All Comments on 'Blurry Vision'

Lady, you are a stunning writer. You write a different story, and it leaves me breathless. Please write more. RPL.

That was dark and painful. Brilliant work.

You are in serious need of an editor or maybe try reading out loud to yourself then you might catch all the wrong words, wrong letters and perspective changes. 1*

So well-written and constructed. It’s hard to believe you packed so much depth and drama into such a short story. You’re the best writer on this site, IMHO. Thanks for contributing.

The Top 5 Foremost RIGHT and wrong Literary Features Employed To Multitudinous Effect by GirlintheMoon in the estimable and yet oh so HUMBLE opinion of LSD : the Lord of Literotica Exegesis.

Legal Disclaimer :

Party will not be held responsible for any and all damages stemming from cognitive dissonance incurred by

  1) mouthbreather entities scoring on moral absolutionist basis on fantasy/porn website regardless of actual story craftsmanship  and 2) cretin anons, perusing said elucidation(s) contained herein for use or misuse in process of attempting to reinforce their blighted view of life and universe at large and wilfully not staying in their  designated troll lane .

Sorry cretins , I hereby be imdemnified like Allstate . Can't spend what you ain't got. Can't lose what you never had. Rest in peace -Greg Allman.

1) RIGHT : Admired the character archetypes but loved the archeological reference and Schielman's historic dig which allegedly destroyed more truth as it discovered. Prelude of things to come. Que no ?

Kudos.

2) WRONG : "Deserves ain't got nothing to do with it " said Clint Eastwood as he pulled the shotgun trigger on Gene Hackman in " The Unforgiven ". Vincent was still breathing as the vengeful sisters left him. He needed to die to make this a " perfect " Greek tragedy and complete the circle of carnal circumstance. Vincent wasn't a bad guy , but oblivion doesn't dither on niceties like that.

3) RIGHT : The noose of fate tightening round Vincent's neck in synch to his cerebral white noise amping up to dull roar

4) WRONG :  Omiting the epiphany scene where Vincent suddenly realizes post-Jasmine tryst , he's all in on Scarlett and their marriage. Maybe next time.

5) RIGHT : The vengeful twin/triplet /quadruple reveal has been done before, but in hands of literary maestro/maestra is a taser-gun barb to reader tush.

Bottom line(s): Beware of giant wooden horses and one-offs with slender slyphs with expertise in excavating the past. Ergo the obvious rating and highest seal of LSD appreciation.

Full marks * * * * *

Going off half-cocked like Vincent was portrayed as doing after seeing a woman he thought to be Jasmine more than a decade later was not the behavior of someone being considered for the top corporate job. A man like that should have kept his cool, at least considered that it was possible that Brooke looked just like his long-ago fling, rather than actually being Jasmine. That he flew off the handle as it was written he did was adequate evidence that he didn't deserve the top job.

Vincent was depicted as having almost forgotten his fling with Jasmine, having put it well in the back of his mind. Yet his reaction was not the one I'd expect from a man who had done that. His off-the-wall reaction was much more in line with someone who simply couldn't get it out of his head.

I have heard of real identical triplets; identical quadruplets is a real stretch, but I'm willing to suspend disbelief.

Still, I always give GitM a 5!

. . . has a bit of a problem with women. :)

That great American philosopher, Sam Kinison, put it very succinctly: you can either love women, or suck a big dick!

I was ensnared, reading as my coffee grew cold, unheeded on my desk as I forgot everything but the words I was reading. A master, working at her craft, pulling me into the machinations scrolling before my eyes. Thank you, my love, you enthrall me with your stories, and I always sigh when I reach the end. look around and wish there was another. Five stars is the only justifiable score.

The spell was in place and I was paralyzed. You are a dream-weaver of the highest order. The words flowed, and the building panic of Vincent was palpable. His life became the nightmare he made it.

@Ximand: You are the lowest of the low-brow commentators on this hub. You should stick to reading your vile revenge fantasies and leave the literary stories alone. Maybe you and the ALLCAPS guy can form a little troglodyte club and masturbate to murder porn.

Even the children are trash. The wife is portrayed to litle to get a feel of her. Still she up and left to quickly. Took everything the true sociopats said to her. Vincent its not a sociopat . A one time cheatear yes. A man wrecked with guilt and fear of loosing what he holds dear will have a behavior close to his. You tried to portray him as the bad guy and evil monster to much. You only succeded in pointing out that otto and the triplets are the monsters here. Somwhere along the line you lost sight of your story line and you rushed the story or came out diferent of how you thought it out. The only feeling this story invoked in me is of unfinished . 1 star from me because there is no zero

You advocate murdering the cheater, so long as it's a woman. See your comment and five star vote on the murder porn story, "Prisoner at the Bar." So, in your estimation, murdering a cheating woman is just peachy, but tormenting a cheating man without violence is "disgusting." I need not respond again.

The author captures the descent into paranoia so well that I was almost expecting the protagonist to have a breakdown where none of versions of Jasmine turn out to be real. You could feel him losing his mind over the guilt and anticipation. Then the rest of the quadruplets appeared to tie up the ends with the strange comment by Maddie that they had told his wife everything (he had already confessed everything to her).

The actual family and co-worker 10 year conspiracy just didn't work as well for me. He cheated on his wife and was a mean prick to Jasmine, but the whole prolonged revenge conspiracy to destroy him and his family seemed a reach considering the offense of dumping her cruelly after a brief affair. His wife actually got punished almost as badly as he did. If the sisters were going to tell her anyway, delaying it wasted a decade of her life and brought children into the equation, multiplying the collateral damage from their little plot.

GirlintheMoon handles the conflicting feelings of desire, love and guilt better than almost anyone I can think of in her stories and she does it again here, where she engages outside her usual area in meeting BlackRandl1958's mystery criteria. She gets you into the head of her protagonist just so well. I just couldn't work up any empathy for the protagonist or his adversaries in this bitter revenge story.

If it had been a woman cheater, people like the two trolls would be talking about how great it was. This was a great story, so well written.

GITM gets us into someone's thoughts. Nobody quite writes anxiety and confusion like she does. Outstanding, as always...

One of my top authors. I normally work thru lunch and have a quick bite while I get things done. However, when I saw that a new Girl in the Moon story was posted, I made plans to actually take an hour to eat and read this.

So glad I did. This was excellent. Makes me wonder what other gems I have missed along the way.

I'm probably going to take some heat for this, but I have to call it as I see it. As I say later, maybe I'm simply not seeing something.

"Scarlett was a wonderful woman, but he felt caged, small, trapped. Every day was predictable and dull." - Aren't those the same excuses we rip cheating wives for?

When he mentioned the ring in his pocket, I thought that it was an engagement ring, that he wasn't married yet, obviously it was his wedding ring, that he had taken off!

The coach quit that day, and already Brooke is hired as the new coach? Was the coach in on the whole plan?

I'm normally a believer in NOT confessing a one-time slip, and living with the guilt. This may be an example of how that can backfire.

"I think I should go back in there and give him a full confession." - There was more?

It's a little confusing. They had a one-night stand, and she already knows that she's pregnant? Maybe I missed something, or it should be clarified that there was an affair.

Yes, he cheated and should pay the consequences, but unless I missed something, Jasmine was a one-night stand with no promise of a long-term relationship, so how does that make him some kind of a monster that deserves scorched-earth BTBastard? "Jasmine had it in her head since their one night stand that they were meant to be." I'm sorry, again, maybe I'm missing something, or maybe there's been something left out of the narrative, but if it was a one-night stand, how is he responsible for her fantasies?

Definitely waiting fourteen years to drop a nuke, harming everyone (except for Otto!) seems sociopathic to me.

As far as the cheater being a man rather than a woman, while we obviously wouldn't have the lover getting pregnant angle if the cheater was a woman, if a cheating wife was stalked by the man she cheated with, while she was trying to be a good wife, I'd like to think that only the trolls would think that she deserved it.

A collection of mostly-unlikable characters and a couple of serious unanswered questions. Like @Sbrooks103x, I question where all the hoo-hah comes from with a (regrettable) one-night stand. It almost felt like Vincent was set up by Otto from the outset. I also felt like Vin's rationalization for the one-night stand was pretty weak.

Still a very well done story, even if the consequences feel somewhat extreme.

Thanks for this fine contribution to MMT day!

To extreme an ending for a drunken one night stand all those years ago. As so many others have said, why wait so long. The author for me, failed to show the MC as being the kind of monster to deserve such an ending

what they caused affects others. TK U MLJ LV NV

What a great story!

MFH

Didn't see that coming! Great read.

Thoroughly enjoyed it.

Theakston

You have a new fan nice story

I vaguely predicted the twist coming, but nevertheless it was a fitting ending to a story which showed the complete unraveling of a man's life and sanity. Loved it.

Five stars, of course.

Too many redpills probably, I've been popping blue pills and the missus has never been happier! LOL

I reread the story. Same cocnclusion. He wasnt the monster here. Just someone wich chose wrong by cheating one time. His wife Scarlet is the one hurt most here. Also do not condone cheating from both sexes. But this one its just plain sick . To wait for how many years for the mariage to get roots, children, etc.. its shows the trio, otto and lena? Are the sociopats

Finally, justice is served. It's a cold dish, but still delish.

Out there, but this is just too unbelievable

As for the girls, losing a sister must have been traumatic but their revenge was overkill and the wife overreaction to a drunken one night stand, to involve the kids, was just despicable. This guy was only guilty of being weak, drunken and later gutless but years of guilt was the price he was paying for his indescretion. The revenge against him was too much for something without premeditation. He wasn't some seriel seducer. I think he needed to be more of a bastard or otherwise be a less sympathetic character than was written. As is, he didn't seem to deserve what was dished up and the PoV shift at the end was like successful villains making a getaway from a bank job. If not for the quadruplets plot it would have read like a plot for pyscho-woman film from the 80s. But I enjoyed it.

Thanks for a well written and engaging story.

Didn't see that one coming. Another good, if a little over the top story. Not sure how this is too much removed from the afore mentioned "murder porn".

RE:What was argued as disproportionate revenge. Unless he knew she was preggers .

Good point, except he lied to her to have sex with her By not telling her he was married. AND ...

Then, when he kicked her out of his car outside her apartment, he physically threatened a woman when he ran her off, so to hell with him

Thanks as always for a well written, thought provoking story. Pissing off one woman is never good, but when it's two sisters just duck and cover.

Bunch of shit....he hunts down the sisters and Otto torturing and killing them all.

Or holds the slightest resentment toward the sisters. He lied to Jasmine, got her pregnant, dumped her in a particularly vile way and destroyed her. Then he lied to his wife, every day until he got outed, lived a sham of a life and deserved everything he got. His wife is better off knowing what sort of dirt bag he is, his co-workers figured it out and his children don't need anyone like him in their lives. Every person who has made nasty comments here would do the same if someone they loved was destroyed by a guy like Vincent. I am also convinced that if the sexes were reversed and Vincent was a cheating wife, all the people who complained would be cheering.

The hypocrisy and double standard at play is disgusting. Great story, intricately plotted, meticulously written and flawlessly executed.

Sorry, but that been done before. Good attempt but it wasn’t much of a mystery nor was it the least bit erotic.

I'm a fan of Girlinthemoon, she gives a great woman's POV. But some of these comments amuse me. A couple of you write stories yourselves and what amazes me is how when it's a man finding out that his kids aren't his and the wife has lied for 20 years. She's been an underground slut and has had many lovers. You find away to justify that. But this guy lied to keep his wife from finding out and he's slim, a piece of shit. These same commenters say, when a cheated husband doesn't take his wife back, he's letting his pride get in the way. She made a mistake, he's being an asshole.

Pick a fucking side, 90% of you read April's Mistake and act like it's the greats love fucking story in history. But let's call the story Aaron's mistake, would he get the same response, FUCK NO! All you fucking hypocrites would call for blood. And 80% of you are men or as I like to call them The CLU (cuckold loves union).

The guy made a huge mistake and the debt came due a decade later. There was a karma to the story that appealed to me. GirllintheMoon has written some fascinating stories and this was yet another one. This is the sort of story that will become more and more popular as time goes on. It has the quality to stay the distance and rise to the top. I thank GitM for the time and effort she put into entertaining us readers with this great story! She is the conscience of the Loving Wives category.

I couldn't wait to say how much I enjoy GIM's style of writing. She has a way of letting us see her character's soul.

I just couldn't bear to watch this guy blow his own brains out, without even using a gun. You could almost see him dissolving, piece by piece, as the acid of his guilt and terror ate at his psyche. It was too intense for me. Congratulations on writing with such power and effectiveness.

Of course Jasmine is entirely responsible for getting fucked by him, getting pregnant by him, deciding to keep the baby, and the consequences that resulted from all her choices. Vincent is responsible for cheating on his wife, apparently one time, when a beautiful enticing woman coincided with a weak drunken moment. Unless he raped her, both Vincent and Jasmine are responsible for Jasmine getting fucked. Jasmine is responsible for letting him, and leaving herself vulnerable to getting pregnant. Jasmine died in child birth. What could Vincent have done that would have changed that? Supported her, divorced his wife and married her?

Hey, I'm fine with Jasmine's sisters spending the last ten years of their lives plotting and scheming and arranging to ruin Vincent's life. Except nothing they do to Vincent will bring Jasmine back from the dead. And Vincent has whatever talents got him near the top in the retail business world, and once he recovers from Scarlet leaving, there's nothing stopping him from regrouping and restarting with another company. You see, nothing succeeds in business like success. And regardless of his personality, apparently Vincent has skills and experience in a business that couldn't care less about his personal life. There is no indication that Vincent continued to be a cheater, so Scarlet could have chosen to stay with the devil she knew was no longer a devil, or she can take her chances starting over from scratch, with a complete stranger. Someone please let me know how that works out for her.

So April got away with it. And Vincent didn't. But Vincent might end up Okay anyway. I hope someone will write that sequel.

Thanks again for the power and intensity.

Seriosly now. Over the top. Hated it.

Now that's some cold blooded revenge 😬.

Thank you GirlintheMoon for some fine reading.

Looking forward to the second chapter.

After all, he has lost everything! Not dead yet, and he is an asshole❗Revenge is a never ending interest rate♾.

Otto, Lena, Sunny, Maddie, ......HA, Ha,ha,...

AMerryman

Sure, the quadruplets thing? Okay.

That the daughter wouldn't recognize her swim coach and say anything? No. And the jig would have been up. Either 'Jasmine' confesses to being an identical sister, or the wife knows that she's being played.

Because, let's face it. Yeah, her husband hurt her and broke their vows and kept it from her, but the sister? She hurt her too; even if it wasn't intentional. And to let the woman's sisters destroy her family like that? Cost her child-support and alimony by getting him fired?

And I don't buy that his 'friend' would stay friendly with him for so long in a long-con to help them get even with him over the fate of their sister. No.

And there's some inconsistency in the story regarding how often the husband was intimate with Jasmine. It seemed like it was both just the one time, and an ongoing affair that got her pregnant. I mean, sure she could have become pregnant from the one-night-stand, but how did she know how to contact him again? Why was he meeting her? And if it was an on-going affair, how can he claim he was drunk and it was a mistake? Because I don't get the feeling he was lying about that, about being drunk and being a mistake (even if he was cognizant he was making it at the time).

Too much of this story doesn't work.

I like GITM's generally. This was sort of Hitchcockish. Ending was rushed I think. Pretty poor excuse for such sick hatred over such a long period of time. Yeah, he had his faults but Jasmine was far from innocent and all this second hand stalking buy these twisted sisters to get payback for something really didn't concern them. Jasmine was out to have drunken a one night stand and gets knocked up and for this he has to pay such a price? Nah! Payback was not right or reasonable. Didn't involve sisters directly. So for every slut who gets knocked up on a one nigjt stand is ok but the man has to pay buy losing everything to me just shows the vindictiveness of tje modern women. Meh...

She screwed the guy after knowing him for a few hours and he's supposed to drop everything to marry her give me a break she was a whore

A one night stand and she could have a taken a morning after pill. What kind of relationship did she expect. This story just doesnot add up. Weird ,revenge a decade later. Only a writer could come up with horrible plot. ,

Heavy Freaking Shit Man! All this time and now this Wo! It has to be an episode of Jerry Springer Show or the Twilight Zone:-Freaky shit Man ? Anyway You've Honestly given me the Hebbie Jebbies, because I dumped a Girl when I was in University and Vowed to fuck up my Life! True no B.S. anyhow this Story deserves top marks so ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

Oh Oh Oh JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! (I Hate Myself When I Do That)

They really played him, didn't they?

Not that he didn't deserve something.

Change your Name to "Over the Top"...

This Revenge is cut from the same cloth...

How would you like it if you woke up one day and was sent to prison for the rest of your life for a ticket you got 10 or 15 years ago?

Bad story and way too militant.

Are in everything we do. The 1 night stand is usually harmless. The quads obviously had a bond that some readers found to be unreasonable as they deferred grief therapy for revenge. Thought Vinny might actually end it all but the lead up to his break was first rate gas lighting. Superb story. Thanks.

Who are the REAL sociopaths in this story??? Or, is it just full of them?

In the end there was no one left that you really wanted to root for.

5 + people would really destroy the happy future of innocent children??? That's more despicable than the lack of knowledge that Vincent had.

Time patience’s and perseverance will over come all things. A very good story. Also the children are better off without the influence and direction of such a disposable person as their father.

Seems to me they may not be in the story. I think they're in the comments. In spite of all the dickwads commenting on this story, I don't remember anything that happened in the house until I finished this story. It was that good. You may be the best writer on the site, Girlinthemoon. I want to thank you for this, and all the other great stories you've written.

I also just want to thank Blackrandi. This was the best bunch of stories I've ever read on this site. There were a couple that were outside the zone for me. Randi's was a little TOO dark for me, but it was written as well as all her stories always are. I found several authors I didn't know who they were and read their stories. I'll be reading them for months. There is no one who knows more about the authors and who can write great stories. Keep writing, Girlinthemoon. You're Girlinthestars, as far as I'm concerned.

My comment isn't about the quality of the story; GitM is one of the top handful of writers on this site and depending on the story, she may be my favorite. This story is a great psychological thriller, but it isn't a happy revenge ending for the party offended. If we get into who deserves what; some may think Vincent gets what is coming and they may be right. I just don't agree that the sisters should be let off the hook so easily for the collateral damage they inflicted.

The sisters could have ratted out Vincent for his cheating ways before Finn and Tara were even born. Scarlett then could have divorced Vincent and moved on with her life if she chose to. Scarlett wasn't given that option, because of the sister's lust for a more satisfying type of revenge. That earlier revenge wouldn't have hurt Vincent quite as much, but he would have lost his wife and had to live with the guilt of what happened to Jasmine. The biggest benefactor of the delayed revenge was actually Otto, who just sat back and watched Vincent fall apart.

So the sisters finally unleashed their vengeance 14 years later, using Vincent's insecurities and guilt against him to destroy his home and career. The true victims of the sister's delayed gratification are Scarlett, Finn and Tara. They lost their seemingly functional family unit and now can't even rely on Vincent's financial support now that his job and prospects are flushed down the drain. The sisters not only cost the family a father, they took away their financial security.

GirlintheMoon doesn't shy away from pain, though, which is part of what makes her so great in my eyes. There is no happy ending here, just some bad people screwing another bad person with innocent victims left behind by both sides. After the initial creeping insanity of Vincent's declining mental state, the sadness and pain is what I take away from the ending.

GirlInTheMoon has written a Kafkaesque masterpiece. I just wish I had a tenth of her talent.

I think GIM is certainly one of the most talented writers on this site. 5 stars from me all day long. Great job.

I give stars based on not only the writing but if the stories rile me up (in spite of the improbability). :)

IMHO, all the people in Vincent's life are sociopathic, inhumane, vindictive people. Man, I feel bad for him. Another good story. 5*.

Utterly psychologically burned to the ground. Real karmic justice. I've noted this before, but no one writes with more emotional impact than you. Wonderful writing.

Despite all of the praises, I went back and read the beginning. Vncent's marriage was in trouble, he was drinking and Jasimine was in a seductive mood. She set out to seduce him. Yes, she died in childbirth, but that would not have happened if she had not seduced a married man. Her death was not his fault, she had as much or more in it. One mistake under these circumstances does not warrant the type of sadistic punishment he got from the three sisters, his wife and children and close friend.

I normally don’t like revenge stories, but on this site they are normally BTB (bitch OR bastard. Very versatile). It took a lot of dedication to accomplish the revenge properly. Otto seems like more of a psychopath in the end, brewing with resentment and playing Vincent for so many years by pretending to be his friend. Still, Vincent really was a self-absorbed asshole, so the reader doesn’t feel sorry for him. Excellent story, and no bunnies were boiled in the process.

I must be incredibly hard to please. First off, the story and writing are right up there with the best on this site. Having said that, the thing that bothered me the most about this story was that the husband is written as a totally narcissistic, all about me, character who can't bring himself to do what must be done. 4 months into his marriage and the bloom is off the rose for him and he's looking for someone new and exciting. As written, the husband got what he deserved although wife and kids were collateral damage.

The wife is portrayed as just this side of sainthood. She offers to let a woman she has just met stay in their home for a short while, and gets mad at her husband because he objects, not knowing his real reason for objecting. Husband treats wife shabbily, she complains meekly then rolls over and forgives him with the promise of a foot massage. A little sex and she is happy with the world again. And when she finally is fed up with the husband when he confesses to her, does she throw him out of the house, no, she packs up the kids and herself and leaves! What kind of moron wife would do that and what inconsiderate husband, knowing he's in the wrong, wouldn't tell her to stay and he would leave.

Finally, QUADDRUPLETS! How many commenters complain when an author uses the 'tried and true' identical twins as a plot device. Here there are 4. WOW! (I kept waiting for bunny stew to show up.)

Still parked across the street....all the cars occupants revel in jubilation at the destruction of Vincent’s life. No one noticed vincent walk up to the drivers side window. Otto still had a stupid grin across his face as he turned to see Vincent standing there with a 45 caliber 1911. A second later Ottos head exploded sending flesh, blood, and brain matter all throughout the cars interior and on the four women as their eyes bulged out as big as saucers. Next Lena’s face exploded in the same manor.... Vincent then turned to the three sisters and said.... You loved Jasmine so much that you did this to me without me knowing what happened to her. Well you won’t need to miss her any more, in fact I’m arranging a meeting for all of you to never have to miss her again !!! Just then Vincent unloaded the rest of the magazine into the horrified sisters.

Vincent was a cheater and deserved his wife being told way back years ago. I think the 3 sisters, Otto and Lena were beyond despicable and anonymous car full of dead bodies was a great probable ending. After all he was driven insane and had nothing left to lose. If you decide to kill a man’s life.....you better make sure he is dead.

He deserved it!

Though the quad-sisters were a stretch.

No matter, what I liked that it was he, himself, that drove himself crazy because of his own guilt. The sisters hardly did anything at all.

Guilty conscious will ruin a person.

Terrific story.

Thank you

how is he the bad guy that he fucked a random willing cunt in a bar, no condoms, so she is not a fault there?

Died, so fucking what, she carried it, she died, he could not have saved her? cunt.

Kill them all nothing is as fun to see as when a cunt who thinks she a queen die like garbage...no not me how could.....women deserve death who fuck with a mans like like this.....really it makes the world a better place, she started it all

It always throws me for a loop when people comment on stories as if they are actually a documentation of real life events. It seems as though they score fiction that way to. Someone will give a story a 1 because they don't like a characters behavior.

Whatever. This was excellent. I thought he was losing his mind and cracking up due to the stress of the job.

Great job, GITM.

I've figured out Girl in the Moon!

I'm a person who likes movement, a good western, a Ken Follette, Pauline Gedge, and so on. Girl in the Moon is "in the moment". I read a Ken Follette and I want to keep turning the page; what's going to happen next? With Girl in the Moon it's the "right here and right now", and the story seems to take care of itself. I read Pauline Gedge's "The Eagle and the Raven" and I could feel Caracticus's pain when he discovers his sisters's betrayal, but when reading a Girl in the Moon the event's are so close the pain seems almost visceral.

If this is all Girl in the Moon does; that is write free stories on a porn site, then I think she's wasting her time.

Absolutely!

That was quite a story. What an incredible imagination and ability to put it into words. I enjoyed it very much.

Very nice job

what he did was horrible. but one mistake doesn't mean getting your life ruined like this. and what is with people and confessions? if someone does something wrong and feel guilty and don't repeat it, then confession is not required. the only reason confession is required is, to be honest, not about atoning. a person can very easily confess to doing something wrong, but without remorse and a determination not to repeat it, it's useless.

Jasmine the whore knowingly slept with a married man

Jasmine the whore then stalked that married man until he made her leave him alone

Jasmine the whore refused to take care of herself during her pregnancy because Jasmine the whore felt sorry for her self that a man she cheated with wouldnt abandon his wife

Jasmine the whores sisters decided to get revenge

Otto decided to fuck over his friend becuase his girlfreind was gonna with hold sex?

Were I Vincent I would wait util Otto got married and got Lena pregnant and then kill her in front of him, make sure that Otto would never forget Vincent

Brilliant ! I could almost smell the fear radiating from good ol' George the coward. Well may he just be a paper character, but there are some real life humans out there male and female just like him.

To the Author, don't you dare, ever stop writing, your wit and skill is a joy to watch as words fly from your pages .

He got what he deserved

If he would have immediately told wife and begged forgiveness maybe some pity for him

But all he ever was 'concerned about himself '

I loved the story self centered bastard got exactly what he sowed

Keep writing as this prefer more physical punishment normally but as earlier said loved it

...only jarring notes were the ubiquitous 'off of's'

on means on, and off means off. extra 'ofs' are garbage english...even in american english...

A legend in his own mind.

He got his and deservedly so.

Good story.

Really appreciate

Still needed answer to box in pocket and then already married

Hmm, one very drunken night reaps this level of vengeance? Lets see, Vin was out partying with Otto, Vin was married and no indication he remove/hid his wedding ring or that Vin was seeking a one-niter. Did Jasmine ever ask his marriage state seeing he was so drunk? AND Otto kept this one-niter in his quiver to use against his promotion rival - what a buddy. Otto was the sisters/Lena conspiracy snitch.

/

One very drunken nite destroyed his family 14yrs later. Vin's logic of ONE transgression secrecy was found to be accurate - confession is good for your sole is BS in this story. But was Jasmine a forth-quad or Sunny? Vin never knew of the pregnancy, but Jas/Sun made her choice with her sisters? Of course we should all trust these sisters - they would never lie or deceive... Jas/Sun had no responsibility to use or require protection in this modern era too.

/

How many lives were these sisters/Otto/Lena willing to destroy to get Vin; Coach Fisher, Scarlet, Finn, Tara? George, the great judge of character, promotes the chief snitch Otto.

/

Most all LW comments all have Vin earning this wrath and destruction and no one else - some very myopic shallow LW readers. These biased LW comments missed requiring Vin putting a gun to his head and ending it, giving these innocent sisters a reason to dance a jig. As the story ended only suicide will quell Vincent's woes after he puts a round into Otto's head.

/

Moon in pushing LW small minds to JUMP to a conclusion, I bumped this 4* to 5*. Hooyah, salute!

If the daughter was playing with her half sister at school. Great story

Did NOT see that coming! I did get some foreshadow by you that she was pregnant, but like others I thought his daughter's new friend was hi daughter from Jasmine. Great story....again! 5*

On page 3 I was thinking he better keep his pet rabbit out of her sight. By the end of the story I was wondering if they did enough.

For a one night stand 14 years ago it was harsh.

Otto was a bigger ass.

Truly one star or less.

Bill

when the wife cheats the hubby must have to forgive her and even take the blame for her affair, and the hubby cheats he must be burnt at stake. Cheers!

Was hard to read in spots because the writing depicted what was happening so well. Didn't suspect a thing until the announcement. All of the writers here try their best to present some of humanity's starkest, most agonizing, most terrifying moments and in very few pages. All of them address tragedy, describe the surfacing of the deepest human emotions, the realization of some of our most unconscious contents. In that, all LW authors are equal. It just that some are more equal than others. Today, I am adopting the practice of not reading more than four of this author's works each year. I am old enough for that practice to ensure that I always have something to look forward to.

LWlurker

Wow, so why didn't the disgusting slut form The Man Next Door get burned as this bad as this asshole?

Anon from 2 months ago: "When the wife cheats the hubby must forgive her and even take the blame for her affair, when the hubby cheats he must be burnt at the stake" might be on to something with GitM's stories...

Great writing.

Seems like one flaw, why didn't Otto and Lena tell Vin that Jasmine was pregnant? I suppose that would be a different story. Also, not sure why wife couldn't get past a 1 night stand over 14 years ago. Again, another story fork. In any event, bad news never improves with age. Am suspicious about how good a friend Otto really was.

Sounds like George also never pointed out Vin's weaknesses a long time ago but just strung Vincent along. Typical poor boss.

All in all, a pretty unforgiving story but Vin probably got what he deserved.

Having first read this some time ago I revisited it and realised it wasn’t as good as first thought.

Many others have commented on the fact that the punishment didn’t fit the crime. He had a drunken one night stand over a decade ago and his wife won’t even speak to him now, leaves and begins divorce proceedings. No attempt to discuss, reconcile meet with marriage guidance councillor or anything.

Just one slip and that’s it. Seems unduly harsh and unlikely, her love for husband was only skin deep apparently.

When a woman cheats the whole LW writers association brings out paens of reasons why she cheated and she should be forgiven her mistake!! But…when a guys does the same…it’s unforgivable such that he needs to be burnt to cinder even years down the line ! One thing become very clear…women have their own associations…they sympathise with other women ! A husband who has been a good husband has no value once a mistake is discovered!! What a crappy author! Hope the girl in the moon remains the girl in the new moon all her life!!

Interesting story… but lots of flaws. Otto and Lena’s part in this pay back doesn’t make sense. Nobody could wait 14 years to tell off or get revenge on someone. Just that 14-year thought of revenge would drive them insane. Sorry.. interesting story…but some unbelievable holes. Thank- you for this attempt.

One helluva story. You are one creative and imaginative writer, GITM. I was kind of surprised at so many negative comments, but to each his or her own. Sure, anyone could probably find holes but instead I relish the unusual and crafty twists and turns. I didn't see the 4 sister spin coming.

Hunt the bitches down eliminate them

He went unbalanced unbelievably fast. As in, it was pretty darn stupid.

Then he also never tried to properly confront anyone.

All this because he left a woman and she happened to die?

Personally, in the end, I'm expecting that he gets revenge on each and every one of them.

Fantasy piece resonates — well done just like all your other pieces. What is arguably as interesting are some of the inane comments, but of course you fully expected and ignored.

Thats the reality of all the so called entitled bitches!,... they want equality... they want to fuck freely... but dont have the mentality to accept rejection!.... and then u kill urself and its the guys fault? What crap! So every guy who has been rejected and commits suicide...his friends should take revenge on the bitch! Right?.... Girlinthemoon is just another female over entitled cunt!

GITM is nothing but a female bitch who somehow realised that she wanted a pseudocock!,,....

GITM is a she bitch with innate hatred for men!, shows in each of her stories! every story where a bitch fucks around...she gets forgiven..even if she was a whore and slut!... but here..one drunken fling..and decades later...all kaput!,, Fuck u u deranged bitch GITM

Awesome as always

This really made you lose your shit, didn’t it? It’s a story, dude.

Great writing. This is a much better story than the score would indicate.