All Comments on 'Susie Q'

SUPER HOT ANOTHER CHAPTER MAYBE?

As a Lit start-up 'has hot promise. However. It's useful in shorts to think of the plot, and style the characters to fit. Match behaviour Manners and thoughts or speech; expectations without explaination. This did not quite match such together.. You would need to lengthen to explain the Virginal circumstances link. Explore the 2 ladies relationship and Deep trust. Or depravity. This may exist in a prior story, but then note. (I am writing this as general, not homing on you, and what seems part of your initial submissions.) Plus knowing it's a First and therefore tissue damage risk, he's 'gets about', and the public setting. Condom had to figure. Not as a moral, just safe practice. To emphasise as much to male libedo in heat. The virgin shock and exposure reaction at the top of the story could be further explored. The sex discovery, clean up, soreness, aftermath. . It may even be that u have here the bones of a longer tale, or parts. And finally, to pin the central message. A lot of promise, among a substantial list of contributions which likely take You past all these points, and even re about virgins. In minor adjustments You could have finished by shock suprise. . That's one more sucker, to hang on taking my hymen, always wins! My tightness overcome. Unique setting. Now where to douche. . .

Oops my error and misty eyed thinking. I misread the date, and after deleting the opening words the rest needs an edit. Sorry all round. Lit can remove it.