I Should Have Listened to my Mother

Laughter in the Court

Years and years ago, my friend brought over a new movie for a girls night of watching TV. It was "Beavis and Butthead do America". She also brought a joint and I had a bottle of killer wine. Ate junk food for dinner, smoked the joint, watched the movie, and drank the wine. We found the movie hysterical! I mean the two of us laughed our asses off. So many funny scenes!

Very next day in court, the other lawyer is droning on about this or that. I was staring on pretending to listen. And I hear him say ". . . but the key would not fit any of the slots!!" Before I could catch myself I actually mumbled it aloud, almost at a whisper "huh huh, he said - sluts!" A young man of maybe 15 was sitting directly behind me in the front row of the gallery, he heard me. (I have NO idea who he belonged to, nor did my client) My young man with the impressive hearing lets out a very loud, one note, high pitch laughing yelp. Threw his hands over his mouth and bent over with his face at his knees, his body convulsing in silent hysteria. Every single person in the courtroom knew who did it and we were all looking at him. He was right there on the other side of the railing, three feet from me. I was grinning big and shaking a little. He and I were apparently the only two who had seen the movie.

"Ms. Fox! . . . Young man! . . . Show some decorum! QUIET!" the judge yelled.

"Yes your honor. So sorry." and I gave the young man a nudge in the ribs "Knock it off!" I whispered to him. (I was about to spot, I was holding in a laugh so hard.

"Sorry" he said through pent up hysteria.

Looking at my counterpart, the judge said "...go on. You were saying that the key wouldn't fit any of the slots?"

Ilostit. Oh yeah. First blast was a snorter all right. It was as though I had tried to blow my nose with no tissue. My cackling began as I lunged at the tissue box in front of me. Right there with me was this mysterious teenage boy roaring with uncontrollable laughter. I took a second tissue and dangled it in front of him. Still doubled over with his face and hands in his lap, a hand quickly came up and took the tissue and it disappeared back under his buried face. We were howling with laughter. Just the boy and I . Everybody else was staring at us as though we were aliens from outer space.

BAM BAM BAM!!! Went the judge's gavel. "JESSIE! For Christ sake! What the hell is so funny?!?!" he yelled. This judge is the only judge I would have gotten away with this with. He was my father's best friend and partner 25 years ago when dad died. He was always there for my mom and me when ever we needed him. He was like a surrogate father to me. He didn't scare me at all and he knew it. He and I have enjoyed several belly laughs over the years, he knew I was inconsolable. All I could manage was an exhausted wave in his direction, my face contorted in subdued agony, as the young man and I made fools of ourselves.

"Oh to hell with it!" he said and BAM BAM BAM! "That's lunch, back here at 2pm" and court was adjourned.

By the time the court room had emptied, my young friend and I had just began to catch our breaths and were moaning in slight discomfort.

He was the first to speak. "Oh my God, that's probably the funniest movie I've ever seen. We watched it last night!"

"Me too! Hysterical movie! Loved it! – get outa here!" I said.

He stood to leave and I did too. As he walked down the isle with his back to me he pointed at the statue of lady justices and her bare breasts and said in a near perfect 'Butthead' – "Huh huh, huh huh, nice tits!"

I doubled over in brand new body quivering laughter. Yes. . . I spotted. My face cheeks hurt, my ribs hurt, my mascara was ruined, and my eyes were red. . . I felt like a million dollars!

One of the more kinky things I've done

What was the single most kinky / perverted sexual act you've ever done? I've a bit apprehensive about confessing this, but since we're all anonymous and all, what the hell, (it's kind of funny actually).

I dated a guy for a bit and I had to end it because one of his "things" was being sexually stimulated by pee. And although I allowed him to do certain things, well, it just wasn't my thing and we stopped seeing each other.

I became aware of his urine thing the second time we'd had sex. He was a tremendous lover by the way. We were in the shower after a major session and we were lathering and kissing and laughing and such and he pipes up with "Would you let me pee on you?"

I giggled and looked him in the eyes and saw he wasn't joking and I asked anyway "are you serious?"

"Yeah...lemme pee on you. Come on, we'll rinse it right off afterwards, I promise."

Well, I'm always open to trying new things (within reason, and this was pushing the envelope a bit!) sexually.

"OK, but not in the face." I told him.

"OK...then get on your knees." He told me.

"What?!?!" I asked. This wasn't part of the deal. I thought he was like going to stand there and let me have it...no. He wants me on my knees. I gave him my "I'm not really thrilled about this" look and slid down to my knees and shut my eyes and mouth very tightly. He says "Masturbate." I opened an eye and looked up at him and saw his handsome smiling face. I spread my knees apart and started rubbing my clit. He shut off the water and when I looked up he quickly said "Don't worry, I'll turn it back on...come on Jess, rub one out for me!"

As I rubbed, he moved in very close and started running his cock all over my face. He slapped me a few times with it. It wasn't completely hard, but it wasn't completely soft either. After about 5 minutes I cum. Right when I let it out, he does too. The stream hit me in my breasts and then, yep – you guessed it, right in the face. It was sort of erotic, with me cumming and all. But as soon as it was over, I was sort of grossed out. He turns on the water and I rinsed everything off and lathered back up and all. He apologized for the face shot and I told him not to do it again if I every allowed him to do it again. I spent the next week thinking about it. Yeah, it was kind of gross. But THAT's NOT the kinkiest. . .

Fast forward a week. We're at the lake with my mom and several of her friends. We had set up a day camp in a very secluded spot. Mom and her friends were out on the lake somewhere water skiing or cliff jumping. Mr. Pee and I had planned to have sex on such a planned outing of the others. I had decided that since he shared his "thing" with me, I'd share mine with him. I brought a tube of lubricant. I had been to the bushes and took a nice healthy you know what. Once back at camp he and I took showers with a couple of camping solar shower bags we'd hung in the sun. Once squeaky clean I told him what I wanted from him. He was excited and couldn't wait to get inside my anus. We'd progressed to the point where I was eager to receive and told him so. He did a wonderful job penetrating me and starts doing what a man does when given the opportunity. It was wonderful. We were on a sandy secluded beach on a beautiful sunny day and we were completely alone. He gave it to me SO GOOD. And he goes off inside me. I'm still working on myself trying to get my own orgasm when he says "I want to pee inside you". Keep in mind I was in a complete sexual zone. At the moment it sounded completely kinky and before I could protest my mouth opened and I answered "Do it!" Right when I felt my orgasm hit I felt this powerful stream of very warm urine begin quickly fill me up. It was very similar to the feeling of an enema, only the tube was MUCH bigger and the stream of fluid was much stronger. (Lots). He basically held still inside me and emptied himself. I need to add that he had a beach towel sort of rolled up and around my waist and was using it sort of like a harness. Holding it and really giving it to me.

I finished cumming and he had finished peeing. I felt as though I was going to explode and really wanted to relieve myself. And I thought "What's going to happen when he pulls out of me?!" I felt him start to pull out, but he didn't. Once almost fully out he slams back into me and my bowels were force into submission. A great sloshing sound erupted from my bottom and he started pounding me with the urine splashing and shooting out of me and simply covering us both. I let out an "oh my God!" or something and tried to get away from him. I couldn't, he had me by the beach towel harness. He kept pounding away until pretty much all the urine had emptied from me. I'd say about 10 or 15 thrusts. The sound it made was God awful! My butt, thighs, calves, feet, lower back were covered with his urine. (We'd been drinking a lot of beer that day). I slapped at his hands to release me and jumped up and away from him. Once on my feet I felt the remainder of his urine fall out of me and run down my legs. The smell was horrible. Almost immediately we both began laughing about it. We were both sort of grossed out about it. (There were some small chunks stuck here and there... so gross!) We immediately jumped into the lake and washed off. Then we cleaned our spot the best we could and moved camp a few yards away. Nobody notice the move when they got back.

We had one more round of sex about a week later. He asks ME to pee on him. I did, but just couldn't continue with him and his "too weird for me" fetish.

My gay men fantasy

I've had it for quite some time and have masturbated to it countless of times. Several scenarios I have, but the all boil down to this: I'd love to do a threesome with two gay or bisexual men. I want to watch and eventually join two men having sex with each other. I want to watch another man who enjoys giving head and receive anal sex as much as I do.

A friend of mine from Experience Project dot com wrote the following story that I simply love. Oh how I wish I could have been his wife on this very special night they had. SO very hot and sexy this story is!

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you "Moofassaa" and the night he lost his man on man cherry....

My Best Orgasm EVER. by Moofassaa

It was back in our swinging days. The early 80's. We're at a swinger's party. A vacant house that one of the people throwing the party owned. It had been converted into a sex den for the weekend. My wife and I were locked in a private room with another man. No idea what his name was. It was our very first experience with swinging and we initially agreed to go and just to observe. Eventually the booze, pot, and coke got the better of us and one thing led to another and boom, here we are in our own little private room to explore one of our fantasies. We BOTH had many to choose from, but this was at the top of our sexual "bucket list".

She and I had already been experimenting with roll swapping. We purchased her the first of many strap on harnesses and dildo's. She fucked me several times and coached me on how to best give a man head. She'd been teaching me how to give deep throat. Once I got it, she found that she really really liked watching me suck her. And looking down at her cock pushing in and out of my ass hole made her sopping wet. So wet in fact that when I'd go down (and still do after she fucks me) I pretend she's had sex with other men already. . . I digress...

We're high as kites, all giggling like and sharing a pipe. We'd gotten naked and he and I were sitting on a sofa and my wife was sitting three feet across from us in an easy chair. Things got real quiet and we were all just sitting there smiling when my wife finally spoke.

She did so like we were little kids staying up real late at summer camp.

"We came in here for a reason you guys. We were agreeable when we came in here . . . do you guys still wanna do this for me?" she asked.

We both smiled at her and at each other. We were sitting next to each other on that sofa (that I remember had a really ugly cover or blanket on it.) We all three had gotten naked when we found the empty, somewhat secluded room and went inside and locked the door. I remember looking at his soft cock and thinking it wasn't all that much bigger then my soft cock. Well, it was. I mean, when we got undressed I didn't stare at his cock or anything; I'm just saying I noticed he was bigger, but not that much bigger. It turned out that I was wrong about what I noticed. Hey, it was kind of dark. We'd met this guy about an hour previous. The only thing he'd ever done with another guy was making out and gave each other a hand job while they did it. He'd come to the party by himself with a couple who'd brought him as a guest. (Coming to these swingers parties without a date was a completely unheard of thing! Never happened.) They were very open about their sex life with their friend and told him he'd probably get lucky at this party. He came. What he originally wanted was to fuck my wife. We shared our fantasy with him and he said that if he didn't have to suck me or get ass fucked he'd be more then happy to help us live out this fantasy. . . as long he eventually got to fuck my beautiful wife! We agreed and we found this sort of out of the way empty room that was all made up and ready for sex. (All the rooms had been made up like this) There was even an assortment of lubricants on a table. There were assorted candles all over the place and my wife lit several as soon as we sat down. He was fine with the making out and him doing me, as long as there was no reciprocation.

So I sort of slide over next to this guy and lean in to kiss him. Very first time I ever did this. It was weird, but at the same time very erotic. I'd do anything for my wife. If a hot and steaming gay sex scene is what she wants to watch, starring me as a fem slut, then that's what I was going to give her. AND I was completely buzzed. He opened his mouth and we began Frenching and I slid my hand down for his package. Holy crap! He was at only half erection and he was huge. He uncrosses his legs and opens them up so I could stroke him better. I moved my hand away to give my wife a full view of this hardening giant. She had her legs already opened and had started rubbing herself and she stopped and stared in amazement and said in a quiet whisper "w o w". I started stroking him and he stroked me and we began kissing again. I adjusted how I was sitting and put one of my nipples in his mouth. I told him to leave my cock alone because him fondling it would make me come too soon. I'd stoked this man to complete erection. He was enormous! (With both my hands around its shaft, the head was still not covered! I just measured my hands and that would make him easily 10 inches! My hand could just fit around it where my thumb and index fingers touched. My very first homosexual experience with a real man (not my wife with a strap on) and he was bigger then anything I'd ever had inside me before! Like I said, I was high as a kite, we all were. I was determined my wife would not be disappointed. I knelt on his right side and sort of straddled his stomach with my chest and elbows. I looked over at my wife. She was looking on, mesmerized. She was feverishly masturbating and staring into my eyes with pure lust. I opened my mouth and flopped out my tongue and began giving my very first real blow job.

My wife: Let's call her Lilly. She is drop dead gorgeous! Even today, 25 years after all this happened and she's 47 she still is absolutely beautiful! Hawaiian decent and could very easily be a Hawaiian Tropics model. I asked her to marry me after 3 weeks of non stop dating and sex. Best sex I'd ever had and without a doubt the most beautiful woman I'd ever had it with. An absolute sexual dynamo she is!

I had worked up a mouthful of saliva while he was sucking my nipple. When I opened my mouth for the first time I let it run out and I first began to cover his cock with my spit. I had my eyes shut and the head in my mouth tonguing it; I was slowly stroking his shaft. I started putting more in my mouth. I opened my eye's to look at Lilly. She was mesmerized by what I was doing and feverishly masturbating. Never once blinking, she looked into my eyes and said so softly you could barely hear it "do it". I knew exactly what she wanted to see me try. I relaxed my throat and bent forward and pushed. I felt him hit the back of my throat and I gagged a bit. I'd been sucking his cock for about 2 minutes now. (Seems like longer, but that's really how it went down. I got into it immediately and never looked back!) I pulled it back out, stroked it a couple more times and took a deep breath and tried again. Once he hit the back of my mouth, I once again relaxed my throat, told myself 'you CAN do this!' I pushed it further and gagged a bit but pushed again and it just all of the sudden opens up wide. I sink it completely down my throat and my nose was now on his nut sack. I held still and began working my throat and tongue muscles. He lets out a loud groan and called out "God Damn!!" I took a deep breath through my nose and pulled all the way out and then all the way back down. A loud sloshing sound came from my mouth from all the saliva I'd been producing. I did this a few more times and Lilly lets out a yelp and a sort of growl. With this mans erect shaft buried down my throat I look over at my wife and she is in near fetal position having a mind blowing orgasm. With one hand she's got two or three fingers pushing in and out of her vagina and with her other she is massaging her breast. She is wide eyed staring at me and cumming like mad!

Mr. Big in my mouth let's out his own groan and thrusts his hips upwards, I push my head down and bury him. He erupts in my throat. I feel his semen begin to shoot from my nostrils and I back him out and begin stroking him. I thought I had my lips pretty tight around his shaft but apparently I did not. His semen poured out faster then I could swallow. Once his orgasm subsided, I slowly removed him from my mouth and looked over at my wife. The look on her face was priceless! When she stood up I thought I was about to receive a standing ovation. Instead she rushed to the table where the lubes were, grabbed a tube and stood next to us and began lubing and fingering me. As she did so she told me that what I had just done for her was the most erotic thing she'd ever seen. She told me very sultrily ". . . and don't you dare wipe that cum off!"

Mr. Big began stroking my thigh and ass and told me that was the very first time he'd ever received deep throat and it was incredible. Once Lilly felt I was well lubed, she turned my head and kissed me and licked some cum from my chin. "You're ready sweetie? . . . show me!"

She sat Indian style at Mr. Big's feet. His legs were spread wide enough for Lilly to sit right between them. With my back to Mr. Big's chest I climbed over his waist and straddled him and slowly sat down. Lilly reached up and took hold of his shaft and bent forward and guided it right into place. He told me to give him my hands and I did. He helped hold some of my weight so I could ever so slowly sink him into me. Once he broke through I stopped for a moment. . . "Not hurting at all" I thought. I took a deep breath and in one smooth motion sat down on his lap. My legs were on the outside of his thighs. I was completely wide open and my wife got a perfect and very close up view of this huge erect penis sink inside me. She let out a lustful whimper. I let out a lustful and very loud groan. He completely filled me! And it felt fantastic! I began ever so slowly to rock back and forth. I wanted to make sure I wasn't doing myself any damage. I detected no pain what so ever. I picked up the pace and within 5 minutes you'd have thought I was some really horny bar slut fucking a guy with a tiny cock! We were really into it to. I was rocking back and forth on his lap like I was galloping on a horse. We held that original position for quite some time. We switched it up a lot by me either leaning forward or leaning all the way back. We went at this for a good thirty minutes. Lilly says she lost track of how many times she had given herself an orgasm.