and he holds her responsible? Ridiculous. The rest isn't worth commenting about,

I think there is so much more to be told to finish the story.

Too dumb for that.

Eveready 1999 proves that so many can't grasp the idea if responsibility and honor. She couldn't be drugged if she wasn't there. I've taught my daughters since childhood not to accept open drinks from others at parties. This is a hostile world. Men like Gary should be castrated with a rust blade. But then the bleeding hearts would cry over that.

And John is a psychotic, needs treatment and possibly prison. How symmetrical if his cell mate is Gary?

With the friends John and Mags have, who needs enemies?

Best all of the characters move along and try to do better next time.

Nice bit of writing, but I didn't see any "erotica"

was far weaker than the first. The LW cliches crept in and the prose was more often awkward. You'll be criticized for leaving it where you did, but where you left it makes a good ending.

As for "Gary not deserving to die"; he did. Rapists deserve death; adultery should be a crime; and paternity fraud should be severely punished. Unfortunately, the authors here and readers are overwhelmingly feminized, and a feminized culture is doomed. When "feelings" become a benchmark of judgment, society becomes inherently unstable, unintellectual, and incapable of maintaining a high level of civilizational achievement.

Not as good as the first and no one gets that attached to someone that damned quick.

As for the misogynistic anon below, his level of testosterone driven He man horse shit is laughable, Little dicked men so afraid of women, and desperately cling to that "Im an alpha male" crap is truly pathetic. Its generally a sign of a fragile little snowflake, who's very, VERY afraid of the world around him.

The sudden appearance of the perfect new woman is a cheap and overused plot device. The story is diminished by it's inclusion in this final chapter.

Finish the damned story

Well i love it...5* ...the rest is obvious.

"As for "Gary not deserving to die"; he did. Rapists deserve death; adultery should be a crime; and paternity fraud should be severely punished. Unfortunately, the authors here and readers are overwhelmingly feminized, and a feminized culture is doomed."

This sounds like Archie Bunker wrote it.

Paternity fraud is punished. if successfully litigated.

Adultery should NOT be a crime because, really, who gives a f*ck? The state doesn't have time to monitor my bedroom(s). And, of course, monitoring yours would be a waste of time and dollars.

If you can't keep your woman, to your satisfaction, get another. Or is that too tough? These people sound like mammas boys who've never gotten laid on their own. And it's all about punishment with these macho men. When your wife cheats on you, she's exercising her free will. If that upsets you, BE A MAN and get out of the relationship. And please stop crying about a system white men made to fully support white men getting divorces as being unfair to the man. It's not. It's fair to whomever pays it. And we know that most often this is the man. Yeah, men are made to pay their bills. As are women. Suck it up!! And if your teenage kids can't handle REALITY you've failed them already.

"She couldn't be drugged if she wasn't there. I've taught my daughters since childhood not to accept open drinks from others at parties. .."

The stupidest!

So, everyone who goes to a party is guilty if they get raped there?! getthefuckouttaheah!! the ONLY guilty party is the rapist. the wife was guilty of going to a party. Last I heard, that's not cheating or adultery or, really, anything.

I've never been able to tell my wife where to go or not go. What f8cking world do you live in where going to a party is cheating or 'the reason' why someone is drugged and raped? And where you can "tell" a grown person where to go? These relationships seem very male-dominated. The wives seem more like property than in real life (mine).

Low score between blaming the wife who was drugged and just plain not finishing the story.

The author must do something write to find so many invested in his characters.

Not a single commentator (that I noticed) caught "You go to the party Mags, because Roy and Jo can look after you, I'll be back as soon as I can," John stated on the phone." (ch01)

The world of this story was pure fantasy and many commentators pointed it out. That so enraged the author he even answered one. (Was John the alter ego of the author?)

In the end their were so many stupid characters who constantly changed character that it makes little sense. The only loser was the barmaid, who after being hurt previously, is set up for a terrible life with a mad man.

I did not rate ch01, but now I will rate the pair. The only reason I have written is to warn future potential readers: THIS STTORY IS A COMPLETE WASTE OF YOUR TIME! Less than a 1 on a scale of 1000.

The Hoary Cleric (guest)

I don't know. I usually love when the cheaters get burned, but I felt bad for Maggie.

So his wife is raped and he dumps her for it. What A piece of shit.

PHILL1C

Yes, she was drugged but she didn't give the drugs enough time to take effect before deciding she would be a cheating slut. She went with the asshole willingly. Hence John's totally reasonable response.

Much better ending 5*****

A lot of things didn't match up from before. Before, John told her to go to the party. Then his story changed to "She just had to go to the party." Also before, she was all "I can do whatever I want, John doesn't own me." Then it changed to "I was drugged. I didn't know what was happening." But then she did know because she hadn't been drugged yet? The ending was incomplete. No definitive resolution and too many loose ends.