All Comments on 'Pleasure Upon Request'

But it must be yours. Good luck, I'll skip the rest of your stuff.

about half of the commas, about half of the words "and"? Substitute first name for "She" in some of the lines at the start, you very nearly lost this reader before a dozen lines into the text.

You would still have too many commas, too many repeats which it makes this very hard to read.

Otherwise, good story.

you are a very skilled writer and good author with Nice plots and no inconsistencies.

the use of short sentances at EXACTKY the right time is very well done

........Which was right where I wanted her..........

.........she shrugged .......

..........As it turned out, I was right..........

----------------------

I am Impressed.

AND IT WAS WORTH EVERY SECOND: brilliant, intelligent erotica. Thanks...Mancelt.

So the husband loves being a cuckold, so what's new about that? I'm glad I don't have that fetish.

Richard almost spilled his *hot chocolate* on the deck of the mtn house, not coffee.

Wonderful story, obviously a group of people who care about each other, and you don't figure that out with out the character development. Nicely done.

I want a Richard of my very own!!!!! Marvelous story, it left me wet...ah...I mean ...wanting more! ;->

and very engaging. But. It seemed like it was originally written in third person, and sometime the editing slipped and third person remained.

But more importantly, the sex was very over-written. The detail in the dialogue leading to and following the sexual encounters was mostly perfect and neccessary, depicting an unusual developing relationship with great conviction and immediacy. Top marks for all that! A most challenging task very well handled indeed.

But the detail in the sex was almost clinical. Sex by definition is hot and immediate: the wordiness in this greatly detracted from the erotic intent of what was in every other way a great story. My own stories have faults aplenty, but nobody has said that the immediacy of the sex descriptions is one of them.

I wish you well in your future endeavours. You have enormous talent, and with care your stories will become amongst the best on Lit. Thank you.

I don't like the usual cuckold stories with power play and humiliating and demeaning of the husband, but I liked this one. I wouldn't dream of doing it myself, but I felt here,Dough offering his beautiful wife to his friend, indeed required courage and deep love for his wife and you captured if very well.

Excellent and engaging story and beautifully written. Loved the simple honesty between all the characters. In all probability, this story would be more reflective of the truth, and how cuckolding really occurs, than most other stories in this category....

Keep up the good work and, definitely more installments with these characters would be most welcome!!

5 Stars!!!

One of the best stories I've read in a long time. Not perfect, but extremely good.

This is a wonderful piece! I really appreciated both the character storylines and the descriptive encounters. The emotions and sensations were so well described, and easy to relate to, yet certainly not your same old sexual encounter. Wonderful work, and yes I would love to see more about these characters and Doug's further fetishes! Loved Richard as well and his relationship with Alyssa. Those encounters stood up as a story all unto themselves within the grander storyline. There's more to write there as well, I think. :) Wonderful!

I appreciated the detail in the sex scenes—it was like being there and isn’t that the point? As readers we are essentially voyeurs, and I liked the detail of what each character was feeling. This story was a great fantasy, and the sex between Doug and Alyssa was just as hot as that between Doug and Sadie. I was extremely turned on reading the sex scenes. Alyssa is also a perfect dream of a fuck buddy.

The dialog leading up to the story was about the only was I could imagine a committed couple approaching a good friend to make love to the wife. It would have to be very difficult to bring the subject up. You handled that well.

Overall, great story. While it won’t happen to me, it’s fun to read about.

This is one of hottest and most arousing stories I have read on this site. I added your story to my collection a while back and just got around to reading it. My loss for waiting so long. Will be coming back to it again and again. Thanx for this and all your submissions. Bravo on your proper use of punctuation. Great grammar and punctuation -- and great sex. What more could one ask for?

Hot, Hot, Hot!! I would love to read more adventures in carnel acrobatics with these characters!

This is truly a fantastic read. Very well developed characters that are believable and have personalities, and a flow in the story that goes just right. Not to mention some fantastic scenes.

One of the best reads on here.

Ditto to all the positive comments-loved the flow! Would love more please

Well done indeed, a well crafted story that brings over true eroticism with believable situations and a poetic style.

More please....

I've read this story several times and it's incredible how good it is each time. I'm not sure if either of you write any more but am fervently hoping that is still the case. Please add more about these characters. I particularly find it fascinating that this story shows shades of both the female and male perspectives in the writing, a truly unique style of storytelling.

Sunday football,, beer and a women we both are comfortable with. Three can be as close as two if we tried this all together. A fast and fine eight pages.

It started with a pet peeve of mine -- in two ways.

First, it was pre-announced that he was going to do his friend's wife.

Second, his first encounter with Alyssa is announced as over; then he backtracks to relate/describe the encounter.

To me, this is akin to giving away part of the story by someone telling me portions that are well in advance of where I'm reading.

I want to lead up to events, not be told the outcome before its place in the story.

And I rarely like backtracking. Possibly for explanation, but not the storyline itself.

I have liked cuckold stories, but only if respectful and, especially only if from the viewpoint of the man who does the cuckold's wife. (I try to stay away from stories from the cuckold's point of view. Inconsistently, I like cuckquean stories.). So this one should have done it for me. Somehow, it did not. Two factors may have contributed to my negativity. (OK three, counting souring of my attitude at the start, by the pre-announcing and backtracking.)

One, it was verbose. Just too many words/too much elaboration to convey a point or action.

Related to that, I got the feeling the author was proud of his linguistic ability/vocabulary and also -- through the protagonist -- of his sexual skill. Gave off a feeling of a bit of arrogance (the word that came to me as I read it).

On the other hand, I was flabbergasted that the usually scathing Harry in Virginia had not even one negative in his comment.

Makes me wonder if I'm just in a too negative mentality today.

Unrelated, there were at least two instances where the first person narrator slipped into third person.

Here's an example from the middle of page 7.

"I growled loudly from the exquisite oral abilities of the sultry woman on her knees before me, and he could feel myself losing control."

The sentence correctly uses "I" and "me," but inconsistently switches to "he," after which switching back to first person "myself."

Since I normally like stories with this kind of plot, this one turned out to be somewhat disappointing.

On the positive, the build-up to Doug finally unveiling his proposal/request, including Sadie warning him, was nicely done.

Also, having the actual major encounter at a separate, getaway venue was a nice touch.

Paul in Oklahoma