by adonlibere
You ended this much too abruptly and far to early. I was just getting interested. You're going to have a lot of chapters if they're all this short.
I liked this. Yes, it’s short, but then as I write short chapters, I have no problem with that. It can be hard though, as readers do like a bit of the erotic even in a short chapter. But you give us a nice build up, and I have given it 5 and look forward to the next chapter.
If you are going to keep writing, I suggest you take some sort of course, where you will pick up some valuable tips, as this really wasn't long enough to engage anybody.
Write enough to pull people in,that's all and you did that. I myself liked it.
Ok, its short but it sets the scene and introduces the main character.
Its a good opening so ignore snipey comments from people that don't write, libby x
Your writing is very fluid and I love that unlike most writing on here I really didn't notice any spelling or grammatical errors. You described the characters well and have pulled us in to care about this girl. Well done. I look forward to more!
I have chapters 1-21 of "Girls of Alpha Beta Delta" from your earlier writing of "Slave Girls of Alpha Beta Delta". I noticed a slight difference in wording in one of the chapters but mainly it seems the same. Is there any difference in the plots between the two or just a few stylistic changes? Thanks