All Comments on 'The Christmas Bonus'

I enjoyed Jessic, I enjoyed Joanna and I enjoyed the story. I believe your humor additive spikes the whole story up into a 'classic.' thanks a bunch -- jesse

A very nice tongue in cheek story

Keep it up and bring us more for Xmas

One little suggestion would be to get an editor to give it that final polish

I'm working on a story right now and it's VERY frustrating trying to build it up. Characters and interactions that seem right in my head get all tangled up as they try to make it to the paper. I only mention it because it really made me appreciate how naturally this story flowed, with all the little moments adding up and coming together. It's really a great one!

Your writing is very sharp and the dialog is masterfully witty. As with great sex, the build-up was even better than the eventual climax.

This is an excellent story, the build up was just right, the sex was well described, almost like a fairy tale they all lived happily ever after !!

Just finished reading, and wanted to leave my congratulations on a job well done. One of the best stories I've read on here in the last few months. Easily deserving 5 stars.

Excellent story one of the best here for a while. Should win the holiday contest or contend for it.

Superb characterisation, great plot and well written. They don't come much better, congratulations.

Great dialogue - loved the humor and sarcasm! Also liked your characters - very believable well-developed. And you know how to write hot sex scenes. OK, the basic plot (co-workers betting on who can score the most) is rather implausible given the current paranoia with avoiding even the slightest hint of sexual harassment in the workplace... but as Lit is all about escapism I'm more than willing to roll with it.

I just love your writing style and I'm very much looking forward to your next story. :)

Grammar, and sentence mechanics were on point. Your characters were so alive, and the plot before the actual sex really worked (see, other writers, this is how its done). Loved it.

More.

I think it was the first story that both made me laugh & gave me a throbbing erection!

Some typos in the story stop the flow and I think the story was better than the sex honestly. Still an enjoyable work but you've written better.

I think the title sums up my feelings quite well, don't you? LOL! As I've said elsewhere, your Lesbian fics are by far some of your best writing here, and this is no exception.

My only complaint, besides the odd typo, was its length: TOO SHORT! I could have easily read several more pages about your characters (whom you write with such charm and skill), whose dialogue was not only witty, but organic and "real," not smaltzy or fake (like what you find in much of the inferior erotica on this site).

I think, perhaps, I like most (besides the blistering sex scenes you write) that you focus on writing (especially with your Lesbian fics) a good story first, with sex that flows out of it. Too many others focus solely on the sex, with the "story" serving simply as a skeleton frame for the sex; you don't.

In my eyes, you've taken gold this Holiday Season. This was a charming, funny read, I only wish it were longer.

Well Done!

I love the build-up and the characterization. It makes the whole story worthwile to see the character not only get the one she wants but also finds love. If you want my unsolicited opinion, I could have used a little misisonary tribadism. I have read many lesbian stories, and they contain more than just eating pussy. Otherwise a masterpiece of fiction.

to kill about three typos, and it would be perfect. Great concept, great characterization (real people, not cardboard fucktoys), a real situation (you could see yourself in the office, hear the banter), really funny one-liner humor (I love one-liners), good hot sex...this one has it all. Yes, I agree, a bit of tribadery would be nice, but no need to change your focus. As another commenter said, a good laugh and a good erection--what could be bad?! This story should win the whole enchilada. You go, girl!!

Please don't change anything about these stories. Your lesbian erotica is the real-est I think I have ever read on this site. I became attached to the characters. I will read everything (lesbian) that you write. Fantastic. It's like you actually understand how lesbians think, act, and fuck.

Quality, quality stuff. Great build-up, setting, characters, no plot point left in set up, fantastic dialogue, witty, laugh out loud funny : super writing. Oh, and it was fucking HOT!

nice, very nice. And as a recently-realized-yet-long-suppressed bisexual, I would LOVE to find a woman like Joanna, or Jessica for that matter, that can ..... yeah, I'll leave it at that ;)

just found your stories. Love your writing style and your storylines. More please x

Very rich storytelling

Great story, more please..

Fantastic writing...wonderfully crafted rich story-telling. The characters leaped off the pages. Thank you!

Oh, I would have loved to read about the menfolk's reaction when Joanna presented Alex with the panties the next day at work.

Still, I have to say that your stories (or, at least your lesbian stories--I haven't read the others) are probably the very best on this site. You don't just put together a few a few crude statements together, end with "I'M CUMMING!" and call it a story. You take your time to get there, you make the characters real, and that makes the whole story real for the reader. Your writing is artfully erotic, and honestly, better quality than what should be found on a free site. Not that I'm complaining, because I'm broke. But if you published professionally, I'd make myself certain allowances in my budget. Cheers!

i really liked the build up and storyline quality until the decisive pairing scene. Well, the following meeting with Alex was nicely side idea as well.

But: Is the combination of suspense in the build-up and the willing target motive denouement really all what this story is all about?

Aren't there other possible endings:

_ J&J coming out with Dad/Mr Crawford

_ J&J committing and subsequently J dropping out of next years game

_ or scandal at the office (or even at the party) as game and J&J are outed

....

Hoping for more

Dan Leb

Reminds me a little of some of the late-night drinking sessions of my long-lost youth, only ours never seemed to end quite so sexcessfully! An enjoyable story, brought a good few smiles to my lips.

Thanks for the effort and the talent

Absolutely great characters and dialogue... to the quality of a film, most definitely. I really enjoyed it, and the vivacity and cinematic storytelling of it all made it believable too.

The only criticism I'd have is that at various points in the story, certain sentences come off a bit... bloated... with information. I appreciate you wanting to make detailed and witty descriptions, but it's important above all for sentences to flow and to be easy to read, as the majority of your story was. Just something to be aware of.

Again, very much enjoyed it. You are without a doubt talented at this.

That was an excellent story and very well crafted. I would look forward to more of these two if you write about them again.

I thoroughly enjoyed this story, as always, I love how believable it is. The only thing I'd add is that I would have loved to see the scene with Her presenting he panties to her co-workers, near the end of the story I was even imagining how it would happen. Still brilliant, however.

Loved it.

Love it! Mean it! Lol

A really fun story with believable characters and some snappy dialogue. Given today's po-faced attitude to relations between the sexes in the workplace, I'm not sure this would actually happen in real life but it did make for a good read. Right up there with "Valkyries & Vixens". Five stars.

Its very rare, as a writer myself, that someone just snatches me up and I can't stop reading. I love the webs and the story lines you weave. The sexual undertone is great, but its the plot and back drop. The character detail and development. The attention to seemingly casual details. Most of all, its what I try to do, making the story a verbal/handed down account, Not some glossy Romance Novel.

I know all too well its not just a quick, "pop out a sexy story". Fluidity and understanding of interactions and space and emotion? Those can't be faked or edited.

Another well done story. Bravo!

~R.

This is a good story that has interesting characters. OTOH, The Game would not go over well in today's era, for reasons that should be obvious...

This was an amazing story on multiple levels! I absolutely loved the banter between the characters and each one was masterfully crafted...This was a treat to read. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Mmmm.....delicious.

Great, well written and erotic.

Very nice holiday story

Excellent story, and I totally loved reading it, thank you for sharing it with us!

I was hoping for a ‘how do you like them apples?’ moment During the year end tally up of the points... alas it was not to be...

So incorrect in today's working environments and probably so 10 years ago but what a blast. Characters were so well drawn in the early pages and such great writing throughout that I was carried along. Thought Jo was a little subdued in the early part; was that deliberate and was she looking for something??

Well done. 5 stars

I really liked this one also. Your writing is terrific. I was hoping the Paris trip would include Jessics. Thank you

Merveilleux!

Absolutely

A very yummy story! Thank you!

Worked for me, all the way up until the girls met at the party. Suddenly it felt rushed, as though the writer lost interest or had better things to do. So many opportunities discarded, a good story not given the chance to become a great story.

The guys had so much character written into each one, the girls not so much. We knew so much more about the three men, and next to nothing about the ladies.

I really wanted to hear about those panties being handed over, the look on their faces, maybe a scene with them being used as a handkerchief for her father. I hoped the girl might have awarded them before helping hand out presents, so that she was commando in front of the crowd and bare-assed before the group.

So many missed opportunities.

Lexi

Very funny and very silly

Would have liked a bit more at the end in terms of interplay and the reactions from Josh, Alex, and even Phil on Joanna winning the contest, and then heading off to see Europe and Jessica. Still a great story and I thoroughly enjoyed it, thanks for sharing!

Fourth reading ... and still 5 stars.

"Too much brain blood went down into that massive thing you've got there and it made you just a little late, a little slow. Better luck next time."

Sums up this story

So you decided to have Jessica sell herself like a whore this trash should be removed from the site

Loved it! 5 stars ⭐️ a bit a rushed end though

This was a fun story and their banter was absolutely savage.