by HandcuffGirl
It was a great story, but a bit too short, and the double post made me wonder if this was an early version posted by mistake.
I don't know why the story was repeated. Literotica must have done it as there was only one copy in the file I sent. Thanks for everyone's feedback.
I really liked the premise of the story and the set up. I did feel it could use more description to add to the erotic umph of the story. How did she feel on stage, getting groped or leered at in the club. When Hawk took her the details of the sex were weak.
The situation and potential is there.
I can't wait to read more! And thank you for not using the line " So, what's your major?". By the way, Mr. Anonymous is the Dumb F for his crudeness. Please ignore him.
Neosteeled
I really liked the story, but I would've enjoyed a little more of the psycho-drama within Brenda's mind as she rapidly changed lifestyles. Still, Brenda must have desired it on a "buried-not-so-deep" level and Hawk must have recognized that. Of course from a real world perspective, since Hawk's bogarting a girl at work potentially cost the house money (Strippers work as independent contractors and pay a "house fee" to dance), both are lucky the manager didn't have something to say about their at work behavior. Not to mention a bouncer riding around town helping a girl pick out outfits isn't much use as a bouncer.
As an erotic fairy tale though? I give it a 5.
I enjoyed your story very much. The length was just right. I hope you write more chapters!
I enjoyed your story very much. So, please tell us what happened the next day. ;-)
but wanted to drop by and let lit commenters know how much I appreciate their comments on various stories. I keep a close check on the category pages to see what others are reading. It doesn't matter if u post anon or by screen name. I'm always looking for a good read. Thanks to all that take the time to share their choices! 5*s to all of u!
I gave it a top rating. I hope there will be another chapter soon.
just wanted to say I really like all your mind control stories there all super erotic, thank you for taking the time to write and share them. Dom