Free Fall

The moment I met her, I realized I'd been wrong. She wasn't Nico's wife, she was clearly his sister. She had the same big, dark eyes, the same curly hair, and the same generous smile that put me at ease right away. After chatting for a few minutes I decided I liked her a lot. She poured me a glass of iced tea and we sat on the deck while the kids played in a plastic kiddy pool on the lawn.

"So, there's Will and Jack, my boys. Eight and six. And Lena is Nico's daughter. She's five. I know I'm biased, but they're just great kids. They play really well together and apart from an endless supply of energy that will wear you out, they're pretty easy to manage. They don't fight, and they don't whine. They're just...really reasonable." She laughed.

"Nico and I were the same way as kids, just really well behaved for whatever reason. And then my mom had my brother Miles and oh boy, what a shocker he was. He got in so much trouble." She laughed again. It was a great laugh, natural and unrestrained. "Just goes to show you can't predict what your kids will be like; they just come out how they come out."

I'd only expected to stay a few minutes, but I ended up sitting with her for over an hour, talking. I hadn't realized how lonely I was since leaving school. I texted with JD and Tabitha daily, and stayed in touch with my friends from college on Facebook, but it wasn't the same as having a friend in the flesh. And Rose was so easy to like. She was easy-going, unassuming, and refreshingly open and honest. She told me about her parents, her other brothers, their wives and kids, her job as a nurse, her husband, and the complicated work schedules of the household.

"My schedule is pretty predictable, but sometimes I have to stay late. Mike's been on a job over in Summit. It's an hour and a half's drive, so he's gone before the kids are up. Nico, too. He tries to get an early start before it gets hot out. And, his work is seasonal, so it just makes sense for him to work as much as he can during the summer. He's been really busy this summer."

She dropped her voice slightly to explain Nico's situation. "Nico's wife Jackie died about three years ago. Cancer. It was such a shock. She wasn't even 30."

"Oh, that's so awful." I'd only met Nico that morning, but my heart ached for him.

"It was horrible," Rose went on. I saw her eyes zero in on Lena, who was busy in the yard with some plastic toy ponies. "So sad. They were such a cute couple, and totally crazy about each other. He was a totally devoted husband to her, just worshiped the ground she walked on, but well, that's also just how Nico is, but they were so close. And then, just like that, he was on his own with a toddler to raise.

"He moved back down here not long after she passed. He used some of the money from selling their house to start his own business. Last year was his first really good year with it, but this year he's been at least twice as busy. He's actually had to turn down jobs this year."

She told me he was also renovating a house a few miles away, but it still had a long way to go before he could move in.

"To be honest, I just want him to stay here until he gets married again, or at least meets someone. I hate the idea of him moving into that big house on his own. It's been three years...I don't know, it just seems like it's time for him to think about meeting someone, but he doesn't have any interest."

It was obvious she adored her older brother, and I could hear the concern in her voice. "I just want him to be happy. He's such a great guy, he shouldn't be alone."

//

The job ended up being the exact thing I needed. Rose and her family were so much fun, so warm and welcoming, I fell in love with them immediately. Especially the kids, who were bright and funny, and just as reasonable as Rose had described them. They were game for anything, enthusiastic about learning new things, and never gave me any trouble. Within a few weeks, my depression lifted, and I almost forgot about school entirely. It helped that the kids kept me so busy I went home exhausted and slept like the dead every night. But it also helped that they made me feel like part of their family.

I worked Monday through Thursday from 8:45 to 3:30, and even on the hottest days, the hours flew by. Sometimes I stayed a little longer, sitting on the back deck with Rose after she'd gotten home from work. She was so relaxed, and so easy to talk to, she felt like the big sister I'd never had or known I wanted.

When she found out my grandparents went to dinner and then bridge club with their friends every Wednesday, she insisted I stay for dinner on those nights. She didn't have to twist my arm, but I did feel a little funny letting her feed me. I knew they weren't poor, but I also knew they had a tight budget. And while I didn't really need the money she paid me, I couldn't ask her not to pay me. So I tried to do a little housework around the house during the day just to lend a hand and ease her workload without drawing attention to it. I put towels in the wash and folded the kids' clothes, and made sure the kitchen was always spotless when she came home. On Wednesdays, I decided I would be in charge of dessert and made sure to pick something up the night before, even if it was just a couple of cartons of ice cream I could leave in their freezer. It was the least I could do for someone who'd more or less rescued me from depression.

Dinners were always a bit of a circus. The kids got hyper and silly when their parents came home, and with three more adults in the house, it was pretty noisy. I helped Rose cook while Nico and Mike watched the kids in the back yard. The house was so hot in the afternoons, even with the big box fans circulating the air through the house, so we usually ate on the deck at a big picnic table.

Some nights there were other family members, too. Their brother Miles had two kids, a 6 year old daughter Ellen, and an 8 year old autistic son, Lucas, who came over for dinner a few times. And once, Rose and Nico's mom joined us, so I found out where they got their generous smiles and easy-going personality. It was always lively, and a little overwhelming at times, but I loved every minute of it. Wednesday quickly became my favorite day of the week.

It was fun for me to observe the dynamics around the table. Rose was sassy with Mike, and Nico was silly with the kids. Everybody teased everyone else, and no feelings were hurt. The three adults would trade turns as the designated grown-up-in-charge, juggling requests for more helpings, or issuing reminders to eat some broccoli so that at least one of them could enjoy the meal uninterrupted. When I got elected to help cut the kids' chicken or Lena climbed into my lap once she'd finished eating, I felt like I belonged. I loved it more than I ever could have predicted.

I also loved being around Nico. I was curious about him, and more than a little attracted. On the Fridays I didn't work I would watch him in my grandparents' backyard. I'd tell myself I was just checking on the progress of the patio, but my eyes tended to linger on things other than the stones he was laying out. The way his body moved and the power in his arms and shoulders did something to me I'd only experienced from the blonde haired biology majors in my classes who somehow managed to look attractively windblown and tan even first thing in the morning. Nico was nothing like that—he was tan, but he was always a little dirty and a little sweaty, too—more than once, though, I found myself noticing how his jeans hung on his hips, snug in all the right places.

It was ridiculous for me to have a crush on him, but I did. I sometimes caught him watching me at dinner or teasing me in ways that made my heart race. Mike teased me, too, but it was different. At least, it felt different, like big brother teasing. Nico's comments, and the way he held my gaze, did something to my insides that felt like anxiety, but wasn't entirely unpleasant.

I did my best not to let my crush show, but sometimes I caught myself asking too many questions of Rose about Nico. If she noticed, she didn't say anything, and if she didn't know how I felt, she unintentionally set something into motion when she asked if I'd help Nico watch the kids one Friday night.

"The kids will think it's Christmas if you can do it. They probably won't even care that we're leaving and not taking them along. If you have plans, I totally understand. Nico will be fine on his own, I just know it's been a long week for him. And, last time—" She started to laugh. "Last time we went out, we came home to find the four of them sound asleep on the couch. The DVD player was still going, all the lights were on. Poor guy, he said he just passed out. He felt so bad.

"I hate asking him when he's so tired, but God, I just need a night away." Rose was always so full of energy and she never complained, but I knew she felt overworked and stressed a lot of the time. It's hard not to when you have a full time job and kids. "If you were there on Friday night, too I wouldn't feel so bad. You don't have to stay long, just make sure the kids are in bed at least by 8:30."

"Of course I'll help," I said. "You guys deserve a real date night. I'll make sure everybody gets to bed on time and in their pajamas."

I got Rose's at 6:00. She was running around the house, half dressed, putting in an earring, looking beautiful, but frantic.

"Nico's running late," Rose said apologetically when I walked in. Jack was following her around, carrying a book, oblivious to his mom's preoccupation. "I forgot about dinner entirely, and the kids are starving, but I told Nico to pick up something on his way home."

"It's OK," I said. "Don't worry about it. Just get yourself ready and go." I scooped up Jack and he snuggled against me automatically. "Where's your brother? And Lena? Should be read some books until Uncle Nico gets home?"

I got the three kids on the couch with me while we read a couple of picture books. I had half an eye on Rose and Mike as they dashed around the house getting ready. I envied their messy, busy relationship. They were obviously in love, and they got along so well, even when they were stressed and feeling harassed.

Nico showed up just as they were making their way out the door. I saw him maneuver through the back door with a couple of pizzas in his hands. He and his sister exchanged a few quick words and then she was out the door with a wave. He left the pizzas in the kitchen and came and stood in the entrance to the living room for a few seconds, watching me with the kids. A slow smile curled the corner of his mouth when I looked up.

He was dirty and sweaty and looked unbelievably sexy at that moment. "Sorry I'm late."

"Long day?"

"Chatty client." He fished his keys and wallet out of his jeans pockets and set them on the corner of a bookshelf next to a framed picture of Rose and Mike from their wedding. "Are we hungry?"

The question was directed at the kids, who were delighted to know pizza was on the menu. There were cheers from all three.

"Sounds like a yes."

"I need a shower, but I'll be fast."

I had the kids help me empty the dishwasher and set the table while he showered. I was more excited than I should have been about having dinner with just Nico and the kids, but it gave me a thrill to think of us as a little family.

He emerged from the bathroom smelling like soap and minty toothpaste, his curly hair damp. He'd looked sexy in his work clothes, but he was even sexier now, in a clean white t-shirt and spotless jeans. His feet were bare, which made me realize I'd never seen him in anything but his brown work boots. I realized I was witnessing a rare sight—Nico in relaxed mode—and I really liked what I saw.

He was his usual silly self with the kids at dinner, but he looked so tired. He had dark circles under his eyes and seemed weary in the moments he wasn't interacting with the kids. It wasn't difficult to imagine him falling asleep on the couch as soon as he sat down.

After dinner I sent the kids outside with popsicles, while I cleaned up the kitchen. "Go sit down," I told Nico when he tried to help me tidy up. "You're exhausted."

"I am, but you don't have to do all the work."

"Yes, I do." I took a plate from his hand and shooed him away from the sink. I rinsed it and put it in the dishwasher. "That's why I'm here."

"I thought you were here to keep me from falling asleep on the job," he said. He was pulling two bottles of beer from the fridge when I looked at him. For a second I thought he was offended, but then he grinned as he straightened up. Damn, that smile did things to my body.

"Do you want one?" He held up the two bottles.

I wasn't really a beer drinker. I wasn't really a drinker at all, apart from the occasional glass of wine at family dinners, but I wasn't going to turn down an offer of anything from Nico.

"You can only have it if you stop cleaning up and come sit with me on the deck." His grin returned, a little impish. "If you don't, I'll drink them both myself and fall asleep on the lawn."

I laughed and relented, leaving the dishes in the sink and the empty pizza boxes on the kitchen table, then followed Nico outside. He sat on the steps, leaving room for me, and opened both bottles with the opener he'd grabbed on his way out the door.

"Cheers," he said, raising his bottle to mine. His arm brushed mine as he lifted it and a shiver passed right through me, leaving a flush of heat behind.

It was a mild summer night, still hot, but the humidity had broken with an afternoon thunderstorm. We sat for a while watching the kids and chatting about nothing in particular. There were long silences that didn't feel uncomfortable, but I was keenly aware of how close we were sitting and it made my heart beat a little faster than usual.

I was also aware of him looking at me when my attention was on the kids in the yard. I wanted so much to believe he was looking at me, really looking, and that it meant something, but it seemed unlikely. Rose had told me he hadn't dated at all since his wife passed away. She'd tried to introduce him to a woman she knew with a daughter Lena's age, but he'd insisted he wasn't ready to start seeing anyone. It seemed unlikely I would catch his eye, given the difference in our ages, even if he was ready to date, but I still wanted to believe he was as attracted to me as I was to him. And there had definitely been moments in the past where his attention had felt more than just big brother friendly.

It was just starting to get dark when Nico left the deck steps and started chasing the kids around the yard. I watched as the four of them dashed around in a chaotic game of tag, the kids breathless and giggling, staying just out of his long arm's reach. He would catch one and scoop them up, then lumber around the yard for a few seconds, letting their bare legs dangle until he set them down and they dashed off again, ready for another chase, their faces bright with joy. He did it again and again until they were all worn out and he was able to catch them one at a time and hold them, all three of them panting and giggling in his arms.

The sight of it made me ache inside. I wanted to be in his arms, too. But I wanted more than that. I wanted to be part of that scene, part of his life. It wasn't just a sexual attraction, it was a longing to be part of his family. I'd done a lot of babysitting throughout middle and high school, and I'd always known I would have kids someday, but suddenly I ached for it. I ached for him, and the fantasy of sharing a life with him—sharing parenthood—made my stomach knot with desire. It was an unsettling revelation, and I had to push it aside once Nico finally chased the kids back inside for their baths.

It was ridiculous, I was too young to be thinking like that, but I couldn't deny it now that I'd identified it. I helped him get the kids ready for their baths. The bathroom was too small for all of us to be in there at once, so I wandered back to the kitchen and finished cleaning up the table. I wasn't sure what to think of how I felt. It was pleasant in that way sexual attraction makes you feel a little dizzy, but it was a much more complex feeling than I'd ever felt before, and it tugged from deep inside me in a way that was more disorienting than dizzying.

Once they were out of the bath, I helped the kids get their pajamas on while Nico supervised tooth brushing, and then I was elected to read the bedtime books. We piled into Lena's bed and I read a few short books, slightly distracted by the fact that Nico was watching from the doorway. I could just see him out of the corner of my eye, his arms folded over his broad chest, leaning against the doorjamb. I couldn't imagine what he was thinking.

I tucked the kids in and turned out the light, leaving the door just slightly ajar. I found Nico in the living room, picking up the toys that were scattered across the floor.

"Success?" he asked as I entered the room.

"All tucked in."

"No requests for extra books, drinks of water, or questions about how airplanes work?" He dropped the toys into a toy bin in the corner of the room and crossed toward me.

"Nope. Right to sleep."

"Wow. You're a miracle worker." He stifled a yawn.

"You look dead on your feet," I said. "I should go, so you can-"

"No," he said quickly, cutting me off. His voice was softer when he spoke again. "No, don't go. Unless your grandparents are expecting you soon."

"No, they're at their friends' house for dinner. I doubt they'll be home before midnight."

"I'd love it if you could stay a little longer," he said. "I never get a chance to talk to you without distractions." My heart surged pleasantly thinking he enjoyed my company as much as I enjoyed his.

"You're sure you're not too tired?"

"I'm fine. Tired, but not too. Besides, I'd like to see you sitting down, relaxed, and not waiting on anyone else for once. I'm not convinced you can do it."

He stepped toward the couch and made a grand gesture with his hands. "Have a seat," he said. I did, of course, and he nodded enthusiastically, like I was a little kid. "That's perfect. Nice work." He backed away slowly. "Good, good. Now, just stay there, OK? Don't get up. Resist the urge to tidy up..."

I laughed and watched him back his way into the kitchen. A moment later he appeared with two more beers. He opened them and handed me one, then sat down next to me on the couch. It was such a treat to have him all to myself, and I was so thrilled to think he'd wanted the same thing, I could barely swallow my first sip of beer.

Talking to Nico was like talking to an old friend—granted, a really attractive old friend whose shy smile and quiet voice made me more than a little wet—but a comfortable friend with whom I had no trouble being myself. It didn't take long for me to relax, and the second beer helped ease my nervous excitement at having all his attention.

I checked him out while we talked, and decided I didn't care if he noticed. After a while I noticed he was doing the same thing. I was looking at his body language as much as his body, noticing his open posture and the little gestures he made as he talked. When he was thinking, he ran his hand through his hair, and I loved watching the curls slip over his fingers.

He was surprisingly open with his emotions, willing to admit to his faults, and humble when I complimented him on the artistic work he'd done at my grandparents' house. He was intelligent and thoughtful, too, but I'd seen that in him when I'd watched him interact with my grandfather. After years of being surrounded by smart boys who knew exactly how smart they were, it was a refreshing and exciting change to meet someone who'd never given it much thought.