All Comments on 'The Lagoon'

that was very wordy

But, it ended so abruptly, it left me slightly disappointed. At least one more chapter seems required.

Very over written .

A FANTASTIC STORY ! WELL WRITTEN AND CAPTIVATING, WITH JUST THE PROPER AMOUNT OF BUILD-UP CULMINATING IN A BEAUTIFUL DISPLAY OF LOVE BETWEEN A WIDOWED MOTHER AND HER LOVING SON. A SON WHO WANTS NOTHING MORE THAN TO PLEASE HIS MOTHER, AND THUS ,BEING REWARDED HIMSELF WITH HER LOVE. I AGREE WITH A PREVIOUS COMMENTER WHO SAID IT NEEDED ONE MORE CHAPTER, OR MAYBE EVEN A PART TWO. PLEASE CONSIDER IT. THANK YOU AND GOOD LUCK

Very hot! Loved the sex as it fucking smoking!! I agree with the previous reviewer who thought it ended a little too abruptly. Another chapter but back in the hotel this time.

Oh, shit!! - One more "shaven brain" :)))

A washboard stomach, really does this "kid' have time to do anything but work out and take steroids?

Okay, it is a stroke fantasy, I do get it. It was a fine story, not one of Ernest Hemingsex's best!

Over-written? Underwritten? Can't please 'em all, eh?

The one thing that bugged me was after months ogling Mama, he's only STARTING to guess she has 37s"?

He should have figured THAT out before he left home.

Sorry, but, for a story to seem like a halfway convincing mother and son affair, you need to put a bit more effort into creating that relationship for your audience first. Just saying "Mommy!!" while humping like badgers doesn't get it there. As a sex encounter between a random MILF and a muscled stud (who you describe in near-homoerotic detail) this effort still failed because you were clearly using a tired template while writing the actual sex action. Each body part was repeatedly drawn out with an excess of adjectives just like in pulp pornography.

A thesaurus is your friend but try not to lean too heavily upon college words when a common one will do as well. It just seems like you were showing off. I don't mind scientific or medical terms for the human anatomy but it takes a bit of skill to apply the correct type of name for each point in your storytelling.

Speaking of storytelling, having your couple actually speaking descriptions of what they're doing as it happens is quite ridiculous to anyone who has actually had real passionate sex or even witnessed the genuine act. A human brain that is still able to carry on an understandable dialog in the moments nearing climax is not that into the sex act. Again, that's just what you think you know from watching video porn. Using video porn as your writing template (even referencing certain actors) strongly limits what level of quality you can bring to your own writing.

Thanks for the entertainment anyhow. I did approve of the idea that your story was going to explore a sex life between such a couple who had moved past the doubting and debating stage but, as I said, it ended up just reading like common copycat porn. In theory, once an actual mother and son couple have committed to each other, their sex life should continue to be highly erotic but most writers abandon their storytelling soon after the point of first consummation. I had hoped this would take us down an interesting path with such an established coupling. I was wrong. Voted 2 stars here.

Absolutely a great job! The goal of heightening ones sexual senses was reached. Let it be known that these stories are for ones pleasure, some write very well while others struggle with proper English. The goal however, is always sexual heightening. If you wish to harshly critique writings, then go get a job as an English teacher. Otherwise, just enjoy the story. Great job Mr. Hemingsex. Please consider continuing this with a part 2, possibly with Mom urging her son to breed her (while knowing she is on the pill) just to heighten his lust. Or, carrying it into the next morning where she awakens him and it goes from there leading into a long term relationship of mother/son love.

That's ten stars, DON and GINA could live on in maybe four or five more chapters. It was a hot read....................THANKS

Its "losing control" not "loosing control". Get a proofreader

Too many adjectives