by S-Des
Well that was another wonderful story Des. As always I truly enjoy editing for you. You make it very interesting indeed . . . smiles . . . angel.
a great story des.i thoroughly enjoyed the read,+ you gave it a top happy ending.keep stories of this calibre coming.regards,geoff (australia)
Des, this was a great story. You tackled a couple of really tough subjects and made us care about your characters. Congratulations on a fine work!
One of the best stories I've read. It's so romantic but not mushy, just perfect!
Thanks for some perfect excapism,
Chelly
I loved the ebb and flow of the tension. With a terrific ending. Wonderful characters.
JimDinMN
Great story, well told. The action and reactions were credible all through. One thing I hated but you only did it once. DICK! What a horrible word to use!
What more can I say. Beautiful, outstanding. Thank you, thank you.
I guess you could say I even liked it a little.
Please keep writing all these wonderful stories of yours!
What else could be said but Thank you very much
With the highest of regards
Peggytwitty
That was exactly what this category is meant to be. Very well done!
This story was too good to worry about typos. In fact I didn't notice any, which was how wrapped up in the story I got.
If this wasn't your best effort, I would love to see what is.
Magnificent - one of the best stories of this type that I have ever read.
S-Des, you have once again hit a home run. This story, following up on "After the Fact", clearly establishes you as a writer who has arrived.
Excellent character development along with an absorbing plot and an appropriate ending make this an excellent story. Some work on typos and grammer, but that is a minor quibble.
Great Job! Cheers!
you sure, author? not even a mole anywhere? or more likely, a little bit of a crooked teeth, one eye set just sligtly her than the other? okay, maybe not the eye but how about her left eye brow? isn't it a bit higher-set than her right one? no smelly athletic foot problem? or perhaps a few pounds by her mid section? one breast a bit bigger than the other?
just because we are telling a "romance" story, doesn't it mean the characters we create are no longer like human beings?
it makes me laugh --- though I'm sure in real life people are actually THAT stupid --- to read about women are willing to be picked up by strangers, sometimes many, and they just start kissing, sucking, and swallowing the strange men's saliva, semen, and all kinds of germs in liquid/fluids without EVER complaining about bad breath, bad order, etc.!! boggles my little mind
Your best one yet, S-Des. Very romantic; very well written. An epilogue would be nice - she gets pregnant, they get married, she has twins, then match up Paige with somebody cool...
I have followed you since January watching the growth from one story interupted by another to the conclusion of each and now this effort.
Quite a wide and imaginative path in 3 months ascending in each effort.
Now is the time to settle in and take care of the niggling nits and nats by developing your discipline through patience, diligence and a personal standard of expectation.
Expectation of continual growth and quality of work. Why? Because your talent is significant and we would like to be entertained further in your growth and explorations if that is your intention.
You have a depth of clear explanation and a personal way of expression that can be easily related to. There is a strong touch of originality of thought and a comfortable personable way you convey it in a succinct manner. Brevity and clarity is not always easy in a short story nor are good closings.
There is credibility in the respect of your main characters that they and you display which causes interest and emotion. We know them and you by your depth of picture painting people, scenes and feelings. They feel real. Arousal is a by-product of your plot path not an immature or unnatural focus. It isn't forced but part of the flow.
Now the worst thing you can do is over analyze this and your work - as you do now, just feel good about what and where and how you lay out what you do. Your senses usually make it flow correctly and you feel it don't you. Try not to lose that or change too much - just polish the edges and use without rushing your people or yourself.
Deep huh. Well not really its just how it is seen and to credit you for your time and efforts. They are appreciated.
Thanks again - With Very High regard
and so well written and yes...so very believable. as a victim of cancer i have a small scar which seems huge to me across my nose...noone seems to notice it too much at all until i mention it but i did have some surgurys to help...and i never seem to lack for attention if i so desire and lol...sometimes if i don't and i am most certianly not drop dead gorgeous but clean up pretty good. Thank you for writing a lovely story about such a subject and its a great tribute to your compassion,huminity and just damn good skill as a writer. As always respectfully fan in Texas naynay
S-Dec:
But certainly close. Not too short so as to condense the story line and character build-up, and not so long that it got boring. I think, old son, you did it just exactly right. Thank you. Ronnie W.
Your writing never ceases to amaze me Des. You just keep getting better and better with each submission. I'm sorry if someone found spelling mistakes. I went through the entire story again as posted here and did not find one . . . shrugs. I used the spell/grammar check again. Did not find one . . . oh well. Perhaps he was drunk when he read it.
I loved your story so much!! Please continue to write! I'd love to see a chapter 2 of this story!!
how did I miss this one the other day?
A real oasis in a desert of mediocrity.
seemed so impressed. As happens on occasion, Kanga was right on! This was just a real nice story and I thank the author for his effort and the result. A very nice read!
...did Sarah have to be impossibly beautiful, with a perfect body marred only by the kind of physical scar that adds character, as opposed to genuinely detracting from her loveliness? It seems to me that you missed an opportunity to genuinely (as opposed to superficially) contrast her with Paige---that it would have been far more effective, moving and realistic if part of what they'd had to overcome was the fact that Sarah, other than the scar, wasn't as lovely as her sister, and moreover, didn't have the storybook connection to Jeff that Paige did.
An 18-year-old woman-child might well have been determined to 'reward' Jeff for what he'd done in saving her ... and, even more likely, decided that his rescue of her meant they were somehow 'fated' to be together. This could have made for some interesting conflict---especially if you'd allowed your hero to be genuinely tempted by the lovely girl, as opposed to immediately and unerringly falling for the less attractive woman who was clearly a match for him.
Decently executed, S-Des, but had you been more daring and relied more on plot complication and less on the blindness contrivance, more on subtle characterization and less on psychobabble cliche, you might well have hit a home run---instead of the ground ball with eyes you managed.
Still, all in all, not bad at all.
An oasis indeed. This love story hit my sweet spot.Your writing style makes me jealous. Keep them cominmg. A fan forever. With very high regards, Luis
It's well-written and truly romantic. Nicely done.
Sweet Jesus...Contrived my ass! This was a positive spin on very violent sad events going on in our world. How is that contrived? What? You want that S-Des have Paige jump him in his hospital bed. That "pychobabble" you speak of is actually right on the fucking mark Bubba. Besides...It's fiction...You know...CONTRIVED! S did a credible job on the hospital scene. Are you a doctor? I can probably speak on the topic better than most laymen, having had more surgeries in the last 20 years than any TEN people have in their whole livetimes. Keep your crappy-assed 75 score, and try writing the story BETTER...ANONYMOUS!
quite a bit. Wonderful story with great characters. My bad meant to give it 100 forgot to.
An amazing story, a great way to show that "every cloud has a sliver lining"
a totally amazing story and one that I look forward to reading again.
**smooches**
kiten
Good details all the way through make this a good story as well as a romantic one. I enjoyed the depth of the characters.
that was AMAZING, how sarah and jeff got together, at the beginning of the story i thought it was gonna be jeff and paige but i think sarah's better for jeff
for the reccomendation to read this story. It was wonderful - so wonderful and absorbing in fact, I came very close to burning the kids dinner because I couldn;t leave until I had finished all of it. Luckily the kids and I forgive you... :)
I totally lovef
d this! I actually cried! Both of sorrow & joy. I never cry, I'm a man...
i totally and completely loved this story you did a wonderful job can't wait to read more of what you've writen
This is on my top 3 of stories I've read on this site!! It was beautiful, suspenseful, and had me bawling off and on the whole time. You're a master of emotion.
I think I've read this story at least half a dozen times and tried to comment on it after each read. Every time I try to put into words why I like it so much, the words don't come. It's that good a story. Thank you, S-Des. 'Nuff said.
You picked out a beautiful description of a sexual
encounter and mounted it in a beautiful setting!
This is an incredibly erotic story and wonderfully written.
I could really feel the emotion in this story, you are truly gifted. BRAVO*****
A lovely story. I think the writing could be tightened up a bit but the plot is good and it's well-told. Good romance and tension. It doesn't pretend to be more than it is, which is good. You could write good commercial romantic fiction, I think.
If u want to make a living as an author, keep up the good work. That was truly A GREAT STORY.
S-Des I really loved this story I wished it was going to go longer it rates a 1000 for realism.
Pat
Atlanta
Its the perfect story i have ever read. Romance and sentiment weaved together in perfect erotic content. Thumbs up and keep up the good work :)
Rammy
The last 50 some odd comments have covered all the ground but I had to comment too. This story towers over almost every other submission on this site. You have crafted a tale that is Magnificent // Outstanding.
Regards, Dan.
short, sweet, to the point, realistic, believable - list is endless. keep up the good wrk.
Many of the stories on Literotica are mediocre, at best. They lack a plot, realism, grammar, and spelling. However, yours is different. Your story towers head and shoulders above most of the others on this site. I initially thought Jeff and Paige were going to get together, but you threw in an interesting twist. Keep up the good work.
The plot was quite obvious from the introduction of Sarah onward, but your mastery of her dialogue really brought the character to life. A joy to read.
Sweet, hot, beautifully paced, and with real warmth and affection. It just makes me wish that steamy, sensitive writing this good wasn't so rare. I'm coming back for more.
Awesome in all ways... Romantic, beautiful, thoughtful... Incredibly emotional. Made me cry for the half of it. Thank you for writing.
Best story I've ever read on this site. You're a wonderful writer!
said already. Well written and entertaining romance. Thanks. ML
went for the kleenex at least 4 times ..so nice to read such a well written story thank you for stirring the empath in me.
story has lived up to its name ...
hoping for a sequel too ;-))
good work!!
I have now read it for the second time and was as deeply moved as I was the first time. Thank you for sharing.
I can't tell you why but at the time I had no Lit ID and never realized enough to thank authors for their work.
So selfish of me, but I want you to know how good this story really is.
It's a classic romance with some very deep emotional content. I loved the kids, especially Jessie who was so delighted to get them together.
Thank you
This was the best love story I've ever read. I found myself rooting for Jeff and Sarah, and became emotionally involved. This could make a great movie.
Great job. Seems to have been grammatically unflawed, at least not flawed to distraction and it was a nice rounded out ending.
One question. What was the girl, Paige, doing in the alley that late at night, alone, in the 1st place? That plagued me throughout. I was hoping you'd address it.
Regards,
Pultoy
I really enjoyed reading this. The characters are spectacular and so genuine. I'm going to go and see what else you've written :) Great work!
This was really really good. No, beyond good. I noticed that someone asked what Paige was doing in the alley so late at night. There is a somewhat similar story somewhere here on Lit where the young woman was going home through a dangerous neighborhood after doing some volunteer work. So, let's assume Paige was doing something similar or, perhaps, returning home after a late class at school. You did a superb job of developing your characters. I love stories that bring me to the point of really caring how things work out for the protagonists. I also appreciated not having distracting spelling and/or grammar errors. Thanks for sharing! [Gualterio]
Thoroughly enjoyable read. Believable and heartwarming. Yes, I shed a few tears, too.
Now for the criticism: You should have/could have gone into more detail with the street hoods and with Don's role. Just because this is a romance doesn't mean it can't have multiple threads running concurrently. What about more detail on the girls' father, Steven? Expand his involvement. Maybe this can be done effectively in a second chapter. Please consider it.
Thank you for writing and for sharing your story with us.
I just realized how old this story is and how long it has been since S-Des last posted a story. That is truly a shame.
S-Dec, you are a talented writer and I sincerely hope that you will again share your stories with us here on Literotica.
Best wishes and good luck no matter what you decide.
Brujay
This was a wonderful, amazing story. I love the one's that make you really feel something, and aren't just a bunch of quick sex scenes that don't mean anything. I mean sometimes you're in the mood for one of those, but stories like yours are SO much better. I tend to speed read through a lot of things, but this made me take the time to really get to know the characters. Thank you for writing something so emotional. ^_^
What a wonderful story S-Des. Can't really say anything more than - well done.
I normally don't have the patience to read beyond two or three pages on this website but this was exquisite! Realistic, emotional, and so touching! I almost broke into tears at a point. The characters were all so genuine, so human, people I can actually believe to exist. The situations and the chain of events seemed so real.
I felt a mild sense of disappointment when the story ended. I didn't want to part with the characters yet, I wanted to follow them a bit more; know more of their story. Very few short stories have had this effect on me.
You're a really talented writer and I hope we'll get to read much more from you. You rock!
I don't usually read the stories in the Romance section, but I am VERY glad I read this one. A very well written story. I nearly fell off my chair laughing when he used the children to get her to talk to him. I hope their wedding is at the hospital with the 7 year old as his "best person" as I suspect that Paige will be the Maid of Honor. This story struck a little close to home, on his side not her's. Can't wait to read more of your stories!
I just came across this story again as a "similar story" ref off of one of Rehnquist's stories. Enjoyed it just as much this time as before. Excellent!
Such a great story. You should wright a book about this as it would be so good. Bet it would make a good hit with the public. Don't know how to express how great it is...........Have a wonderfull life.........Thanks!!!
What an incredible story! I cried I laughed and I felt the injustice. I HOPE that you will continue this story with another part. Terrific story, you have talent.
This story was Wonderful. I'd have rated it a 110 if the ratings went that high. Well written, great characters. Overall one of the best stories I've read in a long time.
The storyline was great, I really liked the characters, but what I absolutely loved was how you expressed Jeff as a lover.....he was absolutely fabulous in his patience and his thinking. You, in essence, showed by beautifully written example how you separate the men from the boys. Sooooo satisfying....... :)~ xoxo
I have to agree with Rob "This story was Wonderful. I'd have rated it a 110 if the ratings went that high." You have some serious talent, and I hope you have gone on to bigger and better things with it.
What I want to know is---Are there really men like that in this world? If so I want their numbers !
Although the old saying goes, 'no good deed goes unpunished'. It's always fun to read when the good deed is actually rewarded, and that those who have lost hope manages to find love.
So very real!! I only wish I was as much a word-smith as yourself so I could fully articulate the pleasure I had reading this story of yours
You wrote a great story. It was handled well and certainly brought the reader through the sequences fairly well. I think Jeff and Sarah, will have to try some additional sexual workouts. Paige should be worked in there more, as he saved her. Please write more chapters to this great story. Thank you !!
is to look at the similar stories list alongside your final page and see they are all also of the highest artistry.
Your writing of this story is as good as any I have ever read. My highest compliments to a fine writer. R.T.
What else can be said about a story as beautifully written as this?
-Grape