by ChloeHay
The story was in need of editing. But word usage was a problem. If I were a male I would cringe at the following: "Do you like that," she asked, and I felt her fingers lightly squeezing my balls.
I would NEVER do that to a man unless I was sending him a clear message his junk was in the wrong place. Caress, lightly rub, yes. But squeeze? Please not ever again.
Hey, thanks for the feedback. I agree, that I will be needing an editor in future-works if I keep up writing, I am just practicing for now.
I will keep in mind your idea of word usage as well. Enjoy your week.
Chloe Hay
And now he's ruined for life with just these three statements: "My heart started beating fast when I saw her head go straight down to the base of my cock.", "...Amanda's tongue stroked up and down my cock causing me to moan uncontrollably, I never had a blow job before and it was driving me insane." and "I ejaculated right into Amanda's mouth and she swallowed it down in one huge gulp."
Some suggestions for Jackson: don't get your hopes up unless you stick with Amanda because you can't expect that kind of service every time, but you can hope and pray. Turn about is only fair, so pay attention to her needs too whom ever she may be. Man up if she wants to kiss you afterwards since you'll damned sure want to kiss her after you learn about the pleasures in store for you when you learn about eating at the 'Y'. If you find one who happily gives cleanups afterwards, whatever you have to do, keep her whatever it takes.
Now that I think about it, my first one was in the front seat too, exactly the way Amanda did it. Some things one does not easily forget.
Chloe, ya done good girl. Just a thought, trolls don't hang around Romance stories as a general rule, seems it's difficult to call for body parts and blood to be spilled here. Signed: BTW