Cognitive Dissonance

I had brought a change of clothes with me. Neeraja then suggested that I leave behind a few sets of clothing at her place. "Any time you choose, you can just stay back without worrying about these things," she said.

"You seem very distracted my friend, is something troubling you?" Neeraja asked me, while we were dining.

"Not distracted, to be very honest, just plain horny," I replied, "just want to hold you tight in my arms and do a lot of crazy things to you."

"Well, the sooner we finish here, the sooner we can start elsewhere," she whispered, with a wink.

We did everything that we had done the previous night, except that this time, it lasted a lot longer and was even more intense. We slept blissfully, she with her head on my shoulders.

Over the next couple of weeks, we were together almost three days a week. We had still not made love, yet I was going through the happiest days of my life.

Mating

*****

It was a Wednesday, my day off, and we were playing scrabble in the afternoon. Well, scrabble just seemed to be an excuse, it was more of kissing and petting and cuddling and touching and creating raunchy words on the board when Neeraja asked me.

"Can you take the coming Sunday through Tuesday off? That combined with the following Wednesday should give us four full days together."

I looked at her, I was a little dazed.

"Yes, I can read your mind and you are right, I want us to make love."

"Can I plan an outing then, take you to a resort or someplace?"

"I don't want to go to a strange unknown place, I want to be here, a place both of us are very comfortable with."

I took her hand and placed it on my racing heart. "Look at what you are doing to it!"

She laughed, "That is mine, lover, yours is out here," and she took my hand and placed it on her cleavage.

We planned a romantic dinner on Saturday. I brought her flowers. Two dozen dark red roses, with a single deep pink rose in the middle.

"Does this mean something?" She asked?

"Yes, that is you, surrounded by my love and passion. There are 24 red roses, signifying 24 hours. I actually wanted to have 1440 of them, signifying the minutes in a day, but the florist did not have that many."

"My boyfriend is so crazy," she said as she placed the flowers in a vase. "let me fill some water in the vase and then we are all set to go."

I took her to a fine dining restaurant that had live music and a dance floor. Neeraja surprised me with her hairdo. A simple fluffy braid called a fishtail. There was so much body and bounce to her hair.

We sipped our champagne, and towards the end of our the last dance before we started on our dinner, I moved her to a corner of the floor and kissed her deeply. I don't think she was prepared for such a public display of affection, but she did not push me away either.

When we were back at our table, she asked, "I felt a purpose behind that kiss, that was not impulsive at all. What were you up to, my handsome?"

"Well, you are undoubtedly the most beautiful woman in the world and I am just happy to be with you."

"It came across as a very possessive kiss."

"I try not to be possessive, but sometimes I just can't help it. I wanted to tell the world that you are mine. Does that bother you?"

"I feel so desired and wanted Agni, it really is a heady intoxicating feeling."

We had this wonderful mildly spiced Balinese curry in coconut milk with fresh bean sprouts and cilantro leaves accompanied by steamed rice. Then we shared a hot chocolate fudge.

As we moved out of the restaurant, she said, "With all that we have been eating, I will soon double in size, Agni!"

"Wow, more to hold, more to squeeze, more to kiss, more to bite...... what more could a man ask for?"

We were laughing like lunatics as we waited for the valet to fetch our car.

As I parked the car, Neeraja locked the gates and opened the main door and turned on the soft lighting in the living room. I locked the door behind me, and she glided into my arms.

"I love you, my missile man."

We kissed, and in seconds we were in a frenzy. I pulled her saree away, pulled at the drawstring holding her petticoat and it fell in a circle around her feet. She kicked her slippers off as she pulled at my shirt buttons. As I homed in on the clasps of her blouse, I heard some buttons give, and I didn't know whether they were mine or hers. I slipped one of my shoes off and used my toes to slip the other one off my foot. My trousers came off next and then my vest.

I moved with her towards the adjoining bedroom, when she stopped me.

"Not that room, sweetheart, my bedroom, the one after the dining space."

I had never really looked into that room of hers, but I realised she was letting me into her private space. It was fairly dark with just a wee bit of the light from the hall giving us just that much visibility to prevent us from bumping into something. I put my hand out to where I thought the light switches in her bedroom could possibly be.

"Release me for a moment," she whispered.

"No!" I whispered fiercely.

She slipped out from my grasp and picked up something from the side table next to her bed. She struck a match and I could see a lot of candles all around. She started lighting them, two on the side table, one floating on a large bowl of water in the corner of the room, another on the other corner......

She looked beautiful doing all this, just in her white bra and panties, and in the candlelight, I noticed that they were lacy almost like they were crocheted, with lots of holes showing her bare skin. And then she clung to me.

"You have been very busy doing this all up today my love."

"Yessss, for my true love, I had to make it worth the wait. Now take me to bed, quickly!"

There was this chocolaty aroma emanating from the sheets, and a vanilla scent from the candles. I reached out behind her to unhook her bra. She reached back and pushed my hand away.

"At least look at it for a while my fiery fire, I am wearing new lingerie just for you."

I grasped her wrists and held them over her head. "Yes, indeed, not only am I going to look at them, I am going to lick them till they become wet and transparent and I can see what is inside them. Then maybe, just maybe, I will not remove them when I make love to you."

And then I proceeded to do just that. I was rewarded with lots of squeals, moans, gasps, and slowly her nipples started to push and show themselves though the garment. She hugged me tight and sometimes I felt her nails gently along my back. She reached out to pull my briefs down.

"Uh uh, not so fast my lady love, those are new briefs, and you have to use your mouth, hands and fingers just won't do."

"Kiss me," she said, and as I brought my lips to hers, she pulled my briefs down and grabbed my cock.

"That's cheating, that's not fair," I protested.

"Everything is fair in love, and from what I am feeling, my gorgeous hunk down there seems very happy to be held like this."

I moved my hand down and as expected, her panties were very wet. And then she said those magic words, "make love to me.... please..."

"Oh god yes, Neeraja, yes..." and then I propped myself up on my elbow. "the condoms are in my trouser pockets and my trousers somewhere in the living room..."

She pulled me down to her fiercely. "No condoms, no nothing between us, just you and me."

"You sure?"

"Why do you think I made you wait so long? When we first kissed that day, it was very close to my ovulation time. I wanted so desperately to make love to you, I almost came to asking you to get some condoms, knowing fully well you would have hopped across to the nearest drugstore and returned in ten minutes.

But I wanted your first time and our first time together to be very special, something which both of us will remember for ever. That is why I made you wait till the time was right."

I kissed her tenderly. First her lips and then her neck and shoulders. My kisses turned to gentle bites. My hands went behind her and clicked open her bra.

"I thought someone wasn't going to remove it," she giggled.

"You inspire me sweetheart, didn't you say 'nothing between us' just now?"

Soon enough there was nothing between us.

She held my cock, "I need you inside me, I want you so much, my love."

I let her guide me, a couple of misses, a couple of hiccups and then I could feel myself going down a wet slippery grotto. I willed myself to be still, I wanted to feel myself inside her, I wanted her to feel me inside, and more importantly, I didn't't want to cum too soon.

"I can feel you inside me darling, and we have waited too long, I will cum any minute now!!!"

But somehow it didn't happen that way. I gyrated and so did she, she met my thrusts with those of her own, and soon we were in a rhythm. Her legs locked around my hips and I started groaning and moaning. Her muscles gripped me like a vise, as mine tried to slip out of her grasp and seek a deeper destination, a deeper meaning. We were both becoming incoherent.

And finally, a release came, and it came explosively, and we were screaming each other's name. And yet the momentum carried us for a while. We were drenched in sweat and as the flames of the candles danced, our shadows seemed to be continuing our love making.

I lowered my face to her breasts. She stroked my back and head.

"I could feel you flooding me, did you feel me cumming?"

"Yesss, and you feel so awesome. How do I even begin to describe what you have given me Neeraja?"

I lifted my face up. I wanted to pull my hand our from under her and caress her lips, and I still wanted to hold her tight to me. So I started to use my lips to caress hers. I knew either of us could just turn it into a kiss any moment, but her thoughts and feelings were in sync with me. She let me do what I was doing, reciprocating my movements in between.

"This is so blissful," she whispered, "and so steamy."

"This is what we are Neeraja, you of water and I of fire, put together, things have to get hot and steamy."

She twitched down there, once then twice, it was unmistakable. "Wow!" I exclaimed.

She started kissing my face. "You just made me cum with your words, you are incredible."

A candle flickered and went out. "The others will go out soon, do you want me to switch on a night lamp?"

"A while later Neeraja, I want to make love to you in complete darkness. I am going to see you with only my hands. And of course my lips and skin."

"Am I feeling what I am feeling down there?"

"What are you feeling down there?"

"Someone is growing hard inside me."

"Someone never went completely soft inside you."

I rolled us over, she was on top, another candle went out and our hands got busy. So did our lips and other parts. Truly, the heaviest sex organ is the brain and the largest in terms of surface area is the skin.

The gentle strokes turned into hard grips and squeezes. The whispers turned to moans, squeals and screams. And then suddenly it was all twitches and pulsations and we were again holding each other tightly and whimpering.

I lowered her to my left side and we remained locked together, our arms and legs entangled. Her fishtail hairdo, I could feel as I stroked her hair, was pretty messed up. She purred contentedly as she rested her head between my head and shoulder.

"I am sleepy," she murmured.

"Sleep well my love, we have lots of time to do a lot of things together."

I woke up first to the sounds of birds chirping outside. I moved slowly, inch by inch so as not to awaken her. Then I walked to the living room, following the trail of clothes that we had left behind last night. I picked up a couple of roses from the vase, and went back to her.

She was still asleep. I started to stroke her body with the rose. I let the petals traverse her forehead, her eyelids, then her nose, and traced the outline of her lips. I stroked her cheeks and then moved down to her neck. I could sense a change in her breathing pattern but she still seemed asleep. Taking the other rose in my other hand, I knelt beside her and stroked both her breasts simultaneously, the rose buds making circles around her nipples. The nipples were a deep brown with a tinge of pink, I bent down to take one in my mouth, when I noticed her eyes were open and a smile was playing on her lips.

"Good morning," I said.

She pulled my face down and her lips met mine. I pulled away after a while and continued caressing her with the roses. As I stroked her clit, she wriggled. "Stop, or I will pee."

I didn't stop and she jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom.

In a while she emerged, wrapped in a towel, looking fresh and I could smell her toothpaste. "Your turn, and what will you have, coffee, tea or me?"

"First you, so stay right here," I said, as I moved towards the other bedroom where my toothbrush was.

"Agni, everything you need is here, I have put your toothbrush here, I have kept a shaving kit, your deo, your cologne and an aftershave here for you and I have moved your clothes from that room to a shelf in my cupboard in this one."

I hugged her. "You have thought this through to the last detail, haven't you?"

"I forgot your shower gel, you will have to use mine for a while. Now go and get cleaned up, I am waiting."

When I got out, she was not in the bedroom. "Neerajaaaa," I yelled.

"Come to the kitchen," she yelled back.

She handed me a mug of coffee. "Change of plans, coffee first and you can have me in the shower."

She waited till I tasted the coffee. "Coffee good? Sugar okay?" she asked.

"I need more sugar," I said. She moved towards the sugar bowl. I caught her arm.

"Actually, can I lick my sweet coffee maker between sips?"

She put her cup down on the kitchen counter, took mine away from me and set it beside hers and she hugged me. "Bite me somewhere, I want to know if you are real."

We sipped our coffee. "Neeraja, don't you think we should change the sheets? We have left some stains."

"Two very small ones and a large one shaped like Australia. Unless you are feeling icky about it, maybe we can doodle a few more continents?"

"We won't get to do Antarctica"

"Why?"

"That room is too hot, Antarctica will melt before it forms." We spilt our coffee laughing and we had to make some all over again.

We showered together, taking our time to explore each other's bodies. "You are so beautiful Neeraja, and you actually sizzle sensuality."

"Oh really? How many other women have you examined so minutely to make a comparison?"

"When I see a Michelangelo sculpture, I don't need to look at other sculptors and their work to make out perfection when I see it."

"But aren't there many Michelangelo sculptures?"

"Do you have a couple of sisters, Neeraja?"

"You creep," she squealed, and then she clung to me and whispered, "I love you, and I want you to quickly towel me dry and then make love to me."

We cuddled for a while as we recovered from a rather exhausting session of love making. Then we got up and I picked up the trail of clothing that we had left behind the previous night. Some went into the washing machine and some we folded neatly.

"Your shirt is missing a couple of buttons, I will stitch them on for you," she said.

"Why don't we just leave it that way? You can wear it in bed once in a while. It will be something special about our special day."

"Why don't you accept that you are just too impatient to unbutton buttons?"

"Neeraja, the buttons are missing from my shirt, not your blouse."

And that is how I got pummelled by a pillow.

We had five fun filled days. Neeraja had containers and containers of vegetables and dals cooked and stored in the refrigerator. All we did was open two containers, microwave them or heat them up on the gas stove and most of our lunch or dinner was ready. We placed the rice in the rice cooker and the rice was ready in time for lunch or dinner. On a couple of occasions, we took time to make rotis and parathas. We had bread, eggs, fruits for breakfast. And the rest of the time, we either made love, slept or just cuddled, taking in a movie on TV or just listening to some music. On alternate days, we spent some time cleaning up the house, because Neeraja thoughtfully had given her maid a few days off from work.

On Wednesday, we used protection. Neeraja loved the ribbed ones best, she said that gave her the best sensations, next of course to not using any. And amongst the flavoured ones, she preferred pineapple, though she wondered why one needed to use it at all.

I had to get back to work on Thursday morning. We kissed and kissed till it was really time to go.

"Will I be seeing you only on Wednesday next, Agni?"

"Give me a couple of days to catch up on my work, I will be with you on Saturday by dinner time, and then again on Sunday evening. I will be thinking of you all the time and you know I love you like crazy."

As I drove back, I realised that I have to take a very big decision in my life, and I wanted to take it soon.

Accepting

********

It was a practice to speak to my parents either on a Saturday or a Sunday around 9 PM. It would be round 5:30 in the evening for them, and many times my sister Shveta and her husband Arvind would join in.

I texted my mother late in the evening.

"Hi Ma, I need to speak to you and Dad."

In a few minutes I got a reply. "Is it urgent? Dad will be home in a couple of hours."

"No, Ma, not urgent, but it is important."

After a pause, "Is my son in love?"

"Yes, Ma, how did you know?"

"You are in love with Neeraja, your former math tutor, right?"

"Yes, Ma, how do you know this?"

"You spoke to us about her after you met her, and then a couple of times again. You told us what happened in her life. And later on, whenever you talked about her, your voice would go soft and tender. And you have never spoken to us about any other girl ever."

"It was that obvious Ma?"

To others, maybe not, but I am your Ma, right?

"Yes, Ma, and I love you and Dad."

Send me her picture, it was so long ago and I have met her just once or twice, my memories about her are fuzzy.

"Right away Ma." I sent her the picture of both of us leaving for the party.

There was a silence for a few minutes......

"Ma, did you get it?"

"She is beautiful, son, and I can see it in her eyes, she loves you very much."

"Yes, Ma, she does. And I love her very much too."

"Have you guys been intimate?"

"Yes, Ma."

"Do you want to marry her?"

"Yes, Ma."

"Your intentions are honourable, let me talk to Dad. We will call you in a couple of hours."

"You approve Ma? You are okay with this?"

"My impulsive impatient son, how can we not accept someone you love and who loves you, into our family? You have told me that she has no immediate kin, but now she has us."

"Thank you Ma, I love you so much."

I love you too, Dad and I will talk to you, there are some things that we have to do, we will discuss this after Dad gets back. We'll call you in a while.

Soon we were on a video call. Dad was grinning from ear to ear. "You are looking good my boy, someone obviously has been taking good care of you."

"Dad, you are pulling my leg."

Dad hugged Ma, "Well, someone took great care of me too, has been doing so all the while for the last 30 years."

"See, he doesn't remember," Ma piped in, "it is 31 years."

We all laughed. Then Dad asked me, "Have you asked her to marry you."

"Not yet, Dad."

Ma chimed in. "We will send you the engagement ring from here, get me her size."

"How do I do that Ma, can I not get it a ring here?"

"You figure out how you are going to get me her size. Traditionally, the engagement ring for the bride comes from our side. That apart, Belgium is THE place for diamonds, and Antwerp is just an hour away from our place. You still want to buy it there?"