All Comments on 'Mary and Alvin Ch. 01'

I'll admit I was braced for the same gut-punch as your last chapter 1. This was a lovely and picturesque opening. If I have a criticism, it's that a lot of sentences in the first part started with "She" and some variety in sentence structure would have been nice. But it's a trivial thing. You painted a nice picture of a part of the country I know little about, and I feel I know it better now. I look forward to chapter 2.

Excellent, helpful observation re: "she". I'll do a bit of touch up.

Reading this type of quality work makes me list the writers that contribute the highest of level that brings me back.

BRAVO!!

I am falling in love with both of them. Looking forward to more.

Great job MB!

Ch 2 please.

Good pace and nice to read good English.

We’ve been spending parts of summers along the Midcoast for many years. I’m guessing you’re a native. You have the rhythm of Maine men’s speech exactly right. I can’t immediately place “Londonderry,” but I know we’ve been there, or “theah.”

I think Mary jumped into bed with Alvin quite a bit too fast, but then, this site is Literotica.

Oh—“it’s” is a contraction of “it is.” The possessive is “its.” You’d never type “her’s.”

Let's hope the rest of their lives are as happy as the beginning.

So happy to see more from you. There are a few mistakes but nothing major. This is just lovely - sweet and sexy with characters who seem real and relatable. Agree it may have gone a bit too fast, but sometimes you just know when it's right.

Thanks for posting! :-)

Absolutely love your characters. And your descriptions are so well written. I love Maine, so that's definitely a bonus hehe! Wonderful- can't wait to read more!!

When mary leans against Alvin's shoulder and chest, let her trace her fingers gently through his chest hair. A man like that needs a nice coating of chest hair for her to enjoy. Keep writing!

Very happy to start reading Mary and Alvin. I’ve been awaiting its completion before I dive in. Seldomly have I been moved as I was from reading My Fall and Rise, so I’ve been really anticipating the completion of M&A.

So far, it feels like a very different story than My Fall. Sensuously rendered opening landscapes, and a seductive sailing date lead into a charmingly erotic first coupling.

Lots of strong dynamics: white collar California city girl relocated to a conservative small New England town, connecting with a waterman almost twice her age.

And I love the coastal Maine setting. So dramatically and ruggedly beautiful. A metaphor for their blossoming relationship?

I look forward to posting my thoughts and impressions as I read on. Thanks

THIS IS A REALLY GREAT STORY AND IS WORTH YOUR TIME TO READ ALL 30 CHAPTERS. OTHER THAN THAT I FIND IT AGONIZING TO WAIT FOR FUTURE CHAPTERS, BUT AM WELL REWARDED WHEN SHE DOES SUBMIT A NEW CHAPTER. MELISSA IS AN EXCELLENT STORYTELLER AND SHOULD FINALIZE THIS STORY BEFORE FURTHER SUBMISSIONS DUE TO RAMPET PLAGIARIZING HERE. I KNOW OF A FEW AUTHORS WHO HAVE HAD THEIR STORIES STOLEN BY OTHERS AND SOLD ON AMAZON. HOPEFULLY, SHE WILL HEED THE WARNING AND SELL IT ON AMAZON HERSELF. I FOR ONE WOULD BUY THIS LITTLE TREASURE IN A HEARTBEAT.

to see huge age differences in LE stories? Are ‘Daddy’ fantasies that common with women authors? Do so many men fantasize about women 20 years their junior? I’m frankly quite tired of this motif.

Very relaxed descriptive start - much like Maine. Seemed to capture the Maine flow with your words and conversation. Moxie. Not for a long time. What a taste! Daddy issues? Not this one, I expect. Too few years between, for one. Nice start! Anonymous, but not by choice.

lovely!...

I found it curious that of the 4 places named Londonderry, that there's not one in ME (MD/NH/OH/VT), so I have to assume it's purely fictional to capture the Maine "flavor." I didn't even know there were 2 different lobster rolls (the other being in CT). I also wondered about the year this took place, since the first call centers came about in the 1960s, and the first one in ME was opened about 1993. Perhaps it's not that important, but I like to spot-check things.

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One (not major) thing I'm consistently noticing is lack of hyphenation, in words that are compound adjectives before nouns.

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So, Mary is a redhead, which I must assume explains her being so forward with Alvin (aside from the story stating she felt safe with him 2/3 into their sailing excursion), but I certainly never thought the story would entertain them coupling on the first date (perhaps that's the "nod" that would peg the story at 1993). Alvin's equally forward with her, especially in inviting her to sail with him and in meeting his two daughters (her age). I thought that would have made her back off on considering intimacy so soon.

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You created much sympathy for Alvin, by writing his wife dying at 35, of an aneurysm no less. However, I ask why she didn't share her father dying of cancer, so as to balance that conversation out? He shared some very personal information with her and for her not to share equally seemed like...cheating the process. We as readers don't know why she ended her marriage, aside from a cross-country move? That's really something we need to know, given the story reveals far more about Alvin's personal life than Mary's. We even know he's a leg man and that she's really pretty, but she's far more mysterious to the reader.

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You described the bike ride well, including the sailing and difference in air temperature on the water vs. land. You detailed the local landscape and scenery well, helping us feel much of the same.

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I will continue reading the series, as you packed it with significant charm so far. I hope future installments will reveal far more about Mary, to balance what they're discovering about each other, as I posit had a little more personal connection via talking occurred, that would have better segued into Mary asking him to sleep with her. 4

Great start to this story. For a story with this many chapters, I was surprised they had sex on their first date. Not complaining, just surprised.

This is a nice start to a long series, your writing style is highly polished and so easy to read.

On the whole, I like it, but we'll have to see how the whole story unrolls.

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One problem, to my mind, is the somewhat overpowering love-at-first-sight (mutual, at that!) plot device. That really does happen--but honestly, not all that often. It feels like, "I can't think of a GOOD reason for them to fall into bed after just meeting, so I'll just make it that they're overpoweringly attracted to each other right off." Sigh.

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The story is well told, otherwise. Alvin's little confession at the end is a good thing; kayaks are really pretty safe. IIRC, he'd want to give her a little instruction in rolling the thing upright if it should happen to capsize, though.