by Just Plain Bob
o PLOT GAPS - he explained to Susan that he KNEW hs wife was unable to concieve.
o A couple of REALLY bad mis-spellings.
Bu not a bad yarn - 3*
Convoluted plot with a lot of head spinning twists. Very entertaining, as is your usual. Thanks much.
When you write to mess with us you are good, but when you write a real, complete story, you are great. Thank you for both types. I guess you're like pizza or sex, even when it's bad it's really good! LOL!!!
Susan was actually Pauline French...
A bit different than your usual, but I liked it.
Awesome tale. I really enjoyed reading this. Another outstanding story. Congratulations!!!
I was a little distracted by the girl's name switching back and forth from Peggy to Sally.
As they say "That was methed up:" Not a bad story, almost twisted enough to be a fun one.
I liked the story. Two Tahoe fatal car crashes was pushing the envelope. I was charmed, though, that our hero looked up the local FBI in the phone book! How quaint!
By the way, what actually did happen to the biological father of the twins? Did Susan kill him? Did he die in a third fatal Tahoe crash? Five stars, JBE
Nice story, good plot, very well written as usual....and the advice is...never buy a Tahoe....it comes with a very bad luck.... !!!
Good story as always and this is one of the things you rarely do. You did the right thing by not leaving us hanging at the end. Thank you and hope to see more of your stories. I've read every thing you have posted over the years on Lit. Tell Pauline French high for me.
I would have preferred that Susan wasn't a crook, definitely not happy that he took ex back.
"I had a wife and our plan was to fill the rooms with children. We tried for years before finding out there was something wrong with her plumbing and she was unable to conceive." - he said halfway through the first page. Making the way the later (very sudden) reconciliation even less plausible.
Plus, I don’t believe for a second that she didn’t have sex with the old guy with ‘more money than God’. Neither did he. And all I could think of was that Adam Sandler movie where the girlfriend left him for a guy with a five year plan and his ‘old balls’ who ended up working the grill at Hooters.
Just a lot of head scratching and unintentional humor.
Yes, there was a misfire on the plot concerning his knowledge of Fran's inability to conceive, but the story is well executed and the plot, although a bit fantastic, was truly engrossing. 5
A plot I haven't seen ten times before and well told to boot. Couple unforced editing errors that didn't hurt much. BFD
☆☆☆☆☆
A little different than what we are used to getting from Bob. A little more sentimental. Maybe he’s finally softening a little!
I really liked that sentence from the anonymous comment just above, I think it was kind of sad though that Susan died leaving the kids orphans. And Francine definitely gave Mr more money than God a lot of sloppy rimjobs but hey just plain Bob's male characters aren't exactly the kind of men most women would fall in love with.
I liked the twists and turns! More than the usual kind. Unfortunately, the main theme of them not knowing about the other's condition (two lies) got lost. Also, I didn't really "feel" the emotions of the characters, e.g. Francine could have been much more emotional about coming back.
Otherwise, a really nice story.
I have always enjoyed your stories but this one was off. While I liked the story plot idea. The writing was fragmented and inconsistent. It certainly needed a second reading before publishing. That would have increased most readers scores. Thanks.
Suicide? If suicide, WHY? If not, LAZY! The Skimming Accountant Vixen was depicted as a dedicated mother! No reason to believe otherwise! The school and day-care were close to their work! A dedicated mom woulda grabbed the kids FIRST ... and did NOT! So it had to be ANOTHER fatal accident in a white Tahoe in the same story ... and SAV was NOT high! Just plain lazy! At least make it a light blue Windstar.
But, back to the start knowing something closer to the truth. SAV and kids are walking in the rain. Unka Lee throws them outta the vehicle because she was bitchy ... but she has the access to the SLC bank-box ... which is where a lot more money is ... and then the access to the Caribe money! He would have to be fall-down high to throw them out.
Next, buying into the SAV story, they are on the way back from SLC and she asserts that she is fleeing from the Mob. And that she has copied proof that will cause the collapse of that empire. Hubby does NOT point out that turning those into the FBI ASAP. Best for her and the cute kids! Never comes up again JPB knows the incriminating data fobs are a fiction, and now, so do We-The-Readers, but Hubby just blows off what seems to be a major issue for concerning ALL of their safety.
Next, SAV had claimed that Unka Lee was denied the marital duties he felt were due him because they were not married. Part of his pique leading to the Wet Walk. However, she starts seducing Hubby fairly quickly after he has took over the role Lee held before getting smooshed ... and SAV succeeds very promptly and eagerly! Easy to forget another guy’s misfortune when a comely naked female shows up in your bedroom late at night, but not too ‘big-head’ smart!
Keeping the kids should have been as clean as the return of all the ill-gotten gain ... it coulda been written as a safe and quick deal. To which point, Original Sweetie left Hubby in a very abrupt and cold way. Does Hubby really believe ANY of her Village Inn reconsiderations. I would at least call her out on not boffing her Richer than God antique? But I think her method of departure speaks louder than a full pre-departure affair or her mercenary mercenary motive!
Finally ... how many ways can an author screw up Village Inn? Or a cute kid’s name? Or simple editing clean-ups?
Answer ... way too many!
3*
With two small complaints. One is what others have commented on about whether it was already known about her inability to have kids. Two is his concern of how long she was seeing Mr. Moneybags without sex involved (another lie ?) and did he tell her of his sexual involvement ? Just little details that drive OCD people like me crazy! I love the happily ever after but I would have to know to believe it was even possible.
...believe the wife about not sleeping with the boyfriend. He's pretty gullible. Thanx for the read...
Loklie
Great story - lots of twists and turns. Five stars for sure.
Not only was this a complete story (keeping the kids will be a little dicey down the line) but it was well told and plausible. Not sure I would have taken Francine back, given her actions, but the circumstances dictated his need for a wife. Thanks for the tale Bob. Post more often.
5 stars
Don’t understand why the FBI didn’t know about her kids or the missing hundred grand? Plus she gave him the money for the Tahoe in cash because she couldn’t pay cash for the car without alerting the government. So how did he deposit it back into his account and how did he put the remaining 48 grand in cash into 2 accounts for the kids. All the same problem. Being picky I guess but Otherwise good story.
Thanks for another good story. Lots of twists and turns and a fun read. Didn’t like him taking her back, but he had an agenda, so it was smart. Thank you
A fine little plot,
but too many unanswered questions.
The double lie had the fault others have mentioned.
Then comes the ex's story.
We need to know how much of it was a lie.
Can she be trusted?
But the biggest question are the kids.
There's no way to hide their existence legally.
How did he (they) handle that?
Still, an entertaining story.
4 out of 5 from me.
Which means I loved it.
Cute story all the way around. And fun to boot.
Yes thank you for sharing your stories with me and others. This is a fantastic story and I really did enjoy it yes there was a few little things but hey . I don’t care I just enjoyed the story of how it was and not how it should be . You wrote it with your imagination and ideas that is what I enjoyed. You didn’t give into other people ideas you used your own . And that is what I enjoyed. So please continue with these fantastic stories but need them more frequently at the moment while some people are trapped at home. So a big thank you for sharing your stories and hope to read many more of these stories in the near future. And look after yourself over there ok .
The kids started off as Bobby and Peggy. Then became Bobby and Sally.
Did I miss something?
Interesting how this story was based on different lies by three different people.
It worked well.
I really don't see how it is possible to juts get two kids and no one asks more questions.
As always when Bob is bad, he's really bad, but when he is good, it can be great. This was great, with two stories in one. Pete seemed to be snake bit, but through many adventures he came out smelling like a rose. He got Fran back, not sure that's so great. But maybe the kids will help them make it. Hope she can wear Susan's clothes.
One of the best JPB stories I've read I far, and I only have around 270 more to read. Pete really had shit for luck picking women. But maybe the twins change his luck, and Fran will straighten out. Susan was one professional liar for sure. Wonder if she she would have gone straight if the FBI hadn't found her?
Thanks. Regardless of the 90% formulaic and unimaginative stories posted on this site, I can always count on at least an entertaining story from you. This one was better than merely entertaining. Well done.
I've eaten there myself a time or two, but I don't see someone with, "More money than God," eating there with his new girlfriend he seduced away from her husband via said money.
Bob, really how can you keep the kids without going thru the court system, the FBI knew she had kids so you left that out of your story. If she had no other relatives maybe you could have them. Plus you took back your slut wife after she dumped your ass like s piece of garbage. This story really make 2+2 = 5 . No way.
Re: timriv' s comment
She couldn't do it since she wasn't an established entity, but he was so he simply invented a sideline and over time it was very successful, so he pays the taxes and banks it a bit at the time. Not only that, but he appears to have a successful employment and nothing says he must live paycheck to paycheck.
JPB, I really enjoyed this one; shows i wasn't wrong to make you one of my favorites. cd
Thank you for sharing a little happiness in these dark days
In my experience children do not so easily accept strange women as their "new mommy".
Too many critics knit picking the details of the story. IT IS FICTION PEOPLE!!! Get over it. Just enjoy another great JPB story. 'Nuff Said.
There is all this death... The father dies the mother dies the marriage dies and the puppy died in their minds. These kids went thru a ton of death in a short time. No wonder they ended up on a website making insest porn or becoming cuckolds later in life (the artistic license is gratifying, or would that be trolling license seeing as I'm only a commentator).
The editing and cut/paste mistakes are annoying and quite disturbing. It is almost as bad as Marlboroperson, but without the quality conservative values.
Smokepole
OK, maybe I'm wrong here but JPB was a constant submitter of stories for a lot of years and then they slowed down and then stopped up until a few months ago. The style of story and the god awful grammar now make me think someone is using JPB's ID to publish their stories. If it is JPB submitting his own stuff then my apologies.
for the pleasant read. Damn I liked Susan, Francine not so much. I do think Pete was pretty snitty with the co-workers. I know you don't go to work to make friends but after five years of working together it's only natural to develop friendly relationships. It is non of their business but come on don't be rude about it. I'm always a sucker for happy endings.
Great story … LOVED IT I liked 'Susan' but 'Francine' is a dodgy bet and would need watching and even a 'post-nup'. Great to have the kids without the nighttime crying and diaper changing especially if you can't 'make your own'! Having a boss like 'Uncle Bob' would always be a solid plus!
A well put together tale that was enjoyable and sort-of fair to all the characters. Exactly my kind of story, Thank You, Great Job
"Drug" as you used it, is a low class substitute for the proper word "dragged"; according to the two dictionaries I referenced on line. I always loose respect for those who critcize a writer without making constructive comment, and when that person uses poor grammar in his/her comment it is really annoying.
I liked the story, but there were loose ends, two deaths that were sad for the kids, and a quick "feel good" ending. It was cute and the ending saved the day.
Thank you -- like most of your stories. I also wondered about the gap in your postings, and the differences in style. And I am always amused by the locales in my are of Southeast Michigan. I think the Village Inn must of moved since I was in Ann Arbor.
JPB always uses “drug” instead of dragged. It’s his thing! It’s chill.
That was ok with the first one but the second just showed weak, lazy writing. And all of his reservations about the slut wife were well founded. Weeks or months of running around behind his back shows she has no respect for her husband or the vows she took. There's no way the old guy with the money would spend that kind of time and money without getting something in return. No fucking way that skank gets back into my house.
Chill. JPB uses "drug" instead of "dragged". You use "must of" instead of "must have". Both are grammatically incorrect but common US usage. No doubt both will one day be deemed acceptable.
Ok, if Susan's story had been true, it made sense that she'd travel to Salt Lake... and it would make sense that Lee would kick her out of the car...
If what the FBI said was true, why would she have put money in a bank in Salt Lake...? Why would she have multiple IDs (she'd only need one to get away) ...? Why wouldn't there be IDs for Lee...? How was Lee going to get the money from Salt Lake?
Who set up the safe deposit box? If it was Lee and he planned to double-cross her, why would he include the ID for her and the kids *or* include her as someone who could access the box?
If it was her, why would he toss her out when he likely wouldn't have access to the box and, as such, the money?
Why didn't Pete wonder why there were no fake IDs for her "husband"?
If she was the only criminal, she'd have known no place in the US was ultimately safe for her... why wouldn't she have run off the moment she had a vehicle? She could have left him a note saying she saw a bad guy she recognized and was running for her - and his - safety... he'd have never called the authorities.
Why would she have needed to store account information in a safe deposit box? She could have just stored it in an email account only she knew. And, as such, why would she have needed to drive to his home at all?
Since the day care was closer than his home, why didn't she go there first to get her kids? They were clearly important to her or she'd have not had multiple IDs for them...
If she was smart enough to embezzle successfully for years, she'd have been smart enough to know to drive safely so she didn't stand out or get pulled over...
Why didn't she just tell Pete a story that made her traveling on make sense? Then she'd have never came back...
Just too many things that didn't make sense if she was the criminal...
from most of your stories. In general I'd say it is logic, and humanity. But its OK, I know you don't give a shit. It must be fun for you to write, so have fun.
Yeah, this was a pretty stupid story. I had to laugh at the commenter who took the time to point out all the inconsistencies, logic faults, and unbelievable plot devices. I have wasted my time in the past pointing out similar faults with your stories, like it matters. You write like some kind of robot, with a limited set of programmed adultery excuses, repercussion scenarios, and reconciliation tropes. Kind of like Jiffy Muffin Mix, its always the same, but its consistent. You know what you are going to get, and its really not bad when you're in a hurry and you just need something to fill the empty space, be it in your daily routine or your stomach.
It will be so much fun someday when someone writes sequels to all the unfinished shit you leave lying around. Like when Francine walks out on him again, and takes the kids with her this time. That will be because she is pregnant, and no longer had to take birth control after learning that her dumb shit husband is physically sterile. She already knew he was mentally sterile.
You get an extra star for allowing anonymous comments. Yeah, yeah, I know; like you give a fuck.
Thanks for the effort.
Am curious to know where Francine as been living since she realised her mistake.
...to see another contribution from JPB. I am surprised by the nit picking in the comments regarding plot, plot devices, and the few grammatical gaffs in this FREE piece of FICTION. These folks must go apoplectic over the majority of submissions by the many lesser skilled authors. Thanks for the fun, JPB.
You really spun a yarn with this one. Kind of a convoluted (but fun) way for a sterile couple to pick up a couple of kids.
It took a bit for me to flip my "suspension of disbelief" switch. But when I did it was a fun ride.
Thanx
An enjoyable read, even if it’s impossibly neat and tidy, wrapped with a bow.
JPB! Been a while since I saw something from one of the best storytellers around. It does make me question the safety rating on my Tahoe though!!!
Do you ever think that some people have WAY to much time and read more to find imagined errors than for the purpose it was written - for reading enjoyment? JPB has been my favorite author since I began reading here. His stories are usually entertaining, well written and lately, far to rare. Bob, many are here for a good story - I'm one - looking forward to many more!
Very enjoyable story, the first i have read by the man known by his admiring followers as JPB, but it won't be my last.
@Dubby49, I don't have as much of a problem with "drug" as with "must of." "Must of" isn't simply an alternative to "must have," it's an eggcorn of the contraction for must have, "must've," which when spoken sounds like "must of."
This story has some very clever plotting. Very unusual for LW. The writing flows well, too.
Different kind of story from Bob. Not the usual cheating whore, and a little sentimental. Good one.
Why would he take back the lying whore, and subject those poor children to her? And she did cheat even though she says she didn't! This story took a stupid twist and is only a 1 star story because of it.
You never fail to entertain, I thank you for the hours of reading pleasure.
Bob is occasionally putting endings on his stories. It just gets better and better.
What the hell Bob? A wimpy cuckold and a cheating whore RAAC story? Seriously, this is a pussy story and I think that you are losing it, man! You're bebetter than this. 1 star....
the tight, well crafted plot of a typical simple JPB story - no such luck here. Also, another pass with an editor and proofreader to winnow out the plot inconsistencies, grammar errors, verb choice/tense and number misses, and obvious misspellings would have been nice. We get what we pay for on Lit, but this one is not up to typical Bob standards. I enjoyed it. Thanks, sir.
Keep 'em comin'.
I loved it. Robbing banks, new ID's, Death, lieing, cheating, whoring. Whats not to like. Even the plot was good. Had to figure it out in the end. But hey, good ending here.
What is “excellent” about this story? The guy witnesses his dead girlfriend being taken away from a car accident & just goes back to work? He takes back his bitch of an almost ex-wife. Then he tells the dead woman’s children that their mom’s in heaven & introduces a stranger as their new mom. Come on. kindergarteners are smarter than that. What awful characters.
Dumb story. Sue had the bank accounts info so why did Carol kick Sue and her two kicks out of the truck into the rain? Why would take back his cheating wife?
Great read but I didnt like how the story progressed. With the dead GF and suddenly becoming their father then taking back the cheating ex who becomes their new mother. It was an interesting read thats for sure.
I liked your story. A different type of story than one normally finds on LW, but, there is nothing wrong with that. The one small peeve I have is that it ended rather abruptly. At least IMHO. Pete and Francine just got back together way to easily. In any case, it was a fun story to read.
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Thank-you
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Pasqual
Nice twist but so abrupt for an ending. That and Francine is too insufferable to even consider taking back. The whole "she hasn't fucked anyone else" is a bit farfetched.
People, to not sound totally dumb you REALLY NEED TO READ THE STORY! Not just any story, this story (anon - there is no Carol in this story. As far as the ending being so abrupt, NOT A CLUE WHAT YOU MEAN.
Simply because there is a comment section does not mean you have to add one.
Thanks Bob. At least the story makes sense and was a good read.
Good read.
I got a little confused when, right before the FBI came in, it was mentioned that everything was good for a couple of months but when Pete told Francine about everything, he told her how much has changed I'm two weeks that she's been gone.
Also, I was disappointed with the abrupt ending. Still though, good read.
Attn: Anonymous...
The dead friend was Lee CAROL. The prior anonymous poster was correct.
Started well but as it progressed more and more lines of credibility were crossed and it all went sideways culminating in Pete taking back an insufferable woman who'd walked out on him earlier for someone who has 'more money than God'. I think not. Also, JPB should have enlisted the services of an editor. The odd mistake here and there is understandable but there were so many in this work that I had to re-read several passages to get the true meaning.