All Comments on 'Caribbean Surprise'

What a wonderful story. I like these that just involve pleasure. No humiliation. Excellent job!

Hot story, but the PoV chosen leaves out what I think was the most problematic and interesting part, namely how Dan seduced Sweetie into some 'hot tub antics!' The 'over-drinking' also did not ring true - Sweetie got amorous shortly after being unable to ambulate, but especially later when Sweetie sobered up so quickly.

Better editing would have helped, but the read was not disastrous!

4*

until the end, which was far too rushed. After swapping partners, there is a lot to process. And the last couple of days could have been developed and presented to us to make it more credible. Also, the epilogue could have had more detail in it, such as did Anne learn to like sucking cock? I liked the theme though--a couple long married experienced a sexual revival. But I did like the story a lot!

When I think of the Dominican Republic, I picture Rush "Oxycontin King" Limbaugh getting caught down there fucking little Dominican boys after slugging down hands full of Viagra. Seems to be a Republican thing.

Oh yea, I gave the story 5*. I give any story that gives me wood 5*.

As others have said, it seems like you were in such a hurry to post it that you didn't take enough trouble over the latter part. The last three paragraphs spoiled it - there were two more episodes to be written and it was a chance missed.

Could have been more detailed at the ending. You spent a lot of time in the "prelims", but glossed over the sex part. I would have preferred a much more detailed and longer description of the sex!

Keep writing!

Thanks for the comments and suggestions. As I wrote this I had it in my head that the climax of the story would be the writer watching his wife, Anne, having sex with Dan, after thinking all along that the writer was the "naughty one" in the relationship. I felt that rest of the vacation should be wrapped up neatly to make way for the sequel (which I've just started planning out)

In hindsight I should have realized people want to be more titilated and should have filled in the last few days of vacation with more graphic sex. At the time I thought people would think the story too long. Guess I was wrong!

This story, like a lot of Lit. stories, reads like a guy telling a story in a bar. Dialogue would help immensely. Good plot, though, and overall pretty believable, even the part where the protagonist watches the other guy fuck his wife. Had to laugh when he said he was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable. I imagine so! Also, like a lot of Lit. stories, it depends too much on overindulgence of alcohol. In my experience, people who get falling down drunk lose their desire for sex, and the ability, too. It is an overly used plot device. And why is it that when a husband watches another man fuck his wife, that man has a bigger, stiffer, better penis? Never fails. Thanks for putting it out there, and keep writing.

I though that the writer should have given more, more detailed writing after he left his wife, with Dan , and took Sarah to her room, and be detailed in there fucking for two hours, and the end was poor.

I, for one, am not enticed nor is my imagination provoked when an author has to rely on much-overused plot devices that are unrealistic and unbelievable in the extreme. And then there's trite and unbelievable character development (or lack thereof). To wit:

1. Consumption of alcohol in quantities that would render most human beings comatose, if not dead, as some sort of lubricant to risque sexual adventures that the drunkard would never otherwise consider.

2. The more demanding a presented scenario is, thus requiring discernment, clear-headed thinking, judgment, consideration of short- and long-term consequences, etc., etc., the more brain-dead the principle characters become. Glib and meaningless phrases that introduce major events roll off the page: e.g., "I stood there unable to move," or "I couldn't believe what was happening but I was powerless to stop it" or I couldn't believe what my wife was doing/acting/saying! She's NEVER acted that way in all the _____ years I've known her." (fill in some large number) The idea that a spouse/mother would allow/invite/participate in adulterous behavior AND the husband would stand there paralyzed -- and sexually stimulated -- is simply beyond reasonable belief.

3. Other: things such as someone so drunk as to require the work of two grown men to drag her back to a room, then to be raped by the non-husband assistant, followed by a te apparent ability to metabolize all that alcohol to be come coherent and aware is just mindless, lazy writing. It's almost insulting and it's hardly stimulating.

Ridiculous cheating whore and cuck couple screw around.

So so,,,,,

Just no.

Keep writing these kind of stories. I want part 2 etc: cause I want to know if Anne or Sarah got breaded.