All Comments on 'His Beautiful Neighbour Ch. 08'

I love how intense your stories are. There is one thing perhaps to keep in mind. Throughout the stories, there is a lot of commenting on the situation. You are the writer, so you make the situation, and don't need to explain it. I feel like the intensity of the moment is sometimes diminished by all the extra commentary. In a way its like being denied orgasm, but in a bad way. The extra comments are basically documenting everything that runs through this kid's brain. The thoughts are disorganized and eager, and not as arousing as the situations and actions that are taking place. I appreciate how you humanize James and express his true nature and faults, but if that becomes excessive, the story becomes more of a psych analysis and not a source of sexual pleasure. On a more positive note, I love the unique twists in the story. Carol, and the rebellion between her and Andrea---James defending Andrea, etc. I don't care for Carol's cocky attitude, but I'm sure that is all part of the story, and will work out. Good job!