All Comments on 'Steffi's Gang Bang'

Writing style is just ok. But hot story. Love slut wives.

Can't wait until looser hubby fucks wife and the both share and STD she picked up.

Dead marriage. Lame husband stupid weak wife

Please label these stories up front.

Nice to see you back reading my work. I am not sure how much more labeling I can do for you- "gang bang" is in the title, which would seem to imply she is having sex with someone outside of her marriage, not to mention I describe her as "getting fucked- a lot." That might have been a clue or two for you before you started reading, but judging by your comment, reading comprehension might not be your strong suit (why is the husband loose?).

In my fantasies, there are no STD's. I guess when you are watching porn or in other ways taking care of your business there is, but my thoughts during self amorous moments do not start off with, "I want to get with her, but I have to remember protection so that I don't catch a venereal disease or bring an unwanted child into this world that will unnecessarily complicate our lives." I just think, "I want to get with her." I am certainly not judging you for how you spend your gentleman's time, just giving you a window into my thought process.

I would suggest for you in the future that you restrain yourself from reading any stories with gang bang in the title, that have a description indicating the wife gets fucked a lot, or frankly anything else I write. You won't offend me. I am not trying to convert you. You do your thing, and I'll do mine.

as she knew it. From the way the story was told she had been a faithful wife and was set up to be ganged. I think she has a right to feel raped. Maybe not legally but raped in fact. When she is sober and has some time to think over what her husband did to her I would hope she would divorce him and find a man willing to honor the vows made in a wedding ceremony.

She should divorce him, not for the rape but for breaking his promises to her. This was done on purpose.

you are a woman, wow i pity anybody who has anything to do with you, my skin crawls just thinking of you having kids or someone even befriending you after reading your garbage you call a story.

Scorpio- ya think manogamy is over, now that she has had six cocks in her. You are very astute. I was worried I was being too subtle. I'm glad you also picked up on the elements of non con that were weaved throughout. I can tell you were really paying attention. I do however think she was coming around to the idea at the end, and did enjoy herself, before the shock of her husband showing up surprised her so much. Maybe his will be their compromise moving forward? I don't know. Also, I don't remember seeing you there at their wedding. How do you know what their vows were?

Ah Anne, I love hearing from you so much. No, I am most defintely a man. Are you angling for me to show you my cock to prove it? Trust me, there is no pity needed, my life is wonderful. It sounds to me though that you need to see a doctor about that whole crawling skin thing. Eek, that sounds uncomfortable. My friends told me to tell you that they are ok as well, though they thank you for your deep rooted concern for their well being. I realize you had another story to hurry up and read and comment on, but why exactly was my story not a story? And why was it garbage? In your desire to rant and run you forgot to make a point, so how can I be saved or educated or whatever you mission here on Lit with all us pervs is?

As always, thanks for reading and commenting.

hot as hell and with a nice twist!

Plenty of description (which bores after a while), but no emotion.

For reading and commenting. From what you wrote, i am trying to figure out what kind of porn you like to watch, something where they don't focus the camera on the actual sex but insted on the faces of the porn stars who talk about what they are felelign the whole time instead. Is that put out by Playgirl?

I also fundamentally diasgree. There are explicit emotional references in paragraphs 3, 4, 9, 10, 12, and then I got bored and stopped counting, but re-reading the story to see if I thought you had a valid criticism I noticed the running internal monlogue that described her emotional state throughout.

Perhaps you meant that she was supposed to emotionaly devastated by her actions, instead of turned on? Perhaps she should have been wracked with guilt for fucking men not her husband? Perhaps you felt she should have fallen in love with the strangers she fucked? I think juvenile is posting a one sentence complaint without any explanantion, so there.

"i am trying to figure out what kind of porn you like to watch,"

<P>

I'm not Katib, but I know I'd like something with some logic, something that doesn't read like you just decided to string tired and stupid cliches together, trying to offset those with a moronic plot twist -- a plot twist that played into the very same cliches. I was something that at least creates the illusion you spent more than 5 seconds plotting it out.

Not usually a fan of this genre, but I really enjoyed reading this story.

P.S. formywife, your rebuttals are hilarious!! I actually laughed at some of your responses!

...are hilarious, FMW-but only because I've never seen an author so easy to agitate. I make no bones about button-pushing responses but even I take a comment or two off. Next you'll be cappin' on someone for a typo. Scorpio has actually thought up his own plot or ten, I think you missed the magnanimity .By the way tough guy, what fucking nonsense a poster can't give a one sentence response. That's the equivalent effort they thought you put in. This is how the whole paradigm functions.You write on this site supposedly because you want comments that help you get better. That one gave you a hint.

So the kind of porn you watch is the stuff that tries to look like a Hollywood picture, and has in depth and invovled plot, and it doen't matter to you how hot the sex is in the porno as long as it has a good plot.

See, we have a fundamental differnece- when I watch porn with plot I just fast forward past it to get to the goodies. I'm of course not saying your preference is wrong, just that if I am looking for a movie with a plot I will usually go for a Hollywood movie rather than a porn attempt at one. Given our differneces in approach, I will not be offended at all if you in thefuture choose to skip my stories as I am obviously not writing with your preferences in mind.

As for cliches, what exactly are you talking about? It would be helpful for you to point out which cliches you are offended by. I do think we often fantasize in cliches, so I'm not sure that your citicism is valid anyway, but it would be helpful more me to understand what you complaint is if you provided an example.

As for the moronic plot twist, again I disagree: I personally think it was brilliant. Hard to know who came out on top of this arguent, since neither one of us provided a reason or evidence to back up what we are saying, but I'm going to go ahead and say that it is brilliant (no reason given for my conclusion).

Thanks again for reading and commenting, and really, I wont be offended if you do not read anymore of my plotless tripe. You are obviously not the audience I am writing for.

I am not sure why you think that I am agitated. I love this. I live for this. And no, I don’t usually rag on people for typos, unless their criticism of my 14 Word document story is that there were typos, and they can’t get out three sentences without several. Or if they don’t know the difference between looser and loser.

Yes I did miss the magnanimity. I missed the part where there was “liberality in bestowing gifts; extremely liberal and generous of spirit.” And no, I don’t think I’m a tough guy. I’m not the one who has a weapon in my screen name (unless that is a reference to your undersize package, in which case, I’m sorry). I’m just not sure where in the paradigm it says I can’t respond. Or where I’ve done anything to make you think I think I’m tough.

As to the one sentence, I think it is a valid criticism. The critics don’t get to just write a criticism of a piece of work that says “Boring” and expect that to get their point across. Like I said in my reply, I looked back and have no idea what he was talking about. If he had pointed out instances of over description, or lack of emotion, I could have better understood his point. Since he didn’t, I can’t, so it is not helpful. As to my effort, whatever you think f the outcome, equating a one sentence response to my 14 pages of word document on effort just seems ludicrous.

As to the “paradigm,” again, I’m not sure why people get to say whatever they want to me and I just have to take it and not defend myself or my work. Where in the Lit bylaws it says my only function as an author is to post stories and never be heard from again. And maybe I’m trying to change the paradigm.

And please, don’t think you know what my motivation is for posting on this site. You assume facts not in evidence. Perhaps my purpose is just to generate reads. And in my bio it clearly states that I am trying to help people get off. That is my purpose, not improvement.

And your point would be better taken if any of these comments were actually helpful. If I were to turn this in as an assignment for a creative writing class, and the only response I got was “Boring and over descriptive, not enough emotion,” how would that help me improve? If I got, “This is what should happen after the story?” when my story ends at a certain point, how would that help me improve. What authors get is exposition on people preference, not helpful criticism. When Katib says less description, how is that helpful when I write my next piece and someone says, “More description?” How as an author and I supposed to evaluate those competing ideas, especially when the critics take not time to explain themselves? Most criticism on this site is equivalent to being in a Wecam chat room. One guy says, “Put on your heels.” The next guy says, “Take off your heels and show me your toes.” The next guy says, “Put on stockings.” The next guy says, “Takeoff the stocking, I like bare legs.” I’m surprised those girls heads don’t pop off sometimes.

Thanks for the conversation, I really enjoyed it.

Anne writes: “He takes the tape

Simple, he takes the tape to his lawyer and gets rid of the filthy piece of shit whore forever. I wouldn't touch the nasty cunt, normally I'd gut her alive like a fish, but this one is too nasty for that. Maybe cover her in kerosene and set her on fire.”

I had a witty response to this, but didn’t want to be responsible for setting this sociopath off. Just though I’d let everyone see all of the valid criticism I get.

PS Pete, still think everyone is out to improve my writing?

gimme 30 seconds an I'd develop you a sense of humor. Creep.

Formywife; I like slutwife stories. I like you taking no shit better. 5 stars for the entertainment.

I agree with FMW's point that criticism should be more than "this sucks" or "she's a slut" or "too cliche." Thus, I'll try to be more specific. The story, simply put, is not particularly well written.

The story begins as follows:

"Stefanie knew what was going to happen as soon as she saw her husband's name "Jon" come up on the caller ID. "Hello," she answered, probably speaking a little louder than she needed to as the bar she was sitting at alone was not that crowded."

This is, in my opinion, better written as follows:

***

Stephanie knew what he was going to say when her husband's number showed on the caller ID.

"Hello, Jon," she said, speaking louder than necessary in the nearly empty bar.

***

The next paragraph is:

"Please don't be mad," he said anxiously, as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "but I'm not going to be able to make it tonight. Something huge just came up at work. I'm so sorry."

A better, more descriptive way, of writing this is:

***

"Please don't be mad," he started. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"You're blowing me off, aren't you?"

The phone was silent for a moment before he answered.

"It's huge," he said. "At work. I just can't--"

She clicked the phone shut, turned it off, and thrust it into her purse.

***

And the third paragraph? It is so long, convoluted, and confusing that it reads like something from Faulkner. Now I'll grant you that Faulkner was a Nobel and Pulitzer Prize winning author, but even convoluted style at least precisely conveys thoughts and atmosphere. Rather than overusing semi-colons in the paragraph--and the first one should have been a colon, not a semi-colon--the whole thing would have been better written as a series of questions she asks herself.

In short, FMW, I would work on tightening up the descriptive prose and separating the dialogue a little more. Ohio recently, and accurately, pointed out that smaller paragraphs are far easier to read in these on-line stories, and I think that's advice we should all heed.

As for the other comments? As an author, it's funny to see one giving as much as he's taking.

That is something to ponder. As an editor that I work with once said, a lot of this comes down to personal preference. Is the story a little wordier than it may necessarily need to be? Probably. This is how I think, talk and write, however. Could it use some extra editing. Probably. But more important to me than achieveing Faulknerian heights is to express my voice. I know the world would be a better place if we all write like you (said jokingly with love), but I think there is room for authors who don't write in Hemmingway's soul of wit style.

For example, I think your re-write of pargarpagh one is more clear perhaps than mine, but I don't think mine is unclear to start with. If my meaning was hidden, I could see your point, but this seems an instacne when it comes down to preference. Your re-write of paragrapgh two actually changes the tone and direction of the story. Again, you say what i say with less words. I don't necessarily agree that makes it better. I wrote that paragraph the way my characters would act it out- which is different than the way that you would write. That is what makes this so wonderful.

I also don't think that putting question marks after each clause instead of semi colons would make it better or easier for people to understand- it is just a different form of thought pause, and the semi colons work towards a stream of thought feel as mutiple thoughts cross her mind better than breaking it up into seperate sentences. And yes, there will be some punctuation mistakes in my writing. No one is perfect.

As for paragraph length, I end the paragraphs when i feel a thought has been completed, or when I am shifting to a different speaker. I try and be conscious of pargrapgh size, but don't think I will ever say, "I have to end this pargrapgh now becasue it is x lines long." For example, you split a four line paragragh in one of your re-writes into two 2 line paragraphs. If four lines is too long, I think we are all in trouble.

I was a user a long time before I wrote for lit. When I read, I didn't sit there thinking about "He could have cut words out here," just like I don't sit while reading books outside of lit with a red pen, making editor notations in my well worn copies of favorites. This is not to say my writing couldn't be better- of course it could. It is not to say that I am discounting your well thought out and actually very helpful criticism. I appreciate you taking the time to walk me through what you see as problems with my work, and do appreciate your perspective, even if I don't agree 100%. I will put that in the attic and let the movers move it around as Steven King liked to describe the subconscious process, and see it it can't help in the future. Thanks again.

I don't know, but I will hazard a guess that you and your wife are part of a very select group of people who enjoy watching their wife have sex with many partners. While you do nothing or jerk off or whatever it is you do in your select groups of people. I guess your wife enjoys such group activities. Otherwise why else write these stories for her? The don't seem to be for anyone else.

Who is Anne? I know many Anons but Anne? Is that your wife's real name? Or are you trying to be funny?

Before, when anons commented, I didn't have to worry about what to call them, becasue I had a non -engagement policy. Now that I decided to change my policy and engage in a dialogue with commentators, it seemed rude to not be able to call you something. And anonymous is hard to spell correctly over and over, and you know how people around here get about typos. So I shortened anonymous to Anne. Objectivley funny? I don't know. But it sure cracks me the hell up. It's kind of like in politics- if you don't define your candidacy, your opponant will do it for you. If you won't give me a name to call you in our conversation, I am not going to use the Lit equivilant of "Hey You."

Ah, the things that you don't know could be the subject of one of those essays on here I don't ever read. Why would it be a select group of people? Why would I only jack off? Why would you draw those conlusion from a story I wrote? Why does the fact that my wife may like to read a story about group sex prove that she engages in it? There is a line of demarcation between fantasy and reality. I have know a lot of people who have done a lot of acid in their lifetime, and none of them have had as much trouble as differentiating between fantasy and reality as some lit readers.

And as for me having an audience of one: even were that true, I'd be ok with that. Why you would draw that conclusion based on a story that has tens of thousands of views and under a dozen negative cmmments is beyond me, but hey, whatever gets you off, I guess. You can't see my inbox, or my recent activity page, so there is one more thing you don't know, but i am quite happy with the reponse to my story.

As always Anne, thanks again for reading and commenting.

Anne is this lil boy's lil peepee, Mommy named it Anne coz Mommy wanted a girl and by mistake this fella came out with a lil banana skin.

who made this my best viewed story ever. I do appreciate all the readers and all the feedback and comments. Keep 'em coming! Keep cheking back as I have more new stuff to be posted.

formywife

loved the story ... loved the gradual build to the act and the act itself ... and the ending was very well done ...

as another author on here, somehow those anon's are always the most outraged and insulting ... i just delete them as i'm allowed to do ... if they don't have the decency to sign their name, then their comments are words in the air ...

keep up the good work ... very well written story :)

take care

freeandeasy

Well written and one of the most enjoyed stories Ive read on Literotica, or anywhere else for that matter, well done, keep up the good work.

Not a bad piece of fantasy. But reality detracts - all these bar gang bang stories have a couple of things wrong that just destroys the whole illusion. It's about time writers recognized that in this day and age, in North America and most of Europe, a drunk woman does not have the legal capacity to consent to sex - even if she says "yes" while drunk. When she sobers up, everyone - including hubby - is going to jail for aggravated rape = 7-10 years. Add to that the locked doors, not letting her leave when she said she wanted to go - that's kidnapping = 20 to life. And the video tapes make great evidence.

I have already stated a) I don't feel the need for the strict realism you seem to crave in your sexual fantasies, b) that there are elements of non- con in the story and c) at the end she is thinking that she may like it, so I don't feel the need to quibble with you again on those points.

I am not a lawyer, and am guessing you are not either, but my quick google review of the law does not led me to the same results- i.e. that simply by a womaningesting alchohol she is rendered incapable of giving consent. There do appear to be standards that have to be met, and while she probably would meet those standards (standards that I am guessign vary widely form jurisdiction to jurisdiction) in the context of this story, I don' tknow that tis is such a legal slam dunk as you make it out to be.

More problemeatic to me is your reasoning on why she woudl set that chain of events in motion in the first place. Did hse seem so upset a the end of the story to you that when she woke up the next day she would run off to the police to press charges, because if so, I need to go back through that. under you scenario, what is her motivation for doing so? unless one of her "attackers" confessed, how woudl anyone know abou this.

Again, if what gets you off when reading stories like this is thinking about the future legal manouvers, more power to you, but those kind of thoughts seldom enter the realms of my fantasies.

To all the anonymous people out there who slag authors off for writing fantasies go get a life.

Formywife I think you are a talented writer and I love how you comment back (good for you).

For those who hate gangbang/loving wife submissions, don't leave nasty comments, just don't bother to read them.

For any anonymous Pricks out there who want a pop at me please do so, I love reading anonymous headed emails directed from Literotica.

Again 100% perfect story from Formywife.

Intense. I need to go be alone now. And finish.

As they are walking to the car Steffi looks over at her husband and tells him when we get home move your shit out of our room....and dont think about touching me ever again....i Hope U enjoy the tape since U set this up instead of being with me yourself...you knew I was feeling neglected and you choose to do this...I hope your enjoy jacking off

this was about as sex as watch the recent beheadings. They've been killing the wrong people.....if you get my drift.

That's pretty close to rape. She s drunk, she's scared and she feels like saying yes is what will get her out of here faster. And her husband was part of the... scheme which makes the whole thing disgusting

Bite that sucker off. You'd be surprised how fast the ambulance and cops get there to try and save a man from bleeding to death. Dumb story.

This seems to have been written at a 6th or 7th grade boy's mentality

Good story.

Ignore the self important morons.

Letting herself go is good for a lady every now and again. Good work Jon on setting it up. 5 Stars

leaves him in the morning

Fuck you ass wipe.

I came to the conclusion you write TRASH.

An excellent blueprint of how to lose your loving wife in one night!!

Sad as fuck !!

As I'm absolutely positive that every man would have done the exact same thing!

After not having had sex for weeks, it's natural for a man to arrange a rape/gangbang for his wife instead of meeting her at the lounge, wining and dining her, then taking her home to make love to her and fuck her all night long!! Oh, no! So much better, more meaningful, more personal to just let 6 strangers fuck her every hole while she's too drunk to complain -- in other words, show your true love! Give her a rape-gangbang!

Another nasty story to appeal to the lowest of the LW readership

It is the divorce!

A slight woman like Sweetie, drinking as much as suggested, is just plain implausible. And, 5drinks fewer than described would change the category to Non-Consent.

As described, she would die of ethanol poisoning!

My wife would so enjoy doing this, and i would so enjoy setting it up and watching her enjoy it. Thanks for this so hot story.

Bullshit! Skipped most of the crap.

Jon should not be surprise when Steffi starts taking lovers. He would have no one to blame, but, himself.

-

Pasqual

Steffie secretly bought a Glock got Jon to get all the guys together again. Then shot off all their clocks and balls

It was RAPE and rape is never justified.

Not bad for a virgin who lives in his moms basements