All Comments on 'A Sisters' Ploy Ch. 06'

Thank you for the next part of the story.

Quirky ! ! !

You frustrate me. It’s obvious you can write and I’m loving the story. However, once again it is littered with silly schoolchild errors. Mistakes like “not too tight, not too lose” or “his first view was off her legs” are beneath your talent.

I know you know the difference between ’lose’ and ‘loose’ because you get it correct later (but mess up by using ‘peak’ instead of ‘peek’.)

“The loose stretched weave of the dress let him peak through it”

I’m not sure you know what oxytocin is either. It is a hormone present in the neurohypophysis of mammals which stimulates uterine contractions and the ejection of milk from a lactating breast and is made synthetically for use in inducing labour and controlling bleeding after delivery. None of these apply in this story – no one is pregnant, giving birth or lactating.

All these problems can be easily fixed. Get an editor.

And learn how to spell ‘restaurant’!

I'm outta here. You use 3 or 4 plot devices/key phrases and simply repeat them every few pages. The "spectrum", the "oxytocin", and the "g spot" can be viable only once or twice, after that it's just filler. Plot development is made of multiple layers of narrative, character awareness and direction, and circumstances that change the protagonists'

mindset.

Reminding the reader about these three particular plot devices every 3 or 4 pages leads to a not-too-stellar opinion of the writer.

But I'm a sea Captain, what do I know? Bets of luck to you!