All Comments on 'Exposing My Body Online Ch. 03'

Definitely, you're one of the better writers we have. Your "Car Show Slut" series was really good, especially the earlier chapters, before it broke down and got away from the car shows and the exhibitionism at the bachelor parties and whatsuch. This series though, and especially this chapter...not so much. I see two recurring issues in this series that bother me: 1-Way too much inner monologue and ditzy debate. Rather than making her sound thoughtful and real, like you normally manage with your women in your stories, here she's just getting to be tedious. She's coming off as an airheaded bimbo, which isn't how you usually portray your women. Just way too much vacillating verbiage. 2-Dream sequences = ALWAYS BAD! Dream sequences are always a narrative cop out. It's obvious what you want the woman to do so just let her do it. Let her act out her Inner Slut. Don't hide it in dream sequences. It's as if you just want to write some hot stuff but you don't want to really own up to it by including it in the real time plot. C'mon, no dream sequences. You're WAY better than that!

such a sexy series! although i agree with the above comment about too much inner monologue, it is still way hot. write #4 please! love it!

Thanks for posting, do post more

Just read the 3 parts of this story... I like how you are slowly developing it...but I'm dying to see what happens next! Please write part 4!!

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