All Comments on 'The Land of MILF and Honey Ch. 01'

It happens more than people think.

First: "It had been two months since my dad had walked into the kitchen one morning and announced his mistress was pregnant and he was leaving us."

Then: "I just hoped my mother wouldn't notice, as she was already worried about me ever since my dad had split almost a year ago."

Still a decent, if particularly brief, short story, but there's more to proof-reading a story than hitting "spell check". MANY typos (e.g., "on" instead of "one") and lapses in consistency = the difference between 5 stars and 4.

Actually it’s not inconsistent. His dad moved out a year before but he and Tom’s mother were still together, hoping to work things out. It was two months before the story that he actually leaves her.

I almost never post criticisms. Based on your stories you're all about ridiculous breast size. Have no problem with that at all. But learn to describe breasts better. The only indicator that the women in your stories have monstrous boobs is the mention of G-Z cup breasts. Think about it as an exercise, next time just don't mention a breast size. Look at TheTalkMan for example, Klrxo, Zaxxon. Right now it is rank and childish. And that's the least of my criticisms

get a proof reader, but do not stop this story line It could be a long and involved look into school life in mid america. I expected to find mom as the main target but as presently surprised with the twist. 5

The best part of this story is the title. It's all downhill from there.

Just found the story and decided to add it to my favorites list. Congratulations I only put those stories I like the most in my favorites list.

Thanks for sharing.

Proof Read

I enjoyed that very much.

Obvious you choose not to proof your stuff: missing words, run-ons, jumping narrative (impossible shifts from A to B), misspellings, bad grammar, dumb language. Get an Editor!

Every school boys fantasy. Pretty good story, except for her infidelity and being compelled to tell us his exact length

P.S.

Def needs proofing

Sloppy writing (changed tenses twice in one sentence), boring cliche premise poorly executed.

As I was fucking her from behind again, I was still sucking her tits and thrusting with growing power.

How?

Needed more space and imagination towards the end

Uninspired and clunky dialog that absolutely destroys the readers suspension of disbelief.

That said, while i usually don't go for taking any advantage of someone, but that bitch of a Principal that /KNOWS/ about bullying like that and does nothing? No treatment is too bad for her.

Kind of lame and stupid don't you think?