All Comments on 'Kay Starts an Adventure'

I want a part two - Great story

I wonder if some Deity forces the trolls to read these stories they profess to hate so much? LOL

Some people want to shut down any dissenting voice; no discussion and counter viewpoint allowed.

For every page written by William Shakespeare there will be 1000's of pages of review and critique. Many of them very angry and hostile. If a writer only hears complements they will near grow.

. . . more I assume. This was a fun first chapter set up from the femme point of view what with all of the unplanned exposure and events all supported after the fact by hubby. There are a lot of possibilities for future development. The only shortcoming of this bit so far is the lack of a clear indication that more will be flowing to Lit pages in due rapid order.

Good start michaellajones, keep up the good work.

I think you have a good start to a much used plot. At least it has kept me reading and I must admit I felt disappointment when I realized I'd have to wait for the "rest of the story."

That said, I rate the actual writing a high 2. I admit some of my problems may stem from the differences between England and the US way of writing. However, I had a problem with switching from 1st to 3rd person at random and There were other mistakes that I hope were simply proofreading problems.

Anyway, you have a lot of stories to your credit, so if you see no merit to my comments, chalk it up to a case of trying to teach Grandma how to suck eggs. Good Luck!

Thanks for the comment, it was something I did recognise but felt it sat better the way it as rather than make the changes,(which I did do at one point) the swapping of views is not for some people but I feel on occasion it can work. Point taken though.MJ

These types of stories work best for me when there is some emotional ambivalence. It ratchets up the tension. This first (?) chapter has that, the doubt conflicting with interest to continue.

I don't know if it is deliberate on your part or not, but Stan is portrayed as a very aggressive male. By comparison, Dan is coming across as a cuckold type. I'm not crazy about cuckold stories myself, but to each his own. If Dan is not only willing to share in principle, but also not wanting to be humiliated .. well, that's a personal preference.

Expanding on this: stick to 3rd person. You seem to want to have scenes where Dan isn't there, and that just doesn't work in 1st person.

Congrats ;)

good read waiting for part two

I'd prefer to see a bit more reticence from the quarry and her spouse but I'll be reading ch 2. 4*

If he stripped Kay in front of the neighbor, to me.

I think this is a great lead up. I look forward to following the adventure.

We need part 2!

Where's part 2????

What is sad in this story...Not the husband wanting to share his wife...Not the wife also wanting to be shared...What is sad is a man 67 years old be proud of being a lonely man, without wife and family, pleased only to look to his neibour's wives...In a few years he will be still lonely, looking and dribbling over the nurses of the nursing home he will be staying...I know it's just a fantasy story, but it's sad nevertheless...2*

Stan is very aggressive, I think he's lucky to still be alive. Not very many men are of Dan's disposition, he really is pushing Kay. Nice writing describimg the spark of attraction between men and women. What I really want is a more detailed account of Marcy and Kays conversation after shopping.

Some very revealing lines.

Caught, Kay retold the events of the garden party and then what had happened this morning as well.

Neither made a move to join me.  

Oh and you too of course Dan."

This is a trajic story indeed. The wife is openly making a move on this 67 year old man in front of everyone at the party. While the husband is to scared of her to tell her that its only a fantasy of his to have her make him a cuck.. This is a very conniving woman in how she got her husband to say that its what he wants. This marriage was gone and disrespected long before Stan showed up. It also appears something was slipped in Dan's drink so Kay and Stan could have some time alone together without interruption from Dan. I'm sure she'll never tell Dan what went on while he was passed out. only thing next day is one said they had a drink while the other said they had coffee therein Dan should have caught the lie but he's to scared of upsetting his wife,

Stan is forward, but he is just what this couple needs! He will soon easily cuckold Dan by taking what he, as a bull, deserves: his hot wife. I imagine myself as Kay, bring disrobed in front of my husband, being bent over and spreading my legs for Stan, becoming his slut. Then I imagine myself as Dan, my hotwife cheating in front of me for the first time, controlled by a superior lover, their act degrading my manhood as I sit there, mesmerized, humiliating myself by beating off my sissy cock.

Several commenters have pointed out the change of pov in the middle of the story. That can only work If it is done well, in particular (1) when there is a new chapter and each chapter bears an indication of who is supposed to be the narrator and (2) the previous narrator is absent from the narrator in the new chapter, as well as all those who appeared in the last scene are somewhere else, (3) which implies that you have in fact two separate narratives about two different stories that only come together towards the end. If you don't take these imperatives into account, write in first person only (and then you have no access to what anyone else thinks or feels, unless they say so in a dialogue) or else in third person (and then it's OK to be God and have access to everybody's thoughts, emotions, and inner motivations).

As for me, I won't read stories with changes of pov in the middle. I recognize your right to do so and I will thereforee not rate your effort. Sorry.

With mumblegoseegg. I'm done with this stuff

Wife is a Slut and the Husband a Cluck .. That is a Match made in heaven

Wish we had a neighbor like Stan. I'd love an alpha male to tell me that my wife's pussy belongs to him now.

"Did you say anything to Dan about the kiss or what he said?"

"Oh my no I couldn't it would make matters awkward I think."

"You told me before that he seems to get off on other men lusting after you though.""

very telling when you'll kiss men tell ur friend but not ur husband

Not a fan of open relationships, but whatever floats your boat