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All Comments on 'Paradise Bound Ch. 01'

by Silver Sea

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AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
needs just a little work

Try not to use "um" so much. With any words its ok to use a few time, just don't over use them. Can sometimes be a bit distracting.

Great build up to everything...the tension was good.

Got a good first draft. Good work.

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userSilver Sea@Silver Sea
49 Stories
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I enjoy sharing ideas and fantasies by reading and writing here at Literotica. Thank you for any time you give to my writing. I do appreciate it and hope I can repay your time by giving you some enjoyment from my wordr.

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