All Comments on 'Photoshoot'

Whew!

The following, as well as several other passages made it difficult to enjoy at times:

"Well it's more what I want you want you do as I'm wearing it."

I agree with the Anon, the grammar at phrasing made it irritable at times. However, overall I absolutely loved the story. The build up is amazing.

My only suggestion is use the free editors on this site. I happen to be one, but there are many others willing to help your story reach full potential.

Good build up - thanks - keep it going

I like the story, but it needs a major editing for the many errors of grammar, sentence structure, punctuation and things like "Your" - should be "You're" which is a contraction for "You are."

"Thankfully no-one had turned up at the studio yet lol. Shot gun in hand ha ha."

Don't use chat-speak like "lol" in a story or (unless it's dialogue) "ha ha." "Shotgun" is one word. "No one" is two words.

" I caught a vague ecstatic look over her face." Ecstasy is not vague.

This is a really hot story. The plot and character development was spot on. The whole situation was very believable which made so good.

but there were a few places where I had no idea what you were saying. The words just didn't make sense.

With as many pictures as he took and no mention of changing film I am going to assume the camera was digital, but if it was, and there was no film to advance, why was the camera motorized?