All Comments on 'AMA - The Divorcee: Day 01'

Very good start, ty

Great story. Next chapter just one authors note. The ones after each chapter break up the flow.

Please do not interrupt the story with your author notes. Combine them all at the end if you think they are necessary. Otherwise, not a bad entry in this storyverse.

I'm personally not looking forward to the incest stuff, but apart from that i really like it. The characters are so far likeable and the writing seems good to me.

I only hope the number of characters doesn't explode as much as in some other AMA stories i've read so i can keep them apart and i'm looking forward to more.

Can anyone link to the original AMA story? I can't find it anywhere

The feedback on Author's Notes is duly noted. These were originally uploaded on a different site in separate chapters (and not compiled like this), so it was less of an issue there. I'll make sure to limit messages at the start and the notes at end in the future. Thank you for the feedback.

The second-person makes it much harder to read than it needs to be. I'm glad you'll be paring down the intrusive notes for future installments, but I hope you'll also consider switching to either third- or (probably better for this particular story) first-person narration.

Incredible story, so hot and descriptive, there's no way I'll be missing the chapters to come.

Unfortunately, the switch to 3rd person I can no longer do. I followed the 2nd person POV of the original story/writing prompt that I branched off of, and my story is actually long running (around 260+ chapters) already that I post on a different site. Unfortunately, making the change would be difficult now as I have to go back to do it for everything I've written. That being said, I do have future chapters that do switch to 3rd person when switching characters away from the MC (Jay). I hope this news doesn't deter you from further reading my story once the other chapters have been approved.

Is there more or that’s it.?

There's a lot more. Just having trouble getting it published, as my submissions keep getting sent back, and now it's still in my "pending" for approval.

Having a disclaimer to credit other people and their work is fine but I dont think you also then need to credit them at the applicable chapter. It interrupts the flow. Good story.

This has been really good! I hope you can publish more here, congrats!

While nowhere near fluent, I do speak some Spanish. And you did just fine, chollo. I really like this tale. Among others in his harem, yes including Stella, I hope he gets Diane back, but as the bottom bitch. She has to crawl back, and I hope she likes to eat pussy because she'll have a steady diet as submissive bottom bitch. At least i hope so. Great job. 5/5

Dewey Cheatham

I must say why do you need to address consent in a mind control story? If you want consent don’t do a mind control story. The whole purpose of mind control is completely counter to consent and factoring it into the story is actually counterproductive. Consent was already gone when everyone’s positive feelings toward the main character are multiplied by 5. That ship has already sailed they have no agency in how quickly or intensely their feelings for the main guy accelerate.

You are not wrong. I've heard it before in the original site and concede it was a pointless thing to note. I only really made that note to show that MC does want their consent if he's going to do something like change a behavior.

Unsure of how publication here on Literotica works, I just copied my chapters in full and pasted them on a compilation unaware I was no longer able to edit once published.

Your POV makes this unreadable. It's SERIOUSLY bad. First person would have been considerably better.

The 2nd Person POV is from the original story and prompt from which this branches and one that I followed when I started writing this (which is my first time writing anything).

I understand the POV isn't for everyone, but I've already written enough of these that the main POV can no longer be changed. Although the story does have chapters that shift to 3rd person later on. Thank you for the feedback, but I honestly can't do anything about it now.

@saktongmanyak - RE: POV

I agree with @Openwords that 2nd person perspective is the worst of perspectives (imho) but I don't agree that it makes the story unreadable. If anything after the first page or so I just forgot about the perspective it was being told in as I got into the story.

Ugh, 2nd person. Literally unreadable.

Writing in second-person is hard to do, I applaud you for doing it well regardless of if it's the 'best' POV for erotica (personally, I like hearing "you" rather than "I" or "he" when I'm, you know lol). I hope comments like the ones below didn't discourage you from writing erotica more, even though I've got more of the series to read having more series/story-lines would be cool to see.