All Comments on 'Shelby and Johnny Ch. 01'

But there are numerous errors within and it really detracts from the story. I think you are the potential to be a good author, your words flow very nicely, but you need to find an editor to clean this up for you.

Perfect combo

"visit with me" is so wrong.

The word "with" is completely superfluous, as the verb visit used in this way clearly implies that the visitor IS visiting (or is going to see) the visited person.

Used as "visit with me" it clearly means that the person speaking is being accompanied by another person to visit (or is going to see) a completely different third party.