Atonement

Just to make sure, she decided to do something else she hadn't done since they had been married - she moved her left hand around behind him and pushed her index finger toward his anus. She paused there, fingering him lightly until she slid her finger in, pushing down just where she knew his prostate gland was located. It took only a few more seconds of stroking and sucking and Ross came.

She could taste his semen flooding through her mouth, and she had to fight the strong gag reflex that was welling up in her stomach. He was coming hard, jerking and thrusting, lost in his orgasm, forcing his penis deep into her mouth, making it even more difficult to fight the gag reflex. She resolved that this was just her form of penance.

Kate kept sucking and moving her mouth around on his cock as much as she could to keep stimulating him. She kept it up for quite a few minutes until his cock started to soften and every last drop of semen had been drained from it. Ross could only lay back, moan with obvious ecstasy, and catch his breath.

She stood up and sat next to him on the sofa, her naked body pushed next to him. She desperately wanted him to do something to her, anything that would indicate that he still wanted her. She would have loved for him to make her come, any way he wanted would have worked for her. Even a caress, a brush of his fingers across her breasts, the touch of his hand on her thighs, she would have loved for him to do anything to her.

But he didn't. He pulled his pants back up and zipped them; he buckled his belt and just sat there. She started to feel embarrassed, completely naked while he was fully clothed, but she waited for him to say something, anything at all.

Finally, he looked at her and said, "That was great, but I have to be honest with you. I don't know if I can ever get over what you did. I know we're supposed to be able to forgive, but maybe it's just that I'm not that good a person. I want you to know that over all those years we were together, I never even came close to cheating on you. A lot of that had to do with the fact that I knew it would kill me to find out that you were cheating on me. And here we are, in my worst nightmare."

She quickly countered, "I swear it had never happened before, I swear to God. And it will never happen again, I promise. I want only you, for the rest of my life. I swear to God. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. I take complete blame, and I will do anything to make things right. Just give me the chance." She started sobbing gently, and a tear finally rolled down her cheek and fell onto her breast.

He sighed and said, "Look, give me some time and maybe I can get over it, but it's not going to happen tonight, or even anytime real soon. We've been married for almost seven years, but you cut my heart out, and I'm not sure I can ever feel like I trust you anymore. Can you even understand that?" He got up from the sofa and looked down at her.

Still sobbing quietly, she could only nod, her head never looking up at him. If she did, she would have been disappointed not to have seen that lusty look he used to have on his face whenever he saw her naked. Things were definitely different now.

Within a week, they were at least sleeping together in the same bed again, but he never cuddled up to her in their usual spooning position. Even when she tried to nuzzle up next to him, he remained facing the other way, seemingly oblivious to her presence. Sex was still out of the question.

This continued for months. They went slowly from silence to talking a bit, to getting along well enough. But they were just roommates, not lovers, and certainly not husband and wife. She tried to coax him out of it in a number of ways. She cooked his favorite meals and baked various treats she knew he really liked. She dressed up more often, wore lingerie, trying to be sexy for him.

But the best she could do was to get him to allow her to give him another blowjob. Once. Every other time she offered, he refused even that special treat.

One night, she waited until she heard him coming to bed, surprising him by allowing him to see her masturbating as he walked into the room. He stopped in his tracks, watching her fingers on one hand slide in and out of herself while the other hand rubbed her clitoris. Once again, he had that confused gape on his face as she bucked and rolled and moaned with ecstasy as the orgasm shook through her body.

The show was actually not solely for his benefit. Kate had long since passed the point where she needed to have a good, strong orgasm. If she couldn't get him to help her get there, she was going to do it by herself. The fact that he watched so intently as she climaxed was probably a good sign. But the fact that he didn't climb into bed with her immediately and help her have a second orgasm was not.

A few days later, the tables were turned and she walked in on him as he was just finishing masturbating. He was obviously surprised and embarrassed, covered himself up with the bed sheet and rolled over, saying something like, "I'm sorry".

She sat down next to him and asked, "Can I ask you a question?" He didn't answer. He wasn't even making eye contact with her. "What were you thinking about that made you come? You're still my husband, and I really want to know. Please tell me honestly, because it might help me figure out what I'm supposed to do now. If I still excite you in some way, then maybe there's hope. If not, then maybe we need to do something different." This was the first time that either of them had even come close to mentioning the "D" word, even if Kate only said "different" at this point.

He thought about it for a few seconds and finally started, hesitating, hemming and hawing, trying to find the right words. "I was actually thinking about you. This is hard to explain, but I have always thought about you when I'm masturbating. But in the past few months, I'm not making love to you, I'm 'doing' it to you. I'm forcing myself on you, maybe even hurting you." He quickly added, "But not too badly, although a psychologist would probably have a field day with me."

"And what gets you over the top? What are you 'doing' to me that makes you come?"

Ross started to stammer, but finally admitted "I start to fuck you in the ass. I'm sorry, but you asked."

Kate still remembered her dream, just like it was yesterday, and the similarities were disturbing. After a few seconds of awkward silence, he added, "I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have said that. I know it sounds weird and it probably is."

Kate asked, "Is that what you want? If I let you have anal sex with me, will that help get us back together again?" At this point, Kate would probably have let him do whatever he asked, she'd even let him fuck her in the ass.

"No, of course not," Russ quickly replied. "Please believe me that I would like to go back to where we were. But we can't, and it was you who changed things. I just can't look at you the same way anymore. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is, and I don't know if it will ever get better."

Kate had never told Nona what was causing the friction between her and Ross. Being caught up with the details of her own divorce, Nona had given no indication that she suspected that Kate's problems might rival her own, and apparently still did not know of Kate's secret.

The two women still chatted often, with Nona doing most of the talking. As her divorce was being finalized, Nona went over all the gory details. According to Nona, Tony was a serial cheater; she even had to be treated for STDs more than once, but she was happy to declare herself clean now. Nona had developed a serious distrust of most males, but she confided to Kate that she'd still like "to get laid occasionally."

When Kate responded, "I know exactly what you mean," Nona still didn't get it.

After one of their long telephone conversations, Kate started to put together a rough plan to kill the proverbial two birds with one stone. She needed a way to get forgiveness from both her husband and Nona. She invited Nona up north for the weekend after the divorce was to be finalized, saying that it would be good to talk with her, "celebrate" a little, and the telephone was inadequate. Nona was quick to accept.

Next, she got Ross to agree to go up north the same weekend, on the pretense of powerwashing and sealing the deck, a chore that Ross insisted took a minimum of three days and had to be accomplished without any guests around to track dirt onto the deck.

As they drove north on the appointed Thursday evening, Kate announced that Nona was showing up the next day. But that was OK with Ross; it would keep Kate busy and he could get some serious work done without her getting in the way.

Ross got the deck powerwashed on Friday, and the weather report looked dry for the rest of the weekend, which would allow Ross to apply the sealer on Sunday.

Nona showed up early Friday evening, and she dominated the conversation until well after dinner. Ross took a stiff drink out to his favorite spot in the whole world - the end of the dock, leaving the women inside to chat in private.

Kate thought she had finally gotten to the point where she was ready to confess to Nona, but the words just wouldn't come. How is somebody supposed to confess to something like that? How do you let your best friend know that you had fucked her husband, even if they were separated at the time?

They were close friends, and by this time, Nona was beginning to have an inkling that something was up, so she finally asked Kate what was bothering her. Kate blurted it all out at once, "Nona, I'm so sorry to tell you this, but I've really messed up my marriage, and it's because I had sex with Tony three months ago, and Ross ended up catching us. I'm not sure I can ever fix my marriage, but I know I have to fix my relationship with you. It was after you had separated, but I still shouldn't have betrayed you like that. I'm so sorry. You're my best friend, always have been, and I hope you will forgive me so you always will be my best friend." Kate's voice trailed off and she started tearing up.

Nona surprised her by saying, "Kate, I already knew. Tony told me just before we signed the papers, but I wasn't a hundred percent sure whether he was telling the truth or just being hurtful, probably both. It turns out that he had sex with most of my friends, well, maybe not most, but more than a few. So you're not alone, and it's not your fault that we got divorced. It was coming anyway, and I'm better off for it. Now, let's figure out how to save your marriage. Do you want to save it, or should you and I become roommates, and we can start a local chapter of the man-hating society?"

"I really want to stay married to Ross, but not the way things are now. We've got to get back to where we were before all this happened, but things aren't moving in the right direction and I'm getting desperate." She went on to give Nona all the nasty details, focusing on Ross' refusal to touch her.

"Oh my God Kate, that's incredible. You mean you haven't had sex with your husband in months? How have you been able to stand it? I know I've had a hard time. I buy batteries in bulk now, but that still isn't what I really need." Sympathizing with each other, both women laughed at the joke. But Kate's laughter trailed off into quiet sobs.

Kate composed herself and went on to ask Nona if she would be willing to help her set things right with Ross. She cautioned Nona that she would have to trust her on this one and that it would take some "special effort."

When Kate told Nona her plan, Nona resisted initially, but rather quickly relented when she realized the level of desperation that Kate had reached. Plus, the plan made some sense, in a weird sort of way. They still had to open another bottle of scotch to get up the nerve to carry it out.

With half of her plan set up, Kate walked out to the end of the dock and sat down next to Ross. She started right in, "Ross, we need to fix things, and I think I have a solution. I cheated and hurt you, and I remain truly sorry for what I did. There's no excuse, and I have told you it never happened before, and it will never happen again, and that's the truth, I swear to God. But we need to fix our relationship or move on to something different."

Ross finally glanced in Kate's direction. There was the "D" word being implied again.

"I think you should get some measure of revenge on me. Sleep with one of my friends. I'll even condone it. Then we'll be even and maybe we can then forgive each other. We'll have something on each other, and we'll both promise never to let it happen again. I've even arranged it all with one of my friends." Seeing the shock on Ross' face, Kate chuckled to herself and said, "She needs to get laid anyway, so it would be a great deal all around. But seriously, I'm desperate. We're desperate. We've gone on like this for too long, so something's gotta change. I'm still saying it's all my fault, but I need you to help me out here."

Ross was dumbfounded. He thought about it for a moment, then scoffed, saying, "It won't work. I'll just feel guilty afterwards, and then I'll have lowered myself..." He stopped in mid-sentence, knowing full well that what he had planned to say was selfish, purposely hurtful and falsely superior. He knew he had been too self-righteous all through this ordeal, taking the high road, not because he wanted to fix his relationship, but because he wanted to be the one who was "right." Now, he felt guilty anyway, and it began to occur to him that some of the troubles in the last year were just as much his fault, if not more.

But sleeping with one of her friends? Would that really solve the problem? Deep inside, he knew that if he was a better man, he would simply forgive his wife and work on fixing his marriage with Kate. On the other hand, Nona was a great looking woman, a great body, and Tony had always said she was great in the sack. "Are you really serious, or is this some kind of test? Because I know I'll screw it up somehow."

Kate came back, "I'm very serious. I just confessed the whole mess to Nona. It turns out that she already knew and has forgiven me. I explained to her all the tension between us, so she's well aware of how desperate I am to atone for my transgression to both of you. I'm hoping this will set things right between all of us. She's agreed. In fact, she agreed rather quickly. I almost wish she had mulled it over for more than two seconds before jumping at the chance to hop in bed with you. You're putting up more of a fight than she did. Do you want me to tell her that?"

"No, please, I don't want to seem unappreciative. But, but, I don't know. Why am I balking at the chance to sleep with one of your hottest friends, and with you setting it all up? I'm just not sure that this is going to work."

Kate interjected, "Look, I'm desperate, you should be too. You have my blessing. She's waiting. If you agree, I'm going to the Indian casino for a few hours and see how my luck is there. I think you should do it. I think it will help push you to forgive me, to see how much I really care about our relationship that I would encourage you to sleep with my best friend. Plus, like I said, she needs to get laid, so you would be doing us both a favor."

"Look, I know I should be able to forgive you, and I should be able to do that without sleeping with your best friend," Ross went on. "Maybe I just need to see a counselor and help me work through this,"

But Kate came back quickly, "Listen to me. Forget the counselor. We need to solve this now, and since I have wronged both of you, this is the perfect solution. Stop over-thinking this. Just come back to the house with me and I'll take off for a few hours. But you have to sleep in the same bed with me later tonight, and every night from here to eternity."

There was a long, awkward silence until sheepishly, Ross added. "Look, this is embarrassing, but I have to confess that I'm seriously worried that I won't be able to, you know, perform. This is kind of weird, and I wouldn't want to, well, you know, fail."

But Kate had it all planned. Out of her pocket, she took out a small medicine vial and handed Ross one small blue pill. "Believe me, I've thought this out. I came prepared. Here, take this right now. I'm betting that you won't need it, but it should take any doubt out of your mind."

Ross looked at the pill; he knew exactly what it was. Then he looked at Kate. Finally, he threw the pill in his mouth and took a stiff swig of his vodka and tonic. He had to know, "Where did you get this?"

"That doesn't matter," Kate said. "Suffice it to say that one of your friends has an ample supply and his wife was more than happy to get rid of one pill. She offered more if you ever need them, which, as I said, I don't think you ever will."

Ross followed her slowly back down the dock, back to the house. Nona was watching from her bedroom window and wondered what was going to happen next. She saw Kate leading Ross by the hand, which, by Kate's account, was probably more physical contact than they had had in months. She went downstairs to meet them.

As she and Ross walked in, Kate said, "Nona, it's a go. I need you both to be completely open and unreserved with each other. Let it all hang out. Enjoy this one night stand, because I'm coming home in four hours and everything will have been set right. And Nona, he sleeps in my bed tonight. Agreed?"

Nona and Ross nodded their agreement and Kate walked out the door without looking back. They heard the car start up and head up the gravel driveway. Nona and Ross looked at each other and both started laughing. It was Nona who finally asked, "Well, what do we do now? How do you want to get started?"

After a few seconds, Ross finally spoke, "Listen Nona, I just want to let you know that I have always thought the most of you. You're bright, personable, funny, fun to be with, you're one of my favorite people in the whole world, and I'm glad that you're my wife's best friend, because I've gotten to spend more time with you than I otherwise would have. Also, ever since I first met you, I have always secretly had the hots for you. Maybe it hasn't been so secretive, but I just want to openly declare that you're an absolutely gorgeous woman, and I would be willing to do anything you want tonight."

They stood there like middle school kids, looking at each other, wondering who was going to make the first move. Ross finally said, "How about if we start in the hot tub. Go get your bathing suit on and meet me down there."

"Bathing suit? You're sure you want me to wear my suit?" Nona was surprised.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Just call it foreplay." But the real reason Ross was dawdling was that he wanted to be sure that the little blue pill had time to weave its magic on him.

Ross opened the hot tub, went back into the master bedroom, put on his suit and got into the tub. He realized that this was the first time in a couple of years that he was wearing a bathing suit into the tub, and it felt strange to him. The suit was constantly filling up with bubbles in an almost comical way.

When Nona arrived, he stood up and helped her climb in, complimenting her on how sexy she looked in her bathing suit. "Yeah, I'll bet you'd rather see me with it off," was her retort, but she was really thinking to herself, "and I hope that it's sooner than later."

They both laughed at how Ross' suit was filling with bubbles. Nona joked, "I've never seen a hard-on like that before. You are glad to see me aren't you?" They talked for fifteen minutes until they found themselves staring at each other, the anticipation of what they were about to do welling up inside both of them.

Ross knelt in the middle of the tub and said, "Let's try a first kiss and see how that feels." Nona moved to the same position, facing him and looked up at him eagerly.