by SweetPrettyAss
Far too many words, with way too little passion. I felt like I was reading the play-by-play of a Monday Night Football game.
Shorten your writing by adding intensity.
I loved your story i hope you write more of Marjory and stacy i think they`ll make a great couple .
Pat M.
Atlanta,Ga.
This may be your first submission SPA, but you must have written erotica before. I only wish my first, hell I wish my latest submission was as hot as this piece.
I hope you continue to write and submit.
There was the comment about it being overly descriptive. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I thought you hit the mark. There's a certain 'style' to your work, and it works. You can always experiment with future pieces.
Bravo.
A great start and I hope one that will continue for a long time. My bi-g/f and I enjoy erotic writing very much and almost always end up with mutual masterbation during and sfter a reading session. If possible the addition of personal experiences often can increase the eroticsm. Looking forward to your next story!
This is another nasty, sexy cheating story that is worth the read. This is hot and definitely a guilty pleasure, if there can be any guilt from just reading a steamy bi-curious cheating story. The incest angle is nice as well. It was very well done, and I have no complaints about it. Provided you can get past the moral issues (and why apply them to smut stories, anyway)I recommend that you read this story. I give it a 5. This is the first story by this writer, and I look forward to her doing even better.
On the one hand, it's rather hot. On other hand, no matter how they may try to rationalize it, they are betraying Mike's trust. Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, it's still cheating.
It is cheating! Isn't it great? At least they kept it in the family...for now. I just wish that was my wife to be, and mother as well. What about Stacey's mother? If Stacey is truly worried about being a lesbian maybe her father-in-law should get involved.
Follow up please
Very hot, you've got a great way with fantasy...
The situation is more than a bit of a stretch, cutting into the believability, but the eroticism is great...
Oh, and in New Hampshire the courts have declaired that it's not technically cheating if it's with the same sex ;)
really hot story. You can call me your mentor any time you want to.
Dunno about guys writing lesbian stories, perhaps in this gendre you could choose someone like Colleen Thomas or Eroslit, as role models Personally I ignore men who write female stories but again who am I to knock somthing. Nice story really great chemistry. Well done
Great story!! can wait to read more but first I have something to care of...thanks!!!
Hi
Love your story, any chance we could see stacy and her new mother-in -law again, maybe at the " Bridge club" ? Keep up the realy hot and great stories!!!
Mike, isn't it? Poor bastard doesn't know what will hit him. Might as well hang it up, it's going to make for a very bad, sad divorce.
Nice piece of fiction. Hot and a bit more interesting than many Lesbian stories.
You have a great start to, at least a sequel, and hopefully, a series! Whether "Mike" gets involved, or not, is totally up to you, although it would make one HOT honeymoon!
Either way, keep writing, and I'll certainly keep reading.
would love to read about that. i know this is an early work but mmmmmm would love to read more.
So, read more already. There is a prequel named "Pajama Party" and I am working on a sequel which will be named "Stacy Joins the Bridge Club."
EXCELLENT STORY: Correct Level of 'Setting the Scene' and delightfull tastfull description of the Seduction and the Erotic coupling.
Must find the Prequell and the Sequell.
Great story. Led to this by your Big Bang Story, also good.
I did enjoy the story, but it is still a betrayal of trust, and I know what it is like to be cheated on, so it kinda kills it a bit for me. Getting Mike's consent in any way would have made it a top story for me.
Anytime a character who is being "seduced" admits to experimenting the fantasy of seduction is gone.