All Comments on 'When We Were Married Ch. 06C'

Too bad the Debbie/Bill story isn't separate from the Angel of Death story. I need closure for the Debbie/Bill story but the Angel of Death story could go on forever.

Thanks DQS. Keep it coming.

Phil

Excellent, but very strange.

I've been following this story for awhile. This was bullshit. Sorry but It was rambling and made no sense. Made Maitland look like a dumb ass.

This damn story has more twists and turns than a mountain road race. I thought Debbie was a whack job, but man Donnally's wife is from pure psychoticville. That is one scary bitch!

We wait a little longer on your chapters, but they are triple-dipped, chock full of nuts and you don't dare take your eyes off the road or one or two threads will be going off in new directions that you'll miss. This story is just a pure pleasure to read. And NOW you promise another chapter very soon. Life is good! Little wonder all the other CW authors sing your praises. Thanks for sharing this little nugget with us. Cheers, Jim

so basically debbie manages to move on from bill to clint - slowly but surely, the 'friendship with benefits' turns into more than that; and they live together as a married couple even if not formally married. Of course that would require clint to come back, and then clint & debbie to go to palatka together, then clint getting closure.... Would be interesting to see who bill lands up with. My sense is he'll either remain free bird or wind up with aline...

I have to agree with a previous comment. Excellent, but very strange.

I look forward to the next chapter!

Sorry, but while initial chapters were interesting the story degenerated into disjointed and long Maitland put downs. Most likely will like this story (just like many like JPB trash), but not this reader.

Your creativity is matched only by your ability to craft a believable story. This is simply brilliant -- a vignette inside of a story inside of yet another vignette. I loved it. Please ignore the silly negative comments. And please, please, please keep writing. Your chapters are totally worth the wait and are so good I try to make myself read them more slowly to make them last longer.

author is changing the character the way he wants in story, none of the characters is consistent... Paula who seemed to be so careful knowing everything about strangers and their childhood, has know clue about her husband, what kind of person he is, author always makes slut look like she most observant person and totally saint and good at heart... let me tell you whore can be kind hearted but not slut.. she is simply slut and cheating slut.. every woman here is cheating slut... and bill is biggest wimp.

deviating from the earlier premise and becoming too divergent. possibly conclusion is required to hold the reader's interest. started off quite well though.

This story is just shit now, I'm sorry I wasted my time reading this chapter!

SINCE THE CHOICE IS NOT OUR TO MAKE, BUT, THE AUTHORS DECESCION TO PUBLISH AND POST. THIS CHAPTER IS AND COULD BE A STAND ALONE STORY. IT IS GOOD AND FOLLOWS THRU ON EARLIER STORY, CHARACTER AND PLOT LINES. THERE ARE MORE FATAL FLAWS TO BE CONSTRUED AND USED. THIS WWWM HAS THE ABILITY TO BECOME IMMORTAL AND LONG LASTING. I CAN VISUALISE ANOTHER YEAR OF DQS' CONTINUATION TO BECOME A TRILOGY WHERE D.A. BM HAS NO BOUNDARIES, EXCEPT WHAT DQS ALLOWS. TK U MLJ LV NV PS DQS AND RPSUCH' NERD STORY ARE BOTH LONG RUNNING.

Creating a five page chapter that does not move the story forward is shit. This story has become an abscess. I am not abusive generally but you are taking yourself way too seriously DSQ, perhaps more than AOD. Please label the next chapter "Humor and Satire" and not "Loving Wives".

One of my criteria for a good story is if I would like to know more about the characters, and these new ones are definitely interesting.

I think you have lost focus on the story WWWM and it has turned into The Angel of Death. Too bad. Stories within a story and no advancement of the original tale leaves no doubt you have lost focus on what you first intended to write about. Given the length of time between chapters is indicative of a struggle you are having to continue the original plot. A Tolstoy length novel that is to end up incomplete or unfulfilling is on the horizon is my thought.

I like to think my main characters have 2 brains and a serious proffessional would not get a hardon while trying to get his workmate out of trouble for getting a hardon.

As I travel through life I find most women/men have their good and bad points not unlike men, but while there are some who push extremes most are over all nice folks. Your story has far to many sexy/driven ladies and not enough real ladies.

I am tired of Bills and his ladies baggage and while Im sure you plan to bring all this together...................

I thanku 4 your early writing butIm done.........

Jerry in Washington State, USA - I look forward to each chapter, mainly because I care about your main character Bill. I still don't care about Debbie - I feel she would have earned her fate if she died unloved and alone. I enjoyed this chapter as a follow-up on Paul, since he was introduced several chapters ago as a character that Bill reminded himself to keep a watch out for. But the overall story has stalled a bit. I hope the promised soon next chapter will forward the overall story more.

but the distance between postings makes it hard to remember characters. The complexity of the story is one thing and the spiderweb plot makes me look forward to each installment but frankly I still have little clue to who Paul Donnally is and why he should pop up in Bill's memory. Frankly, I don't want to search through the previous chapters to try and find out either. A simple paragraph on how he fit into the story would have helped immensely. Don't know how this chapter adds or helps unless it just shows how powerful and evil a woman could become but there really is no depth to her character and there have been plenty of conniving women in this story to need one more. Perhaps you have her appearing later, who knows. I will continue to look forward to the next chapter but I am getting a little like other commenters in the fact that the story is wearing somewhat thin and looking forward to some closure at some point before the interest fully fades.

I get tired of this world you create where every other woman is both beautiful to the point of men losing control and confident in her use of that beauty to get what she wants. It's beginning to feel like farce.

I can't believe all these commenters busting your chops over this. It's a good story and I continue to look forward to the next installment. Take the story where you want it. People can read it, or not.

And that is why I am addicted. Let's hope Paul gets his hands on the bitch again because the world would be a better place. He could always claim temporary insanity and Bill would believe him.

I love this story - I've read some of the comments above, and whilst I agree with some of the sentiment, I still find this story VERY interesting?

One way to maybe avoid over complexity - you could write some of these other side live stories as 'paralles' stories - ie, different, discrete literotica stories that take place in the universe you've built, using the characters you've created - but with no need to keep referencing back to this story.

I don't know if I've explained myself very well..... I hope you understand what I mean?

This is the best chapter so far. Paul and Paula alone were more than enough to overshadow everything that's come before. There was also enough from Debbie to finally be able to judge that she does want Bill back, but doesn't think that he wants her. All of Bill's possible romantic links have changed the texture of the landcsape though. It's like he can't walk down the street without tripping and falling into a new woman. Overall this chapter is the very best one so far, even without an appearance from my favorite french woman. I really think that the woman from New York should spend enough time in Florida to piss Debbie off even further, and I'd love more Paula as well. But this is still the best story ever written, and hearing that more is coming soon makes my day.

...one of my favorite authors, that this is the best chapter so far. I'm disappointed that so many people feel DQS has run off the rails, writing a story about the Angel of Death. It's not that I prefer the story be about that, but that is who Bill is--from the moment he saves Debbie, he is out to do good, no matter the cost to himself. It is also one of the reasons his marriage fails, because you can never give hot bitches like Debbie enough attention.

On the other hand, there was an imbalance in their marriage. Bill never believed his good fortune in marrying Debbie, and was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now that he is divorced and his career has risen, hot women are all over him, and Debbie is jealous. You never know what you've got 'til it's gone...Anyway, that is why, despite the fact that I can't stand Debbie, I think DQS might have them back together at the end.

I have wavered some about your story. Over the months I have thought that there was to be no happy ending for the loser husband. This chapter is in fact the best. I wasn't much impressed with 6B and thought the story had fluttered to a shitty end. Bill has grown so much in stature and is finally Debbie's superior when it comes to his women and romance. Her effect is waning as compared to these other women of his. Continue this excellent story and publish it sometime in the future. I know where most of us want it to go eventually, but I am sure that there can be many more trials and tribulations for Bill with these bigger than life women and other characters! I personally don't want to hear about Debbie being with other men anymore. I am hoping she applys all of her charms and beauty towards winning his love back in the future. You are getting better and better as you go. How about some more international intrique for bill maybe? I'm sorry...I know it's your story. Looking forward to more though.

This reminds me of Piers Anthony`s work, with a set of cameos set within the structure of the novel. Many of the cameos read like complete short stories. Once again we stand on the brink of the cliff and remember we never even heard of Paul and Paula before this chapter was posted.

Good Work! Thanks!

Very good part, hoping for better yet to come.

Hope Bill won't take slut Debbie back and Paula shall get her just deserts soon

A woman with that much power and money couldn't have stayed below the radar if he really wanted to find out about her.

I thought that the characters Paul and Paula clouded the main characters in this chapter, and for Bill to come in his pants, with her just rubbing his cock through his pants, I think, was a little out of character for him.

After all, Bill is the cold heartless "Angel of Death," and nothing should shake him. Not even the sexy evil bitch Paula.

All in all, it was a good read, and I'll be watching for the next chapter.

The quality of the writing is as excellent as ever. But to be honest, I found the chapter disappointing (first time I'm not voting 5). I hope that you have a roadmap that you are following, and that this is just another twist on the path to an eventual resolution. But right now, I don't see it.

I suppose I also just can't see Bill as the ladies man you are trying to write him as. This Angel of Death constantly getting laid thing just isn't working for me so far; hopefully I will get it at some point.

Finally, I've worked in a DV court. No prosecutor would be surprised by a woman backing out of an allegation that her husband assaulted her. It happens all the time. Probably half the DV assault cases I saw got dropped because at the day of trial, the complainant didn't show up. Exasperation, not bewilderment, would have been the proper emotion. As an experienced reporter, you should know that.

All that being said, I'm looking forward to 6D.

You cannot seem to find and ending point for this story plus the wait between chapters leads me to think that you never will. My disappointment has replaced my one-time enthusium I had for this story. This is just turning into an aimless, rambeling, slow, novella. anon jerry

You have created another captivating episode, which mixes audacious new characters with a few old ones. As a devoted reader, my only criticism is that you have created so many superb characters in past chapters that did not get any real face time in this installment.

A magnificent tapestry is being woven, but you have dropped some of the more interesting threads you started with.

Thank you as always. I'm looking forward to reading more of your masterpiece.

The poor loser husband of the earlier chapters has grown to surpass his limitations. The Angel of Death was always there but like Paul he has had to work hard to keep the real Bill in check. This new nemeisis Paula will definitely bear watching but I think she still doesn't understand the depths buried in her husband. I agree that this may be the best chapter yet.

If this chapter is skipped entirely by the readers, it will have no effect on the story or its plot and eventual outcome. As always, it was well written, but have we reached the point where each chapter will be a mini series about some random character Bill once met while passing through some small town? What was the purpose of this chapter? What are you writing about? Is this a LW story about Bill and Debbie? It seems not. What is the goal, the purpose here? I no longer have any idea what one would call this epic. It is well done and usually interesting, but to what end? This could have been a nice stand alone story. Instead it was, well, what was it, actually?

It has a different feel to it and frankly, I did not like this chapter. The story continues to race toward the RAAC with The EX and that sucks.

I just don't buy his preternatural attraction to the latest bitch nor do I buy the idea that a faithful husband would suddenly abandon his fidelity IN FRONT OF A WITNESS and allow himself to be blackmailed.

It would have been more in keeping with the "Angel of Death" if Bill had basically told his colleague "You and your buddy have screwed the pooch and now you have to pay for your screwing". If he wouldn't back off on the Black Cop, why would had back off on his buds sins?

I'm glad there is another chapter coming "soon", but if it continues down the RAAC path I will hate the story. His EX should remain in his past.

some would like it to end. I dont care. my only problem is the frequency. keep writing.

but it's getting a little bit stupider.

- Debbie character is still hanging around, when she is no longer relevant to the story. She ought to move away with her new love, or die in a horrible accident, not feature in some fantasy of getting back with someone she betrayed.

- Paul and Paula, are you kidding? Don't you have any names more believable? Just like the poor overseas wretches who don't understand that Michelle and Michael have the same root and meaning?

What, you intend to emphasize dual personalities or whatever by using the same name...?

It has become a sci-fi story and gets crazier with every new chapter and i have lost interest in it.

truly....

There are aspects of the story which are really brillantly written and then portions of that which are total bullshit. It is unusual to see so much greatness and so much crap both within the SAME story.

FIRST I am trying to figure out exactly how this chapter related to WWWM. The heart of this chapter involves the conflict between Paula and Bill Maitland... which has nothing to do with the original story.

At some point I kind of expected Bill would call upon Debbie to help set up some sort of trap or provide insight against Paula.

The meeting between Paula and Bill is very interesting but the glaring plot holes in the story really hurt. DQS... you have spent a LOT of time developing this formidable character of Bill Maitland. But for you to have Bill alk into this meeting without ANY knowledge or information about who this sociopathetic vile nasty cunt is...

is hard to get past.

It really REALLY ruins the ending.

The speech given by Paula about how she views all men and women relationships... along with actions she has already done against the other prosecutor... (the sex... the videotaping... the blackmail)... proves that she is an exceptionally evil twisted unstable woman.

And Bill walks right into the meeting with NO back up.

Its absurd. It makes no sense and it is very inconsistent.

You are a good writer. Much better than myself or most folks on the ole Lit. I have read all your stuff and found it to be okay at worst and brilliant at best. But your strength has always been character development. They act like real people with all the complexity and frailty. But as this story has dragged on and on and on, you have lost it. These have become cliche, cartoonish characters and while a good writer might be able to pull that off in a short story, in an epic such as this it has become deadly. I say to thee repent! End this never ending horror and go back to writing good short fiction with real characters.

Just great, can hardly wait for the next chapter. Please continual until the story is completed.

Do you know how to write a human character? Because your story comes off as written by some alien being that studied our race solely through comic books.

I didn't read this chapter, just the comments after. I will read it (possibly) after the last chapter is finished and I like the comments.

For the record, Aline was/is the right person to grow old with - they love each other, you wrote it - you know it!!!

Anyway, you change horses and directions with ease and are a very good author, you just take too damn long in between and I no longer wish to go back and read two chapters (about 14 pages) just so I can get back in the groove.

I gave you a five because we all know you shouldn't get anything less but there should be a graph displaying our frustration with your tardiness.

Okay, I'm for Aline!

Thanks again, we all like you and get pissed at you!

We had suspected it all along, but Paula, being a slut herself, explained exactly what Debbie's thought process was concerning Bill. Debbie may not have strayed during the course of her marriage, as Paula had done, but her thoughts and desires were the same. Their sexual backgrounds are the same.

Both underestimated their men and both are seeing that their husbands were much stronger than they ever gave them credit for. Memories stay, but love does fade with time. The women of these men are extremely manipulative.

An appreciation for who these men truly are comes too late for both of them. In Paula's case, this could be disasterous, while Debbie will regret it for awhile. Debbie and Bill are both moving on, but in divergent directions, especially Bill.

Normally I'd wait to post this comment until later in the game, but from the tone of the comments and some thoughts I've been having, I thought I'd throw this in at this point. I've written a number of times that I've tried to avoid putting my two cents in as to the meaning or interpretation of events in the story because that should be up to readers, not the author. But...for some reason Paul Donnally has seemingly always rubbed readers the wrong way.

One thing I did not consider in writing this chapter was one reader's comment that he simply couldn't remember who Paul Donnally was or why Bill Maitland should be interested in him. That is my fault. I referred in passing to the fight in Doug Baker's office after Bill returned from the cruise on the Bonne Chance, which is the first time Paul Donnally was mentioned. But I didn't, probably, give enough background.

Donnally was introduced as a mystery man with abnormal strength whom Doug Baker knew to be married to a very hot, very unfaithful wife. Nothing else, except a flash of some emotion in Donnally reminded Maitland of other very dangerous individuals such as the Welaka Cannibal who had previously threatened to cut Maitland's heart out and eat it. Maitland was simply troubled and worried about that hint of danger in a man he knew nothing about.

I re-introduced Donnally and his wife, Paula, for a very specific reason that will become clear in the next chapter, besides the fact that I liked the idea of a wife fighting to get her husband freed after getting him arrested. As to comments that wives often recant their testimony against abusive husbands, that's true. It's also true that prosecutors don't have to and often don't accept their recanting. Wives don't determine which husband gets prosecuted, prosecutors do, and in recent years prosecutors have been less and less inclined to let victims have the final say in dropping charges - at least in the Florida courts I'm familiar with.

One other major point. A lot of readers have indicated they don't like the focus on the courtroom antics that Maitland is involved in because they distract from the main story of Bill and Debbie. I could argue that I like a story that contains elements of romance and emotional pain AND crime and the law.

But, I think a lot of readers have simply lost track of an important truth about this story because it is long and complex. The fact is, Bill is a prosecutor. His career destroyed his marriage. The courtroom and the courthouse is the environment in which he has tried to rebuild his life. I don't know of anything that has happened in the courtroom that hasn't impacted Bill's life and his relationship with Debbie.

Bill's prosecution of mercy-killer Bingham early on led to his meeting Aline des-Jardins on the Bonne Chance. No Bingham trial, Bill never meets Aline and he's left to try to regain his manhood without Aline's help. He doesn't meet Aline and Debbie never really has to think about the possibility that Bill might actually fall for someone else

Bill doesn't throw SA Carlisle off the child-killing drug case in Chapter 2 and he doesn't go out to O'Brien's for a drink with Jessica Stephens and he doesn't meet Sgt. Bob Hastings and maybe Bill doesn't pull himself out of a bottle before he gets into serious trouble.

No Bingham case and Bingham's daughter doesn't give him the title of "Angel of Death," Bill doesn't attract the attention of Aline des-Jardins or the Mexican cartel, and his interaction with the Cartel will lead to big changes in his relationship with Debbie in the near future.

No "Killer Granny' case and Bill doesn't find himself in bed with Meagan Whitcomb or Detective Heather McDonald, and doesn't get closer to seeing a good sex life without Debbie in it.

No Bingham case or "Killer Granny" case and Debbie doesn't have to look at the man she's considered a fat, flabby, unexciting lover with new eyes.

No Shawn Smith Killer Cop case and Debbie probably never has to examine the emotions she feels for a man she once loved and admired, and never has to face the reality of the loss of him from her life.

Which is all to simply reiterate what I think is a basic fact that while the story may be long, and complicated, it all comes back eventually to the impact of events in the legal system on the marriage and divorce of Bill and Debbie.

Finally...and I mean finally, I can't figure out what the hell readers are saying about Maitland being some superstud. He had one- count them, one - sexual relationship that amounts to anything in the first three or four months after his wife threw him out. He had two more sexual relationships of a limited nature with co-workers who either were long time acquaintances or caught up in an intense work relationship. He's flirting with a woman he's known who's admired him for more then five years, and the most she's done is rub his lip with her finger and has refused to enter a quick and easy sexual relationship.

I find it hard to believe that there are many male readers of this story that would really consider that the track record of a super stud!

Anyway, that's what I had on my mind. Now I'll go back to reading what you have to say.

DQS

That's it: just crazy good.

How many chapters do you see this going DQS1?

Just curious.

Good story and thanks for the recap in comments.

Mike from Texas

My biggest problem is that this story is moving slower than real time. DQS did a great job of putting things in context with his comments, however, I think there is too much unnecessary stuff in this one. I see Bill as a pasty white bald guy who has now turned lean and cold. He dresses in black. He looks like an undertaker and is called the "Angel of Death." This is not the kind of guy that ladies want to throw their panties at.

His best quality is that he is dedicated to the truth and avenging wrongdoing. There are too many erections in this chapter. Prosecutors don't go around boning witnesses. Bill would never let the evil Paula jerk him off (or be aroused by her presence) after she attempted to blackmail his colleague.

Bill is now a selfish ass who thinks he is morally superior to everyone else. The only contact with his kids is taking his daughter to IHOP and he then thinks he owes 3 hours to working it off. What about his son? I don't have a problem with him getting along with his ex - she did try to save his ass. He knows she's messed up and he blows her off. Don't misunderstand me, Debbie was a cunt and DQS hasn't yet rehabilitated her. Is she still in treatment?

I used to be annoyed by DQS's preamble summarizing the previous chapters but as they stretch out over month's they may be necessary. I would encourage DQS to summarize some of this stuff so we don't have to live out every second to move the story along.

As DQS indicates this chapter is needed to bridge into happenings later on. OK. I found it an interesting read all on it's own but only loosely tied to the plot of the series. A seven page chapter to provide a tie in in a huge investment. I'll have to wait to see it it was worthwhile. <br><br>

However I have a serious problem with this chapter that is similar to an ongoing problem with the whole story. It is the concept that a very beautiful woman can mesmerize ANY man whenever she wants to. Sorry, NOT true. Debbie is always thinking about how her big tits make her in command of any situation. Myra has big tits and she is THE catch of the office. Now we get Paula who is beautiful, very smart, and sexually aggressive. She seduces cops to make them willing to risk their careers, maybe their lives. She seduces attorneys to make them willing to risk their marriage and career. She makes the Angel of Death cum in his pants. BULLSHIT! The appeal of DQS's stories is their gritty realism combined with some extremely clever legal situations. These "irresistible" females are just ridiculous in this environment. If you told me that Paula met one of these guys as a stranger in a neutral environment and she seduced him, OK, maybe. But for Bill to meet her KNOWING what she is and strongly suspecting she may be even worse and he gets so turned on he cums in his pants?? I say again, BULLSHIT!! The implication is that women like Paula are simply irresistible to any guy. I won't deny that there are guys that could be easily trapped by Paula. There are a lot more men that, unsuspecting, could be steered into trouble. But there are a lot of guys that, while appreciating her assets and aggressiveness, would simply tell her, "No thanks!". And even more guys in a dangerous situation, like Bill's attorney friend, would KNOW the risk of hooking up with her and steer well clear. Guys are not all just dicks targeting a hot cunt. Writing as if they are cheapens this story. Some simpler stories might build around THE GUY who thinks with his dick. But in this story the big titted women are supposed to rule all the guys? <br><br>

And Bill is still crying over his breakup with Debbie when the uber bitch gives her little soliloquy? Come on. That is beyond tedious. Crying? Bill is too clever a strategist to be off footed like that by someone he KNOWS is a devious person. Attorneys cannot be successful if they let their opponents get to them. Bill is an uber attorney. He is NOT going to cry. BTW, Paula got a lot of her details WRONG about his situation in her final attack. Aline, for example, was always going back to her husband. There was never a doubt about that. Maybe the occasional wishful thought but never a real chance. Paula trying to use that was a dud and that would have weakened her whole attack. I would have laughed in her face and told her she wasn't nearly as clever as she thought she was. Maybe she should stick to playing Monopoly. <br><br>

In general, when you spend all the time in care of building up strong characters like Bill you can't just make him into a guy that cums in his pants in front of an opponent. It just doesn't fit and makes a waste of all the other character development.

Now this story is going on for more than an year.

You have no idea how to carry the story forward. So you think for a few months, and then come up with more brilliant showmanship bullshit. And you still don't know what to do with the story. This is going on like a bad debtor paying monthly interests towards his loan.

And you do really have a big, big, big soft corner in your hearts for big cheating sluts. All your stories are about slut power. Perhaps you might even start an official movement.

Oh well - forgot my login.

Anyway, Paul (vs Paula... they are, of course, more related than otherwise) also serves to drive Bill and Debbie back together, serve as extreme examples of the situation that Bill and Debbie are in, and give the author the fun of dealing with really dark characters. Will Paul forgive Paula? Will Bill forgive Debbie? Will Paula see Paul as strong? Will Debbie see Bill as strong?

Heck - will Debbie save Bill from Paula?

What is with the sentiment that this isn't productive?

And at least Paula isn't a blond, and Paula was the tool to relate the "Men are Tools" philosophical trope running through this.

Having fun - do keep it up. I am waiting for largish chunks of text to appear since it is too difficult to keep the players straight otherwise.

Green-something

(which is to say - y'all should read the finished piece as a piece before being too judgemental...)

This chapter is well written, detailed with many two way discussions, and very challenging to the reader. Chapter 06C has focused chiefly on courthouse drama and positioning. Little is said about Bill's social life or his new potential gal, Myra Martinez. Debbie's best friend Clint Abbott left for his adventure in Africa and she's down and out after having been in the lives, consecutively, of husband Bill, Doug Baker and Clint, but now hasn't no listings on her social-romantic calendar. The chapter may be a steppingstone to what's to come in the courthouse and courtroom.

and I hate waiting !!!!!!

we see the introduction of the uberwhore. All just to make Deb look better for us? Naw, not only - let's not forget Q could vent some of his feelings and beliefs speaking through her mouth. You really are a fetishist. Technically good as ever but the content still is - uggh.

I like the addition of another sub plot. I'll admitt I was getting bored with where your story was going and just reading to see if I was guessing correctly. Then you throw this at me.

Now you've added a little more depth to Bill by having him threaten the slut.

I still have a bet going with Shoe about you ending.

Mendon

what poison are they putting into the watersystem where you live ?

is there any normal human beeing anywhere close to where you live ?

really this is nothing anymore than a accumulation of hormone misguided sociopath creatures

I've forgotten too much of the plot. Now I have to go back and reread ... but come to think of it ... might be kind of fun :-)

This was well-written and there were only a few technical errors. But I must agree with many others who are becoming bored with the same old, same old, namely; very stacked women can control virtually any man, because after all, a man thinks primarily with the little head . . . . I agree with Jasonnh that it is preposterous that Paula could instantly seduce both assistant district attorneys, that she could turn on Bill in spite of himself, that she could know all the details of Bill's private life (no matter how much money she has, there are just certain private things not on the internet and not available to a private (or police) detective.

Paula is supposed to have an I.Q. greater than 170? Yet she goes bareback with man after man after man? So if she fell out of love with her husband Paul, why didn't she just divorce him so she could be free? She did not want for money. Why not give him a chance to be happy in his life, I mean, really happy? And if she intends to kill Paul, she can do it in a way that Bill won't be able to pin the murder on her. But why bother? He won't see her any more, and she doesn't have to see him. It's like Paula is trying to win a pissing contest. I know some excellent books she can read if she is truly bored with her life . . .

I also agree with those who felt that Bill should have kissed his buddies goodby. If Bill is a man of principle, as has been developed to this point, then clearly the whole phenomenon of his assistant D.A.'s having sex with Paula, no matter how seductive she can be, was simply inexcusable. I wouldn't want an assistant prosecutor on my team who is so easily corrupted. And what's to stop Paula from demanding something else later, lest she release her DVD. Blackmailers have a tendency to increase their demands, once their initial demands are met.

One more little note: I presume Bill recorded his conversation with Paula. Otherwise, why refuse the scan for bugs by Paula's bodyguard cop? I presume Bill did record, and this will come into play some time in the future? Curiouser and curiouser.

I think this series is picking up a bit. This chapter was interesting and erotic. I can't help but wonder - is this series like the daytime soaps that just twist and turn and never ever end?

gave us an explanation. It demonstrated to me that I have forgotten just about every character he mentioned. I vaguely remember some names, but have no idea who many even are. Steele is telling us they are all important and fit into the plot, but they are lost in space and time to me. Good writing, but this ship isn't sinking so much as it seems rudderless. I guess it all makes sense to the writer and all the characters have meaning and purpose, but not to me, not anymore. That sure doesn't make this a bad story, but it may keep it from being a great one. Q can certainly write a story. I am in J-ville right now and the big titted blondes are everywhere, they are evil, and middle aged guys are cumming in their pants in every bar and restaurant in town! The young guys don't even dare go out for fear of erupting too violently for public consumption. The guys over 70 are just getting big hard ons and grinning like hell.

Many here.. myself and several others .. have commented about How Bill does very little thinking without his dick.

Up until now Bill Maitland has come across as very smart skilled ADA with balls guts and integrity. HE of all people shoud recognize who and what Paula is and should NOT of been this poorly prepared.

Yet DQS sees those comment we have made as comments complaing about Bill actually getting too much sex. And DQS is puzzled by these comments?

Perhaps DSQ if you actually read the comments / feedback AS written... you might see the point.

Hey you're still writing - great.

I'm still reading - great.

Eventually, we will both arrive at the end.

Great.

DQS, you seem to be experimenting with a baffling story plot technique, which we'll call the 'peripheral plot' where the goal of the tale is smothered by subplots that have little or nothing to do with the outcome of the story. It's time to use your undeniably considerable talents to advance the story. It's one thing to flesh out a story, another to horribly bloat it. Many of the unnecessary subplots here could have been used to construct future fascinating stories - why waste them here?

And I thought Debbie was bad. You have done a fantastic job of painting the scariest love godess that I would never want to meet.

Kudo's to HDK for both his comments! What HDK said but also...

If Bill and Debbie are the "spine of this story", (DQS1's own words) then this story, WWWM, may never walk again. The spine has long sense been broken. Many comments have said that this chapter is great! Someone said that it is a "new starting point" or something like that. I agree. As a new stand alone story, let's go for it! Sign me up! I can't wait for the next episode in August! But as a part of the overall WWWM story? No, it doesn't seem to be a very integral part of WWWM. This chapter tends to make everything else written to date seem like an extremely wordy back story. It’s kind of like the way “The Silmarillion” was a back story to the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy. As 6c plays out, the "spine" of WWWM lays fallow the way it did last year when DQS1 gave us “Separate Vacations.” (Which I enjoyed by the way.) The main story line just does not move except to go in circles.

I've always wanted to believe that DQS1 knew where in the hell the story (WWWM) was going. To me the last chapter for the first time felt a little like the thing was being made up as it went along. This chapter, even along with DQS1’s disclaimer in the comments above, doesn’t make me feel any better about that. I am not trying to step on Superman’s cape here. DQS1 can write as good as anyone who posts on these pages. There is just more to telling a good (and long) story than having excellent technical writing skills and a fertile albeit wandering imagination. Maybe we’ve known all along where WWWM is going even if DQS1 may not exactly know himself. With all of these chapters posted in the past year, the possibilities remain endless. But it will end up going to hell if “the spine of the story” goes ahead and dies of atrophy.

I agree with Harry’s last comment about what DQS1 said about 6c. I would add that you have to wonder if a story is stumbling a little bit if the author feels the need to follow up the latest episode pretty quickly with a defense or a disclaimer.

Oh well, WWWM is still an okay story. But 6c as a stand alone story was damn good!

I am pleased with your work. But simultaneously I am upset at the long gap between chapters. Problem is I had to re-read 6B to get back on track with the story. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE TOO LONG AND SPOIL THE CAKE!

I've busted Harry's chops for the tone of his comments before -- Sooo I feel the need to acknowledge Harry for the tone of his comments below. My acknowledgement extends beyond the tone however. In particular Harry's thoughts about Bill possibly using Debbie to "consult" with him on Paula's personality and perhaps more. That is brilliant and would satisfy many compaints about the Debbie and Bill saga be left for dead as Bill moves on in his relentless search to fuck every woman with a big set of hooters in Jacksonville and now New York.

Harry's comments about inconsistencies in Bill's character are right on as well.

Next thing we know, you'll be telling us about "Running Bear" and "Little White Dove"! I liked the sixties myself, but come on!

Ray Hildebrand (Paul) and Jill Jackson (Paula) were a singing duo in the 1960's who had a million record hit, in 1963, by the name of "Hay Paul", so whom ever it "were" who cast aspersions upon DQS1's choice of names, shame on you. I personally like the names as they bring back a lot of good memories of my time in "South East Asia" and High school.

Now to this chapter. I must admit the first time I read it didn't get much other than parallels between Debbie's, (a cheating lying slut), treatment of Bill and Paula's, (an uber cheating lying slut), treatment of Paul. Both who screwed around behind their husbands backs .

When I read it a second time, I concentrated on Bill and his treatment of Paul, whom Bill considers the most scary man he ever met. When I did this I realized that Bill in trying to understand what to do and how to handle Paul he (Bill) developed a grudging respect between himself and Paul which I believe will come to pay dividends when, in the future, Paul will back Bill up in a difficulty which is sure to develop the way this story is headed.

It;s fun. You should try it sometime.

Little White Dove lives just down the street and we participate regularly, LOL.

That's as bad as Fifi Trixibelle or Moxie Crimefighter.... Also who the fuck calls their kid "BJ". You do know Mr. Steele that it stands for blowjob right?

Also your plot is a meandering mess. Why the fuck should anyone care about Paul or Paula? Why is the top prosecutor in the state going after a domestic assault and battery case? Since when is the "Angel of Death" (another shitty moniker by the way) surrounded by death? I don't really care to read through your never ending chapters again, but by my counts he has so far "killed" the "killer granny" (holy shit do you need to stop making up nicknames for every bs character you introduce) and the idiot police officer. Wow I so do not care about this story anymore. Not that you care DQS but I thought to let you know that you've lost at least one more reader.

while waiting for the next chapter. So I will no longer be waiting for the next chapter. I'll come back in 5 or 6 years and read the whole chapter. Sorry DQS but the long intervals have diven me away.

DQS1, I have read all of your stories and while I get the idea of time and people passing in and out of story lines and all that good experimental crap, please answer me this: Where is this damn story going?!

If you want to be another Harlan Ellison and change the landscape of a genre, please do it elsewhere. I have to say, I think that the good reviews you are getting are more based on past performance and person connection than the merits of this story.

I heartily agree with HDK, this story is supposed to be about Bill and Debbie and their marriage. It is under Loving Wives! You had something going 5 chapters back with the soul searching and character expansion but you lost it. Any, and I do mean ANY, editor worth the name would have told yo that as far as moving Bill and Debbie along this chapter was totally useless.

Someone commented and asked if this story was about Bill and Debbie or the Angel of Death? Because if it is about the Angel of Death let me know so I can quit wasting my time here and get on to more productive matters like giving JPB shit.

Cheers

C

Good stuff yet again Mr. DQS. Looking forward to the next chapters. Im still supporting the outside chances that Debbie crawls back to Bill... Its a toss up.... Debbies big boobs or the DA's PA's bigger boobs... Decisions, decisions.

Several weeks ago I came across one of your stories and read all of them on about a daily basis. It was like reading some of the best mystery novels by well known and respected authors.

I thought this novel was over with the previous chapter and was vaguely disappointed but understanding.

I kept your site on my recent bookmarks to see if you were going to write again. I was pleasantly surprised to see WWWM continued. It is somewhat like John D McDonald's Travis Magee series with new chapters in a characters life while maintaining connections to his past.

Please keep writing.

Was gobsmacked when I logged on and found another WWWM story. I had thought the 6b finished the Debbie and Bill Saga but let the readers imagine a sunset to ride off into that fit each persons personal ideal of what the LW genre should be. (F..K the bitch or alternativley They live happily ever after. 6c ?? could be the start of a whole new story with some familiar characters or is there more to Deb and Bill? I'm excited either way, but since the majority of my reading has been limited to penthouse letters, the number of chapters in WWWM has me intimidated.

No but's. I like your writing.

This was a little side plot that didn't move the main plot forward at all. It's like taking a wrong turn during a cross country drive. You see a quaint little town, see the scenic overlook, and...

well, now it's time to get back on the road to where you are going.

Thank you for this sideline. Personally I think Paula wants to fuck her husband's brains out now that she has an inkling of what he is.

And let me say that the offer Paula made to Bill? Stupid, excessive, his reaction was one of a teenager. I've met ONE woman who had that kind of reaction on me...and I WAS a teenager. Bill is not.

Throttle it back a bit from eleven

One of the whys would go something like WHY is DQS going further down the soap opera path, but then why am I continuing to read and enjoy this soap opera? The biggest WHY is about Paul and Paula and their chalk on the sidewalk - initials on a tree romance and their introduction in 6C after hundreds of pages of the Bill Maitland life diary.

Maybe DQS is on another airplane than the rest of us; he is heading for some different part of storyland. Maybe he doesn't know how to tell a story. That doesn't square with the past. So why Paula and Paul? Foils?

One possibility is that Paula makes Debbie look good in comparison. Paula lives and loves the land in the seventh circle beyond the river Styx. Her soliloquy to Maitland about the superior prowess of women vis-a-vis men was written in high drama fashion and is calling to old wounds deep in Maitland's past. Even with all of his ability to focus and legal training he ends up with a mess in his shorts. But, having made that mess and proven her insidious nature, Paula pointed that way back to a loving former wife.

What's Pauls place in the story? He could be Bill Maitland, Angel of Death out of control. WHY did DQS feel he needed to introduce these characters at this point in the story?

I thought were brother and sister, twins, having incestous relation. Waste of time, energy, electricity, and top of them all, my wife's firing and beratings. God save me.

At first after reading this I thought "this should have been the start of another series, something like a spin off" but after reading it a few times it makes sense now. The story is about the life of the lead character, his wife his lover all played a part but now that time has passed and he has new experiences. Paula a woman who is probably as smart as him but has the power of a sex goddess, his further interaction with the police, this strange god father who guides him from the shadows. I honestly was getting fed up of Debbie and her whining about her aunt. She needed to be written off, I believe though that Bill's daughter and son need to play a bigger role in this story. For a man who supposedly held his family in high regard the story line just hints at their presence but never delves into any details. But great work once again don't rush the story let it develop as it has been going.

Which might well be subtitled "Beating a dead horse until the hooves fall off". Move on, already.

I would never see this Story continue. Happy to say I was Wrong.

DQS1,

Still on the right track.... it's just a looooong train. I like long trains.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

Gave five stars for the writing quality and for this chapter as a stand alone story.

For me, the story as a whole, has lost it's emotional punch and to me that is a real loss.

Could you please submit the outline you are using so I can see how it ends and I can stop reading this story. Will contiue to read your other submissions in future, but too fatigued with this one.

Understand how hard and how long it takes to write, edit and re-write. How about doing your readers a favour and submit future stories after they are completed.

85 comments before mine, pretty spectacular indeed.

I love the writing, even as others have pointed out it is getting long. Probably the main issue is the time lapses. I should have written down the names of characters to help my memory.

My only objection is Bill's reaction to Paula Donnalley. Having him ejaculate in his pants raises her sex appeal to unrealistic levels. Maybe it was written in an attempt at dark humor, but just a bit over the top I think.

This confrontation is brilliantly conceived. It was a face to face conversation pitting Paula with her 160-180 I.Q. and millions of dollars, against Bill with his experiences in dealing with the criminal mind. I do believe that Paula is going to cleverly arranged for the death of her husband. I also see that her hatred of Bill will result in actions that could tarnish his record as a top-rated prosecutor, or worst.

But maybe Paula is too confident of her abilities. Her I.Q. and her big bucks may not be enough. As one example, the killer of the Black Dahlia in 1947 was identified (and there wasn't DNA analysis back then). He had an I.Q. one point higher than Albert Einstein's 180 and he was a wealthy surgery who was into L.A. politics. Bill needs to watch his back because Paula may be thinking revenge on the "Angel of Death."

This is without a doubt, the most entertaining story I have ever come across on this site, or anywhere else for that matter. Eagerly awaiting the next chapter,

Thanks,

Sam

... or anywhere else I've been reading on the net. So I wait patiently because there's none better. Some of my favorite authors out there have mixed reviews on this. And that's ok because we all have right to our opinions. If there's a better story out there or on this site, please point me (ORIONMAN17) to it so I/we can all have variety. It's just that I believe this storyline, complex as it is, continues to be the best. Thank you, DQS1.

Eh, I liked the story, but the whole Paula storyline is kinda stupid. ;)

She doesn't really come across as /realistic/, in the way that the other characters in your story mostly have, with a few small exaggeration.

Thankfully, I kinda doubt this will be a huge part of the story. Most of these sideplots seem to come up, play a tiny role, and then fade away. Which is a good thing!

Hopefully this one will do the same. Looking forward to the next part!

We are reading this while it is being written. We have to wait for the chapters to be written, edited, and then published. If we were reading this after it had been finished, I don't think we would have as much trouble remembering the characters and the sub-plots. (But I am tempted to start a flow-chart to keep track of the characters and sub-plots). Maybe we need to hold back and read 3 or 4 chapters at a time, instead of as they are being published. Let’s have some faith that DSQ has put this chapter here for a reason and all the characters in it have a purpose in the grand scheme of things.

Now, think about Debbie's conversation with Clint at the airport. See how Clint is still mourning and still loving his deceased cheating wife after 25 years. And remember his comment of how she was once the most sweet and caring person alive. And how he wanted a memorial of what she was before she gave in to the slut demons who stole her soul and turned her into a shallow self-centered bitch only living for instant gratification and pleasure. Just maybe Debbie will see the parallel in her own life. Maybe she will see how shallow she really is.

Debbie is being shown how deeply Clint was hurt by it all. She is seeing things from Clint's perspective, and hopefully, will learn and grow into a person who no longer only thinks with her big tits and her dripping cunt. Just maybe Debbie will grow into a likable person. Just maybe she will obtain a deeper understanding of the vows she made to Bill.

"Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live? I will."

AND

"In the Name of God, I, Debbie, take you, Bill, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow."

That’s my 4 cents worth…

Paula Donnelly is a caricature; a super-villain with magical powers to seduce any man at all, criminal mastermind, and investigative skills Philip Marlowe would die for. She's practically the smartest person in the world. In fact the only person or character of whom she reminds me is Suzie Toller, played by Neve Campbell in "Wild Things," another crazy, hyper-intelligent Florida super-villain(ess) who uses sex to get what she wants.

get his underworld friend to take care of Paula for him????????

First of all, this is the best story I've ever read on this site. It would make a great book and an even better movie. I'd love to do the casting.

My request is that this ends with Aline and Paul together somehow. Maybe it's because I don't have a breast fetish but she's the one female character in the story I'd love to take out to dinner.

Here's a real challenge. Find a way to put Aline and her husband and Paul and Debbie together in a consensual encounter or even a relationship. That would make a hell of a chapter -- if it could be made believable.

bdavis@sbctwb.com

I have become a fan of Bill Maitland and DQS.

Thank you

I still don't see how even in science fiction Bill would ever want to take Debbie back. All she ever wanted Bill for was to be her pet! Bill doesn't have to be her pet anymore. Hell, he is getting any woman he wants and those women don't seem to be jaded against him because his package may not be as big as Superman's. Debbie has obviously become accustomed to bigger fair. First there were all of those unnamed guys that she slutted around with in bars while jacking them off through their clothes. (I know that doesn't count as cheating for some folks, but that is irrelevant to my point here). Then there was Doug and now there is Clint. Clint has just enough mystery, celebrity and charm to be the perfect catch for some one as superficial on the outside and shallow on the inside as Debbie Bascomb. And he must be great in bed because Debbie wants to rewrite the Kama Sutra with him. She's already told Bill that he'll never measure up with her and she was about as nasty in telling him that as you can be when you are trying to destroy some one. And remember in 6c now, Debbie didn’t care to talk to Bill at all when he saw her going into the office. Clearly she was dreaming of saving Clint. Bill is history for her now.

I think a good way to have closure on the Bill and Debbie circle dance once and for all would be to have Debbie chase off after Clint to Africa. They could either live happily ever after with her screwing him to death before the evil doers caught them or they would both get caught and they would die together. More likely though, Debbie would be able to save both of their lives by just being Debbie and changing their culture from one of war and hate to one of lust for big old tits. Either way, no fuss no muss.

Think how much better off Kelly and B.J. would be. They wouldn't have to live with the humiliation of having a mother like Debbie that they would otherwise have to tolerate until the reached their adult years.

Another advantage would be that the new Angel of Death saga could continue on and this whole aggravating issue of Debbie would be out of the way.

But about that Angel of Death story. None of these women that Bill has been scoring with seem to me to be anyone to write home about. They all kind have slut qualities. Aline; kind of slutty. Myra, kind of slutty. The grandma police officer, kind of slutty. Dimples the young attorney, kind of slutty. The lady with 60 Minutes, kind of slutty. Paula, is slutty.

No, I think that a good candidate to be that rock of support for Bill as he continues his quest to conquer all the bad guys as Prosecutor of the World would be……… drum roll please………. The girl that Lew Walters dumped in order to take that slut Mona back in “Last Good Bye”. Her name was Cyndi Carter. She may be a little young for Bill. But she comes from money and she doesn’t seem to be a bad person. She might be a good influence on Kelly, Bill’s not so young daughter.

I don’t know, just some thoughts to fill the time when nothing much is going on at all between Bill and Debbie in WWWM.

and overlong. I've lost intrest in this entire story line. I appreciate that it means something to you; but it has become so long and convoluted that noting makes sense to me at this point including the characters and their actions.

MissouriUSA referred to Aline as slutty. Out of curiosity I went back and read Bill's first day on the Bonne Chance. Aline was practically stalking Bill. She threw herself at Bill and fucked him his first (maybe 2nd) night aboard the ship. Good for him. He got laid. BTW IMNSHO Debbie's suggestion to Bill that he get some pussy even if he had to pay for it sounded to me when I first read it that she was thinking of his work hour not leaving time to find some quality available pussy. Bill on his own would never have gone on the cruise. His fucking women at work is almost as stupid as those two who fucked Paula. You don't shit where you eat, Bill. (Of course I didn't know Bill was a magnet for big-titted sluts.)

Speaking of Aline... Calling Bill in the hospital right after he was shot to let him know that she was going back to her husband and not coming back to Bill was cold. She did throw him a bone letting him know that Maybe, just Maybe she might come back if he still wanted her -- if it didn't work with her husband. He was soooo grateful for the opportunity to stick it to Debbie.

Given the extremely long periods between postings, it would be nice if you could just keep to the story line you started with.

I've become a big fan of this series. I especially liked this chapter, it is my favorite of the entire story. If I could write like you I would be a happy man. Keep up the good work.

The sustained quality of the writing over such a sustained period is amazing. Many Thanks.