Differently Visioned

I decided I needed to climb under the covers and fall asleep before I got carried away any further.

It was still pretty early in the morning when Mom came barging into my room.

"C'mon, Jenny. Wake up. I want to be back by the time your brother arrives."

I squinted my eyes at her as I sat up in bed. "What time is it?"

"Eight-thirty."

"Holy cow, Mom."

"You can sleep when we get back. Now, let's go."

She walked out of the room and I dragged myself to the bathroom. I did the bare minimum in the way of getting ready. The last thing I needed was for her to nag me about running behind for the rest of the day.

I found a gift for Jaime fairly quickly. I was in High School once, too, so I vaguely recall what it was like. Anyway, what teenage girl wouldn't want a professional makeup kit with a thousand shades of eye shadow that she'll never wear?

Justin and Melissa were harder to shop for, though. They just moved into a house I hadn't even seen photographs of, yet. Mom and I were browsing through this little art shop and I spotted a pair of these cute framed pictures. Mom argued with me that art was too much of a personal taste to buy for someone else, but I bought them, anyway.

As I was standing at the counter, I noticed a rather odd group of pieces in the corner.

"What are those over there?" I pointed to the section I was curious about.

"Those are all pieces by a local artist. Her son was born blind, so she is now creating art for the visually challenged."

"Really?" I cocked my head in curiosity as I walked to the corner display.

There were all sorts of textured paintings and some interactive pieces. Then there were a couple of paintings in Braille. They were done in a Rothko style and were seriously cool to look at.

The words were written beneath the raised bumps of the Braille lettering. There were a couple of single word paintings: Sexy, Beautiful. And a number of ones with sayings. The one that caught my attention was Differently Visioned. It suited David to a tee.

I turned it over in my hand and was pleased that it was within my price range.

"Here. Add this to those pictures, will you?"

My mother turned to me and cocked her brow. "What do you need blind art for?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. I like it."

I wasn't about to try to explain David to her. If I even hinted that the painting was for someone else, I knew she'd tirelessly pump me for information. So, I just left it at that. I'm an adult. I can buy whatever I want.

"The things you waste your money on."

"Mom," I said in my best warning tone as I tilted my head at her.

"Okay, it's your money."

That's right. I nodded and smiled at her as I grabbed the package off the counter.

It was an impulse buy. I started questioning myself on it even before we got to the car. You won't end up giving it to him. It'll just collect dust in your closet for the next year until you stumble across it trying to find your stupid winter gloves.

I shrugged off the negative inner voice. So what?! It wasn't expensive or anything. And it's cool looking. Maybe I'll just hang it up at the apartment.

Mom started pulling out pots and pans the second we walked into the kitchen. I didn't possess her cooking gene, and I knew that I would just get on her nerves if I tried to help, so I politely excused myself to the den to wrap presents.

I'd already wrapped the gift for my folks. Dad was in on the whole thing. Mom had been dying to go see Kenny G, who happened to be playing in Boise on the 20^th. Thanks to my excellent on-line shopping skills, I was able to get excellent seats for them.

Satisfied that I'd completed all my pre-Christmas celebration tasks, I placed the presents under the tree and retreated to my room for the nap that was promised me when I was so abruptly woken up early that morning.

Naturally, he popped into my thoughts again. I leaned over the bed to look for my cell phone to check it.

I hadn't given him my number before jetting out of town, but we had a mutual friend who would surely give it to him.

It all of a sudden dawned on me that I had no clue how much he used his phone. Does he text? He couldn't possibly, right? How would he read the messages?

I couldn't recall seeing him touch a phone all night. Periodically, both Roger and Shauna would check their phones for texts or calls. I wasn't much into text messaging or talking on the phone, so I was known for accidentally leaving my phone just about anywhere. I'd lost 3 devices in the previous year.

As I dug to the bottom of my suitcase I groaned. "Oh, no. Not another one."

I wasn't sure if I'd lost it, or just left it at the apartment. You'd think I'd learn by now. I closed my eyes and tried to picture if I had it at the airport. I don't think so. I knew I hadn't used it since I'd gotten home.

"Oh, crap!" It finally dawned on me where it was. "It's on the bar."

There was a small bar-height countertop in our little apartment kitchen. I set it down when I ran back inside to get my boarding pass. The cab driver reminded me when he asked what airline I was flying.

Well, at least I know where it is. It's not lost.

I climbed onto my bed and nestled my cheek into my pillow. Probably better this way. I won't even know that he didn't try to call me until after my vacation. God, I'm pathetic.

Who am I kidding? He was way too good to be true. He worked me. Plain and simple. He pushed my buttons, is what he did. If he wanted to see me, he would've set something up for when I get back. He had plenty of opportunity.

By Friday, the house was starting to feel crowded to me. There was someone in every room of the house except for my bedroom. But in my bedroom, I couldn't stop thinking about my last night in Seattle.

It kept morphing each time I replayed it in my mind. It was now approaching a record low for me. A total sleazy, one-night-stand-mistake that I wished I could take back.

I even convinced myself that dating David would be the single biggest mistake of my life. I'd never be happy long-term with him. I had places that I still wanted to see in the world. I wouldn't be able to do that with him. Not in the way that I would with someone who could see the sights with me.

While I was feeling intensely guilty about having those thoughts, I convinced myself that I was being sensible about it. Using my head instead of getting carried away.

In a desperate attempt to get the hell out of that crowded house, I begged Dad to let me take his car so I could go to the mall. I told him that I'd forgotten to get something for my roommate.

It wasn't a complete lie; I hadn't gotten her anything, yet. But I was planning to wait until I got back to Seattle for that. No sense in packing something. It wasn't like Boise was a shopping mecca while Seattle was a wasteland.

The mall was packed. It wasn't the best thought-out plan, I admit.

I plopped down at a table in the food court and sipped my diet coke. A really bad rendition of Jingle Bells crackled through the old speaker over my head. I doubted anyone heard it but me. The crowd noise was practically deafening.

"Jenny?"

I looked up from my drink into the face of an old High School flame of mine. "Craig? Wow, hi."

I stood and hugged him as he approached.

"How are you doing?"

"Good. You in town for the holidays?"

"Just this week. Justin and Melissa came in yesterday."

"Oh, yeah? I haven't seen him since the wedding. How are they doing?"

"Good. You should come by the house and say 'hi'."

"Are they going to be around tonight?"

"I think so. Mom is pretty much monopolizing their time. They'll be thankful for the reprieve tonight if you come."

"Alright."

"Good."

"So, are you here with anyone?"

"Here at the mall?"

"No. I mean, did you bring anyone with you from school?"

"Oh! No. I'm, uh, single."

"Yeah, me, too. It sort of sucks over the holidays, doesn't it?"

I nodded. I hadn't actually thought about it that much, but that would certainly explain the melancholy I was feeling at the moment.

"Hey, I've got to get back to shopping. I'll see you tonight. Let Justin know I'm coming, will ya?"

"Sure. I'll tell him. See ya."

I remembered to tell Justin. He looked relieved to hear that someone was going to rescue him from Mom. It didn't give Melissa an excuse to break away, but at that point, Justin was willing to sacrifice his wife for some peace. I could see it in his face. He was desperate.

When Craig showed up, we settled in the living room, just the three of us, to catch up. I mostly listened while Justin and Craig talked about the new house, and sports, and tools, and some mutual friends that they had.

I finally became more interested in the conversation when Craig told us about this incident with a girl in my grade who'd slept with a judge at some beauty contest. It was the biggest news to hit our community in ages.

Melissa joined us when Mom and Dad retired to bed. The poor girl looked ten years older. Justin didn't stay for long after that. I suspected that he had some making up to do with his wife for leaving her alone with Mom for so long.

Then it was just me and Craig. I sort of expected him to leave when Justin announced he was going to bed.

Craig scooted closer to me on the sofa, "So, how is school?"

"It's good. I might graduate a semester early. I'm trying to figure out if I have to take this one class that's only offered once a year. How're you doing?"

"Good. I graduate in the spring. I only have 2 classes next semester. So, it should be a breeze."

"Yeah, man, I'd kill for that schedule."

"Did you hear that Becky Lawson is getting married?"

"No, I didn't. You dated her your senior year, didn't you?"

"Yeah. I can't believe she's getting married."

"We're still sort of young to be getting married, it feels like to me."

"Yeah, but they're dropping like flies."

Craig took a deep breath and sat back.

"You remember when we swiped one of your Dad's beers and took turns drinking it around the side of your house?"

I chuckled, "Yeah, I remember. I got grounded over it."

"Oh, yeah. I remember that. You should've told him I did it."

"I couldn't. I knew he had to forgive me; I was his daughter. You, not so much."

Craig laughed. "It worked out better for us that he trusted me, anyway."

I had been allowed to go out on a car date with Craig only because Dad trusted him.

"I remember that night like it was yesterday."

I nodded. He was referring to the night I lost my virginity.

"You were so scared of getting caught."

"No, I was scared it was going to hurt. Getting caught was what you were thinking about."

Craig chuckled, "I barely knew what I was doing back then."

"Well, you got it done. It's ancient history now."

"Is it?"

I looked up, half expecting him to have this cheesy grin on his face. He wasn't smiling. Oh, shit.

Craig inched closer to me on the sofa and started caressing my hand.

Am I putting off some sort of 'come fuck me' vibe, or something?

"When are you going back?"

"Tuesday morning."

"I know you've got your family thing Saturday. What are you doing Sunday night?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn't exactly sure I wanted to go out with Craig, but I couldn't think of a reason not to, either.

I'd known Craig forever and we got along great. We'd have a good time. I knew that much. And if the date ended with a little fooling around, then maybe that would be just what I needed to snap me out of my funk. It wasn't like we hadn't done it before.

"What do you have in mind?"

"I don't know. Dinner. A movie, maybe. Or, we could hit a pub downtown."

"Sounds good. What time?"

"I'm not sure. Can I call you?"

"Yeah. Do you still have my folks' number? I left my phone at the apartment."

"Yeah, I have it."

Craig stood up and I did the same. I followed him to the door.

With his hand on the door knob, he turned back to me. "I'll see you Sunday night, then."

He leaned toward me and paused for a moment, waiting to see if I was going to object, before kissing me.

My heart rate picked up a bit, but I held steadfast.

It was a chaste kiss. Appropriate for the place and situation.

"Thanks for inviting me over."

"You're welcome. You saved Justin."

"I didn't come to see Justin."

With that, he pivoted on his heel and walked out the door. About halfway down the walkway, he glanced over his shoulder with a grin. Like a fool, I was still standing in the doorway, shocked by his confession.

Saturday was hectic. We ate this impossibly big meal and then gathered in the living room to open presents. The highlight of the evening was seeing my Mom's face when she opened the tickets. She nearly cried.

I got the usual stuff: cash from Mom and Dad, clothes from my sister, and some DVDs from my brother. Plus, all the assorted other stocking stuffers and trinkets.

We curled up under blankets and watched movies until we fell asleep. It felt like home.

Sunday morning was spent getting Justin and Melissa to the airport, and before I knew it, I was climbing into the passenger side of Craig's Jeep on our date.

Craig had become a welcome distraction from David. And somehow, being with Craig, and being home, made the whole thing with David seem so distant. Unreal. Like it never happened.

He drove me to a downtown restaurant and pub. After we ate, we had a few beers and laughed about old times. As the evening went on, I ignored the sensible voice in my head that pleaded with me to stop drinking, and took each fresh 20oz that Craig thrust in my hand.

I was drunker than I thought by the time we got up from our seats. The room was fuzzy in the dim lighting and I seemed to have trouble walking to the door without tripping over chairs.

Craig drove to my parents' house and parked on the street, and for a second, it felt like we were in High School again. Craig must've thought so, too, because he immediately unbuckled his seat belt and leaned over to kiss me.

This time it wasn't innocent.

His lips were hard on mine and his tongue was forceful, filling my mouth as he swirled it in wild circles all around. It was a drunk kiss. All passion and no finesse. But I was hungry for it, too.

He groped me through my shirt, like he'd done so many times in the backseat of his Dad's Chrysler. It was so familiar, I actually convinced myself that we were back in school.

"Oh, shit. I totally forgot."

Craig's hand had sneaked up my shirt. He'd reached my scars.

He pulled his hand away and went back to kissing me. I felt his fingers fumbling around with the button on my jeans and I realized that he intended to just leave my shirt on.

Just one week earlier, I would've accepted that, and allowed him to make love to me with my shirt on. But, a certain phrase popped into my head that changed my mind.

If anyone ever gives you the feeling that you're anything but gorgeous, you should immediately cross them off your Christmas list.

I stilled Craig's hands before he got my button loose.

"Craig, stop. I can't do this."

"You want to get in the back seat?"

"No. I need to go. I'm sorry. I had a good time."

I opened the passenger door and stepped onto the curb before he could say anything to change my mind.

CHAPTER FIVE

My hangover was actually a blessing. It kept my mind in a fog for most of the day. By the time Tuesday morning rolled around, I was more than ready to get out of Boise.

My cell phone greeted me as I walked in the door. It was right where I remembered leaving it. My stomach churned as I lifted it to see who'd called.

There was a missed call, a text from an unknown number, and four texts from Shauna. I opened Shauna's texts first.

Thursday, December 13, 11:31am: David wants your phone number. Can I give it to him?

Friday, December 14, 4:28pm: Hellllllooooo?!

Saturday, December 15, 10:45am: Don't kill me.

Today, 10:57am: David's been in an accident. We're at UW Med.

"An accident?" Oh, God, no.

I didn't stop to think; I just pocketed my phone and dashed back out the door. I wasn't even sure I knew which building was the medical center.

As I raced through the maze of streets, and through the crazy mix of midday shoppers and business people, my thoughts ran wild.

I cursed Shauna for not giving me more information in the text. Or for even texting me in the first place. He's probably forgotten about our night, already. I bet he has that kind of sex all the time. With girls who don't have complicated pasts and crazed ex-boyfriends.

The closer I got to the hospital, the more my brain was in disagreement with my feet. What am I doing here?

I stepped up to the information counter, "Do you have a David ..." I had to think for a moment. Shauna had mentioned his full name and I remembered seeing it on a piece of mail as I was stepping out the front door of the condo. "...Plumb? David Plumb."

She checked the records and shook her head, "No. There's no one by that name checked in."

My heart skipped a beat and then just about leapt from my chest. "I-If he was just in an a-accident, where would he be?"

"Oh, he'd be in the emergency room." She pointed down a long corridor to my left, "Down that hall and through the double doors on the right."

"Thanks."

I slowed my feet to a brisk walk. I was out of breath from the hurried trek as it was.

The emergency room was humming with activity. I vaguely recalled hearing something about a pedestrian who'd been struck and killed on the radio in the cab. My driver cussed about how he was going to have to change his route.

The examination rooms were laid out in a semi-circle around a center pit of desks with computer monitors and medical personnel. They were all moving about in every direction, leaning over one another and practically knocking each other out to get what they were after. It appeared to be chaos to the observer, but I suspected it was more like controlled bedlam.

I scanned the area for Roger and Shauna. There was no sign of them. I started making my way around the semi-circle, peering through the open doors for David. It was slow-going with all the ruckus. I was constantly being asked to get out of the way as the medical staff maneuvered equipment around me.

About three quarters of the way around the circle, I spotted him. He was sitting up in his bed. Alone.

His arm was cut and his hip was bandaged, but otherwise he appeared okay.

Tears pinpricked the corners of my eyes in relief. My entire body started trembling in some sort of aftershock reaction.

I'd made it just inside his doorway without him hearing me. The commotion in the hallway gave me that much cover. But as I stared at him on that bed, I couldn't move another inch toward him. My brain had caught up and was now in control of my feet.

David cocked his head in my direction and I froze.

"Jen?"

He must've heard me, or picked up my scent, or in some other uncanny way, detected my presence.

When I didn't answer him, he groaned and let his head fall back on the pillow.

Tears were now streaming down my face. I was positively terrified.

I backed out of the room slowly, watching him through wet eyes to be sure he didn't hear me. Once in the noisy hallway, I twirled toward the entrance and ran straight into Roger's chest.

"Whoa! Hey, Jen."

I knew David heard that. I pulled away from Roger like a panicked animal and fled the emergency room.

I was lying on the sofa with a wet washcloth over my face when Shauna arrived. I was dreading facing her.