by R_U_Romantic
There is a lot of promise here - you have a good eye for detail and the dialogue during the restaurant scene was nicely paced. I liked the building anticipation.
What detracted me from actually being aroused here were a couple of things:
1) She drink drives (or at least, she does by English limits). Not very classy...
2) They have one course and the restaurant appointment takes two hours?!
3) Her agency/pimp would have agreed her rate and appointment length on booking; no need for Mickey to mention it.
4) Phrases like "fuck tube" and "sexy pussy farts."
5) You can be a bit repetitive at times; for example, the opening paragraphs describe her skirt in the exact same way twice, and the dialogue during the sex gets *very* repetitive.
6) The sex doesn't read like something going on between a hooker and a client; it reads like two dunk college students after a party. Now if it was meant to be that, it'd be good; but this is her first appointment as a prostitute and you go to all the trouble of setting up some decent inner conflict. She's not going to transform into an instant slut; what's she thinking? When does she break and decide she's just going to enjoy it, and how does she feel that she *does* enjoy sex for money?
I rated this a three. I'd happily rate it much higher once the above bits - which are easily fixable things - (and the odd missed out comma) were sorted. Keep writing.
great story. but one thing. no HIGH class escort girl would meet a guy in a car park. that is a definite no no. Also being an escort girl. everything is arranged for you. all the clients are screened by the company you work for. But hey this is just a fantasy.
have fun everyone.
I was no disappointed. Angel was the name of the first stripper I ever met and I always dreamed of an encounter like this with her. You have made that come true in a really well written story.
presumably you'll be filling in some background later...
however..anal, without any foreplay, or lube...and he's hung...??
This first chapter of a new story is characterized by excellent writing. However, for an introductory chapter, it is rather too brief, and more explanations could be given about the main character especially. The love scene is also rather brief, although, compared to many authors, its pacing is quite well paced and not too rushed.
Enjoyed it...
a couple of things surprised me... no mention of appearance off her moneymaker...hopefully covered in a neatly trimmed bush...
and anal, without lube...??
Good story! I got turned on by some of the sexy descriptions--and I do love a good escort tale! I'm interested in seeing how this continues. Great start!
1 star - there is nothing exciting or sexually interesting about the life of an escort/hooker/whore/slut.
I am giving you 1 star so that it lowers your average score, then fewer people will bother reading this crap.
I am perplexed, why would nixrox. read this story if he hated what it was all about, what an ass. I thought that it was wonderfully written, if the rest of the chapters are as good,, I will be a very happy Helen 5* I will log in often keep giving 5 * to offset nixrox. 1
Nixrox seems to enjoy reading erotica but condemns its content. What a hypocrite.
A fabulous story with very erotic sex scenes. I have read the entire story under it different names more than once. It is very well written and this chapter really sets the tone for the chapters to come.