The Mist of Time Ch. 20-21

CHAPTER 21

LADY ADELAIDE'S STORY CONTINUED

My marriage was a farce. I made vows to my husband, as he did to me, knowing that at the first opportunity I would break those vows. The man who would assist me in breaking those vows stood as my husband's best man. Sir Dashwood was some twenty-five years older than me, the same age as my father. For a brief moment I gave thought to his being unmarried at such an advanced age. My father gave me away with, I am sure, mixed feelings. The idea of his daughter becoming a mistress was tempered by the fact that I would become Lady Adelaide, wife to a Baronet. Rupert had assured me that Dashwood would not attempt intimacy with me. I was worldly-wise enough to believe differently. Imagine my surprise when Dashwood made no attempt to join me in bed. In time I discovered that he assuaged his lust with doxies at a house of ill-repute in Colchester.

We were favoured with invitations for weekends at quite a few great houses. Dashwood would escort me to these houses, but would plead urgent business to excuse himself. No one urged him to stay. My initial exposure to these society events had me in a quivering ball of nerves. Rupert arranged for me to have a number of gowns suitable for the society I was to join. The dress-maker outfitted me completely with clothes for the morning, clothes for the afternoon and dresses for Dinner. I was shocked by some of the evening dresses. Surely no lady would go out in public wearing such a daring ensemble. However the dress-maker assured me that was the fashion. My dress exposed more of me than any I had ever worn; my shoulders were completely bare and the bodice hardly covered my bosom. The dress fell simply at the front yet the back was adorned with sumptuous frills and ruffles so much so that the only way to sit was to perch on the very front of the seat, a most uncomfortable way to spend an evening. I was relieved when I noticed the other ladies who were present, some of whose dresses revealed even more than mine. At dinner I sat quietly and studied the manners of my fellow guests. The etiquette of formal dining was to take small amounts on the fork and then whilst chewing that morsel put the knife and fork down and let your hands fall to your lap. No wonder these meals went on for ages! Of course Rupert would be there and in the manner of things his bedroom would be close to mine.

At one weekend I was all a quiver when I was introduced to Rupert's wife. She greeted me kindly and after dinner in the drawing room she made a point to talk with me. "Lady Adelaide, or may I call you Adelaide." I nodded in agreement. "I am Clementine, but please call me Clemmy. I am so pleased to meet you. Rupert had been a much happier man for having you in his life. I can understand why, you are very beautiful."

"I do not know what to say, Countess Clementine. I would have thought that my friendship with the Earl would upset you."

"Not at all, Adelaide, and it is Clemmy. Rupert and I were promised to each other by our families when we were quite young. We were friends but there was never any passion between us. Nevertheless family pressure was applied and with misgivings we acquiesced. I have given him an heir and a daughter and then we agreed that we could live our own lives discreetly. I have the man I always loved but had to deny to marry Rupert. Rupert knows my lover and they get on well. Now I can know Rupert's lover and I hope that we shall get on well also. So you see, there is no jealousy, no hints of honour betrayed."

"You have put my mind at rest, Clemmy. Knowing that I was to meet you, disturbed my sleep for many a night."

"Oh, I am so sorry. However, perhaps you do not view me as an ogre now."

"Not at all, Clemmy."

"Good, we shall be friends...Oh look, the gentlemen are joining us. You see the man Rupert is talking to?" I nodded. "He is Alfred, Viscount Standing. My lover. See it is all quite civilized."

Thus was my life, living at Chetford House with a husband who wasn't a husband, and another husband who wasn't a husband who nonetheless gave me more of love and tenderness than most husbands would offer their wives. I birthed four children, all of them by Rupert. Danbury the eldest was a model that shamed Dashwood. He worked hard at his studies, he was keen to understand how the estate worked and what crops should be sown. His decision to join the army was understandable, as Dashwood would sneer at his ambitions. "You will be Sir Danbury, Baronet. What more do you need?" was a frequent refrain from Dashwood. Then there was Rose who became very good pianist and had a sweet singing voice to accompany herself. Then my poor Alice, who died at six months from the croup. Last came Robert, and with Robert, Dashwood decided that he wouldn't acknowledge Robert as his son unless Rupert gave him a lot more money. After all these years I knew that Rupert was sustaining Dashwood with frequent gifts of money. Dashwood was a sponge that soaked up money and then let it flood away haphazardly. Rupert bought some land from Dashwood when we married, a ruse to give Dashwood some capital, and gave it back to him at this time. Dashwood immediately sold it to a neighbour, George Swinson. Swinson was a very successful grocer and Dashwood would not receive him in the house because he was trade, yet was quite happy to take his money.

Sir Dashwood Chandler according to Debretts was a gentleman. The Dashwood I knew was nothing of the sort. He was uncouth, foul-mouthed and lazy. His coterie of friends seemed to be cut from the same cloth. As lady of the house I had to entertain his friends and their 'wives'. It became quite clear to me that the 'wives' were nothing of the sort. The first time I entertained I was shocked by these heavily painted women, whose language seemed to come from the gutter. When one, emboldened by wine raised her skirts to reveal a male appendage it all came clear to me. It explained why Dashwood was unmarried at forty-five, it also explained why he had never tried to join me in my bedroom. It was a shock and a comfort at the same time. I would never be in danger from Dashwood, nor he from me, as I would never reveal his secrets, which gave me a little power over my husband as homosexual acts were illegal. Once the Dower House was finished these revels were conducted there, and my presence was not required. Such was my life until Dashwood took against Robert. I had been the object of derision from Dashwood for many years. He had a vicious tongue and the filth that would spill out of that mouth was at first very hurtful, however I had endured and in some way learned how to close my ears to his diatribes. When he turned his obscene tongue upon Robert I had to do something. Robert was but seven years and couldn't defend himself.

Rupert had given my father the deeds of Upton Lodge, therefore no one would consider anything odd of my going to visit my father, and if Rupert happened to be there as a friend of the family at the same time none could cast a slur. I was lying abed with Rupert, when he suggested that with the treatment of Robert by Dashwood, we should bring the whole charade to an end. Now that Rose was married and Danbury was in the army, it was the time for me to move into Upton Lodge bringing Robert with me. "Your father will make Upton a bequest to Robert. Thus you will have a home that Dashwood cannot touch. Your father has invested the money I settled on him for you wisely and at four percent it will allow you a good living. That settles my worries for you if anything were to happen to me."

"Don't say that my dearest. Without you I have no life."

"Without you there is no life, my wonderful Adelaide."

I reached down and found a member that seemed to be showing interest again. "Do you think?..."

"I do think indeed." Later he relaxed breathing deeply. "Not bad for an old man."

"Old man? Every time it's the same as the first time. I am taken to paradise.

I left Chetford House in eighteen ninety-six, just after Danbury had joined the army. My father, who still kept his Drapers business happily welcomed us. He was now accepting of my rather unusual life and he was close to Robert. Indeed he took Robert with him to work and inducted him into the mysteries of the trade. "He learns quickly, Adelaide. I like to think that he may take over the business when I am not able to work." Robert was not the scholar that Danbury was, yet in many ways he was my favourite, possibly because I saw much more of him than I did of Danbury. Danbury had much more of Rupert. As he had grown I was struck by the remarkable similarity to Rupert. It was uncanny that his looks and character should be so much the same. Should others see them together there would be no doubt of his paternity, but that never happened and Danbury would be kept out of the secret for all time. It was at that time that Rupert grew a beard; he fashioned it upon the style that Prince Edward wore. He told me that it could divert attention away from Danbury's likeness to him.

Dashwood never tried to bring me back to Chetford, something for which I was profoundly grateful. However his lifestyle had taken a toll of him and he rarely set foot outside the Dower House. Danbury would see him when he was on leave. Fleeting visits as Danbury would come to Upton Lodge after making his duty call. Those days were so good, my two sons, my father and I together. It would have been so much better if Rupert could have joined us, but sensibly he would stay away. Too many questions would be asked.

In nineteen hundred and one our beloved Queen Victoria died, and with her an era had passed. She had been on the throne since eighteen thirty-seven, some of her subjects had been born and died without knowing another monarch. Rupert found it difficult to find time for me. He had known Edward for years and was required to attend frequently with Edward when he was Prince of Wales. Edward had always been a demanding friend, now he was an even more demanding Monarch. Those years from nineteen-one till nineteen-ten were the worst years, as I would see Rupert possibly three times a year at best. The death of Dashwood in nineteen oh-eight could not relieve my melancholy. I should not welcome the death of any man, but the news of Edward's demise in nineteen-ten actually made me happy. I would have Rupert's arms again and more frequently.

Rupert did visit more frequently and his visits became longer. My father now got on well with Rupert and they would converse long into the evening to my chagrin. I needed Rupert in my bed and holding me in his arms! Of course Robert met him and was told that Rupert was an old family friend. Robert was not as quick mentally as Danbury, but wasn't a fool by any means. He also knew he was illegitimate. He approached the subject one day just after Rupert had to return to his estate. "Mama. Is Rupert my father?" We never used Rupert's title when he was with us. So Robert had no knowledge of Rupert being an Earl.

I was flummoxed for a moment, in two minds whether to tell the truth or a falsehood. Eventually I decided. " Robert, you must swear to never tell anyone that which I will tell you now. Do you swear?"

"Yes, Mama."

"Good. The answer to your questions is yes. He is."

"And Danbury?"

"Yes."

"And Rose?"

"Yes."

Robert nodded knowingly. "I am not surprised Mama. Sir Dashwood didn't like women, He was happier in men's company." Out of the mouths of innocence. Robert wasn't quicksilver, yet he would see things and make his own interpretation of the facts he noticed.

"Remember, Robert. You must keep the knowledge to yourself. You must not even tell Danbury or Rose."

"I understand, Mama. They have never seen you in Rupert's company. The attachment is such that they would come to the same conclusion."

These were the golden years only marred by the death of Danbury. Knowing that I wouldn't take one step inside Chetford House he would visit frequently. I learned of his attachment to Arabella Swinson, of his efforts to get the estate back into viability. I was delighted when in nineteen-fourteen he announced his engagement to Bella. Then the fates decided that all this happiness was too much. In far away Sarajevo an Archduke and his wife were shot. The Austro-Hungarian Empire rattled its sword towards Serbia, and in response the Russian Empire and the German Empire took sides rattling their swords in their turn. The French had a treaty with Russia and the Germans felt threatened. The cards were stacked in a flimsy edifice and of course they all fell down. We in this country had little interest in happenings in Eastern Europe, but we had given our word to Belgium. The mad Kaiser took little notice of our contemptible little army and allowed the Schleiffen plan to unfold. Danbury had already been recalled to the colours and as Captain Chandler he embarked for France. How do our actions come back to haunt us? I had encouraged Danbury to learn French and was proud when he achieved a good command of that language. Because of that talent he was posted as a liaison officer with the French Army and thus he was with the French Army in nineteen-fifteen before Ypres when the Germans launched their first attack with Chlorine gas. Rupert used all his contacts to find out how Danbury died. He told me that Danbury had died quickly with little pain. He wept with me, after all Danbury was his son even if he couldn't acknowledge him. I was enlightened after the war when an article in The Times described how those who were gassed died. I wept for my son yet again. Rupert had known these details, yet had kept them from me to assuage my grief.

Robert had been conscripted and then rejected by the army. I was very happy yet confused by this, he had flat feet. Sometime later I was informed that the army took a serious view of flat feet. It seemed that standing for a long time in army boots would exacerbate the condition to the extent that some were crippled for life. Whether that were true or not at least one of my sons would survive.

The first reports of the Spanish Flu were ignored. We had lived with flu all our lives, what was a bit of flu? Soon though the reports were alarming as people were dying with this strain; usually the old and the very young. A telephone call boded a tragedy. Rupert had the telephone installed in nineteen-twelve, although it was used rarely. This call was from Clemmy.

"Adelaide, Rupert has contracted the flu. I know he would like you beside him. Could you come? Please. I shall send the motor for you if you will."

"Of course, Clemmy. I can be ready very quickly."

"I was certain you would come, the motor car left here an hour ago, it should be with you in a couple of hours. Will that be alright?"

"I'll be ready."

I had never been to Grantisbury. My appearance there would have been shocking. But if Clemmy thought I should be there, that is where I shall be. The motor car arrived just as Clemmy suggested and I was ready. The chauffeur loaded my cases to the luggage rack at the back and then held the door for me to get in. He unfolded a blanket and placed it across my knees. Grantisbury was not one of those large opulent country houses. Actually it wasn't as large as Chetford House, yet it had a friendly atmosphere. I entered timidly, unknowing of what kind of reception I would experience. It was Clemmy who set me at ease. She walked quickly to enfold me in her arms. "Adelaide. I am so happy to see you. Come quickly, Rupert is dying to see you."

Dying was the right word to use. I could see that Rupert was in extremis. His breathing was so laboured that I found myself breathing in time with his, trying as if by osmosis that I could to get more air into his lungs. Nonetheless he welcomed me with a kiss, not caring that Clemmy was there in the room as well.

"Adelaide, my darling. It is so good to see you."

"And I you my dearest. But what is this? You are lollygagging in bed. If Clemmy was not here I would get in with you and liven you up."

"Don't mind me." Clemmy laughed. Her attitude turned to tenderness. "Rupert, Adelaide was the best thing that could happen to you. So I am going to leave for an hour or two. I will leave instruction that you are not to be disturbed. And whatever you do is up to you. Now am I not a good wife?" She left and I struggled to get out of my travelling dress. I knew that Rupert was too feeble to join with me, but I wanted to have that intimacy that I loved for just a short while, although I recognized that it would be the last time.

Rupert succumbed to the flu that night. Clemmy and I were with him as his breathing became more tortured until he dragged a last gasp of air into his lungs. Then nothing.

Clemmy insisted that I stayed for the funeral. "You were the woman he loved most, it would not be right if you were not there, and if anything is said I will happily announce that you are there by my express invitation." I didn't notice anything as my eyes were full of tears. Clemmy also and we clung together, two widows of the same husband sharing the pain and giving each other comfort. Clemmy was the first to drop earth on the coffin and when the Vicar offered the trowel to Algernon, Rupert's son, he instead diverted the trowel to me, acknowledging the love that Rupert held for me.

My saga is done. I hold my head up, despite what people will say about me. I loved and had the love of a wonderful man. Yes, I suffered for that love yet despite that I would make the same decision again. I regret nothing.

To be continued...