All Comments on 'Demon's Run Ch. 01'

How stupid of a story can you write?.......if there was a way to give this a -10 i would.

You're kidding right? Find something else to do with your time, writing is not something you should be inflicting on others.

It started out okay, then it seemed to jump all over the place. I could not even finish the first page. You really need to organize your thought to paper better.

Boring, and in the end Annoying. Start was great. But you ruined it with endless babble! I now have a headache from reading your "story " thanks allot.

your start was really good but somewhere after the first few paragraphs you lost focus. if you're going to continue writing organize your thoughts better.

Give physical and character descriptions all in one paragraph early in the story, don't wait to tell what she is like after half the story is done, and it would've been nice to know she had a name before halfway thru the first page. Like everyone else said, it started good then it felt like you saw a pretty flower and lost your train of thought and started talking about something else. Organize the story then have someone beta it. Towards the end the grammar made me dizzy.

WTF don't quit your day job you suck writing.

Ok I have read many different types of stories but I have to admit that this one is the worst I have ever read....Don't quit your day job and take some extra classes in writing...

i try to be positive but im never gonna get that time back. worst story ever

This made me want to pluck my eyeballs out. It was that bad.

Structure and organization problems from start to finish.

Needs editing. Please ask for help before posting part two.

I'm surprised they even post this story it was that bad, it could have been written by a 3rd grader except for the language.

um i honestly quit reading after second paragraph come on you coulda said i picked up my slutty daughter up from school, after hearing about her fucking the janitor and looking at her in that slutty outfit of hers that i wouldnt have let her out of her room in much less the house i pulled into the garage wondering how i had gotten their ripped off her clothes and forced her to give me a blo job waching her take my entire ten inch cock into my mouth in the back seat of my suv.

Im sorry to say i enjoyed it, i know shes my daughter but damn shes a total knock out.

she said i love you daddy, i spanked her tight muscular ass and lost all my previous abandon.

i told her she was a durty slut, if she was so aginst me dating all those years and caused me so much sexual frustration and instead of fucking me she chose that fat assed janitor, no way get on my fat hard cock

i pulled her hair to the left twisting it into a loop as she tried to get off of me

i rolled on top of her and forced her to look into my eyes

she was smiling and all i could think was damn my daughter is a dirty slut might as well be my slut

i pulled the rope that i had in the back and forced her hands behind her back

ribbed the rest of the rope with my teath and whipped her huge suculant breasts

every time she looked away the more interested i got

i ripped part of the rope and made a collar out of it the rest of the rope became

the leash

i led her to her bed as she tried to run ahead of me

my sluty daughter was starting to like it

damn i should have done this a while back................

Never have I seen so many negative comments. And never have I been in so much agreement with every single one. Usually on a pathetic story there will be a couple doofuses singing praise to the author, but you now have 14 bad comments in a row. You took a storyline, that might have had potential, and rubbed it in dog shit, then threw up on it, verbally. One more never, never submit another story without having it proofread.

that was the most difficult read EVER, i don't wish to see another chapter of that

take the comments and LEARN from them, serious constructive criticism

don't attempt another one until you talk to people, get their advice and help, this mini hatch job would have finished your career anywhere else

You owe me a new penis. Mine was so traumatized after reading this, I don't think I can ever get an erection again. What the hell is up with this site lately? They used to have higher standards, but now it just seems like if you can faceroll on a keyboard then you're bound to get your story posted. I'm used to a certain amount of stuff slipping through the cracks, 'cause even the best editors tend to miss things here and there. But when a story is this bad, it just makes me blame the site itself.

. . . it's good.

"You owe me a new penis. Mine was so traumatized after reading this, I don't think I can ever get an erection again."

LMAO!

I agree that this story had potential but you did make many grammatical and spelling errors--that's all I have to say.

Damn, that was a really crappy story. Disjoint, rambling, poor grammar, and unfortunately, ... boring. Stop. Please.

wow worse story ever tried to read on this site! ! besides grammar and spelling . A 5'4 girl w/C almost D cups at 80 pounds would litterally be a stick with boobs. a skeleton w/skin unless that's your thing please no more story's. I stopped reading after the school visit but skipped to the comments just to see if I missed something but alas no you actually suck.

Simply put the story has to much passiveness, the spelling is horrid along with missing words and misplaced ones too, but really the thing that turned me off was you're inability to make a story believable and progressive to the point of actually getting turned on. So for a conclusion you're story didn't even get me to thinking about stroking it, so don't write another story; please save our penises from future limpage!

I can't explain how fucked up this story was....just dont write anything else.

5'4" and 80 pounds? That is what walking death looks like. No one would tap that. EVER!

This is the worst story I have ever read. It left me with nothing but regret for wasting the 10 minutes of my life to read it. Reading the other comments and agreeing with every opinion left me laughing so hard at the complete and utter failure of the author. Don't write anymore stories......Please....

i only gave it 4 stars just cuz of the sudden ending but its such a good story n realy hot too! i hope u write smore.